Falling into Surrender

by A. Zavarelli

  “Oh Victoria, you are such a saucy little minx, aren’t you! I know exactly what you’re doing now… and I have to say it’s brilliant!”

  I smile weakly at her. My intentions are completely transparent because I used Gabriel’s name to get in. They will have to call him and confirm it, alerting him that I’m here. But I don’t care. The immature child in me wants him to be jealous. To feel something… anything.

  One hour and three shots later, I’m tearing it up on the dancefloor when he arrives. He watches from the front bar, looking sexy as hell in dark wash jeans and a black tee shirt. The people around him have parted like the red sea, but he doesn’t take notice. He’s looking down at me, and I can’t really read his expression. It faintly resembles… disappointment. I realize I don’t think I’ve ever seen that look on his face before, and it tears me apart. Before I can wrap my head around it, he turns to leave… without saying one word.

  Without a second thought, I run after him, confusion and horror warring inside of me.

  “Gabriel!”

  He stops and slowly turns around to face me, making sure to keep his distance.

  “Victoria, I think…” His voice cracks and his eyes are dark and sad again. “I’m leaving for a business trip tonight. I will be gone for a few days. I would like you to return to the apartment, I don’t like you staying in a hotel. When I get back, then we can discuss all of this.”

  “Tonight?” I croak. “That doesn’t even make any sense. It’s already nearly ten, where could you possibly be going? And you never said anything, until now?”

  “Victoria, it’s for the best,” he mutters. “I think we could both use a break before either one of us says something else we’ll regret.”

  I try my best to steel myself as I stare up into his eyes, preparing for the inevitable heartbreak. “Gabriel, if you don’t want me anymore, just say it. No point dragging it out. You don’t have to feel responsible for me, I can stand on my own two feet. I can get all my stuff and be out of your hair by tomorrow.”

  He cuts me off by pulling me close and giving me a chaste kiss on my lips. His hand brushes against my cheek as he steps back, and I instinctively lean into it.

  “Victoria, I love you,” he says. “I never said I don’t want you, but I just… need some time right now.”

  “Time for what?” I demand. “Why are you doing this to me? Is it because you feel differently about me now? Are you not attracted to me, what is it? Tell me what I need to do to fix this.”

  I’m getting hysterical, I know it, but I don’t care. Gabriel doesn’t answer any of my questions. He doesn’t give me any false hope as he turns and leaves without another word.

  Chapter Eleven

  Victoria

  Time passes slowly in his absence. It hurts to breathe, to even move, and I don’t know how I’m going to survive this. Just when I thought I could finally be free, everything is being torn away from me again. I feel like the universe is playing some sick joke on me, and I want to scream. To break something, anything. But I don’t.

  He doesn’t call. And I’m back in the apartment, but I don’t know why. Everything inside of me is telling me to go, but I need answers first. So here I sit, watching the rain fall from the sky, blanketing New York in its own sadness.

  And then Gabriel walks through the door. He’s a sight for sore eyes in his black pants and blue dress shirt. It occurs to me that he must have bought another one, and idly, I hope it’s because I told him I liked the color.

  He sets down his bags and stands in front of the door, watching me warily. I curl into the couch, unsure of what to say or do. It’s clear we are at an impasse.

  “Victoria,” he says, taking a few steps closer. “I’m glad you’re here. I missed you.”

  My heart aches at those words, and I want to fling myself into his arms, but I know I can’t. There are still things that need to be said, so I settle for the only words I can manage.

  “I missed you too,” I whisper.

  He takes a few more steps, and I hold my breath as he sits down on the couch beside me. His blue eyes are roving over me, sad and lost and filled with pain. I want to comfort him if only I knew how.

  His hand comes up to my cheek, his fingers dancing along my skin as I tremble beneath him. The touch is so small, and yet it means so much to me. When his lips find mine, I can’t control myself any longer. I climb into his lap, thrusting my fingers through his hair as I clutch his head. I kiss him as if my very life depends on it. Until all of the air has been sucked from both of our lungs and he pulls away.

