Beautiful Illusion

by Jacquie Underdown

  “It’s good to see you again,” he said, holding my gaze.

  Voice hushed, “I feel the same.”

  “It smells so good in here. Thank you for inviting me.”

  “It’s my pleasure. I just hope you like spicy foods.”

  “There is not much I don’t like, food wise.” He edged closer, lowered his voice. “I really like you, Leah.”

  I smiled, but not a single word formed in my mind. Couldn’t.

  He edged his body even closer to mine. I could smell him—sweet, musky, mouth-wateringly male. “I’m kinda thinking you might feel the same. At least, I hope you do.”

  I nodded sheepishly and whispered, “I do.”

  He reached out and held my waist, pulled my body flush against his, not allowing me to lose eye contact with him. I couldn’t, anyway. Like a rattlesnake mesmerised by the intoxicating tunes of the charmer’s pungi, I was under his command. My entire body was tingling. I felt the warmth of his body against mine, the subtle smell of his skin. I could almost taste him on my tongue as he leant his face closer to mine. And then he kissed me.

  His lips pressed against mine with a delicate urgency, our breaths communicating how much we both lusted after this kiss, this closeness. I wrapped my arms around his waist and held him tightly, feeling as though I couldn’t get close enough. Couldn’t get enough of him. Too soon, he pulled his body away.

  “God, Leah,” he said, a heavy whisper. “You’re so gorgeous. I’m about to get myself into a rather embarrassing predicament if your housemate was to walk in.”

  “Sorry.”

  He took a step back, resting against the bench top, and inhaled a deep lungful of air. “Don’t be sorry. Don’t ever be sorry for having that kind of effect on me.”

  He reached both his hands out for me and pulled me in close to him again, kissing me once on the lips. He offered a coy grin. “Perhaps you can answer that question again for me later?”

  “Perhaps, when we don’t have the chance of being interrupted?”

  He laughed. “It’s a deal.”

  I grabbed a beer from the fridge, handed it to Brennan, and poured two long glasses of red wine. I stared at the ruby liquid as I chewed on my bottom lip. “Do you think I should be drinking this after my concussion?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know. Did the Doc tell you not to?”

  “Well, no,” I said, avoiding the fact that the memory of leaving hospital wasn’t too vivid. For all I knew the doctor could have given me a list of things to avoid, and I’d be none the wiser.

  He smiled. “You should be fine, then.”

  After a few more drinks, dinner was served.

  We sat around the small dining table. Danni asked Brennan, “What do you do for a living?”

  Brennan reached over the table as he dished a large spoonful of rice into his bowl and another spoonful of each of the curries. “I’m a PE teacher for primary school students.”

  Danni winced. “Primary school students. How do you find that?”

  Brennan laughed. “I enjoy it for the most part. It has its days, of course. Like any other job.”

  “What made you want to become a PE teacher?” I asked.

  “I’ve always had a passion for sport, so it seemed like a natural step. When I was seventeen I was selected into a national AFL talent development squad and it was mandatory I complete a degree. I chose education.”

  “What’s a talent development squad?”

  “It’s a program designed to enhance the skills of kids who show potential in AFL. Some guys go on to get picked in the professional draft and some, like me, blow their shoulder out and lose their position.”

  “That’s some tough luck,” I said.

  “It is what it is. And, hey, I got a great career out of it.”

  “So you don’t play football anymore at all?”

  “Sadly not. It’s not worth the risk. But I’m still madly in love with the game. My brother and I go to all the home matches, and I coach my twin nephew’s team of a Saturday morning.”

  My eyes widened. “You coach junior football?”

  “Yeah, it’s good fun.” Brennan ate a spoonful of curry from his plate. “So have you two known each other since school?” he asked.

  I looked at Danni, then back to Brennan. “Ah, no. We’ve been friends for about four years now.”

  “Leah dated my brother, Antony, for a couple of years. We met through him and then I worked for Leah and Cait as well,” added Danni.

  I glared at her discreetly. It was not something I had told Brennan about, and I wasn’t in any rush to do so. She caught my look and smiled apologetically.

