Pulse - Part Four (The Pulse Series)

by Deborah Bladon

  "Cassie?" I parrot her name back. "You fucked me because of Cassie?"

  He shakes his head and I watch his eyes skirt over my body. "I fucked you because I can't get enough of you. I want you more than anyone. I've told you all this."

  "Before I knew that you bet money on my ass." I try to stand but his frame is unyielding. He doesn't budge. His expression remains serious and passive.

  "Do you want to hear what happened or not?" The question is a challenge. There's an undercurrent of impatience woven into it.

  I lean back in the chair to try and find some air. "Tell me then."

  "You'll listen?" He cocks both brows expectantly. "Jessica, you're going to listen to me?"

  "Whatever. Talk." I push back on his shoulder wanting him to retreat. I can't breathe when he's close to me and I can't sort through my tangled thoughts when I don't have space to think.

  "It's complicated." He pivots back on his heel. "It's so fucking complicated."

  "Don't bother then." I shove his chest to try to skirt my way around him. "Coming here was a mistake."

  "I met Cassie at the same club I met you." His gaze is direct. "She was a wreck."

  "A wreck?" I exhale. I can already sense where this is going. He's going to use Cassie's emotional wellbeing as an excuse for him being a complete and total douchebag.

  "She was so wasted." He rolls his eyes. "She was falling over and some guy was ready to drag her out of the club to his place."

  "So you recused her?" The words are fraught with sarcasm. I don't give a shit if they have skepticism written all over them. All I want is the truth, plain, simple and no holds barred.

  He leans forward again, his breath skirting across my cheek. "I helped her avoid a situation she'd regret." His tone is cold, clipped and harsh.

  "Then what?" At the rate this is going I'm never going to get to the bottom of his bet with Drew.

  "Jessica." His finger jumps to my jaw and I recoil at the touch. "You came here for answers, so you need to listen."

  I regret coming here. It was reckless of me to get in a taxi and race over here hoping he would actually tell me anything that even bordered on the truth. I should have followed my gut instinct and gone to see Cassandra.

  "I'm listening," I bite back. "You met Cassandra at the same club you met me, you saved her from a big bad wolf who wanted to stick his dick in her and you fucked her instead."

  "Jesus, Jessica." He leans back to pull himself to his feet. "Shut the hell up and listen to me."

  Chapter 5

  "I didn't come here for this." I jump to my feet and bolt towards his office door in one swift movement.

  His hands are around my waist before I have time to react. "You came here to get answers and unless you sit quietly and listen, we're never going to get anywhere."

  "Never tell me to shut up." I push my index finger against his hard chest. "Never say that to me."

  He scoops my hand within his and brings it deftly to his lips. "I'm sorry, Jessica. Please. This is killing me. You're ripping me apart. Can't you see that?"

  I tear my hand from his grasp as his words assault me. "I'm ripping you apart?" My voice is barely more than a whisper even though my intention is a scream. I'm so tired emotionally. I'm so overwrought with everything that's happened. Why can't I just turn around and walk out of here? Why can't I just see that he's not good for me?

  "Please, just listen. Jessica, you have to listen to me." The tone is pleading and edgy.

  I swallow the bitter sting of my anger and lower myself back into the chair. "Five minutes, Nathan. Five minutes." It's all my body will allow me. Hell, I'm not certain I can even make it that long without falling apart.

  "I met Cassie at the club like I said. She was so drunk, Jessica. I took her home that night and that's when I realized she had kids." He sits on the corner of his desk. "The babysitter who was there whined about how Cassie never paid her so I covered it. I slept on her couch because I was scared the kids would need something and she was passed right out."

  "Allie and Aaron," I whisper their names.

  "I fell in love with them." A small smile skirts the edge of his mouth. "Christ, you've seen them."

  I nod at the reminder of how sweet they are. "They're beautiful."

  "I made them breakfast and played with them." He closes his eyes and looks down at the floor. "There wasn't much to eat at their apartment so I took them to buy groceries before Cassie woke up."

