Connor's Achilles (Fast and Loud #1)

by S. L. Perrine

  “Don’t give me shit, it’s my day off. I’m not talking to any clients on the floor. I’m just going to go over these specs and figure out our game plan for next week.”

  “Boss, what you wanna do with your Saturday is your business, but you won’t be here next week.” Ryan’s words sobered me from all thoughts of men in an instant.

  I looked up at him dumbfounded and then over at my desk calendar. I had completely forgotten I was supposed to be flying out today to meet up with my pit crew in Florida. I didn’t race full-time but always made sure to participate in the Daytona 500. I had two other drivers on my team, and we picked which races we wanted at the beginning of each season.

  “I’d forgotten about the race. I’ll take a later flight.” I told Ryan as he looked through his book. That thing was like his bible. He carried it around with him everywhere and kept a precise accounting of my schedule; for the shop and the speedway.

  “Fine, and we expect you back on Sunday next week. I have a new client coming by Sunday afternoon. A custom order that is going to need your eye.”

  My eye was all my bikes got lately. I was so busy with both careers, trying to build up a nice nest egg to retire on. It was something I was doing to guarantee Matthew, and I would be able to live the way we had become accustomed, even after I stopped working. Or in the very least, stopped racing. Matthew always joked that I should just get in a wreck that would require me to retire. I can’t believe I never caught on to his feelings about my schedule before.

  “Okay, can you call…”

  “I’m on it. I’ll get you the red-eye at nine.”

  “Thank you. I’ll call the guys and let them know I’m running late,” I said just as Benji stuck his head in the door after a quick knock.

  “Boss, Terri’s on the line. Wants to know if you’re held up on a build?”

  “Terri…shit. Tell her I’m leaving on the red-eye at nine. And yes, I’m on a build.” It wasn’t a total lie, and anyway she’d give me an earful later when I landed.

  I fought with my emotions for at least three hours staring at the file in front of me. A custom job for Gabbie’s expertise. After I re-read the first line of the second page for the tenth time, I shut the folder and grabbed my keys. If I couldn’t concentrate, the least I could do was go home and pack. I didn’t even say good-bye when I walked from my office and grabbed my bike. Ryan was out on the sales floor with customers, and I didn’t want to interrupt. When people saw the owner, they always stopped me to ask a bunch of questions I wouldn’t be able to wrap my head around, right now.

  While at home sitting on the side of the bed Parker occupied last night, I sniffed the shirt I wore for the hundredth time that day. I was afraid to leave. I knew when I came back my housekeeper will have been through the place and any trace of Parker would be gone. So, I took that moment to stuff the pillow he used in my duffel. I contemplated sending him a text while I was at the office, but never got the nerve. With so much of him around me, I had my phone in my hand without even thinking.

  Connor: Hey, it’s Connor. Just wanted

  to say thanks for helping me last night.

  I have a race this Friday in Daytona, so

  I’m heading out for the week. I should

  be back Saturday if you’d like to grab a

  coffee or some lunch and talk.

  When I didn’t get an answer right away, I put the phone in my back pocket and grabbed my bag. Before I reached the elevator, I got an incoming text.

  Ryan: Con, red-eye gtg.

  Connor: Thanks, man.

  Ryan: No prob. See you

  next week. Kick ass!!!

  Connor: I’ll try, but no

  promises.

  I stuffed the phone back into my pocket and headed down to the garage.

  Chapter 6

  Parker

  I got Connor’s text while standing in the middle of a house showing. The real estate agent was trying to get me to spend every last dime I had saved, but it wasn’t happening. When I looked at my phone and smiled, I guess she thought it was because I was in love with the current house. So, I put up my finger and told her I would be right back.

  It was easier than I thought to get her to stay put. I just walked out of the front door and sat on the top step, so she knew I wasn’t taking off on her, and I re-read Connor’s message.

  Connor: Hey, it’s Connor. Just wanted

  to say thanks for helping me out last night.

  I have a race this Friday in Daytona, so I’m

  heading out for the week. I should be back

  Saturday if you’d like to grab a coffee or

  some lunch and talk.

  Parker: I’d love to…

  I started to type it out and deleted it.

  Parker: Sure, that sounds good.

  Have fun in Florida. I’m sure

  I’ll be spending this week in real

  estate hell.

  I don’t know why I added that last part, but it felt comfortable to talk to him like we’d never spent any time apart.

  Connor: Looking for a place here? His

  next message dinged as I was about to

  get up.

  Parker: Thinking about it, but this

  real estate agent is trying to take me

  for a ride. I don’t know how many

  times I must tell her what I’m

  looking for, for it to stick. If she

  makes me look at one more

  bungalow outside of the city, I’m

  going to throttle her.

  Connor: Look, I know things are

  strange with us, but…

  It was almost like he was texting so fast he didn’t realize he hit the send button.

  Connor: I’m going to be gone all week.

  I have a killer agent. Why don’t you

  stay at my place and I’ll let my agent

  know to get a hold of you there?

  I was floored. It was an excellent offer, but could I really stay in a place that Connor lived in for so long with another man? I didn’t give it much more thought than that before I hurriedly typed out a response and hit send.