  Brennan turned to me, his brow creased. “Worked for you and Cait?” he asked.

  I stood, reached over the table for the bottle of wine. “It’s a long story, I’ll have to tell you about it another time.”

  “Um, okay,” he said.

  ***

  A few bottles of red and a six-pack of beer, along with copious amounts of food later, we were all well and truly sloshed. We had retired to the lounge room. Music flowed from my iPod. Brennan and I shared the lounge, while Danni had perched on the coffee table in front of us. She stood and stretched her arms over her head, yawning wide. “I’m tired,” she said. “Too much wine has a tendency to make me sleepy. So I’m going to head off to bed.”

  “Sure, Danni,” I said. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

  Brennan jumped to his feet and pecked Danni on the cheek. “It was lovely to meet you, Dan.”

  Blushing again, she replied, “You too. I’ll see you next time you’re over.”

  He nodded.

  “Good night,” she said.

  Danni wobbled from the room, leaving Brennan and I alone for the second time that evening.

  Brennan fell onto the seat next to me. “You’ve a great housemate,” he said.

  “Yeah, Danni’s a wonderful friend. Usually a lot shyer than she appeared tonight, though.”

  “I definitely got that vibe when I first arrived, but she soon relaxed once we got to talking.”

  “It is quite hard not to feel comfortable around you.”

  “Do I have that effect on you?” he asked, a smile touching his lips.

  “You definitely do.”

  He grinned wide. “Do you want to catch up one day after work for a coffee? Or a movie?”

  “I’d like that. My boss has given me the next week off to recover so I’m free any time. What time do you normally finish up at school?”

  “It’s school holidays. I don’t go back to work for another week and a half. How about I give you a call during the week and we can get together one day?”

  “Sure.”

  He placed his hand on my thigh. A friendly gesture, but I still felt a pang of arousal shoot through my body. He followed my eyes as they came to rest on his long fingers pressed against my leg. He could feel it too; his face was a mirror. My next breath was long and deep, my only answer to the electricity arcing between us. God, what this man was doing to me.

  “I should probably get going and let you get a good night’s sleep,” he said.

  I nodded, but couldn’t hide my frown.

  “I had an enjoyable night tonight,” he said.

  “Me too. It was great to see you again.”

  Hesitantly, he withdrew his hand from leg and I walked him to the door. Brennan inhaled and opened his mouth as though he was going to speak, but didn’t. Instead, he shook his head.

  I arched an eyebrow. “What?”

  He smiled. “Nothing.”

  “Tell me what you were going to say.”

  He tucked a few loose strands of my hair behind my ear and I fought hard to keep my eyes from closing in pleasure at such a simple gesture. “I really want to kiss you again, Leah, but I’m afraid if I start, it won’t be so easy to stop.”

  I wanted to tell him that I didn’t care if he couldn’t stop. I wanted it as badly as he did. But I lowered my eyes to the ground, u
nable to think of a suitable response.

  “You don’t give too much away, do you?” he said with a nervous laugh.

  I shook my head. “That’s not my intention. I’m just not overtly seductive.”

  His eyes widened. “Leah. You are. Without saying a word you seduce the hell out of me. The way you unknowingly give me a sultry glance. How you unintentionally run your tongue along your lower lip so salaciously. And, just now, the kittenish way you peered up at me from under your eyelashes. You’re seductive alright, believe me, and it drives me absolutely crazy.”

  “Crazy in a good way, I hope?”

  “Crazy in the best way,” he said and kissed me, oh so gently, filling me with tingly delight. Making me forget that words have ever existed in the universe.

  “And you thought you wouldn’t be desirable at thirty,” he whispered in my ear, his warm breath sending goose bumps up my arms. “You’re the sexiest woman this side of thirty. And the other side, for that matter.”

  I giggled, my cheeks warm.

  He shook his head. “You drive me crazy. You know that?”

  “You may have told me that before.”

  He brushed his lips across mine. “I’ll talk to you later.”

  “Definitely,” I said, and opened the door.