  “Baby,” he says, his voice husky with desire. “We need to talk first. Please.”

  I sink back into the couch, my stomach tying itself in knots.

  “Okay. Then talk.”

  He looks at me with an uplifted eyebrow, a slow smile creeping across his face. “You want me to start then?”

  “Well, I don’t know where to start since you’re the one with the problem.” I don’t mean for the words to come out so sharply, but I know this is it. Everything hangs in the balance right now.

  His gaze searches mine as he sits back and takes my hand in his. “Victoria, to answer your questions,” he begins, “I absolutely want to be with you, I love you more than anything on this planet, and I still think you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. I always will.”

  My heart starts to beat again for the first time in days, and I clutch him a little tighter, afraid to let go. “So what’s been going on with you then?” I ask. “Is it work?”

  “No.” He shakes his head. “Work is fine. I just…” he pauses for a moment looking at me nervously. “After what happened, and while you were gone, I had a lot of time to think. And I realized the enormity of everything you’ve been through. I didn’t before, as you said I had underestimated Eleanore. You didn’t think I would understand, and you were right.”

  “It’s okay Gabriel,” I reassure him. “It’s all in the past. We don’t have to worry about any of that now.”

  “No, we do,” he says firmly. “You opened up to me, you trusted me. You told me about all of the abuse you endured, and I…. I was a selfish man Victoria. I didn’t really think about it, I just kept going with the way things were. Doing things to you that I shouldn’t have. I realize now that I’ve contributed to your pain, I’ve hurt you, and it’s not okay. It feels wrong to me now.”

  “What are you talking about?” I ask. “You’ve never hurt me.”

  His eyes fill with anguish as he stares at the floor, his shame written clearly across his face. “Yes, I have, Victoria. The things you like me to do to you. It isn’t right. I just think we should have a normal relationship now.”

  “Are you talking about the sex?” I ask incredulously.

  “Yes.”

  “Gabriel, that’s ridiculous. You’ve never hurt me. It isn’t the same thing as what that man did to me, it’s not even in the same fucking realm.”

  “No,” he growls. “Victoria, I took advantage of you. And the whole time you were gone, refusing to see me, I kept thinking that was why. Because I was just another asshole that let you down. You think it’s alright, but it’s not. How can it be?”

  “It is right, Gabriel. That had nothing to do with why I couldn’t see you. This thing between us, it’s the only way I want now. And I know that you want it too. I don’t understand why you’re doing this. You said you wouldn’t be weird about it, and that’s exactly what you’re doing.”

  Gabriel stands up and stalks across the room, pacing back and forth in front of the breakfast bar. “I don’t want to hurt you anymore,” he rasps. “I don’t ever want to hurt you.”

  I stand up and follow him, wrapping my arms around his hard body. He turns into me and I press my cheek to his warm chest, inhaling the comforting scent that is uniquely Gabriel.

  “Did you ever feel like this before?” I ask carefully. “When you were doing the same thing to countless other women?”

  “
No,” he says quietly.

  “Well, why not? Why do you feel like that now?”

  “Because.” He squeezes me in his arms. “I didn’t love them. I didn’t feel bad about doing it to them because they were all using me too. But it’s different with you…”

  “But it wasn’t different before I told you what happened to me,” I interrupt. “And now all of the sudden it is?”

  “I don’t know,’ Gabriel mutters, confusion settling in his eyes.

  “You like dominating me,” I say. “You told me in the beginning that was part of who you are.”

  “Of course I like it,” he groans. “But that doesn’t make it right.”

  “Don’t you get it?” I plead. “I like what you do to me. More than that… I love it. In a world where it feels like there is uncertainty around every corner, the only place I feel safe, the only place I have ever felt safe, is when I’m in your arms, Gabriel. When I’m vulnerable to you. You’ve taught me how to trust again.”