  Parker: Yes, that sounds

  awesome. Thanks.

  Connor: Cool. I’m headed out now.

  I’ll let Tony know to give you the

  keycard when you get here. Ttyl.

  I looked at the woman inside the house and was excessively happy when I realized I’d driven myself to the showing. While her back was to me, I jumped up from the step and jogged to my car at the curb. I just had to make a quick stop at the hotel and grab my stuff before heading over to Connor’s place. Instead of getting the key from Tony, I met Connor in the lobby. Seems his flight was delayed, and he wouldn’t be heading out until the morning.

  “I can come back then if you’d like?” I offered, not wanting to end up in an awkward situation like this morning.

  “No, really it’s fine. You can stay as long as you’d like. I have a spare room, about the size of mine. I called Angela and found out a tenant is moving out two blocks down. Killer apartment with a great view. Not as good as mine, but it’s not a penthouse.” He smiled at me, and I realized I’d forgotten what his smile looked like. Not because we’d been apart for so long, but because in that final year his smiles were few and far between.

  “I appreciate that. You sure you wouldn’t mind me under your nose for three weeks, given …”

  “What? Our past? It’ll be fine. I work a lot. I can give you your space. Besides, it’ll only be for two weeks. I’ll be in Florida for a week.”

  “Oh, right.”

  Once we were in the elevator, he handed me the key card. “I told Tony to expect you around this week,” he said as we stood there waiting for the doors to close. “You have to wave the key card in front of the scanner like at the self-check-out in a grocery store.”

  When I scanned the card, it flashed a green light over the barcode and the doors closed. There were no buttons
to push as the card was only for the penthouse apartment.

  “Look at you, moving up in the world.” Trying to joke with him was strained now that we were in the same space together. I was trying to lighten the mood, but it only proved to make it worse.

  Watching Connor, I noticed his old nervous habit had come back. When he was younger, he used to shift from one foot to the other when he felt uncomfortable.

  “Are you sure this is ok?” The doors slid open but before I got off the lift, I had to make sure.

  “Stop that.”

  “What?”

  “That thing you always do. Like you know me better than I know myself. I said it was ok, so come on. I wouldn’t have offered if it wasn’t. I’ll be out of your hair before the sun rises.” Connor didn’t wait for me. He dropped his duffle bag by the elevator and moved into his apartment.

  “Sorry,” I said following him into the kitchen. “Which bedroom can I use?”

  “First on the left. The first one on the right is a bathroom. Sorry, but I have the only master bath.”

  “That’s fine with me. It’s better than the hotel anyway.”

  He was right about the size, and he didn’t tell me about the décor. A king-sized bed filled this room as well. It wasn’t made from a tree like Connor’s, but it was a subtle light oak with a swirling design on the headboard and twisted posts. The comforter was brown with a fall leaf pattern on it, and solid beige sheets. The dressers were identical to those in Connor’s room, and I was happy to see they were deep. I unpacked my suitcase and took advantage of the space at my disposal, thinking about whether I should get comfortable in this room.

  I had no business inserting myself into his life again when I’m the one who walked out of it. It could be comfortable being with him again. The only reason why it wasn’t was because I was making it that way. I don’t know that I want him to get used to me being around. Especially if he finds out what I’ve done and what a hypocrite I am. It may hurt him less if he’s not pulled back into our usual easiness. I just hoped the interview that was on the news isn’t something that he’d want to watch.

  “Parker, have you eaten? I can grill us up a couple of burgers,” Connor asked peeking his head into the room. “Sorry. You look deep in thought. Am I disturbing you?”

  “No. I was just taking in the décor. I like how you have the guest room done up to match the rest of the place.”

  “Yeah. I wanted to bring a bit of the countryside into the city. I love the hustle and bustle of the city, but when I come home, I want to be able to relax. This is just calming.”

  “We always talked about moving to the Adirondacks.”

  “Oh yeah. I forgot about that.”

  “Did you really?” I asked with a chuckle and found that I really did mean it. It was comfortable between us.

  Looking at him now I realized it wasn’t his feelings I was trying to spare, but my own. I don’t know if I could walk away again if things got too…familiar with us. I didn’t leave him because I didn’t love him, but because he didn’t love himself. I was in love with him, and if I was being honest with myself, I’d say I still am. Maybe I should just tell him all about it tonight. At least that way he would have all the information at his disposal. I just couldn’t help the thought of seeing him look at me the way I can imagine he will.

  “So…food?”

  “I could eat, but don’t think for one minute that I’m going to let you cook.”

  “What? My cooking isn’t bad. You were able to eat your breakfast this morning well enough.”

  “Yes, but you’ve never burnt an egg beyond repair.”

  He patted his stomach in protest, “I had to learn after…” he went somewhere just then.

  That’s it, keep reminding him how I broke his heart. That way the distance will stay between us. Then I won’t have to tell him anything. I thought to myself.

  “Listen, we could go ten rounds about the past, but we shouldn’t. I heard you. Every word. At first, I dried up to make you want to come back, but then I realized I had to do it for me. So, I stayed the course. What you did was my wake-up call, and I’m appreciative. Not mad. I got over my anger a long time ago. So, whatever was in the past should unquestionably stay there. Agreed?”

