All of This Is True

by Lygia Day Penaflor

  I know what you mean.

  He’s a good guy to ask me how I feel about it.

  That he is.

  But Penny thinks you’re having a thing with him behind my back.

  Bahahahhahaaa!!! No offense.

  He’s adorable. But my last boyfriend

  was 38.

  Penny

  Fatima said she was only in the beginning stages of her book, so she wasn’t sure what it was about yet.

  Yes.

  It’s weird to think about that now.

  Why?

  She was in the beginning stages of us.

  The Absolution of Brady Stevenson

  BY FATIMA RO

  (excerpt)

  This tour of Morley Academy, through the quad, past the library, and out to the athletic field, is what Thora called a “walk and talk”—questions and answers accompanied by a stroll around the natural habitat. Brady felt that Thora had this backward; he should be asking her questions. She was the interesting one.

  “I think there are eight playing fields,” Brady said dryly, as he watched the boys’ soccer team running practice drills to the sound of the coach’s whistle. The athletic grounds held no significance for Brady.

  “Beautiful property. Last time I was here it was pitch dark,” Thora said.

  “There are stables down at the other end, supposedly.” Brady pointed past the fields. “You can bring your own horse for a stall fee, if you can believe that shit.” Brady shook his head.

  “Not exactly like public school?”

  “No,” Brady scoffed. “I haven’t seen any horses, though. I only read that on the website. Once in a while I see a girl walking around carrying her riding helmet. She’s probably a model Morley hired.”

  Thora laughed. They walked on toward the courtyard they knew well, passing students and teachers who looked curiously at Thora. “Do you miss sports at all? Or do you just feel like, to hell with that?” After their many phone calls, she felt comfortable enough with Brady to ask.

  “I miss, like, the physicality of it.” Brady watched the soccer players running suicide drills back and forth at the other end of the field. “I still work out at home. If I don’t do something active I feel like a slug. Plus, you should always keep in shape in case there’s a zombie apocalypse. You don’t want to be the slow, heavy guy.”

  “No, you wouldn’t want that,” Thora said.

  “So, I do miss sports, yeah,” Brady said. “I just don’t miss . . . being on a team.”

  “I get that. It’s understandable.” They reached the courtyard gate. Thora took a deep breath. “What is it about being on a team that makes people behave violently?” she asked.

  Just then, Paloma burst through the courtyard calling Thora’s name. Brady didn’t have a chance to answer the author’s question. They would both have to think about it good and hard.

  Miri

  [checks her phone]

  Have you heard back from Fatima?

  No. But it’s fine. She’s doing what she needs to do for her own welfare. Ms. Halpin, my AP Psych teacher, said that people with high emotional intelligence identify their feelings, evaluate their options, and move forward with positive action. What Fatima does is, she eliminates obstacles to her own mental health. I’ve seen her do it—the way she dropped her dead-weight college friends and the way she spoke to her father. She knows what’s healthy for her. When she comes back, it’ll be because she’s ready and strong.

  NEW YORK CITY MAGAZINE

  FOUR-PART SERIES

  * * *

  Stranger Than Fiction

  The True Story Behind the Controversial Novel

  The Absolution of Brady Stevenson

  SOLEIL JOHNSTON’S STORY, PART 3 (continued)

  * * *

  SOLEIL

  Can I ask you one thing, though?

  FATIMA

  Always.

  Why didn’t you tell me you’ve been talking to Jonah?

  He asked me not to. He wanted to tell you himself when he was ready. I hope you can understand that.

  I do.

  And maybe it shows that when he’s ready to tell you something he will.

  Penny

  Is there anyone else you think I should interview at Graham?

  Ms. Grauss was in the cafeteria that day. Dr. Beals was there, too, my history teacher.

  All right.

  You know, after Fatima showed up, Ms. Grauss started being nicer to me. She has her favorites; every teacher at Graham has favorites even though they go around saying “one heart and one mind” all the time.

  I take it you weren’t one of Ms. Grauss’s favorites.

