Saturdays at the Viper Rooms

by Kirsty-Anne Still

  "Yes?" She asks as she leans against her desk again to watch me.

  "What happens to Jace - I mean Mr. Mason after this?"

  She gives me a grin like nothing is wrong. "He's a member so he can still attend The Viper Rooms. If I see anything I don't like he will be out, but for now, he's still in. Just remember, he'll never be allowed near you again."

  And just like that, it all sinks in. I accepted the deal and my heart is crashing down to the floor.

  “You have one last session with him.” Her comment hits me hard and I feel like someone has thrown an ice cold bucket of water over me. “I suggest you make it something worth remembering. But, if you even so much as breathe a word to him, he’ll be dead in an instant.” I see the gleam in her eyes and I know this is final. I do as she says and I live, Jace lives. Go against her words and I’ll have to watch the hardest of things happen. “Now get out of sight.”

  I listen to her and hurriedly escape her clutches. I don’t look back, I don’t answer back, I just leave. I know I should stop and try to collect myself. I’m a mess and there’s no fighting that, but Jace is waiting. Leave him any longer and he’ll wonder where I am. Eli has a glass of wine waiting for me, I usually stop for some playful banter with him, but this time I take it and scurry off to my room. Pulling my key out, I find Jace already settled.

  “What took so long?” he asks me as I walk to my side of the bed.

  I smile emotionlessly. “Nothing,” I lie and try to sound more convincing. “She wanted to know if I was ready for clients. I told her I trust my regulars. I’m just not prepared for new people.” I place my glass of wine on the table and sit on the bed. I close my eyes, wishing this wasn’t happening. I want to break down, but Clara’s words were too fierce, too real.

  “What happened?” Jace asks as he clambers to sit behind me. His arms wrap around me from behind and he kisses into my neck. “Joely, talk to me.”

  “It’s just being back here,” I lie again and close my eyes, hoping he buys it. “It’s harder than I thought being back in here. Maybe I rushed into things, Jace.”

  “No,” he muses back, unable to let me believe my own lie. “You did the right thing coming back here when you did. Now it’s time to make new memories. It’s time for you and me to make new ones.”

  I nod wordlessly and stand up. I kick off my heels, unzip my dress and allow it to fall to the floor and climb onto the bed on my knees. Never once does he see my raw back, and he won’t. He pulls back, encouragingly so. I don’t tell him what the meeting was really about. It’s not an option for me. But lavishing the time we have left is a decision I can make. He starts kissing me and wanting me and all I can do is suffer under the feel of them. This is my last time feeling his body beating beside mine.

  I allow him to rule this, unable to do it myself. I promised myself as I walked back here I would make this moment memorable, but I can't bring myself to do that because I cannot convince myself how I'm going to break a man's heart purposefully after. But as he lies me down upon the soft sheets, I know I made the right decision in both allowing him to take control and to lose him, but in the long run, he’ll see why I did. Or so I hope.

  He tattoos my skin with sweet kisses, nipping and licking at my skin as he goes. His hand runs down my body, over my mound until his fingers graze over my clitoris. He chuckles against his own kisses as I gasp breathlessly and he pushes further down until his fingers are hitting my hot core.

  “Already wet,” he tells me amused. “Just how I like you.”

  My heart may be breaking, but Jace is able to work my body to a hot mess just by blinking at me. I can’t help myself and I know it’ll be one thing I’ll miss. No man has, or will ever, do this to me again. The way Jace touches me is so firmly burnt into my brain, it’s ingrained into my soul. He’s my soul mate, my missing part, my heartbeat.

  I’m so wrapped up in my thoughts I don’t realize what he’s doing. I’m overcome with heaviness and it’s not from his body stood over me. I’m dragged overpoweringly from those dark recesses in my brain as he pushes into me, forcing me to involuntarily gasp. The fulfilment is something I love, the perfect fit. The moment he withdraws, just before he thrusts into me, I feel deprived and I want him back. I don’t want him to leave me. I want this moment of bliss to last forever. I don’t want to waste the time together. I claw at his skin as he starts a rhythm, fulfilling me and then forcing me into a needy state. He works my body, starting off gently before he hastens his speed, his hands gripping at my hips harder. I hear him grunt and groan my name, it twisting off his lips with sensuality. I can almost believe the world has ceased to exist outside the room.

  As my body falls from grace and into the eternal rapture that Jace has gifted me with, I am forced into the icy reality. I feel myself clench around his length, my body giving into his power, the lust rushing my veins, but I can feel the cracks appear in my heart. The influx of sinful emotions causing it to become weaker in preparation for the fate I have given it.

