Pulse - Part Four (The Pulse Series)

by Deborah Bladon

  "I don't know anything about that." He stops right in front of me. "I do know that Nate is in love with you."

  ***

  "Put on some clothes." I push past him the moment he swings open the door to his apartment.

  "You could take off some." He sweeps his eyes slowly over my body. I'd thrown on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt before I'd hopped in a taxi to come to his place after Garrett left.

  "Nathan." I sigh heavily. "Please put on some clothes." It's as much a demand as a plea. I can't look at him when he's standing in front of me only wearing boxer briefs and a smile on his face. He's too handsome, and muscular and everything. Why do I still want to feel him inside of me when he's such a fucked up excuse for a human being?

  "I'm hot."

  "You're what?" He's right but why the announcement?

  "It's hot in here, Jessica." His hand glides through the air. "I'm too hot for clothes."

  In more ways than one, I want to say. "Okay, well…" I have nothing. Now I have to interrogate him when he looks like he stepped off the pages of an underwear ad. Why hadn't I called first to see if he could meet me somewhere?

  "What do you need?" He brushes past me and walks towards the small bar. "Do you want something to drink?"

  I watch as he takes a long, leisurely sip from a bottle of water. I can't look at him anymore. I wish I had never laid eyes on him. I'll never meet another man as beautiful as he is. "You said no lies." He did say that. He's always said that to me.

  "I've never lied to you, Jessica." He cocks a brow but stays firmly in place. I'm a little shocked, and admittedly, a bit disappointed that he hasn't tried to embrace me. I miss his hands on my body. I wish things hadn't become so complicated.

  "You lied about Drew." I can't look at him as I say the words. "You lied about knowing him."

  "I don't know him," he says softly. "I only know him as Cassandra's excuse for an ex-husband."

  "You're in love with her," I snarl. "Everything you do is for her." It's petty and childish and I don't mean it. I'm just so tired of trying to wrap my brain around the fact that he made a bet on my body with her ex.

  He raises both brows as a sly grin slide over his mouth. "Jealousy suits you, Jessica."

  "Jealousy?" I scoff. "I'm not jealous of her." Did that sound even remotely genuine to him? Of course I'm jealous of her. He's kept the depth of his connection with her hidden from me the entire time we've been fucking each other.

  "You're protesting too much." He tips the bottle of water in my direction before he takes another sip.

  I shake my head slightly as I sit down in a chair. "You're being a fucking lawyer again, Nathan."

  "I'm being reasonable, Jessica." It's a comeback that tears into me. The suggestion that I'm not being reasonable stings.

  "Speaking of lawyers, your friend came to my place tonight," I say the words as nonchalantly as I can manage. I want to gauge his honest reaction.

  "What friend?" He doesn't even bat his long, perfectly shaped eyelashes.

  "Garrett." My eyes are glued to his face as the name leaves my lips. I know he's not going to be surprised in the least considering he probably sent him over there with an agenda and a pair of boxing gloves as a nice touch.

  "What?" He slams the now empty bottle of water onto the bar and it teeters slightly before it falls over. "Garrett was at your place? Why?"

  He's either been taking acting lessons or he really has no clue Garrett was on a mission to convince me that Nathan loves me. "You didn't know he was coming over?"

  "What the hell is going on between you two?" He's rounding the bar now and it's only going to be three, two, one second until I see his entire body on display in his underwear again. There it is. Dammit.

  "He brought me a present." I know my eyes are dancing with the words. I can feel the tension in the air. Nathan can't tolerate the idea of my being alone in a room with a man. I'm taking some perverse pleasure in watching him squirm over this. It's nothing compared to how he's made me feel over his bet with Drew, but it's a start.

  "What the fuck?" He pulls his hand across his forehead to remove a few stray beads of sweat. Great, now he's not only semi-nude, he's glistening.

  I pull on the collar of my t-shirt. It does feel extra hot in here. "He came over tonight." Way to drag it out, Jessica. Just tell him that Garrett was a messenger of love who visited you to convince you that Nathan has real feelings for you.

