Falling into Surrender

by A. Zavarelli

  “Why Eleanore? Why do you have to do this?”

  “Because I fucking hate you!” she growls. “You abandoned me, just like your father. You have to pay for what you’ve done.”

  She presses her hand to the gaping wound in her hip, crying out in pain as she rises to her feet.

  I wave the gun in her direction, feeling the situation slipping out of my control again. “Sit back down, Eleanore. I don’t want to shoot you again.” My voice cracks as I speak, showing my weakness. After everything she’s done, I still don’t want to do this. I don’t want to kill her.

  She doesn’t even blink at my lame threat as she takes a step closer. “If you really had it in you to kill me, you would have done it already.”

  My hand trembles as I wave the gun at her, as if that will somehow help her regain her sanity. “Get back Eleanore, I’m warning you.”

  “Fucking shoot her!” Gabriel commands from behind me.

  I place my finger on the trigger, taking another step back. “It doesn’t have to be like this,” I whisper.

  Eleanore lunges at me, wrapping her hand around mine and shoving the gun to her chest. “Pull the trigger!” she cries out.

  I shake my head and try to wrestle away from her. “Eleanore….”

  “I always knew it would come to this,” she says smugly. “Now you can spend your life rotting in prison.”

  “What are you talking about?” I hiss.

  “Goodbye, Victoria.”

  Her hand pulls the trigger before I can stop her. We both crumble to the ground from the impact, but it’s clear only one of us is still alive. When I finally gather the courage to open my eyes, I’m met by Eleanore’s lifeless expression. I scramble away from the body until I hit the wall behind me.

  I don’t know how long I sit there crying, but at some point, Alanna must have untied Gabriel, because when I look over, he’s sitting next to me. His arm is draped over my shoulders, pulling me closer to him. But I can’t feel him, I can’t feel anything. My body is numb. I stare into the dark void and feel my own sanity slipping from my grasp.

  It isn’t until the police arrive and the officers force me to my feet that I begin to focus on the situation around me.

  Chapter Seven

  Victoria

  It takes me a minute to realize what’s happening. I’m being arrested.

  It doesn’t make any sense, but as I scan the room around me, I know it’s real. Three officers are holding Gabriel back as he struggles in vain to get to me. All of the noise is drowned out by his panicked curses, and I can only watch in slow motion horror as they throw him to the ground before me.

  “Stop, Gabriel!” I croak. “Just stop… I can’t take anymore.”

  My words jolt him from his anger-induced haze and his body goes limp as he stares up at me with the saddest eyes I’ve ever seen. All of the fight is gone out of him too. They pull me to the door and lead me away with tears streaming down my face.

  “I will get you out baby,” Gabriel calls out to me. “As soon as I can, I will get you out.”

  The officers take me to the emergency room, and after some x-rays, bandaging, and a couple of splints, I’m discharged. The ride to the jail is sobering. There are no more tears left to cry, so I just sit and stare at the blood spattered across my shoes.

  At some point, the female officer in front introduces herself as Officer Barrett. I don’t respond, but she continues to talk to me anyway.

  “Look, Miss Kelly,” she says softly. “I know that you’ve been through quite an ordeal tonight, but I need to explain why you are being charged.”

  I nod, which is the best I can do in the circumstances, waiting for her to explain.

  “Miss Kelly, we have a police report from San Antonio dated four years ago. It states that you threatened and assaulted Eleanore Price. She tried to press assault charges but was unsuccessful. However, she was granted a temporary restraining order in your absence. On top of that, we have a report from two days ago stating that you called Eleanore and threatened to kill her. Now she is dead, and you did, in fact, kill her.”

  I want to be outraged, I really, really do. But honestly, nothing Eleanore has done could surprise me anymore. This is just another drop in the bucket. I don’t know why I even bother trying to defend myself, but I want this woman to know it isn’t true. That I’m not some cold-blooded murderer.

  “I never even saw Eleanore when I was in Texas,” I say. “And I’ve been the one running from her. I’m the one that had restraining orders, you can look them up. I didn’t want her to die, she pulled the trigger herself.”

  “I’m sorry,” Officer Barrett speaks gently. “It’s just standard procedure any time there’s a homicide under these circumstances. But, I did do a little digging around and found out the officer that signed off on the police report in Texas was Mitchell Kinkade.”

  I squeeze my eyes shut, overwhelmed with the sickening realization that Alanna’s husband was helping her to track us down.

  “Of course it was,” I mutter.

  “That sent up a red flag,” the officer continues. “There wasn’t much to the report, so I spoke to Alanna. She explained her situation, however since Mitchell is now deceased, we can’t question him. It’s going to make things a little more difficult, but we will get to the bottom of this. There will be an investigation into his report as well as the events that happened today. You may have an opportunity for bail until we can get this sorted out.”

  “Does that mean you believe me?” I ask, blinking back tears.

  Officer Barrett gives me a sympathetic smile. “It doesn’t matter if I believe you or not… it’s not me you need to convince.”

  ***

  By the time I get through the booking system, I’m more exhausted than I’ve ever been in my entire life. And that’s saying a lot.

