Connor's Achilles (Fast and Loud #1)

by S. L. Perrine

  Chapter 7

  Connor

  I left Parker with the cleanup from dinner and went to my room. I didn’t know why I invited him to the race. I did know that I was a little sad that he declined, but when I got back, we would have at least one week in the same apartment together. I wasn’t trying to win him back, but we were friends once. Maybe we could get that back if nothing else. I may have gotten over my anger, but never the love I had for him. I couldn’t expect he felt the same, however. Ten years was a long time to expect someone to hold on to their feelings.

  When I left the next morning, I was tempted to peek in and tell him. Still, I moved quickly through the apartment, grabbed my duffle bag and hit the call button for the elevator.

  “Morning, Tony,” I called out to the doorman when I reached the lobby.

  “Good morning, Mr. Reed. Heading out for the race? I have a boatload on you to come in first place.”

  “Tony, I told you not to bet on me. I’m a longshot.”

  “Nah, Mr. Reed. Your good, you just don’t see it. You have the spark.”

  “You and your spark,” I laughed at his usual comeback.

  “By the way, Mr. Reed. Is Mr. Taylor staying very long?”

  “About three weeks or so, why?”

  “It’s just…I’ve seen you go through stuff. I just don’t want you to get swept up in what he has going on. Athletes are always more trouble than they’re worth.”

  I gave him a confused look then saw my car pull up out front. Tony walked around the desk and opened the door ushering me outside. When he had the door of the car open, he took my luggage and placed it in the trunk, moving back to the door to close it.

  “If you haven’t seen it yet, you should check out Russell Sharp’s interview with News Today, the other night. That should explain it all.”

  “Thank you, Tony. I’ll check it out.”

  He nodded and closed the door, while I settled into the back seat of the town car and got comfortable for the thirty-minute ride to the airport. I pulled out my phone getting ready to check YouTube for the interview Tony suggested I watched when I got a text message.

  Terri: You in town yet? We

  need to get you on the track.

  It was from my Team Manager, Terri.

  Connor: No, just hoping a plane now.

  They had some engine trouble

  last night. Taking the first

  flight out of JFK.

  Terri: God, it’s about damn time.

  Just get your ass to the track

  when you arrive.

  I didn’t bother answering her. She would just come back with more of the same. Something about that woman made me thankful I was gay. Although, she still might find a way to make my balls belong to her. Pushy and rude as ever. I sat back in the seat and tried to get myself ready for a week of her verbal abuse. It wasn’t all her fault. I had forgotten about my schedule and missed both of my flights scheduled yesterday. There really wasn’t an issue. I just knew Parker would be in my place, and I wanted a night to hang out with him when I wasn’t inebriated. God, it felt like no time had passed. I could understand the few times we seemed to become strained with each other. But when we were able to eat and joke around, it felt like old times.

  The car pulled up to the airport, and I hurried along the corridors and through security. By the time I handed my ticket to the woman at the gate, I was exhausted. I slipped into my seat and fell asleep just after the flight attendant began speaking. I didn’t wake until she started to announce we had to put our tray tables away and put our seats upright for landing. It was the quickest two-and-a-half-hour flight I’d ever been on.

  My driver was waiting for me as I got off the exit ramp. The little sign simply said Loud CEO. If he stood there with my name plastered about, I’d arrived to a crowd the size of my pit crew, around him. I pulled my hat on before departing the plane, and when I saw the sign, I tossed on a pair of sunglasses. Once I was seated in the car, I took both off and looked out toward the walkway. A little boy in a red t-shirt was looking right at me through the tinted window. I knew he couldn’t see me, but something about the way his eyes bore into mine through the tint made me grab my hat and a black marker from my carry on. I signed my name to it and the number of my car, twelve then let the window roll down.

  “Here you go, little guy.”

  I handed him the hat and his face beamed. His smile moved across his small features and blinded me even with the carport blocking the sun.

  “Thanks, Mr. Reed,” he said.

  I put up a finger to my mouth and looked around. As usual, where there was a kid, there were no eyes paying attention. Except for a man standing next to him, who I expected was his father. “Shh. Our little secret.” I gave him a big toothy smile, and he looked up to the man next to him, waving the hat in front of his father’s face.

  “Thank you. That was very kind.” The man extended his hand, and I gave him mine to shake.

  “Not a problem. I love my fans.”

  My driver walked up to the window and then. “Ready to go Mr. Reed?”

  “Yes, we're all set.” I gave a final nod and smile to the little boy and his dad and rolled up the window. It was the little things like that I enjoyed. Sure, feeling like I was on a high-speed chase was a definite turn on, but it was the little people; literally that gave me a boost of energy before a race. I couldn’t give it up. I may have started doing it for the money, but now it was for the smiles. Making the fans happy when they realized the person they idolized, wasn’t a dick. Had Parker not been at the forefront of my mind I would have thought about using my fame as a way to get an unsuspecting father into my bed. That, however, hadn’t happened since before Matthew. Half of the men I slept with, or at least the ones I’d picked up from the audience of a race, I didn’t even think were into dudes.