  "Jessica." He's across the room and sitting next to me before I can process it. "Tell me there's nothing there."

  "Nothing between me and your friend?" The words are barely audible. I can hardly think, let alone string a question together. He's too close. I can smell his cologne and almost touch his bare leg.

  "Christ." He grabs both my shoulders in his hands. "This needs to stop tonight. Tell me how to fix this. Now."

  Chapter 9

  How bad would it really be if I stripped right now and sat on his lap? What would that say to him about me? That I'm weak? That I can't stand up for myself? That I'm like one of those female characters in a romance novel that has no backbone? Or that I crave his body so much that I don't give a fuck what he does? That's the ticket.

  "Jessica." His voice pulls me from my thoughts of riding his glorious cock into the sunset. "Are you okay?"

  "I'm just super…"Jessica, stop. Do not tell this man that you're super horny and you want him. Don't, do that. Don't. "I'm just super." What?

  He pulls back slightly and raises his eyebrows as the corner of his lip rises in tandem. "You're just super?"

  I shake my head and inch away from him on the couch. "Tell me about the bet."

  "The bet?" he parrots back. "The bet between Drew and me?"

  "How many bets are you a part of?" It's a half-joke if I'm being honest. If I'm being brutally honest, it's meant to bite into him but I know that he'll skirt over it the way he always does when I subtly try to stab him with a verbal knife. I'm beginning to think I need to switch to a more direct verbal hatchet if I want to get my point across.

  "You went to the club that night with your roommates." He's so direct and matter-of-fact in his tone. "I saw you in the line."

  "You didn't say anything." I shift slightly in the seat, feeling suddenly apprehensive about the conversation. It was my intention, when I hopped into the taxi earlier, to find out why he'd sent Garrett over to talk to me, now I'm on the brink of learning all about their disgusting bet.

  He glances towards me and his eyes briefly scan my face before they drop. "You railed on me about kissing you in front of Bryce. You told me not to interfere when you were with other guys."

  I nod. I remember that conversation. He'd promised me he'd keep out of my way if I was interested in someone else. The whole concept seems so foreign to me now. How can I possibly want another man? How am I ever going to get myself back to a place where that feels okay again?

  "I was coming up behind you and heard Drew talking to some guys." His fist clenches on his lap and he pulls it across his leg. "They were talking about you."

  "About me?"

  "He said the curvy blonde was ready for him." His jaw tightens. "He was pointing at your ass, waving a wad of cash in his hand and asking who wanted to bet him that he could nail you first."

  My stomach recoils at the sound of the words. I'm appalled by the image of Drew staring me down in line and wagering a bet on my body. "You already knew who he was?"

  He nods slowly. "Cassie pointed him out to me months before that. I'd go to the clubs sometimes and almost always see him there. I knew he was a gambling addict. He was blowing money left and right on anything he could place a bet on."

  I'm not sure if I'm more bothered by the fact that he knew who Drew was for months before that night or by the mental image of Nathan interacting with women at clubs before he knew me. I sit in silence hoping he'll take the hint and continue his confession.

  "I asked him if I could get in on the bet." He reaches to cradle my hand in his but I pull
back. I can't manage any skin-to-skin contact with him right now. I can't.

  "We'd already fucked, Nathan," I say the words slowly, enunciating each syllable.

  "It wasn't about that, Jessica." His breath hisses out. "It was about helping Cassie."

  I close my eyes to temper everything I'm feeling. "Why would you do something like that to me? It's so degrading and so disgusting."

  "I'm not proud of it." The words are genuine but they offer nothing to me. "I barely knew you then."

  He's right. He barely knew me. We'd only fucked up to that point and if I was being truthful, that's all we'd ever really been. "You barely know me now," I whisper. "You don't know me."

  "Jessica. Listen to me." He turns to look directly at me. "I was trying to help Cassie and her kids. I never meant for it to hurt you."

  "You made a bet on my body." I slide my hand over my breasts and down my stomach. "You made a bet about my body with him."