  No way. She caught me copying homework in the hallway once, so she kind of hated me. But after she saw that I was friends with Fatima, I was smart all of a sudden.

  [laughs]

  That’s what it was like knowing Fatima Ro. My English grade went up, like, ten points.

  Not bad.

  Uh-huh. My parents missed seeing me around the house, but they were happy about my grade. For real.

  NAN GRAUSS,

  GRAHAM ACADEMY ENGLISH TEACHER

  I remember Fatima at Graham. What a breath of fresh air. I was surprised at how personable she was, because Undertow felt very dark to me. I could see why my students were drawn to her. She made you feel like you were the most important person in the room. She shook my hand and held on to it and told me that her English teachers were always her favorite people when she was in school. Such a kind thing for her to say. We made a human connection; I felt it. My best students, Miri and Soleil, created a fandom in my class. The other kids look up to them, they’re real trendsetters here. A couple years ago they and their friend Penny started wearing adorable silk neckerchiefs with Chanel brooches, and then everyone started wearing them. It’s hard to make fashion statements with the uniform, but these girls? They can. [pauses] I thought their love of Undertow would be a positive interest for me to encourage, so I ordered sets for my classes. I didn’t even assign it. I just opened the boxes on my desk. The next thing I knew the books were gone. At Monday assembly, I talked about Fatima’s visit, about how proud we should be that Graham is the kind of high-performing institution that attracts people like Fatima Ro. Miri was kind enough to share photos from the visit, even a photo of Fatima and me. Fatima had us all talking about her for days. [pauses] I can’t help but feel somewhat responsible for the trouble that’s occurred. [tightens topknot] That poor, poor girl. I really feel for Fatima with everything that’s happened to Jonah.

  JIM BEALS, PhD,

  GRAHAM ACADEMY HISTORY TEACHER

  These kids. [sigh] When they don’t care about something they really don’t care. But when they do care, they go overboard. [shakes head] I see it with everything, with their grades, music, sports, drama club, their relationships. It’s either “Whatever, Dr. Beals” or “Ohmigod, Dr. Beals! This song is my life!” There’s no in between. [pauses] If I could say one thing to that damn writer, what would I say? [grumbles] I’d say, if you knew these kids the way you claim to have known them, then you should’ve realized that when they admire you there’s a responsibility in that. [straight into the camera] Look in the mirror and know that you did this to Jonah, you selfish, opportunistic egomaniac.

  DEEDEE HALPIN,

  GRAHAM ACADEMY AP PSYCHOLOGY TEACHER

  Miri, Soleil, Emma, and Quinn were my top students; enthusiastic, analytical, very serious students. After Fatima’s visit, Soleil demonstrated a marked interest in my class. She had always been interested in the material, but as soon as we hit the unit on social psychology, she really took to it. She was intent on learning and so full of questions, always offering examples. Now I know why. Reading Fatima’s new book has been a bit shocking, to say the least. To see my class notes used in the story? [shakes head] It’s disconcerting. I wish Soleil had come to me; I wasn’t aware that she was struggling with such heavy issues in her personal life. And Jonah, well, I didn’t have him as a stud
ent, but the support team in our building is the absolute best. Our counselors could have helped him. I don’t know if he ever visited the Graham website, but it highlights our dedicated staff members and their credentials, as well as the many top-notch services readily available in terms of student mental health and wellness. I wish he’d taken advantage of what we have to offer.

  MARTIN “T-BONE” HENRY,

  GRAHAM ACADEMY SECURITY GUARD

  Is that what they were doin’ in that courtyard? Talkin’ about a book and that crazy writer? Are you serious? I thought they were out there smokin’ pot.