  He takes a deep breath, pulling me closer. “But…”

  “No, Gabriel. You can’t change things now,” I say adamantly. “You can just love me for who I am. Just as I love you for who you are.”

  “I don’t want you to wake up one day and realize that I’m a bad man, Victoria. That I’ve done bad things to you. I never want you to feel that way again.”

  I reach up on my toes, kissing his neck softly as I run my fingers through his hair. “You’ve never hurt me, Gabriel. And I’m not delusional about what we have. I need you to trust me to know what I need from you, the same thing I’ve always needed from you. The man I fell in love with, that’s the man I want.”

  He sighs as he pulls me into him, showering my face with gentle kisses while his hands skate beneath my shirt, heating my skin everywhere he touches.

  “I want to bury myself in you, baby,” he says, his voice pained.

  I moan my assent as his hand finds my nipple, toying with it beneath the lace of my bra. Gabriel grunts as he swings my legs up around his hips and carries me back to his bedroom.

  We tear off each other’s clothes and spend the next three hours making love. And just like that, my world is right again.

  Chapter Twelve

  Victoria

  The next morning I wake to find the space next to me empty again. I’m just about to groan with frustration when Gabriel peeks his head around the door.

  “Good morning baby,” he says mischievously.

  “What are you up to?” I mutter. “Come back to bed.”

  “What do you mean?” he laughs, walking towards me slowly. “Can’t a guy just say good morning to his beautiful girlfriend?”

  My face softens at his words. “Don’t try to schmooze me, Maddox, I know you’re up to something. Now spill the beans.”

  “I’m not up to anything.” He grins. “I’m just happy. I shouldn’t have let everything get to me the way it did.”

  “No, you shouldn’t have,” I admonish. “And you should have just talked to me, instead of going all weird on me.”

  “Duly noted,” he says, leaning in for a kiss. “I’m still learning how to navigate all of this relationship stuff.”

  Out the corner of my eye, I glance at the clock to see how much time we have, trying not to be too obvious but failing miserably. I grin at Gabriel as he pulls away, his expression mirroring my own.

  “I took the day off.” He brushes his fingers along my collarbone, sending shivers throughout my body.

  “Really? You mean I get you all to myself for the whole day?”

  “Almost,” he says. “You’ll have to share me for a while tonight.”

  “What do you mean?” I pout.

  “We have a cocktail thing,” he says.

  I blink my eyes a couple times, waiting for further explanation, but he doesn’t give it. I know by the smile on his face, it’s worthless to try to pursue the issue further. And at that moment, I don’t really care, because I have something else on my mind. I get up and saunter out of the bedroom naked without a glance back.

  “Where are you going?” Gabriel calls out.

  “Guess you’ll find out,” I call back over my shoulder as I round the entrance to the sex room.

  I kneel on the floor and wait several minutes before Gabriel finally appears. I’m nervous, but I want to try this again. I want to give us what we both need. When he stands in silence in front of me for several minutes, I try to swallow the lump in my throat. I’m not sure how he’s going to react this time.

  He walks across the room and takes a seat in the highback chair, looking very much like a King. He leans back and spreads his legs before looking at me expectantly.

  “Crawl to me,” he says in a soft, seductive tone.

  My nipples tighten and my core clenches as I crawl to him on all fours, never taking my eyes from his. There’s no mistaking the desire as his molten blue irises rake over me, his nostrils flaring when I kneel before him.

  “Take out my cock,” he rasps.

  I unzip his jeans, rubbing my palm along the thin cotton barrier to his engorged member. His eyes grow hooded as he watches me tease and test him, the heat of his arousal searing into my hand. His fingers tangle through my hair, giving it a tug while he scowls at me.

  “Take out my cock, Victoria.”

  Instead of feeling admonished, I grin at the dominance that I’ve been craving. Gabriel smirks at me as I free his impressive cock, stroking it in my hand.

  “Good girl,” he hisses. “That’s good. Now suck it.”

