by Duggan, K A
I’m stunned into silence for a moment. Spoke the truth. Does he know? I push against his chest to show some kind of reaction and because I really do need him to back up. When he’s this close, this intense I can hardly breathe. He barely budges and smirks at my pitiful attempt to remove him from my space. My hand itches to slap him.
“Why are you being like this?” I ask
“This is how I am, Fliss. How I was before you came along. I gave you a settling in period, but I’d say you’ve firmly got your feet under the table now so normal service can resume. If you don’t like it…” He trails off on a shrug, the meaning in that sentence hard to miss. If I don’t like it, I can leave.
I should. For my sanity. To spare any further hurt. But I know this isn’t him. Do you know how open you can be with someone online, hiding behind a screen, knowing you’ll never meet them? How you can rant to them and tell them your innermost thoughts? Well, we did that. Six months of daily conversation clues you in to a person even if it isn’t face to face. So, while we’ve only been physically present together for a few weeks, I know him. His behaviour might be on point but the way he just spoke to me is out of character.
“I’ll pack then,” I say as a test
His eye twitches, to most it would be indiscernible. But I’ve studied him these last few weeks, it’s a tell of his. And that was nothing more than an idle threat. I can’t figure out why but he’s pushing my buttons, testing me and trying to push me away. Maybe if I wasn’t so full of lust, so devoid of anything else meaningful in my life I’d take the hint and leave. But I don’t feel like our story is over yet. We’re barely past the first few chapters and if a conflict is what he wants then I’m all for being the antagonist.
When he doesn’t respond I continue, “Okay, I will.” I retort as I make my way past him. He grabs my arm and pulls me back so I bump up against the countertop. He presses into me, an arm around my waist and despite myself, I succumb to his touch. I want him to always look at me with this kind of drunken lust. “Ready to test that resolve?” he murmurs
He tips his head as I tilt mine and our lips collide. All of our pent up frustrations are released in this one breathtaking display. We’re greedy, devouring one another, breathing heavily, touching frantically.
The background noise I hardly paid attention to suddenly stops and I realise it’s the sound of the shower being turned off. I spring back from him, watching as his head falls and he mutters “Fuck.” A few seconds later the door opens and I cut my gaze back to Ash. He has the decency to take a step back from me and look ashamed.
In walks the girl from my first visit, the same girl I stole the room from, wearing nothing but a towel, long blonde hair dripping all over my floor. Alarm bells start ringing in my head.
She’s concentrating so hard on perfecting her flirtatious walk, staring down at her legs that she doesn’t notice me as she addresses Ash “Maybe we should try that again?” she purrs before her head lifts.
I want to hurl and throw daggers at Ash. My hand flies to our rules list pinned to the fridge beside me, my finger tapping it as my gaze conveys every emotion I’m concealing. No wandering naked women.
“Oh, it’s you,” Barbie says noticing my presence for the first time. She looks me up and down as seems customary for everyone recently. Her brow furrows in utter disdain. She snaps her head from me to Ash, looking repeatedly between us. Then out of the blue, she points my way and explodes, “That! You prefer that to this?” she screeches as runs her eyes over herself.
“You’re kidding me right?” she shakes her head and before I can retort she continues, “I thought we were making headway, is she really the reason you haven’t touched me yet?”
She starts pacing and both myself and Ash watch, he seems amused by her dramatic show whilst I’m biting my tongue, just biding my time as my anger grows.
“You’re losing it, Ash, lowering your standards. Look at what she’s wearing for fuck sake, what woman in their right mind dresses like that? She’ll never measure up to me.”
His amused grin slips as he jumps to my defense “She’s already exceeded you, Cammy. She isn’t a spiteful bitch who thinks walking around flaunting her flesh is what I want.”
Both of them talking about me as if I’m not stood right fucking there has me ready to blow.
Hurt flitters across her features before a mask slips back in place “ So you want someone who dresses up as an animal – a pig no less? You used to love my flesh, Ash. Don’t pretend otherwise.”