  He slipped out of my apartment and was gone. I shut the door behind me and leaned back against it, my face dominated by a smile, my body buzzing. It had been too long since a man had made me feel this way. Much too long.

  Chapter 7

  The sun had moved west, streaming through the sole bathroom window and into my eyes. The temperature of the water impinged on my senses. I stood abruptly and stepped out the bath, wrapping a thick bath towel around myself. Shivering, and covered in goose bumps, I reached into the murky water and pulled the plug. I watched the water as it spiralled down the plughole, rowdily slurping and sucking as it disappeared from sight.

  I looked at my watch and was startled to realise that three hours had been eaten up by sleep in a now-cold bath. I only had twenty minutes until Brennan was to arrive. We had organised to watch a football match together, with his brother Alex and Alex’s wife. I ran to my bedroom and began to dress. I threw on a red spaghetti-strapped singlet and a pair of jeans, did my hair and make-up, then grabbed my bag from the bedpost at the end of my bed and slung it over my shoulder. With one final look at my reflection in the mirror, I marched out to the lounge room to wait.

  Not four steps past the threshold of my bedroom, the doorbell buzzed. My stomach tumbled and I paused on my way to the door to stretch out some of my nervous energy. Brennan was waiting on the other side of the door, dressed in a pair of jeans and a Lions supporter shirt. Dad, who was an AFL aficionado, would be displeased that he wasn’t a Hawthorn fan, but at least it would make for some healthy competition.

  “Hi, Leah,” he said, leaning in and kissing me on the cheek. I breathed in his appealing scent, a mixture of male rawness, soap and the subtle remnants of shaving cream. He smelt entirely delicious. He lingered at my cheek, long enough for me to have to close my eyes and stifle the shudder in my breath.

  “You look gorgeous; and you chose the right colour as well. Are you a Lions fan?”

  “Not really. But I live in Brisbane, so I should go for the home team right?”

  “Exactly my reasoning. Are you all set?”

  “Yep.”

  “Good. We’d better get going, the traffic is absolute chaos. Typical Friday afternoon.”

  ***

  By the time we arrived at the stadium, Alex and his wife were already there, along with twenty thousand screaming fans. Brennan and I shuffled along the row of seats to where they were sitting, smiles on both of their faces.

  Alex was dressed more casually than I had seen him before, in a pair of jeans, a Lions shirt and cap. Beside him was his wife, whose shoulder-length hair was as dark, and skin almost as olive, as both Alex and Brennan’s, although she didn’t have the same piercing blue eyes. Hers were a dark hazel. I was definitely the odd one out with my light complexion, blonde hair and pale green eyes.

  “Leah,” said Alex, as we shuffled along the long row of plastic seats. “I had a feeling I would see you again.” He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek.

  “Good to see you, Alex.”

  He turned to his wife who had stood up to greet us. “Leah, this is my wife, Joanne.”

  Joanne smiled. “Hi, Leah. It’s lovely to meet you.”

  “You too, Joanne.”

  Greetings were exchanged between Brennan and his family before we assumed our seats.

  Brennan shifted closer to me. “Can I get you something to eat before the game starts? A drink?”

  “Um, yes, please. Maybe a beer and a hot dog?”

  “No worries.” He leant across me. “Hey, Alex, I’m just going to get some food. Do you want me to grab you anything?”

  Alex stood. “I’ll come with you.”

  The men scuttled along the row of seats, now filled with fans, leaving me alone with Joanne, who slid into the seat beside me. Smiling, she said, “Alex was telling me how you and Brennan met.”

  “Yes. In hospital of all places,” I said with a nervous giggle.

  “At least it will be an interesting story to tell your children.”

  I regarded her cautiously. There was something in her tone that made me think she was setting me up with that last comment.

  “It would be an interesting story. If, of course, we get to that stage.”

  “So you and Brennan are serious then?”

  I hesitated a moment, trying to figure where she was heading with this line of questioning. “We’re at the early stages of something very, very new.”

  She nodded, one eyebrow arching and then falling back into place. “It’s funny,” she mused.

  “What’s funny, Joanne?”