  "Jessica, please," he breathes, his hand pulling on mine. "I got caught up in helping her and didn't realize how it would hurt you."

  "I worked with him." I sigh. "You knew I had to work with him. I went on a date with him and then he harassed me every single day."

  "He was so pissed that he lost the bet that he kept after you for weeks. I told him to fuck off over and over again." The words are meant to comfort me but they only push me closer to the edge of the emotional abyss I'm already teetering on.

  "You put in me in a horrible position to help her." It sounds childish as the words hit the air. It sounds as though I'm being petty and juvenile. "You allowed me to be a pawn in your stupid little game with him to help her."

  "No." The word is breathless. "Jessica, no."

  "Nathan." I shut my eyes briefly before opening them to stare at him. "You made a bet with Drew about fucking me when we'd already fucked each other so you could help his ex-wife." I hadn't signed up for any of that when I first went to the club.

  "It's not that simple." His tone is raspy and low. "She was getting eaten alive by creditors and he was blowing his money. This was finally my chance to get something from him. I was just taking from him to give to her."

  "By using me," I say decisively. "Why can't you see how completely fucked up this is?"

  "You don't think I know that?" He jumps to his feet. "You don't think I realize how badly I've fucked up the only thing that's ever mattered to me?"

  "Why didn't you just tell me?" I ask while trying to temper all the mounting rage that I'm feeling. "Why the fuck didn't you just tell me what was going on?"

  "How?" He's on his knees in front of me now. "What was I supposed to say? You don't think I realized that I was going to lose you the minute I brought it up?"

  "The night I danced with Drew…" I stop to pull in a heavy, much needed breath. "That was the night you finally told me your name."

  "Making that bet was a mistake the minute it happened." He's pulling on my hands. "When I saw him dancing with you something inside of me switched on. I couldn't stand it. I fucking hated him more than I ever had before."

  "That was when you should have told me." I can feel tears racing to the surface. I don't cry. I'm not like that. Please don't let me cry in front of him.

  "Jessica." He lifts his chin to look directly at me. "Don't let this come between us."

  I thrust my back into the couch at the request. "Don’t let this come between us?" I push the question back to him. "This? You mean the fact that you let me trust in you when you were fucking with me the entire time? That? Is that what you mean?"

  "No." His head shakes rapidly from side-to-side. "Listen to me, Jessica. Just listen."

  "I've been listening to you for weeks." I know he can hear the exasperation in my voice. It's unmistakable. I'm so tired of his bullshit. First, the fact that he was dating Cassandra, then the fuck phone and now this goddamn bet he made with Drew.

  "I made that bet knowing that it wasn't even real." He rests his hands on either side of me on the couch. "I'd already been with you. I told him later that night that I fucked you and he paid up. He just couldn’t drop it. He kept circling you like a fucking vulture."

  "How much?" It's a question that has been pulling at me for days now. Part of me wants to know and the other part knows that once I hear the amount I'll be scarred for life.

  "The money doesn't matter." His tone is flippant and dismissive. Of course it doesn't matter to him. He's not the one who had a price tag placed on his ass like I did.

  "It matters to me." I squirm on the couch cushion, trying to break free of the wall he's built around me with his body.

  "Jessica, please." His voice is so soft and ripe with emotion. "Don't ask me that."

  "You said you'd never lie to me." I know it's underhanded but it's going to get me exactly what I want from him. "Tell me how much."

  "Jessica." He's tapping my hip with his hands. "Please, don't ask that."

  "Now, Nathan." I tilt his chin up with my index finger. "Look me right in the eye and tell me."

  Chapter 10

  "Five thousand dollars?" She spits the words out right along with most of the saliva that's been in her mouth.

  "Rebecca." There's no reason to try and veil the disgust in my voice. "You spit all over me."

  "You're saying that Fingers and Cassandra's hornball hubby bet five thousand dollars on fucking you?" She taps her finger on my bed to accentuate each word.