“I loved the idea of you but that was before I knew you, before I found out how ugly your soul is.”
“You’re just saying that for her benefit.” She looks at me in complete confusion “You want me, you clearly need someone who knows how to be feminine why else would you have brought me here the last few nights?”
“For a much-needed reality check, nothing more. You served your purpose now get dressed and leave.”
“Seriously? This isn’t over Ash. Do you think you can just dismiss me? You think you can lead me on and then discard me?” She laughs humourlessly “Think again.” She turns to walk away and lets the towel drop to the floor, showing her tanned and tone backside. “Pretend you don’t want this all you like but I can feel your eyes all over me.” She throws over her shoulder.
As soon as she’s stashed away in his room I move to leave.
“Fli-“
“Don’t.” I spin around to face him anger seeping from every pore. How dare he. “You used her to make me jealous? You brought her here intentionally to get under my skin, to hurt me. I had you all wrong Ash. I never pegged you for being a game player. I guess you’re pettier than I realised. You disgust me,” I explode
“I never touched her,” He says meekly
“So? You made me believe you did, made me endure sitting in my room listening to her laughing and flirting, making me imagine…”
He strides forward, boxing me in by placing his arms either side of me on the counter “What?” He demands
I shake my head “It doesn’t matter.”
“Yes it does. Why won’t you just say it? Just admit you feel this too.”
I stare at him, tears brimming again “I did. Now I’m not so sure. That move was uncalled for. The next move is mine.”
I push past him but he grabs my forearm stopping me “I’m all for playing games if it’ll result in winning, don’t think for a second I’ll give up making you confront what’s between us however I have to.”
“What is between us Ash, apart from a whole load of deception?”
“Don’t act like you’re the only wronged party here. Who’s Gerry?”
My eyes widen, wondering how he even knows that name. “He works for me.”
It’s then it dawns on me why he did this. He was jealous, felt threatened, envisioned Gerry was my boyfriend? Lover? It’s laughable.
“This was tit for tat? Next time don’t eavesdrop and if you want to know something, ask.”
“I do, you don’t divulge anything.”
I yank my arm free. “Tu non capisci Sei tutto ciò che voglio, non posso proprio averti.” And I leave him standing there. I don’t want to be around when barbie Cammy reappears.
“I’ll look that up, Fliss. Stop hiding behind other languages and tell me how you really feel.” He shouts after me.
I close my door and climb into bed. How did we get here? We were best friends. We respected and appreciated one another. Now, because I forced something through a lie we’re arguing, one-upping each other. He’s offering what I came here for I should be grabbing it with both hands. It was my sole purpose. But distance away from my home circumstances has cleared my head too much. The escape and reprieve has been great for me. I’ve shed some insecurities. I’ve taken what I needed, I’ve grown up and I’m stronger. Strong enough to go back, to face it.
Ash is not only believing the lie, he’s wanting it.
Would he still want me if he knew the truth?
Ashton
Fliss retreated to her room, thinking she can hide away, but she’ll have to resurface at some point and we will have to fix this. Cammy stormed out and I’m sat trying to write my story which includes too much of my own life. I know they say to write what you know but this is too personal even for me. I’ve written insta- love. I never thought it was an actual thing though. And by love, I don’t really mean love. I don’t love her, but she creates some pretty intense feelings in me and that’s more or less the same thing. For knowing someone a couple of weeks its unnerving. But she’s become pretty much all I think about. What pisses me off more is I don’t really know her. I know nothing substantial about her at all. Sure, I know how to make her blush, how to make her smile. I know her love for onesies. I sense her innocence. But apart from that… nothing, nada. She just appeared one day and slotted into my life effortlessly.
She doesn’t talk about her family, friends, why she moved away from them. She says she has a job, but I’ve never seen her answer calls or do any actual work. I don’t know how she affords to pay me rent when she barely leaves the apartment. She’s an enigma. One who’s managed to get under my skin without trying the normal tactics women use and maybe that’s the draw. The mysteriousness. She’s funny, sweet, quirky as fuck and doesn’t act like she’s trying to hook me, yet she’s hooked me anyway. Is it a simple case of reverse psychology? Is it the romance I’m currently writing trying to imprint on me?
