Hiding From Seagulls

by John Wallis

The underground caves are difficult to recall. Not just because we were lost but because one thing seemed to drift into another. It was something I spoke to Madeline about while we were walking through the caves. A weird feeling that I think we all had experienced but up until that point nobody had mentioned.

  “Today has been weird,” I sighed. “Things have happened that fast that I don't know what to think any more. I don't feel the same person I was this morning.”

  Madeline nodded “It's no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then,” she said.

  I recognised the quote from Lewis Carol's Alice in Wonderland. A book that was no doubt strapped to her back.

  “Why do you carry those?” I asked suddenly curious

  “I read them,” she replied “And In case I need them.”

  It did occur to me that short of her having a book entitled How To Find Your Way Through A Network Of Underground Caves Whilst On The Run From A Money Greedy Man Dressed As A Bear we were still all in big trouble.

  She was right about not being the same. Everything from the bus onwards felt as though one thing had followed the next. There was no order any more and no logical, boring, common-sense.

  Simon the Snitch had confidently navigated to start with. Claiming that his father was a chief scout. It only took a few dead ends for us to work out he wasn't the Bear Grylls explorer he would have had us believe.

  “We can't be lost,” Rob kept saying.

  My feet felt wet and when I looked down I noticed the mud in the tunnel was soaking with water.

  “Hey guys are we in a sewage system or something?”

  The others looked at me puzzled.

  “We must be near sea level,” Simon said putting one finger in the air.

  “All caves are muddy Simon,” Rob argued.

  “All we need to know is which way the air is coming in from,” Simon began.

  I interrupted him not wanting to hear any more right now.

  “All we need are directions, or an idea of where we are, or better still a lift home and some food. Failing that were pretty stuck.”

  “Seagulls,” Rob said softly. Nobody responded.

  “ It's always a test,” Madeline said “We are missing something.”

  “You're missing something clearly,” Simon replied tapping his head with his finger.

  “Seagulls,” repeated Robert.

  “Think about it,” Madeline replied.

  “Guy's there are Seagulls down here,” Robert shouted. “You usually find Seagulls by the Sea.”

  We looked at each other.

  “Seagulls don't tend to live underground,” I said.

  But sure enough in the next cave there were seagulls and thankfully a slightly higher ceiling allowing me to stand up straight for the first time in what felt like forever.

  As I stood I noticed that the water had risen to above ankle height for me. Simon was shorter and so it was almost to his knee's. Poor Madeline was now knee deep in filthy muddy water and trying to lift her books a little higher so they would not be ruined.

  “What now?” I asked.

  “I would get out of here this place will flood soon,” came the reply although none of us had spoken.

  “Who said that,” I asked confused but happy it wasn't the money greedy Man-bear.

  “Sargent Fifteen of the Seagull Army.”

  Sure enough the words had come from the Seagull's mouth or more precisely his beak.

  “The Seagull talked,” Madeline said.

  “Of course it did,” Simon replied holding his forehead in his hands.

  “Oh wow I never met a Seagull that could talk,” Rob said kneeling down to get a better look at the bird. “My auntie had a parrot once and it talked,” he said smiling at the bird. “Hey burdy birdy!”

  “Seagull's do not talk,” Simon said getting louder through his sentence until he was shouting.

  “This one does,” I replied looking up at the bird.

  “It floods down here so often,” the Seagull said then paused moving his neck from side to side so fast I couldn't see his head move until he was in a new place. He was watching us trying to guess if we were a threat. Rob seemed to be doing the same to the Seagull.

  “You don't go around stealing people's money as well do you?” He asked.

  “No,” The seagull replied sounding disgusted.

  “Good, because I met a bear today that did and I’m out of cash.”

  The seagull gave off a mocking laugh and looked Rob up and down. I remember thinking it odd that the talking seagull did not trust us.

  “Do you know your way out of here,” Madeline asked the seagull.

  “Nobody does,” the Seagull responded matter of factly.

  “We're lost,” Madeline said looking sulky.

  “Were all lost. Some people find their way out of these caves. Most don't. If you want my advice you should see if you can find the Elephant Man,”

  “There's an Elephant Man?” I said.

  “Of course there's no blinking Elephant Man,” Simon responded.

  “Does the Elephant Man steal money?” Rob asked encouraging another laugh-squawk from the seagull.

  “No! The Elephant Man lives in the underground. An outcast, I would guess he would know his way around some of the caves, maybe most of the caves.”

  “You said you were in the army,” Madeline questioned, “Who are you an army for?”

  The Seagull took a step back and bowed.