  The Absolution of Brady Stevenson

  BY FATIMA RO

  (excerpt)

  As Brady walked into Dr. Nihati’s office, a girl around eleven years old walked out. Brady smiled at her; she smiled back, sort of. Not really. She’d already been smiling. She must’ve had a good session. Brady was happy for her. He watched the girl meet her mother in the waiting room—watched them greet each other with a side hug. Brady wanted so badly to ask the girl if she was the one who’d made the K’NEX crane. It had to have been her. He wanted to tell her how impressive it was; she should be an engineer or an architect. But he stopped himself. There was probably a confidentiality clause: toys made in Dr. Nihati’s office stayed in Dr. Nihati’s office. On top of that, Brady didn’t want to come off as some creep who knew all about her therapy sessions.

  “Thora Temple came to school to see me,” Brady said, once he was settled into the familiar leather chair.

  “She did?” Dr. Nihati leaned forward. A dog-eared copy of The Drowning sat on her desk along with Brady’s file folder.

  “Yup.” Brady lifted his chin. “She wanted to talk to me in my natural habitat. ‘Walk and talk like Barbara Walters,’ that’s what she said. She gets these weird ideas. She didn’t want to come inside; she didn’t think it was a good idea, but I knew Sunny would be happy to see her.”

  Dr. Nihati scribbled on her memo pad. “But what brought this visit about initially?”

  “Oh, I didn’t tell you?” Brady’s eyes lit up. “We’ve been talking on the phone a lot. We’re pretty close now.”

  “Is that so?”

  “Yeah. She’s real cool. I like talking to her, probably because she’s older so she doesn’t judge me. She’s also not part of Morley, where people talk shit all the time. It doesn’t matter how fancy a school is, people still talk shit. Sorry. I shouldn’t curse, I know. I’m trying to break that.”

  “That’s okay.” Dr. Nihati jotted down another note. “What have you discussed with Thora?”

  “Lots of things. My dog, me and Sunny, that kind of stuff. I even mentioned church to her. I wouldn’t talk about that with anyone else—not that I’m embarrassed to be Catholic. I’m not. It’s just not something I usually have conversations about.”

  “What did you say about church?”

  “Just that I’ve been going with my parents since I was a kid.”

  “I see.”

  “I always thought that if I had the choice I wouldn’t bother going to church, but even when I was away from home, I went and sat in the chapel.”

  “Why do you think that is?”

  “I guess because it was comforting—the stained glass and the candle smell. They had a different Bible than I was used to, but the messages were the same. I liked going. It felt familiar.”

  “I’m sure it did.”

  “I talk about nothing special with Thora, too. Like, uh, when she called Morley my natural habitat it was kind of funny, you know?”

  “Why?”

  “Morley didn’t feel like my natural habitat until recently. My house—my old house, I mean. The gym back at South Carlisle, those places were my habitat.”

  “Your old town.”

  “Right.”

  “What changed for you recently?”

  “Well, it used to be that when I put the school blazer on, it wasn’t me, it was more like a costume. No, not a costume—a disguise—like the goofy glasses and mustache, do you know the thing I’m talking about?”

  “Yes. Groucho Marx glasses.”

  “Who?”

  “He was a comedian. Those glasses were fashioned after him.”

  “Oh. Well, when Sunny gave me a chance, I started to feel differently, because she saw me as that clean-cut, all-American guy, so then I got to thinking that, hey, I could be that.”

  “And now when you put the school jacket on, how do you feel?”

  “Better. Great, actually. Anyway, it’s nice to talk to Thora and to have someone who’s genuinely interested in me, you know?”

  “Of course.”

  “No offense to you. I know you’re interested in me, but it’s also your job.”

  “No offense taken. I understand what you mean. But what about Sunny? Do you think she’s genuinely interested in you?”

  “Oh, yeah, yeah. She’s interested in me. She’s a sweet girl, real sensitive. She cares about important stuff, sure. But I don’t want to get into anything complicated with her. We both want to have a good time together, right? We’re in high school.”

  “What does that mean to you—being in high school?”