I know she’s feeling this too, we’re constantly skirting around one another. I see the way she looks at me, it’s the same as I look at her, like she wants to revolve around me. So why the holding back? Keeping me at arms length. You don’t kiss someone the way she just did if you aren’t in to them. It can’t just be because we live together, because even though I vowed I wouldn’t fuck around with my flatmate it didn’t take long to change my mind. More importantly, I don’t want to mess around, I don’t want a fling or even a friends with benefits situation. I want exclusivity.
I know in my gut there’s something more going on here and I’ll push until she spills. Persistence is one of my better traits. My tactic to do so may have been wrong, questionable even but at least it unearthed something, she opened up, gave me a clue. I’m sick and tired of pussyfooting around. It ignited the fire in her and I need to keep on while it’s simmering.
I walk towards her room determined to apologise. I hope she isn’t one for asking what I’m apologising for because as a man I really have no idea. I just know I’m in the wrong on so many levels. I guess the way I spoke to her this morning was out of order but she’s so goddamn frustrating. Flaunting Cammy was another huge no-no. It worked but god knows what I was thinking. I can’t stand the woman, we’ve never been a couple, but yeah I’ve fucked her. She was hard to shake, even managing to find out when I had flat viewings and turning up at the same time as them, turning them away with her catty attitude, acting like the nightmare girlfriend that no one in their right mind would choose to be around. I only brought her back because she was easy pickings and would never turn down an offer from me. Perfect for what I wanted to achieve which was bringing out the green-eyed monster in the girl I’m actually interested in.
I’ve been wondering why Fliss is still here, after telling Gerry she was booking a flight. Even pushed her to leave knowing she told some other guy she would. Why would she stay and put up with my behaviour that clearly has left a bad taste in her mouth when she has somewhere else to be? Someone else to be with. Could it be because she’s also feeling this undeniable pull or is she here because she’s escaping from someone? Is being here with me nothing more than a diversion? She admitted I made her jealous, that means she feels and that’s something I can work with. If she’s jealous, she wants this too.
I hear her whisper hissing and can’t resist the temptation to listen in again. I’ve never been so damn nosey my whole life but twice in the space of days she has me wishing I had a glass handy to press up against her door. She’s so tight lipped, I know next to nothing about her and if eavesdropping can give me an insight then why not?
“I am. I promise this time.”
“Okay, it’s not easy for me, you know?”
“By the end of the week, I’ll be home.”
I get an awful sinking feeling in my stomach. Well, that’s not happening. If I have to thrust the paperwork she signed in her face then damn straight I will. Not only because I don’t want her to go but because I need her to stay. For my sanity. And I can’t afford for her to leave, I’ll be up shit creek and my father's gloating is not something I want to witness.
The door opens and I’m caught red-handed as I steady myself from falling forward. Her hands fly to her hips, her nose scrunches and even now when everything is up in the air, the sight of it is amusing. Fliss can’t pull off angry, especially since she’s changed out of the bright pink pig onesie, curly tail and all to wear a more ferocious animal design.
“Hear anything good?” she demands
“I thought I heard vibrating, was just coming to check on you.” I grin
Her eyes narrow, “That’s funny, I had the setting on low, you know to maintain my privacy.” She retorts
That’s more like it. Spar with me, Fliss.
“I have the hearing of an elephant Fliss, no hiding anything from me.”
“It’s the memory of an elephant, Ashton.”
“What animal hears well, then?”
She rubs her temples “Can I help you with something? I’m not in the mood for this Ash right now, can’t you try being a dick again, it would make this a lot easier?”
“Ouch.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Did I hurt your feelings? I thought it was a new thing we were trying out, instead of being decent people.” Sarcasm drips from every word she speaks.
“Whoa, did I bring out a tough side to you. I think I like it.”