  Running was exhausting. Weaving webs of lies to keep my cover was exhausting. Always looking over my shoulder… exhausting. But this day, has by far, been more exhausting than anything I’ve ever experienced. I killed a man. And then shot Eleanore. And then watched her take her own life.

  As I collapse onto the hard bunk of my cell, I try to take stock of my emotions. I want to feel something, anything, but right now all I feel is numb. I curl up against the flimsy pillow beneath, and fall asleep without any resistance.

  The next few days are a blur of sleep and nightmares. This morning I was dragged into a courtroom to listen to the charges that were being pressed against me. There was some lawyer there to talk on my behalf, which was for the best since I was completely out of it anyway. Gabriel was there too, but I couldn’t bring myself to look at him.

  As soon as it was over, I came back to my cell and went straight to sleep. It’s all I’ve been able to do while I’ve been here, but, unfortunately, the guards standing at my cell seem to have other plans.

  “What’s going on?” I mumble wearily.

  “We need you to come with us,” the man says. “I have a Mr. Maddox and his attorney here to post your bail.”

  “Have my charges been dropped?” I stare at the men in confusion.

  “No ma’am,” one of them answers. “You are free on bail for now, the charges still remain.”

  “No,” I say firmly, shaking my head. “I don’t want bail. I’m staying here until the charges against me are dropped.”

  Both men look at each other and then back to me.

  “Uh, I think you should consider talking to an attorney before you make any decisions like that.”

  “There’s no point. I’m staying here until this is over.”

  Both men just look at me like I’m crazy before they start to lock me back in my cell.

  “Wait! I get a phone call, right? Or can you contact someone else for me?”

  “Yes.” The officer shrugs, clearly not impressed with my shenanigans.

  “It’s a police officer,” I say. “Officer Wright, in Idaho.”

  He gives me a puzzled glance before nodding
. “Would you prefer for me to try to contact him, or I can take you down later to make your phone call.”

  “You can contact him,” I say softly. “Just tell him what’s happened, and he will understand.”

  The two men leave the cell, their keys clinking as they walk away. I know Gabriel is going to be furious with me, but I can’t think about that right now. I need this. This time to think, to sort through my feelings about everything that’s happened. I lay back down and go to sleep. Over the next two days, I only leave my cell when they make me. The rest of my time is spent in the sweet oblivion of my crappy new mattress.

  It isn’t until I’m awoken by a familiar voice that I feel a frisson of hope. Officer Wright. He came. It’s been so long since I’ve seen him. Such a simple, genuine man. He was a friend of my father’s and he always looked out for me. He cared enough to come all this way, and I can’t help but burst into his arms, hugging him tightly.

  “I missed you too kiddo.” He laughs gently, hugging me back.

  I lean back and take a good look at him. He’s older now, and grayer too. His dark brown hair is more of a salt and pepper style now, but the kind green eyes are the same. He was close to my own father in age, and I imagine for a moment what my Dad would look like if he was still alive.

  “Thank you for coming,” I say gratefully. “I didn’t know who else to call.”

  “Of course.” He smiles softly. “You’ve been through a lot kid, and there was no way I was going to let you go through this on your own.”

  He runs a hand through his hair, his expression turning serious, and just like that our warm reunion is over. “They tell me you’ve refused bail.”

  “Yes.”

  “Why Victoria? You didn’t do anything wrong. What you did was very brave, and you more than likely saved the lives of your two friends. You could be out free until they can get this mess cleared up. Why would you want to stay in here?”

  I choke back a sob, my voice quivering as I speak. “Because, I’m not free. After all these years of running, Eleanore is finally gone, and she’s still messing with me. I don’t want to let myself hope if even for a second I could be wrong, just to end up having it all taken away from me. I will never be free until I can walk out of here knowing that my life is my own. That I can live without fear or being controlled by unknown circumstances.”

  Officer Wright gives a slow nod as my words sink in, letting out a deep sigh. “I can understand where you’re coming from, kiddo. You’ve been to hell and back, that’s for sure. But it’s over now, and I have faith that the fine detectives working this case will prove it was self-defense.” He pauses for a moment, furrowing his brow before continuing. “But these things take time, kid. It could be months before all of this goes away. I really think you should reconsider staying in here until then.”

  Months. The word is like a knife to my chest. But I don’t have a choice. I refuse to leave, to walk free, worrying about whether or not the charges might stick after all. I refuse to have hope only to have my freedom ripped away again. I won’t let myself hope until all of this is over. And only then will I finally have my life back.

  “I understand that, Officer Wright,” I say solemnly. “But this is just something I have to do. I can’t live one more day of my life like that, looking over my shoulder, wondering what’s going to happen to me. Being afraid. I refuse to do it anymore.”

  He shakes his head, but I swear I see a glimmer of pride in his eyes. “You really are something kid, I’ll tell you that. Your Dad would be so proud of the young woman you’ve become. How strong you are.” His voice cracks slightly as he pulls an old photo out of his pocket, handing it to me. I almost break down when I see the warm brown eyes staring back at me.