  “Well, it’s supposed to be fun, isn’t it? Like in books and movies. Well, maybe not books so much; Thora’s book is pretty depressing. But in general, high school is supposed to be the best years of your life or something. I’m not expecting that. Really, who would even want that? I mean, I don’t want to be thirty-five thinking my best years were back in high school. That’d be sad. You see, Sunny’s upbeat. She likes TV shows and pop music—Bruno Mars and Beyoncé, that stuff. She’s a Belieber. I don’t know why I said that, I’m actually not sure if she likes him or not. My point is, I don’t want to bring her down. She wants me to ‘turn that frown upside down’ and that kinda thing. She deserves that. What I mean is, high school’s not supposed to be tragic and shit.”

  Dr. Nihati leaned forward and clasped her hands together. She was getting to something serious. “But sometimes tragedies do occur. Then we have to deal with them.” Dr. Nihati spoke slowly, the way she did when she wanted her message to sink in.

  The best thing for Brady to do was be agreeable. The less he resisted, the easier Dr. Nihati would be on him. “Oh, I know. That’s true. Bad things happen to good people all the time. It’s terrible. Awful.”

  “Brady.” Dr. Nihati squinted. “Have you told Sunny or Thora anything about your past?”

  Brady looked at the mini refrigerator against the wall and wondered what was inside. He could go for a sandwich and chips right about now.

  “Brady?”

  “I told them I used to wrestle.”

  “You did?”

  “Yes, and that I used to go to S.C.”

  “Well, that’s a big step.” Dr. Nihati nodded. “Did you say anything else?”

  Brady was getting a headache. “No.”

  “Okay. How did you feel when you told them you used to wrestle and that you used to go to South Carlisle?”

  “I don’t know. Weird.”

  “Weird in what way?”

  “In the way that I didn’t want to talk more.”

  Dr. Nihati sat back. “That’s all right. You made very good progress. Quite good. These relationships must mean a lot to you.”

  “They do.”

  “That’s why it’s particularly important for you to continue to talk more openly. I understand why you want to keep the incident to yourself, but it’s never fair to withhold this kind of information from those with whom you’re engaging in physical intimacy or speaking to on an emotional level and making genuine human connections.”

  Brady looked up when he heard the familiar phrase.

  “When we first discussed why you were transferring to a new school, you and your parents decided that the priority was academic success, so that you could have a promising future despite S.C. I mentioned that you might make new friends and that you needed to be prepared to disclose your past. However, y
ou insisted very adamantly that you would not socialize; your focus would be schoolwork and getting into college, so I respected your intentions. But now you are talking about friends and even a girlfriend.” Dr. Nihati spoke slowly again. “You must realize that if you’re to pursue intimate relationships, you will need to revise your plan to include how you’ll tell them what occurred at South Carlisle.”

  Somewhere after “talking about friends and even a girlfriend,” Brady tuned Dr. Nihati out. She wasn’t helping him anymore. She wanted him to move backward, not forward. That’s not progress. Thora was getting to know the new Brady and helping him forget the past. That’s what it means to move on.

  “Brady?”

  The boy nodded at whatever it was she had said and then remembered that Dr. Nihati preferred that he answer aloud. “Yes.”

  “It is your choice whether or not to share anything or everything about your past. But there are serious issues here that will affect your relationships. If Sunny and Thora find out in another way, that could be difficult for them and for you. There will be consequences.”

  Dr. Nihati was out of touch. She didn’t understand signs from God or the concept of tabula rasa. Brady was done with her and her old-fashioned therapy. He was looking at a clean slate and a future. Just as the girl who made the K’NEX crane would be an engineer, Brady would be a surgeon. He would have Thora Temple and fun and a girlfriend, too, no matter what Dr. Nihati thought.

  “Do you understand?” she asked.

  “Yes,” Brady answered, although he didn’t agree with a word.

  Miri

  Earlier you mentioned Fatima’s father.

  Yes.

  I didn’t realize her dad was in the picture.

  He is. Fatima’s parents divorced when she was young, just like my parents. I always felt close to her because of that. We had a lot in common, honestly. She told me that divorced kids like us have resilience. It’s because we learn to count on ourselves for stability when other kids depend so much on their parents.