  “Oh, you know,” she said, dismissive. “You don’t seem at all like Brennan’s type. I’d be surprised if he was looking to have a serious relationship with you.” As she spoke, her eyes bored into mine and the faint trace of a mocking smile touched her thin, reptilian lips.

  “And what exactly is his type?” I asked, unable to hide the temper in my tone.

  Her grin settled in. “From what I’ve been told you’re someone’s personal assistant. He tends to go for more industrious, ambitious types. His last girlfriend, for example, was in banking and the one before that was in the publishing industry. Both very high maintenance, but Brennan does seem to like tidy packages. Even if it means a little work on his part.”

  I don’t know what she saw in my expression. Probably bewilderment. My mouth fell open.

  “Don’t get me wrong,” she continued. “You’re rather pretty and look like you take care of yourself. I’m sure Brennan thinks you’re great. I mean, most men are attracted to ditzy blondes. Not saying that you’re ditzy or anything! I simply mean that men are usually attracted to those types of women. But, Leah you do come across as someone he chose for a fling.”

  I was shocked. “You know, you’re being very rude. I’m not quite sure what your intention…”

  “Look, the men are back,” she said in a sweetly acidic voice, a fake smile spreading across her face. I turned and saw Alex and Brennan making their way back to our seats. I glanced back to Joanne, but she had slid back to her original seat.

  Alex squeezed past my feet and sat on the seat beside me, while Brennan sat opposite. My head was reeling from Joanne’s insults and mockery. Nobody had ever spoken like that to my face. Ever. And what was her point anyway? That I was no good for Brennan? Didn’t have the right look, the right job, the right tidiness? Then, to top it all off, to say that I was ditzy. She doesn’t know the first thing about me.

  Brennan handed me a beer but I couldn’t bring myself to smile as I thanked him. I felt flushed with anger. The excited grin on his face vanished.

  “Leah. What’s the matter?”

  I shook my head, “Nothing.” But my eyes s
tarted to well with tears. I was angry - and fearful that I might well not be good enough for Brennan. I wouldn’t dare be with a man who thought that way. He seized the beer from my hand, placed it on the ground along with his drink and the food. He reached for my hands and held them tightly, gazing steadily at me, not letting me look away. “Leah, it doesn’t look like nothing.”

  “I’m fine.” I snatched my hands from his grip and rummaged through my purse, pulling out two fifty-dollar notes. I squashed them into Brennan’s hand.

  His eyebrows shot up. “What’s this for?”

  “For my ticket. And the beer. And stuff. I have to go.”

  I had to get out of there. I was on the ugly verge of crying, and I wasn’t willing to humiliate myself in public. I stood and squeezed past his legs, not looking down at him.

  “Leah,” he pleaded. But I didn’t answer. I pushed my way past screaming fans with as much poise as I could, almost tripping over some poor woman’s feet in the process.

  When I reached the stairs, I quickened my step and didn’t slow until I was outside the stadium. As soon as the cool night air kissed my cheeks, the tears started pouring hard and fast. I glanced around, trying to find the nearest escape route. About two hundred metres up the road was a taxi rank. It was going to cost an easy fifty dollars to get home in a cab, but it was better than crying all the way on a bus with people watching me.

  I hurried towards the cab rank, keeping my head down as I passed people making their way into the stadium, smiling and chattering. I kept thinking about what Joanne had said. That patronising, smug grin. The insulting tone. Her whiney, high-pitched voice. I balled my fists. I should have slapped her face. Hard.

  Behind me, I heard the faint call of my name. I hesitated, wondering if I should pretend not to have heard. My name came again and again, growing louder. People nearby started to give me questioning looks. I gave in and spun around: Brennan jogged along the footpath towards me, his eyebrows drawing together. Seeing his worry, my chin dipped to my chest, my body slumping forward. From my brief experience with Brennan, I knew him to be thoughtful, generous—not superficial in any sense, like Joanne had implied. He didn’t deserve to be left in the lurch, not knowing what had upset me. But, if he was the type of man who possessed out-dated, unreal expectations of women, then I wanted nothing to do with him. Either way, I owed him the chance to explain if Joanne’s words held any truth.