Close to Home

by Rachel Spangler

  “It’s April Fools’ day, you know,” Elliot said, pulling on the sweatpants Kelly had taken off her the night before.

  “So?”

  “So, consider yourself warned.”

  “I do not like to be made a fool of.” Kelly reached for the closest article of clothing and found one of the Chicago Sky hoodies Elliot favored when at home. How had it ended up on her side of the bed? Had they resorted to throwing clothing in an attempt to get at each other?

  “No jokes on April Fools’ day, at all? You can’t be serious. You can’t ban April Fools’ day. That’s not in my contract.”

  “I can’t control you, obviously, but I stand by my statement, and now you’ve been warned.”

  Elliot laughed in a way that suggested she didn’t intend to heed the warning, and might, in fact, revel in the act of ignoring it.

  Kelly braced herself for what had the potential to be a long day, but couldn’t summon any of the frustration she would’ve normally felt at such a prospect. “Go make the coffee.”

  Elliot pulled on a threadbare red T-shirt before kissing her deeply. “Fine. That is in my job description, but when this internship is over, you’re on coffee detail.”

  She shook her head as Elliot bounded through the living room in two steps. She refused to make plans for when the internship ended. She wouldn’t even think about what would come next for them … or what wouldn’t. She headed into the bathroom and splashed water on her face, then took a swig of Elliot’s mouthwash since she hadn’t brought a toothbrush with her. She could have. She could have brought a change of clothes, too. Elliot had offered on more than one occasion, but Kelly worried doing so would suggest a permanence that didn’t really exist.

  “Um, Kel.”

  “Yes?” she called as she rinsed the sink.

  “Rory’s here.”

  She froze, her heart instantly racing. Rory. Of all the people she didn’t want discovering her here first thing in the morning, Rory had to top the list. Damn it, why would she come by so early in the morning? It wasn’t even eight o’clock yet. And just stopping by, unannounced, first thing, on a day when Elliot had to work? Who did that?

  She didn’t hear any voices. She hadn’t even heard anyone knock on the door. Suddenly she smiled at her own reflection. April Fools’ day. Nice try. How long did Elliot intend to let her cower in the bathroom before she admitted to the gag? And what did she intend to do in the meantime? Relax on the couch and sip her coffee? Unacceptable.

  Kelly had told her she didn’t like to be fooled, and now she would show she wasn’t easy to put one over on. She strode purposefully out of the bathroom and threw open the bedroom door.

  “Nice try, but I’m not—” Whatever smart comeback she’d intended to employ died on her lips as her gaze fell on Rory St. James. Her mouth opened, but no words came out. Her only solace was that Rory wore the exact same expression.

  “So, Kelly’s here,” Elliot finally said. “I guess I forgot to mention that.”

  “Yeah, you did,” Rory said slowly. “Morning, Kelly.”

  “Rory.” She nodded.

  “I think maybe I dropped by at a bad time. Or, um … maybe I shouldn’t drop by without calling. Ever.”

  “I can call you later,” Elliot offered.

  “No.” Kelly lifted her chin. She would not hide from this. She would not let Rory see her sweat. She might not be able to undo what had been done, but she would set the tone from here on out. Sadly, this wasn’t the first time she’d had to run damage control with Rory.

  “Actually, you can stay. I’m on my way out.”

  Rory scanned her clothes, no doubt taking in the Chicago sweatshirt and the pajama bottoms that were several inches too long.

  “Kel,” Elliot pleaded quietly, “please.”

  She held up her hand. “I’ll see you at the office. I’m sure you and Rory have plenty to talk about.” She didn’t want to think about that conversation, though she would likely think about nothing else for days.

  “Kelly, really, I don’t need an explanation,” Rory said gently. “I’m glad to see you’re both doing okay. I worried when I hadn’t heard from Elliot for a while, but I see now I shouldn’t have.”