  I look away and scratch my neck, trying in vain to ward off all of the conflicting emotions that are racing through me.

  "She couldn't cover her bills." He exhales audibly. "I just started paying for things. Almost every date we had was at her place so I could see the kids. I love kids."

  It's a confession that catches me off guard. I know he loves his niece and nephew in Boston but this is the first I've heard of his love for children in general. I've never viewed him as the fatherly type. I'm no judge though. To me he's only ever been the type of man who loves to fuck. He's not exactly multi-faceted in my eyes.

  "Then she told me that she would go to the club to spy on her ex because he wasn't paying child support." His fist clenches at the mere mention of Drew's role in Cassandra's life. "I offered her legal advice. I set her up with a family law attorney so she could sue for back support, but she backed out."

  "He pays nothing?" It's surprising given the fact that I know that he must be making a decent salary at the restaurant.

  "She told me that he'd throw her a few hundred dollars here and there but he's so far behind on what he owes." He clears his throat. "Before they divorced he quit his job on Wall Street and decided he wanted to be a chef."

  "Why?" I ask not because I expect Nathan to have an answer but because I don't see the logic in anything Drew does. "Why would he give up a good job?" I bite my tongue the moment the question leaves me. I did the same thing. I'd thrown away a great job in Connecticut to come to New York to try and make it in the culinary world.

  "He's so fucked. He gambled away virtually everything Cassie owns. She had to go to her parents for help after she and Drew split."

  He knows so much about their relationship. He's so immersed in Cassie's divorce and her relationship with Drew. "How could you let me work with him and not tell me he was Cassandra's ex?"

  "I didn't think it mattered, Jessica." The words sound genuine, even if I'm not absorbing them that way. "I didn't want it to matter."

  "It all matters." I glance at the clock on the wall beside his desk. "Your five minutes are up."

  "Don't go." He's back on his knee in front of me. "I'm not done explaining all of this."

  "You should have told me who he was when you saw me with him at the club." I can't meet his gaze. I'm so empty right now and he'll see that and press to make things better. "You should have told me everything."

  "None of it mattered."

  "It didn't matter to you." I tap my hand on his chest. "It all matters to me. Every single detail."

  "Let me explain about the bet." The reminder feels like a razor slicing through my skin.

  "Why bother?" I push on him so I can rise to my feet. "We're done."

  Chapter 6

  "Hey, Jess." Cassandra pulls me into a weak embrace. "I was surprised to hear from you."

  I settle back onto the park bench as she sits next to me. "I'm glad you brought the kids."

  She nods towards the playground equipment. "They love it here. They miss you, you know. They talk about you a lot."

  "How are you?" It's the expected question and one that will give me some time to gather my emotions before I dive into the subject of her ex.

  "Great." The wide smile that covers her face says more than the word. "I've been struggling, but things are looking up."

  "With the new guy?" Another momentary reprieve before I bring up Drew. How exactly am I going to do that? I wish I had given this more thought before I texted her after rushing out of Nathan's office.

  She looks down at t
he ground before she answers. "With Nate. I saw him last night."

  The words bite as they hurl their way through me. It's just another unwelcome reminder of her connection with him. My entire relationship with Nathan has been a lie just so he could help her. "Great." It's weak. It's lame and it's the only syllable I can utter right now.

  "He's in love with someone." She waves to the twins as they race through the sand towards a set of swings.

  "Oh," slips past my lips. "Do you still care about him?" That's not my business but my brain doesn't have any guardrails at the moment. I'm going to drive my entire life over a cliff just because I can't temper what I feel for Nathan Moore.

  "As a friend." She pulls her long, brown hair into her fist to keep it from flying into her face in the wind. "We were never a good fit."

  "You seemed to care a lot about him when we were at his apartment," I counter. Why am I doing this? Why push her to share things that don't matter at this point? He wagered money on whether he'd sleep with me before Drew. The fact that he made the bet after we'd already fucked isn't lost on me. It's just semantics. A man who claims to care about a woman doesn't do that. Plain and simple.