  I swirl my tongue around the fat head, sucking the pre-come onto my tongue and savoring his taste. Gabriel groans and grabs my head, rocking his hips forward to greet my mouth.

  I grasp his thighs and hold on as he lets all of the tension that’s been boiling inside of him release itself. His thickness fills my mouth with every thrust, giving me the roughness that I need as he loses himself in the motions.

  His entire body tenses, and I suck harder, wrapping my palm around the base and working him into a frenzy. He comes with an agonized growl, pouring his release down my throat as he strokes my hair affectionately.

  His head falls back against the chair and he grins down at me, wrapping his fingers around mine.

  “Come up here, baby,” he says.

  I climb onto his lap and he spreads my legs so that I’m straddling him. His thumb casually strokes my clit while he wraps the other hand around the base of my neck, kissing and nipping at my lips. He swallows my cries, and in a matter of moments, I’m exploding around his fingers. The orgasm is blinding and intense, and it takes me several minutes of Gabriel’s comforting touch to come back down.

  When I do, I realize that he’s moved me to the bed. Somehow in the course of the last few minutes, he’s managed to start binding my ankles and wrists.

  I release a shaky breath as he strokes my cheek affectionately.

  “You ready for round two?” he asks.

  “Yes,” I say resolutely.

  “Good.” He grins. “Because I’m going to fuck you all day long.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Victoria

  True to Gabriel’s promise, he fucked me all day long. We only paused for some necessary sustenance and a power nap. I’m incredibly sore, but I can’t wipe the smile off my face. Everything is just as it should be. Finally.

  “C’mon.” Gabriel smacks me on the ass with a grin. “Time to get up. I’ll help you shower.”

  “I doubt we’d get much showering done.” I yawn.

  “We have to,” he says, dragging the pad of his thumb across my lips. “Our guest will be here soon.”

  “Guest?” I wrinkle my brows in confusion.

  For some reason, I just assumed we’d be going out somewhere.

  “Yep,” Gabriel replies, not giving anything away. “You have twenty minutes, so unless you want to meet him naked, I suggest you get dressed.”

  I drag myself from the bed with a groan, and as promised, Gabriel helps m
e shower. He’s all business, though, and just as soon as we are dressed he tugs me to the kitchen and deposits me at the breakfast bar.

  He gathers some glasses from the cupboards and starts pouring drinks while I watch him in fascination. When the doorbell rings, he gives me a nervous smile before opening it.

  A man in his late fifties steps inside, greeting Gabriel warmly. At first I think he must be one of his business associates, but the longer I look at him, I know that can’t possibly be the case.

  Though he’s wearing a suit, it’s a bit more on the eclectic side with red suspenders and a bowtie. He completes the look with thick black framed glasses and a walking cane though I’m not sure if it’s for decoration or actual use.

  He swings his gaze in my direction and quirks an eyebrow as though he’s deciding something for himself before Gabriel introduces us.

  “Arthur, this is Victoria. Victoria, Arthur Huckabee.”

  The name sounds familiar, but I can’t quite place it, so I give him a nervous smile and hold out my hand.

  “Nice to meet you, Arthur.”

  “The pleasure is all mine.” He bows dramatically, kissing the back of my hand before taking a seat beside me.

  Gabriel seems to relax once he’s seated, holding up the two bottles of wine he’s pulled from the fridge.

  “Pick your poison, Arthur.”

  “As if you even have to ask.” Arthur laughs heartily. “I’ll take some red, my dear boy. The color of passion.”

  Gabriel grins at the expression on my face, which I’m sure is one of confusion. I still don’t know who this man is or what he’s doing here, but I actually kind of like him already. He’s quirky and a little over the top, but all of the best people usually are.

  Arthur swirls the wine in his glass like a true connoisseur, smelling and tasting its true essence as he sips. “Let’s get down to business then,” he says as he smacks his lips together. “And then I can decide whether I like the wine or not. Nothing brings out the taste like a beautiful piece of art.”