  The hotel was adequate this time. Terri swapped out the old standard for a new location. I ended up on a floor with other drivers, which was nice. No need to hide once I got off the elevator. I dropped my bags in my room and got back into the car. The track was open. A few people visited and walked around admiring the old pace cars on the property. A few stock car winners and retirees were also strategically placed to garner attention. Some of us practiced at the racetrack, others like to rent out smaller tracks where they could practice alone. I didn’t mind the casual feel of practicing amongst the others. It also got me used to the blacktop again.

  “You’re late,” Terri said in her all business tone. Her long golden hair was braided into a couple hundred small braids and pulled up into a ponytail that still hit the tops of her thighs. Her shades and the black holder of her hair were the only way you could pick her out of the sun casting its rays behind her. For a gal who lived in Florida, she looked like she would blend in well in Alaska in the winter.

  Her hands were on her hips, and even sporting grey oversized capri pants, high as fuck black heels and a black silk top there wasn’t one ounce of her that looked like pit material. That’s what I loved about her. Not to mention she was damn good at her job.

  Terri was another friend from high school. We use the phrase loosely, but enough that she was still a part of our little band of misfits. Three gay men; a football player, the school bully and a nerd, and then there was Terri. The original four.

  “Only by your standards,” I said stopping to look over the car.

  “Only my standards matter, jack-ass.”

  “Well, then we need to work on your standards. Raise them a little above the bar.”

  “Connor, I’m not joking. These other guys do this twenty-four seven. You may have won a few races, but it’s been years. You're obviously distracted. I don’t know if your hearts not in it anymore, or if you’ve gotten content, but you need a win.”

  “Why, have you heard something?”

  “Yes, and it’s not pretty. Sponsors only stay on as long as they think their driver has the guts and ambition. Let’s just say I didn’t have to prove yo
u have guts.”

  “Fine, I’m here. No distractions. No other work. I’m here one hundred percent.”

  “Is Matthew here too?”

  “Nope. You won’t be seeing him again.” I sighed and stuck my hands in my front pockets. “He left me.”

  “Well, maybe then I can get you to focus,” she said dropping her hands. “I’m sorry. You seemed really happy.”

  “I was. Matthew wasn’t… moving on. How’s the team doing?”

  “That’s another thing. Get your gear on and get your ass in that car.” Terri spun and walked over to the pit manager’s station. Monitors were offering all the angles the cameramen would give during the broadcast and those provided by the track. It was a way for pit manager and driver to know what positions each driver was in. They were also valuable for seeing the rest of the track. The driver could be warned of upcoming obstacles.

  “Oh,” I looked over at my right-hand man, “Okay, Rob. Gimme the skinny while I get these on.”

  Roberto Puro was the first person to talk to me in AA. He’d been there because of a court order, but by the time I joined the group he was well on his way to recovery. He reminded me of Parker during that time. Although Rob is about three inches shorter and had more tattoos than Parker. He always wore his dark shades and a gold Figaro chain, and Parker never wore jewelry. But they had the same sense of humor, both quickly talked me out of many a stupid shit, and all of their mannerisms were much the same. I’d fallen for Rob when two men should have been recovering, and not fornicating. But fuck if I didn’t need to get laid. If I couldn’t drink, that was the next best thing.

  That didn’t last very long for the two of us. Eventually, it just fizzled out on its own, and we clicked in other ways. Rob’s the Thelma to my Louise.

  “No can do, hot-shot. She won’t even tell us.” Rob grabbed a rag and tried getting his hands clean. He’d been eavesdropping since I walked in, pretending to do some work on a stack of tires. I knew better. He’s the one who talked me into dropping to part-time, so I could finally open my business. Recently, my business was taking off. I found myself forgetting about races more often while on an exciting build. Guess I haven’t been concentrating on driving as much as I thought.

  Terri was right. I didn’t need to do this for money anymore. I wanted to do it, but was that because I enjoyed it, or because I didn’t want to let go of another thing in my life that brought me some joy?

  “Ok, so here’s the skinny on Terri.”

  “Terri? Oh, no. What happened?”

  “I’m pretty sure she’s seeing someone, and for whatever reason, they are in the middle of a disagreement. You didn’t hear that from me…got it?” He pointed at me as he walked away shouting the last two words.

  “Yeah, yeah. I got it. Let’s get this beast some turns on the track before Terri has a disagreement with my head.”

  Practice went smooth, except Terri’s attitude. She was fuming over something, and it certainly didn’t involve sponsor shit. I got the feeling she was at war with her own head all day. Even when she was screaming in my ear through the headsets. I knew when she was in that type of mood, that it was best to just wait her out. Eventually, if she wanted to talk, she would come find me.

  I was dealt an ok hand after Parker left. I had a heck of a team at the shop. I could count on Ryan to take care of shit when I wasn’t there to handle everything. In the beginning, I was cautious. I kept checking the books every day. It was a nightmare. Poor bastard had to put up with my shit for almost three years, but he was devoted to the shop. Sometimes I felt he was too devoted. Damn, I didn’t even know if he’d been home more or at the shop more. I need to take a few moments when I get back and have a conversation. Maybe get someone in there to help him out.