  "I'm saying that exactly, yes." I needed to tell someone after I raced out of Nathan's apartment and Rebecca was the lucky recipient of that news since Bryce was nowhere to be found when I got home.

  "That's so weird." It's not the response I expected but if you looked at the situation as a whole, it was actually more than weird. It was bizarre.

  "It's weirder than weird," I offer, realizing immediately that comments like that weren't about to help me beat the stereotype of the blonde, big breasted bimbo that I've been fighting against for years.

  "Fingers made bank when he fucked you." She laughs until she realizes I'm not joining in on her merriment. "What's got you so worked up?"

  "Rebecca." Her name leaves my lips in a rush. "You're not serious? You wouldn’t be pissed if a guy you were dating made a bet on you?"

  "First things first, Jess." She stretches her body out so she's lying right next to me. "You two were fucking back then, not dating."

  "True," I acquiesce. She's right about that. We had only fucked a few times at that point.

  "Second, Drew is a scumbag." She shakes her head as if to ward off any Drew germs that may have infected her just from saying his name. "I'm the one who has heard story after story from Cassandra about him. The guy is a waste of skin."

  "He still shouldn't have bet on me." I'm getting tired of trying to convince everyone that Drew and Nathan were wrong. "Neither of them should have done it."

  "No arguments from me." She pulls her legs under my blanket. "Just think about one thing."

  "What?" I ask as I settle in next to her. "Please don’t say anything about Nathan's cock."

  She giggles into my hair. "I don't have to. You dream about Fingers and his magical dick every night."

  I laugh out loud and realize this is the first time in weeks I'm actually enjoying myself. "What should I think about?"

  "Think about how much he's changed since that night when you first met him." She pokes me playfully in the side with her index finger. "He wouldn't have made that bet last week or two weeks ago, Jess. He didn't really know you back when he did. Don't throw him away for one mistake."

  Chapter 11

  "You hurt me." My lips skirt over his neck. "You tore me to shreds."

  His breath courses hot over my forehead. "I'm lost right now. You get that, right? You know that I can't think or eat or breathe because you fucking hate me, Jessica."

  "I hate what you did," I qualify his statement. "I hate that you used my body to get something for her." I do hate that. I detest that he used his knowledge of Drew's addiction a
nd his desire for me to manipulate money from him.

  "I hate myself for that." His hands reach past me to rest on either side of the door to his office. "I hate that I hurt you. It makes me sick when I think about it."

  "I'll never forgive you for this." I mean every word. I can't forgive him. I've thought all morning about what Rebecca said to me about throwing Nathan away for the one mistake. It's more than that though. It's the endless lovers he's had, it's the half-truths about Drew and most of all, it's the fact that he sat in that bar and boasted about my body.

  "I won't give up until you forgive me, Jessica." His lips graze across my cheek. "I'm never giving up until I'm back inside of you."

  "You're going to forget about me." It's not meant as a challenge, it's only an observation based on everything I already know about him. "Your cock is going to need someone and you'll find her and she'll be your new obsession."

  He takes a heavy step back as if I've physically assaulted him. I see a veil of pain wash over him, bouncing through his eyes. "No." His tone is raspy, direct and measured.

  "Stop it." My words are ripe with impatience. "Just stop pretending I meant anything to you."

  He's on me in an instant, his heavy body pressing into mine. "I love you, Jessica."

  I cringe when he says the words. I don't want to hear them. I believed them for a brief moment weeks ago. I felt something when he said them in this same office right before I found out about the bet. Back then, I thought there was a chance that this could turn into something substantial. Now, all I feel is regret and distance.

  "I love you," he repeats the words, saying them louder this time. "I'm not forgetting about you. I'm going to fix this."

  "You can't," I spit back at him. "This is so far past fucked up that it's not fixable." I don’t mean that. If I meant it, I wouldn’t have come to see him this morning. I wouldn't have thought about throwing all caution to the wind and kissing him. I wouldn't have felt my heart breaking within my chest. If I meant it, it wouldn’t hurt this much.