She sighs heavily, rubbing circles in her temples “Ash, seriously. I can’t do this right now, so, did you need something?”
“Can we move from the doorway?”
“If it’s going to make you talk faster, then yes.” She glides past me and I don’t even know what animal it is she’s wearing, where does she find these onesies? She must have them specially made because I can’t imagine these things are wholesale. If I had to guess and only because of the long green tail traipsing behind her I’d go for lizard/dinosaur half breed.
I shake my head as I follow her, biting my lip from making a comment on it and being careful not to trip over the tail. How I’m going to keep a straight face and attempt a version of an apology whilst she’s sat looking like that I don’t know. It’s then I notice her bare feet. I’m not a foot guy, but for the first time, I take in the fact that the second toe on her right foot wears a small gold band. A toe ring. And suddenly, I am a foot guy, because that is sexy as fuck, even if the rest of her is adorned in a dinosaur costume.
We sit opposite one another as we regularly do. It’s strange but we seem to have adopted these seating preferences. I never sit in her seat and she never ventures to mine either unless we’re watching a film.
Fuck me. This onesie has a hood which she now pulls over her head, watching for my reaction to the white dinosaur spikes sticking up, silently challenging me to mock it. Nice move, Fliss. Spikes and a tail – is she trying to make this harder? I’m determined to not let her throw me off but the sight of her before me dressed like a fucking dinosaur is too much to let slip. I swallow down the laughter desperate to escape and press my lips into a thin line, eager to contain myself.
She raises her eyebrows impatiently, all she’s missing is tapping her imaginary watch to let me know I’m on a timescale.
“I’m sorry,” I say
“For?” she asks
Dammit, she is one who wants to know the ins and out of my fuck-ups. From the determined way she glares at me, I won’t be let off the hook that easily.
“Everything.” I try
“Everything?” she scoff
s. “That encompasses a lot, Ashton. How can I accept your apology unless you narrow it down?” She crosses her arms but I don’t miss the sparkle in her eye.
“Speaking to you like shit this morning?”
“That’s a question. Are you seriously just guessing? Because an apology isn’t an apology if you don’t know why you’re giving one.”
“For eavesdropping?”
She rolls her eyes “We’re going to be here all day at this rate.”
I sigh and rub my neck “For bringing Cammy here, for hurting you. For being so out of line I don’t even recognise myself.”
Her eyes narrow but on a resigned sigh, she says, “I accept your questionable apologies. Are we done?”
“No. Stop being so dismissive. What can I do better? I don’t want to be responsible for pissing you off. It makes me feel like crap. I’ll be more considerate, no more games, at least I’ll try, but seeing as I can’t even get an apology right I’ll likely mess up. Just tell me what I can do tomorrow for a fresh start?”
She stands and starts walking away. My shoulders slump, usually my charisma lets me get away with murder around her. I must’ve really hurt her. And then she throws me a bone. Just before rounding the corner and without looking back she says “I want my shower smiley.”
I silently fist pump. I may not be forgiven but she’s thawing. I haven’t lost my touch.
Most girls want flowers, jewellery or chocolate. But not Fliss, a simple smiley face on a steamed-up bathroom mirror. Easy to please doesn’t even come close to this woman.
Piece of cake.
Felicity
Current mood – Indecisive
Regret level – Through the roof
I haven’t even opened my eyes yet but can feel the migraine building before I do. I roll over, trying to get closer to the wall touching the side of my bed, needing the feeling of being enclosed. I meet a wall but not the brick kind. The wall I press up against is warm, heat radiating from it. I open one eye and my hand flies to my mouth. For fuck sake! This is getting beyond a joke now. I’m in Ash’s bed again, only it appears this time I didn’t disturb his sleep, I just got in next to him. I look down at myself, relieved to find my pyjamas still in place. I scoot away to the other end as quietly as I can. If I can escape before he wakes up then I’m home free, he’ll never know and won’t have another story to hold over me. I reach the edge and sit up –