  Shouldn’t she have? Shouldn’t they all have worried? Shouldn’t someone have stopped this before they got to this point? She shook her head. She couldn’t undo anything, even if she’d wanted to, though even through her wretched embarrassment she couldn’t imagine making that choice. She could only extract herself as quickly and gracefully as possible. She couldn’t stand to hear Rory’s pacifying tone a moment longer.

  She pulled on the brown loafers she’d kicked off as she’d walked through the door the night before. They didn’t quite match her outfit, but fashion faux pas didn’t rank high on her current list of priorities. She straightened up and rolled her shoulders back before facing Rory and Elliot. Any other time, she would’ve considered it a victory of sorts to render the likes of these commanding women speechless, but she took solace in the fact that their indecision gave her the chance to make her exit.

  “Elliot, I may be a little late getting to the office. I’ll be there as soon as I’m able.”

  Elliot nodded. “I’ll handle everything until you’re ready.”

  She would, too. Kelly didn’t doubt her ability to soldier through this or any other situation. Elliot’s resiliency far outmatched her own. Which, of course, was why she had to leave.

  Rory and Elliot stood staring down the hallway long after Kelly had left the building. Finally Rory turned toward Elliot, worry creasing her still youthful features. “Well, that just happened.”

  Elliot nodded. “Indeed.”

  “To be clear, she hadn’t dropped by for some early morning tax prep lessons, correct?” Rory rubbed her head. “Sorry. That sounds like a bad euphemism. Did she sleep here? I mean, don’t answer if you don’t want to, but … it seemed like she slept here.”

  Elliot swung the door open wide. “You’d better come in.”

  Rory didn’t hesitate, clearly both concerned and trying very hard not to freak out as she paced across the living room. “We can talk about this right? Because I know you’re a student, but I also considered you a friend, and a mentee, and we’ve talked about personal stuff before. I mean, you’ve listened to all my wedding talk for months.” She stopped and stared at Elliot as if waiting for her to jump in.

  “Yeah,” she finally managed to say. She couldn’t process much else. She wanted to soothe Rory, but it felt like someone was squeezing her heart in a rusty metal vice. Kelly had walked out in a fit of shock, or embarrassment, or some mix of emotions Elliot couldn’t decipher through the walls she’d immediately thrown up to protect herself. Elliot wanted to run after her, to hold her, and tell her everything would be all right, but she didn’t know if she could make that promise. Clearly, she couldn’t protect Kelly from everything. This time it was only Rory, and while Elliot trusted her completely, who would pose the next threat? Beth? Surely she would find out now. Then who? Would they keep running the risk of a John-Deere-driving farmer or a Mrs. Anthony walking in on them? How long could Kelly live that way?

  How long could she?

  “Yeah?” Rory asked.

  “Yeah.” Elliot crashed across the arm of the couch, her legs hooked over the side and her arm thrown over her eyes. “I think we’d better talk about this now.”

  “Okay.” Rory settled more gently into the worn-out armchair. “Take a deep breath.”

  She did as instructed, in through the nose, out the mouth, stretching her lungs, her chest, and her back, as tense muscles strained. How long had it been since she breathed a true sigh of relief? “I don’t even know where to begin. It’s all too muddled to make sense of.”

  “Okay, well then, let’s stick to the important points,” Rory said, in her level-headed, making-sense-of-things tone. “You’re sleeping with Kelly Rolen, right?”

  “I am.” Admitting was the first step.

&nbs
p; “And this has been going on for how long?”

  “Off and on for almost two months.”

  “Two months.” Rory pushed her hand through her chestnut hair, which fell perfectly back into place.

  “At first it just sort of happened, and then nothing for a while, but now it’s been every night for a week.”

  She wouldn’t have thought Rory’s eyes could get any wider, but they did. “Every night? Wow. Give me a minute here. Normally I would offer my congratulations, but you know this isn’t as simple as getting laid regularly, right?”

  “Rory,” she said in her most annoyed tone.

  “Okay, just making sure. It’s just that Kelly’s not a bad person, but—”

  “She’s a great person. She just doesn’t let people see her for who she truly is.”