  “Agreed.” I nodded and followed him out of the room and into the kitchen where he opened a sliding glass door, I didn’t see the first couple times I’d been in the place.

  “This… is …breathtakingly beautiful.”

  We were so high up it looked as though I could reach out and pluck a star from the sky. The balcony stretched out a good six feet. There was a nice sized grill and a wraparound wicker sectional with lime green cushions. Metal Tiki torches lined the railings giving the space ample light, but none of the artificial incandescent was in sight. The city was so far below us that the street lights almost looked like twinkling stars and the noises of the busy roads were faint enough to block out. A small radio appeared from inside the doors and Connor set it on a small wicker table turning it on. Low tones of jazz music hummed across the balcony blocking out most of the noise below.

  “Thanks. Like I said. I wanted to be able to come home and relax.”

  “How is this possible?”

  “I paid out the ass for this little addition. Safety features to make the structure strong enough to support it, extra weight bearing columns below and those rafters above us.” He pointed up above to where the iron beams reached to the roof’s edge. “It was a small fortune, but it was worth it. Besides, the resell value skyrocketed. If I ever get to leave the city, I’ll be able to make it back and then some.”

  “Why would you want to leave this? It’s perfect. A private oasis in the sky.”

  “That’s what I keep saying.”

  Connor disappeared inside and came back out with a tray of burgers, sliced onions, and freshly sliced cheese. On further inspection, I noticed it wasn’t merely a grill, but a built-in with cabinets and drawers to the left and a mini fridge nestled in the right side. The front of the closure was oak, and no doubt treated for inclement weather. I also spied the small plastic shed off to the side, which I guessed was where he stored his cover during the pleasant months and his cushions during the winter. It was picture perfect.

  “You know, you’re really making it hard for the competition.”

  “How so?” He flipped the burgers after sprinkling seasoning on them while the grill heated.

  “Any other apartment I look at from here on out, I’m bound to compare to yours. I’m never going to find a contender.”

  He laughed, and I realized it wasn’t forced. It was deep and throaty like I remembered. His eyes shown bright even in the lamplight. His smile stayed and I realized staring at him was making me hard. When it happened last night, I thought it was a fluke. I hadn’t been able to get my dick up since I started partaking with my teammates.

  “Well,” my head snapped up when I heard him speak. Thankfully he wasn’t looking at me while I looked down at my crotch. “If that ends up being the case, I think I could stand having a roommate. And don’t worry, there’s a lock on your door,” he turned and laughed again, then lifted the lid of the grill, placing the burgers on the rack.

  He must have seen something on my face that said I was concerned with his statement because he cleared his throat and the silly grin he had disappeared. “I was just kidding. Too soon?”

  I shifted uncomfortably, not wanting him to notice how damn adorable I still thought he was, but not wanting to look like I was offended. “No, not too soon. I was just thinking about something else, sorry.”

  “No worries. I do that a lot now too,” he put the empty tray on the sideboard and paused before looking my way again. “I know you’re not a fan, and I swear last night was a one-off, but would you like a glass of wine with dinner? I have coke and ginger ale, if you prefer.

  With all the shit I was trying to purge from my system, even wine wasn’t a good idea. “I’ll take a coke.”

&nbs
p; When he came back out with two glasses of soda, I sat forward a bit and tried to relax. We got on the topic of our families. I was sad to learn about his mom passing when it happened. So, there was no need to bring it up. I sent flowers to the funeral and a card. Like he said, the past…

  “Have you made the draft?” He’d just taken a mouthful of burger and was trying to chew and talk at the same time.

  “Um, about that…”

  Connor sat up and placed his food back on the plate, taking a drink. “You’re still playing, right? I’ve been following your career. You have a great arm.”

  “Thanks, but I’m taking some time off. I left Miami and am waiting until the draft picks are done. If I get a trade, then I may go back. For now, my agent has me looking at commercials and movie offers.” I took a bite of my burger, so I didn’t have to talk anymore. When we were finished eating, I looked at the time. “Aren’t you getting up early to catch a plane?”

  Connor stretched and yawned. “Right. I should clean up and go to bed.”

  “Don’t worry about cleaning up. You cooked. I’ll clean.”

  “Thanks,” he said wiping his mouth, “and Parker… make yourself at home.”

  “Thanks, Connor. Have a safe flight.”

  “Nothing to it. Hey, if you're not busy maybe you’d like to spend the weekend on the beach? The race is Friday if you want to come down and check it out.”

  “Oh, thanks, but I think I’ll catch it on tv and see you when you get back. I’m a bit tired of traveling.”

  I thought I saw the look of defeat on his face. Then he smiled and nodded before heading to his room.

  I cleaned up and began looking around the main living space again. There was nothing on the walls except for a few paintings and plaques. Not a single picture of Connor and the man he was with. I don’t know why I wanted to, but I feel the need to see if the man resembled myself. If Connor was dating someone similar to me, then maybe it was his way of keeping me close. Or perhaps I was thinking irrationally. I decided to go to bed and try to forget I was only a few feet away from my first, and possibly only love.