  “He had so much regret over bringing that woman into your lives,” Officer Wright continues. “How she hurt you. You were his whole world, you know that kid.”

  “I know.” I smile through the tears, rubbing my thumb over the worn photo of my father.

  “And I regret every day that I wasn’t able to do more for you. Somehow I knew it would all come down to something like this eventually. I had hoped that Eleanore would stop looking for you, but I knew in my gut it wasn’t true. I never stopped thinking about you all these years you’ve been away. I liked to imagine that you were on a sunny beach in Mexico somewhere, enjoying your life. But it was just a silly dream,” he says.

  “A sunny beach in Mexico sounds nice.” I grin. “Maybe I should have considered that. You must have got the shock of your life when you got the phone call.”

  “You have no idea,” he says. “I was scared for you, more than anything. But also relieved in some strange way.” He looks up to study my face, still bruised and swollen from my assault. “How are you holding up anyway, kid? Are you doing okay?”

  I glance at the photo in my lap, seeking comfort in my Dad’s warm smile. “Yes, I’m okay,” I murmur. “I don’t know, maybe I should feel something else, like more guilt. But I don’t. I was sad when it was happening, I wanted to believe there was still a part of her that was human. I gave her every chance to change how this ended, but she wouldn’t bend. She was so sick in the head she killed herself just to try to ruin my life. And that man, Allan, he attacked me. And he would have killed me if I didn’t shoot him, so I’m not sorry. I can’t feel bad about that.”

  Officer Wright pulls me into a tight hug, his chest trembling with repressed emotion as he tries to comfort me. “I’m glad to hear it,” he whispers. “I don’t ever want you blaming yourself for this.”

  ***

  The cell feels lonely when Officer Wright leaves, but he promises he’ll be back soon. He leaves me a parting gift too, but it’s something that I’m not really certain I even want to open. I stare at the crisp white envelope in my hand, wondering who it could be from.

  When I finally crack the seal, I recognize the neat handwriting immediately.

  Victoria,

  I can’t imagine the thoughts that are going through your head right now. So much has happened, and I don’t even know where to begin.

  First of all, and most importantly, I need you to know that I love you. I can’t even sleep without you beside me. I want you to come home. I miss you.

  You must think I’m a complete asshole after hearing about Anya. But, please hear me out. It really isn’t what you think. Anya came to my apartment in the middle of the night, scared and bleeding from her face. She had been out on a date with a man, and he attacked her. As soon as she came to my place, I called the police and they came and took the report. I called Angelina over to stay with Anya in the guest bedroom and watch over her for the night. I slept in my own room, with the door locked. Anya was in no state to go anywhere, and I just gave her a safe place to crash for the evening. You can confirm all of this with Angelina if you wish. Believe me, I wasn’t happy about it either, but I agreed that Anya shouldn’t be alone. I was going to tell you about it the next day, but I was taken before I even got the chance. I’m so sorry for whatever you must be feeling towards me right now. I need you to know you are the only woman I want, and I would never hurt you in that way.

  As for Alanna, she wants to explain herself to you as well. I don’t know the whole story, but I do know that she cares about you. She’s still in the hospital, and I have been to see her several times to make sure she’s doing okay. Nathan seems to be taking good care of her.

  I don’t know what else to say right now. I feel so lost without you. Please, baby, come home with me. We’ll figure all of this out together.

  I love you

  Gabriel

  Chapter Eight

  Victoria

  Gabriel. I hug the letter to my chest, suddenly missing him so much it hurts to breathe. The thought that our relationship hangs in the balance is too painful to bear. What’s going to happen to us if I can’t beat these charges?

  I can’t think about any of it right now. Slipping back into numbness, I fold the letter up and stash it be
neath my mattress. Out of sight… hopefully out of mind.

  The next two weeks drift by agonizingly slow. It seems like all I can do is sleep. Officer Wright is the only person I allow on my approved visitors list, and he stops in frequently. The police department was kind enough to give him a place to crash while he’s here, but he says he’ll have to go back to Idaho soon.

  The guards have tried to deliver several more letters from Gabriel, but I refused them. I can’t think about him right now. I need to tuck him and all of my feelings away until I know what’s going to happen. It isn’t easy, in fact, it’s been agonizing. I want nothing more than to take comfort in his loving words, but I know I can’t. It’s only going to make it that much more difficult if the charges are kept.

  The detectives, as well as Gabriel’s attorney have stopped by several times to question me. The same questions, over and over, it seems like. I guess they’re testing me, but I never waver. I’m telling the truth, and that’s all I can do.

  After the third week, Officer Wright is gone but continues to send me letters from Idaho. I’m grateful for his help. I’ve stopped sleeping as much and started reading books instead. I find comfort in them, one of the few things I still can. Right now I’m reading The Count of Monte Cristo. Somewhat fitting given my current circumstances. I want something lengthy to keep me occupied.

  In some weird twist of fate, I’ve just read the part where the guards have heaved Dante into the sea when a shadow passes over my door. It’s one of the guards, looking a little too cheerful for my liking. He slides open the door, replacing the keys on his belt.

  “C’mon.” He gestures me forward. “It’s time to go.”