  "He helped me when no one else would." She takes a deep breath. "I guess I needed a knight in shining armor and he wanted to be one."

  I'd never use that phrase to describe him and my brain was having trouble wrapping itself around the concept. "What happened last night?" It's not my business. I know it's not but I can't help myself.

  "He gave me a lecture about my ex." She takes a heavy swallow before she turns to look at me directly. "He told me it was time for me to stand up for myself. He wants me to go after my ex for support."

  I feel my stomach drop at the mention of Drew. "Your ex doesn’t pay support?" Another useless question to try and bide myself enough time to learn more about Drew.

  "He's got issues." She laces her fingers in mine on my lap. "I still love him, Jess. I don't know how to stop."

  I glance at her trembling hand and think about how mismatched Drew and she are. "He should be helping you with the kids." I know it's not my place to offer any opinion on her relationship with Drew. If I was actually going to be honest, I'd tell her to kick him square in the groin the next time she sees him, not only for being a deadbeat dad but for being an asshole too.

  "Nate helped me see that last night." A thinly veiled sigh escapes her lips. "He told me that unless I make him responsible for the kids, he's going to keep doing what he's doing."

  What he's doing is he's out trolling clubs looking for women he can bet on. I want to tell her but now isn't the time. Is there ever an appropriate time to tell your ex-boss that her ex-husband is a low life piece of shit?

  "You're going to try and get your ex to see that?" Good luck with that Cassandra, I want to add. Good luck getting Drew to see anything.

  "Nate gave me the name of a friend of his who can help me get back some child support." She pauses before she continues, "I just need to tell Andrew that's what I'm doing." She winces as she says her name and I realize it's the first time I've heard her use it.

  "You've never said his name before." Way to point out the extra obvious, Jessica.

  "It hurts too much," she whispers softly. "I still miss him."

  Chapter 7

  "I feel like I should be writing this down," Bryce jokes as he takes a bite of his cheeseburger. "You're like living in a reality show right now, Jess."

  "Tell me about it." I reach across the table to steal a fry. The salad I ordered may be welcomed by my hips, but my stomach is craving something greasy and bad for me. Why does that conjure up an image of Nathan? I smile inwardly, grateful for the chance to spill everything out to someone I know I can trust.

  He pushes his plate to the middle of the table to grant me unlimited access to his dinner. "Have you told Rebecca all of this?"

  "Are you kidding?" I almost choke on the food in my mouth. "She works with Cassandra every day. She'd gossip about all of this to her. She has no idea Nathan used to date Cassandra."

  "I don't get it though." He takes a long drink of his soda. "Why did he make a bet with Drew knowing he'd banged you already?"

  "Who cares?" I throw the response out so flippantly. The truth is that I care. I want to understand Nathan's motivations but there's only one person who can explain that to me and it's him. I've avoided him for more than a week now and I'm finally able to get through an entire day without thinking about him every second.

  "You do." Bryce nods in my direction. "You're all torn up inside over this. I can see it."

  "You're too sensitive," I joke. "I'm fine." That's a bold faced lie. I'm not fine. I'm finally skirting the edges of okay. Fine is way off in the distance but I'll get there. I have to.

  He pulls the wilted lettuce from under the bun before he takes another bite. "I wanted to ask you…" his voice trails as he chews. "I wanted to ask you about work. How's Drew been around you?"

  "I talked to my supervisor," I wince as I say the words. Ratting out Drew wasn't something I wanted to do but working with him isn't an option for me anymore. Once I knew about the bet, I realized that allowing him to continue to harass me at work wasn't going to fly. Either he had to leave or I did.

  "What did they say? Did he get in shit for it?" He raises a brow as if he's expecting me to confess that they lined up a firing squad to take aim at his crotch.

  "He'd already asked to be moved to another restaurant on the Upper East Side." I can hear the relief in my voice so I know it's equally apparent to Bryce too. "I haven't seen him since the bar."