  I feel like Matthew ran out on all of us. We have two families that would be asking about him, and when he left me, he left them too. They had gotten to know him, cared for him. Now, it was just my ugly mug they had to look at.

  Rob and I went to the hotel together after we ended for the day. We decided on the hotel lounge and scored a spot.

  “I’m fucking pathetic,” I said to no one in particular, but Rob came walking up next to me with seltzer water and held it in front of my face.

  “Why, what’d you fuck up now? And don’t say, Matt, cause if he left you, he’s the fuck up.”

  Rob sat down next to me. The hotel lounge was crowded, but not so much so that we couldn’t hear each other. I didn’t mind hanging out in the hotel, as the rest of the drivers were mingling about as well. If we’d gone out anywhere else, well that would be a different story, and none of us liked the crowds. Ok, maybe some did.

  “No, definitely not. His reasons were so …selfish. I never complained about his work taking him outta town. Never asked him to give up any part of what made him who he was.” I said looking down at the clear bottle in my hand. I wanted a drink, but no… never again.

  At the thought of that night, Parker popped into my head. Then I was deep in thought about the way he looked that morning when I woke up more confused than ever. I always admired the way he treated his body. It was his temple. I never complained when he spent hours in our make-shift gym in our apartment. Or when he trapesed through the place dripping in sweat to cool down before hopping in the shower. He toned himself so he could be the best on the field, and it made him agile off the field as well. The way his body moved when we got sweaty in bed was hypnotizing. I even managed to swallow down his god-awful protein shakes and work out with him on occasion. Of course, we always ended up naked on his weight bench when I did. We had a workout routine all our own.

  Finger snaps in my face brought me back to the lounge. Rob staring at me dumbfounded. “Dude, what’s up in that pretty little head of yours?” He asked sipping his beer.

  “Parker,” I whispered it, not knowing why, but it was evident by the way Rob’s eyes widened that he heard me.

  Rob took a strangled gulp and sat the brown long-neck on the table. “What in the world has you saying that name again? You feelin ok?”

  “Yeah, just feeling pretty pathetic.”

  “You said that already. Spill it,” he demanded scooting forward on the armchair he occupied.

  Instead of hanging out at the bar we were nestled in the corner of the room. I took the middle seat of the sofa against the wall and Rob sat in one of two matching black leather chairs. It was our way of marking our space and showing we didn’t want to be interrupted. I for one wasn’t in the mood for more company. Not after the night I had Friday.

  “He just showed up, out of the blue.”

  “Who? Parker? Thee Parker…the love of your life?” His smile was strangled; forced and wary all at the same time.

  “Yes, that Parker. I was about a quarter way through a bottle of Kraken. Matthew just left, and I needed to get outta my head. I ended up at the Tool Box, and just as the bartender handed me the bottle, I heard someone calling my name.”

  “You were just out there, like that? What were you thinking?”

  “Hell no. Rob, I had my hat on, hadn’t shaved in a few days. Nobody but Parker recognized me. I still don’t know how he did.” I took a swig of my seltzer and grimaced. The slow, smooth burn of the rum was in the forefront of my mind and a vast contrast to what just invaded my mouth.

  “So, what did you do? Guessing by the look on your face right now, I’m gonna say it can’t be good.”

  “I didn’t stop drinking. In fact, I hit the bottle harder in spite of him. I had finally gotten over him, ya know. At least I thought I did. But there I was, being pissed at everything Matthew said, and in walks the one man in this world I would have captured the moon for if he’d asked me. Hell, he did ask he just never came back to collect.” I rubbed my face and settled back on the couch. “It’s funny. Matthew asked me to pick one. Stick with just one, to give him and I more time together. I couldn’t do it. If that’s all I needed to do to keep Parker around, I would have dropped both in a heartbeat.” />
  “Damn, you still got it bad.”

  “I know. That’s one reason why I’m so fucking pathetic.”

  “What’s the other?”

  “He’s in my house right now.”

  “What?” He yelled a little too loud sparking interest in our conversation from a few of the other drivers nearby. “Nothing to see here gents. Private conversation go on about yer business,” he stood to say and then popped back down in his seat. “Tell me you're not thinking what I think you’re thinking.”

  “I have no clue, man.”

  Chapter 8

  Parker

  Being in Connor’s apartment had me wondering about his life since we broke up. Not just the racing and his business, but his home life, too. I didn’t know if his choice in décor had anything to do with what we dreamed up together. A way to keep me in his life, or if he just did it subconsciously. I’ll admit to myself, I kinda hoped it was the former.

  I took my wallet from my bag when I woke and saw he had left. I pulled a picture of the two of us I carried with me wherever I go, out to study. It was from our high school graduation. Our families were in it, once upon a time, but I trimmed it until only the two of us were shown. The smile on his face was exhilarating. Something about his boyish happiness made me wish for simpler times.

  I took a shower in the small bathroom off the hall outside of my room, and on my way back to discard my clothes in my bag I caught myself staring at his closed door. I didn’t want to be in there again without him. Too many thoughts of him living in there with another man made my heart beat a bit too fast. That was my doing. I gave him an ultimatum but never came back to see what he had done with it.