  “I’m willing to take your word there, and you’re not the first person to say so, so you’re probably right. But I’ve known Kelly pretty much since we were born. I knew Kelly as a preschooler and a fifth-grader and a high school senior. Now I’ve gotten to know her a little as an adult, and she hasn’t changed much in all those years.”

  Elliot wanted to argue. She wanted to say she’d seen major changes in Kelly lately, but had the changes all been circumstantial? When pushed, she reacted just like she always had. She squared her shoulders, lifted her nose in the air, and marched right out the door. Elliot didn’t even want to think about what she’d do now to distance herself emotionally and socially. She grimaced at the thought of Kelly going on another date with some farmer.

  “How did your job interview go?” Rory asked, the abrupt change of topic pulling her back fully into the conversation.

  “Good.”

  “Good?”

  “Great.” She sat up and rubbed her eyes. “The place is amazing and the people are insanely smart. When you’re there, you really feel like you’re at the hub of the empire and anything could happen.”

  Rory grinned. “And you knocked their socks off, didn’t you?”

  “I won’t go that far.”

  “But?”

  “But one of the women on the committee took me for a walk around the DuPont Circle area, and I got the sense I’d won her over by the time she went back to work. But it’s been two weeks and I haven’t heard anything.”

  “Anyone who takes the time to get to know you would be wowed.”

  “You’re biased.”

  “Maybe, but I’m also right. You’re special, Elliot. You won Kelly over, and I don’t say that to be crass. She’s not a woman who opens up easily. Honestly, with everything I know about you and everything I knew about her, if you’d asked me two months ago what to expect, I would’ve said it’d be much more likely that you kill each other than sleep together.”

  “And still you sent me in there?”

  “It wasn’t my idea, and to be honest I wasn’t thrilled. The whole internship sprang from Beth’s brain, fully formed.”

  “Beth.” Elliot sighed. “You have to tell her now, don’t you?”

  Rory managed to look mildly apologetic. “We don’t keep things from each other.”

  “I understand. That’s probably a good relationship policy.”

  “We think so. A lot goes into a relationship, but trust is a big one.”

  “Are you trying to make this a teachable moment?”

  Rory laughed. “Maybe, but I’m not known for subtly, so here it is. I care about you. And while part of me would love to see you stay here, put down some roots, and continue to hang out with me on a regular basis, I don’t want you to put your dreams on hold, or worse, let them go completely.”

  “She hasn’t asked me to.”

  “Good. Maybe she’s a better person than I used to think, but I notice you didn’t say you wouldn’t stay if she wanted you to.”

  She rolled her head back and stared at the ceiling, “What does it matter? She doesn’t want me to.”

  “Actually, I think it matters a lot,” Rory said. “Please tell me you haven’t fallen in love with her?”

  Elliot’s chest tightened so much she thought her ribs might crack. Is that what love felt like? If so, she didn’t care for love at all. She’d expected fireworks and doves and little heart emoticons filling her eyes. The dull throb of her pulse pounding through her ears didn’t make her want to write poetry or sappy songs. Surely all the emotions swirling around her today, or for the last week or … how long had she felt this way? It didn’t matter because whatever she felt toward Kelly wasn’t love, not the kind of love she wanted or hoped for.

  “No.” She stood up and wiped her clammy hands on her sweat pants. God, she was such a mess, how had she gotten this far without stopping to think about her future? “I know I have to go to D.C.— I mean, I want to. I can’t stay here, and she doesn’t want me to, so there’s nothing to get in either of our ways.”

  “Good,” Rory said, standing up and clapping a hand on her shoulder. “I just needed to hear you say so. I didn’t want you to hold out hope for something that wouldn’t ever work out for you. Trust me, I’ve seen how that ends.”

  Elliot searched her eyes. Another cryptic comment. Why did she always get the sense she never got to see the full picture? “Can you tell me what you mean by that?”