  “I am Fifteen. Commander to the Fifteenth Seagull Army currently preforming duty to the ruling monarch.”

  “You work for the Queen?” Rob asked.

  The water level at this point was up to my knee, Simon's thigh and almost Madeline's waste.

  “We work for the Lady Lilly Anne The Third Point One.”

  “Lady who?,” Rob asked looking confused “What is she lady off anyway?”

  “I bet she shouts off with their heads,” Simon added with more than a hint of sarcasm.

  The Seagull shook his head bemused.

  “I never said she was the Queen. I said she is the reigning monarch. She judges what is acceptable, what is proper, and what in improper. She is The Princess of the Proper, The Duchess of Disapproval, and The Stop To All Silliness.

  “She's not doing a good job. I am talking to a Seagull. Stopping the silliness is what I’m looking for right now.” Simon responded.

  “She will want to meet with you. Every entry here has to pass through her,” the Seagull announced with some authority.

  “Well I’m not afraid of her,” Rob replied predictably once again in Scrappy mode. Rob certainly seemed fearless.

  “There was a sign back there. It was for the underground,” Rob said.

  We looked at him blankly.

  “Surely if we follow the signs for the underground then we can get on a train and the train will take us up to a platform,” Rob said not pausing for breath.

  Simon shook his head “I would say trace our steps back to the mansion,”

  “The caves change whenever you turn your back on them,” the Seagull named Fifteen said.

  Simon looked angry and weary, “Of course they do,” he said before turning his back on Fifteen to speak with us.

  “Are you all going to listen to me or the talking Seagull?!” he asked.

  “The way back certainly doesn’t look like it is the way back any more,” Madeline added slowly looking behind her.

  “Neither does it look like a way forward,” I added without really thinking.

  “Oh I don't believe it,” Simon cried. His bottom lip quivered for a moment while he thought about what he wanted to do. He seemed to be weighing up whether to follow us or make his own way through the caves. Wisely but begrudgingly he chose to stay with the group and stomped along behind us.

  By this point I too was a little over waste height in murky, muddy and mucky water. We needed to find a way out of the cave we were in
. My problem now was I was thinking if all this water couldn't escape how could we.

  As the water got a bit higher our Sargent Seagull Number Fifteen decided without a word to disappear through a small gap in the top of the cave.

  We all began to walk or in Madeline's case swim as far to the back of the cave as we could.

  “What do we do if it keeps pouring in?” Rob asked looking desperately at me for an answer. The truth was I didn't want to think about that. It seemed no matter how far back we walked the water only became deeper.

  Every crack in the caves was seeping with mucky water. Madeline and Rob were already unable to touch the floor and I was bouncing through the water on tip toe. I wondered if anybody would find us all the way down here. I put my hand on one of the cave walls and in a truly odd way leaning on the wall saved us.

  “Just head to the right,” I shouted.

  The others looked at me with confused looks. My hand on the right hand wall was dry. Not only my arm but my foot too. It seemed that in the caves you could simply side step out of the water.

  “That's impossible,” Simon shouted.

  “Water is not like this I know it isn't. Flooding doesn’t happen at different angles.”

  “It seems it does here,” Madeline replied.

  In the middle of an underground cave with no idea of how to escape I found myself smiling. I was beginning to understand. Beginning to believe in the impossible.

  “If you guy's still insist on finding the underground I found a sign for it here,” Simon said trying to hide any excitement in his voice.

  I could tell he was as excited as we all were to find a possible way out. Even if we had done it in a way he had disapproved off. I remember thinking he and this Duchess of Disapproval would probably get on just fine.

  “That's odd,” Madeline said. She was getting good at pointing out bad news. It seemed that trend was about to continue.

  “Why would someone put a sign there for a disused line?”

  I looked at the sign and sure enough it read Disused Line to Elephant and Castle.

  Rob seemed relieved.

  “I know Elephant and Castle,” he said “It's back in London.”

  I had also heard of the underground station.

  “Finally were going to get out of this place and back to some form of normality,” Simon said already leading the way.

  I didn't share his hopes that the disused line would lead us back to London. At least not yet. But I followed them through the caves looking for more signs for the disused rail line.

  There seemed no end to the caves. Miles with no markers or pointers. In places the disused tracks disappeared altogether.

  “Do you think we're heading the right way?” I asked Madeline.

  “I don't think there is a right way,” she responded. “I think we are just going the way that we are to go.”

  “You think we are following the yellow brick road?” I replied jokingly.

  “Oh yes,” She replied with an excitement I wasn't expecting.

  Madeline seemed excited by the journey. It's fair to say Simon was most definitely not as thrilled as he stomped on behind.