  "I still can't believe you clocked him." He lets out a deep belly laugh. "You're tougher than you look."

  I take a small bite of another fry. "You have no idea."

  ***

  "Boxing gloves?" I try to stifle a laugh as I throw open the door to the apartment. I half expected it to be Trudy, Bryce's girlfriend. She'd texted me earlier saying she was making a surprise visit and to not warn Bryce. She wanted to crawl into bed with him when she arrived and I was secretly envious of their bond at this moment.

  "You pack a mean punch." A deep voice floats into the air as the gloves move to the side to reveal Garrett.

  "You're Nathan's friend," I spit the words out without realizing how vile my tone is. I may as well have been talking about finding a rat in my apartment. There was no disguising my disgust.

  He reaches to hand me the gloves. "You're not going to hold that against me, are you?"

  I look down and realize in that moment that I'm only wearing a robe. I'd been almost ready to hop into bed when the knocking at the door pulled me down the hall. "I haven't decided yet."

  "You're wondering what I'm doing here." The statement is swollen with suggestion. Please don't let this be another man who thinks it's fun to get me into bed for sport.

  I raise my arm to block his entrance into the apartment. It does little good considering he towers above me. "You'll tell me," I push back. I feel a blush pull across my cheeks when I throw my memory back to the bar and my first meeting with him. I didn't actually suggest we fuck each other, did I?

  "I want to talk about Nate." He looks over my shoulder into the apartment. "Can I come in?"

  I hesitate briefly. If I don't let him in, I'll never hear what he has to say. Is that such a bad thing? He's likely just another member of the joint committee on how great Nathan Moore is. He's going to sing his invisible virtues just like Cassandra did.

  "I won't take long." He taps his foot as if that's going to spur me along.

  "Did he send you?" I push the boxing gloves into his chest. "If he did, you can leave now."

  He looks down at me and his expression softens. "No. I haven't seen or spoken to Nate since you took that guy down at the bar."

  I doubt he's telling the truth. He's Nathan's old friend after all. That is what he called him, right? "Nathan and I are finished."

  "You'll want to hear this." He tips his head towards the living room. "Give me
a few minutes, Jessica. That's all I ask."

  Chapter 8

  "You're a lawyer too, aren't you?" I teeter on the edge of the couch, holding tightly to my robe.

  "What?" The wide grin that accompanies the question speaks volumes. "You have something against lawyers?"

  "I have something against liars," I counter. "Nathan is a liar."

  He pulls his hand through his messy brown hair. "Nathan's crazy about you."

  I almost laugh out loud. Nathan sent him here. I know it. "Nathan's crazy about sex." The statement escapes me before I have a chance to temper it.

  He lifts a brow as if to question whether that's a bad thing or not. "I don't know what went on with that other guy but he sat down to talk to Nate when I went to get a beer."

  I know it shouldn't matter to me whether Nathan went there to meet Drew or not, but it does. "So, you were the old buddy that Nathan was meeting?" There's really no purpose in asking him that. He's Nathan's friend. He's going to lie to me for him. I'd probably do the very same thing for Rebecca.

  "We had to talk about a case that I'm working on with him. A friend of his…" he stops himself before he offers more. The flash behind his eyes suggests he's just realized that he's confirmed my suspicion that he's a lawyer.

  I wait for him to continue but he sits in silence, his eyes glued to me. "Drew just showed up?" I ask. If I can grasp even the smallest bit of understanding about what happened the other night, it will help me push this entire episode into my past, where it needs to stay firmly entrenched.

  "He sat down with a beer for Nate while I was at the bar. He wasn't there more than a few minutes before you walked up to them."

  I'm at a loss for how I ended up in the very same bar with Drew and Nathan just as Drew felt the need to buy Nathan a beer for fucking me first. "Life isn't that much of a coincidence." I stand with the hope that he'll take the not-so-subtle hint and get out of my apartment.