  Rory frowned. “I just … like I said, I’ve known Kelly since we were toddlers, and she’s had plenty of chances to change, but she’s still basically the same person she was then, only taller. Even in preschool she liked rules and order and doing things her own damn way. I don’t want you to think you can change her. Being stubborn to her own detriment is one thing. It’s even a trait I admire at times, but she doesn’t have a right to change you in the process.”

  “I don’t know,” Elliot said, a bit of the old fire returning at the prospect of being challenged by Rory. “I’ve got a stubborn streak, too, don’t I?”

  Rory laughed, deep and hearty. “That you have, my friend. All the earlier awkwardness aside, I’m impressed. And you’re right about being as stubborn as she is. I don’t envy either of you in a standoff, but I hope it doesn’t come to that. I’d hate to see either of you get hurt.”

  “Yeah.” She couldn’t do anything but agree, even if she worried they couldn’t possibly get out of this mess without one or both of them getting hurt.

  Elliot was with a client by the time Kelly arrived at the office. Thankfully, they had an April 1 deadline for accepting new business to be completed before the fifteenth. Anyone just getting started this late in the season would have to file for an extension, a simple process Elliot could more than handle on her own. Still, Kelly listened to her voice for a few minutes. With a few notable exceptions, the customers had warmed to her quickly, despite her distinct style and outsider status in an insular community. Elliot’s knowledge and amiability inspired trust. How would Kelly replace someone like her?

  She couldn’t. Not in the personal sense, but at least she could process the more logical aspects of Elliot’s inevitable departure from her life. Which is to say, her work life, which needed more attention than she’d given it lately. Work had saved her before. Surely it could still do so, especially now that Rolen and Rolen was just Rolen. Tears stung her eyes, but she blinked them away. She would have time for grief after tax season. Until then, she had the very real responsibility of upholding her father’s legacy. What would he think if he knew she failed to keep the business afloat even a few weeks on her own?

  She shuddered and pushed open the door to her office. Dropping her keys on her desk, she stared across the hall to his office. She hadn’t gone in there since his initial stroke. She hadn’t needed to, and she couldn’t think of any reason why she should do so now. The space had always been his inner sanctum, and she’d rarely even ventured inside when he was alive. Doing so now would feel like trespassing. Surely at some point there would have to be a will and deeds and other important papers, but he’d owned his house outright, and she was the only conceivable heir, so she added the task to the long list of thi
ngs she could do after the fifteenth.

  Still, as she sat down and powered on her computer, she didn’t stop herself from wondering what she’d do next year at this time. Nine months of the year, she’d be fine. She could handle the local payroll contracts and audits on her own. In all honesty, Darlington didn’t provide enough business in those areas for two people. It barely provided enough work for one, but she couldn’t sustain her client base during tax season on her own. She would have to hire someone else, but in a town this size, the prospect of finding someone as capable as Elliot seemed one in a million. More likely, Elliot was one in a million no matter what town she happened to work in.

  There she went again. She couldn’t pine over Elliot. She couldn’t conflate that loss with the loss of her father. They weren’t the same, not even close, and she couldn’t ask Elliot to fill the void he left. She couldn’t even entertain temporary fantasies. She’d already done enough of that, and look where it had gotten her. Forget next tax season. What was she going to do about this morning’s incident?

  Why Rory, of all people? She put her head down on her desk and resisted the urge to bang it a few times.

  Rory.

  Rory, who broke all the rules and still got everything she wanted. Rory, who wore her sexuality like a crown. Rory, who despite every shortcoming, had proven herself more worthy of Beth’s love and affection. Did she tell Elliot how little Kelly could be trusted to stand up for her? Had she explained that Kelly had been there before and failed? She hadn’t appeared gleeful, but somehow her pity hurt even more than her usual smug superiority. Her pity, and the fact that she was right. Or at least, all the things she assumed Rory said after she left were accurate. She hadn’t waited around long enough to hear any of them, which of course only proved the point Rory had most likely tried to make. She’d withdrawn to protect herself. It was all she knew how to do.

  “Hey,” Elliot said quietly, but the interruption still startled her enough to make her jump and crack her knee on the underside of her desk.

  “Shit.”