  And as my climax ends, I feel like my life does too.

  It begs the candor of the moment to come to life - there is no life after Jace Mason. I cannot live without him in any form. My life is worth nothing in comparison to before I met him. I need him to be my life line. I need him to keep my heart beating.

  I need to accept the empty shell I'm about to force myself to revert back to.

  Jace quivers above me, his own climax reaching a blissful end, and he leans down, kissing me as he falls from that graceful rapture. He filled my body with heat and passion, but I didn’t enjoy it like I always have. I feel dead inside and he’ll never know why. I won’t allow him to catch onto my negligence. Rolling my eyes to meets his, I grin a little, trying to play coyly seductive.

  “My turn,” I murmur and catch him unaware. I give him no time to respond, just force him onto his back. He’s under me, his glory lying there, ready to be indulged upon. My heart rate is slower now, thudding regrettably. It knows what’s to come, the heartbreak I’m about to thrust upon it. It knows I’m going to shatter it into millions of pieces in the name of saving Jace’s life.

  “I love you,” I speak breathlessly. I can’t say anything else; I just need him to know. “I don’t know much in this life, but I know how my heart feels about you.”

  “Good.” He kisses up at me, catching the side of my face as he becomes greedy. “Because I love you too.”

  I don’t utter a word another. I begin to kiss his chest, allowing my lips to drag across his soft, warm skin. I need for him to live on without me. It’s the only way I can live out my days here – knowing he’s alive.

  This one is for memory’s sake.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  I’ve been forced to Jace’s place against my will. I’ve bided my time, but Clara wants the job done soon. She won’t wait and had Shad’s bring me here. I made my way up, knowing he was waiting to report back to the Boss about what’s happened. I’ve knocked and now I’m waiting for Jace to answer.

  “Hey, baby,” he says shocked at seeing me here. “I didn’t think I’d see my future wife tonight.”

  “Surprise,” I tell him weakly and he allows me in. The smell of his penthouse fills my senses and I take it all in. It’s for prosperity. I need to remember this place before I leave. He sees my thoughtfulness and puts his arms around me. I just push him away. “This isn’t a personal call.”

  “What?” he asks me and his shock is palpable. “What’s wrong?”

  “We’re wrong,” I falsify the truth to him. “What we have is wrong and it needs to end. Today. Now.” I pull the ring off my finger and hand it back. It’s the hardest task I’ve had to do, but it needs to be done to add verification to the moment. “It’s time to stop this.” I put the ring down after he refuses to take it from me.

  Jace’s eyes become hooded, darkened with realization. “She got to you, didn’t she?”

  “No,” I refuse his claim profusely. I shake my head, the tears beginning
already. “It’s not that.” I look away, pursing my lips together. I’m starting to shake, my forehead hurts as my eyebrows pull together in my reluctance. I look to the main door, wondering if I can just escape, but I’ve started this and it has to be ended, tonight. "I just can't be this anymore with you. I guess I started to see the issues at the party you dumped me at! I've always been loyal, panicked about what my job would do to us," I begin to say and I know from his gaze he's not quite buying this.

  "It's won though, hasn't it?" he asks me, his voice a bitter snap towards me. "You let it beat us when you and I have continually beaten the odds."

  “It doesn’t change how I feel now.” I can feel regret bubble in me and I run a hand over my face, scrubbing at my cheek as if it’ll ease my tension.

  "What changed now then?" Jace queries, his eyes are set firmly on me, but they're now pooling with an impending watershed. "What changed between my proposal and now?"

  I roll my eyes, telling myself I don't have a right to cry. "I changed." The lie burns my throat and mouth, the sins building upon me, and I'm waiting for the devil to latch on and drag me straight to hell to find repentance, or enter a forever state of punishment.

  "No you haven't," Jace admonishes my claim. "I can see this isn't what you want, Joely. If it was, you wouldn't be crying, and pulling that ring off wouldn't have been one of the hardest things you've had to do."

  He grabs me and just the touch of his hands on my arms causes my resolve to adhere to Clara to begin to demolish before my eyes. I bite upon my lip, sure that I can tell Jace the truth and he’ll still live, but she was graphic with her plans and I know she doesn't say things without following through on them. So I do the last thing I want and shake him off.

  “For Christ sakes! I resent you, Jace, and pity you all at once. What life do you really have? You fall for a girl who isn’t yours and still attend a club where you know she has to devote time to other men. For a smart man, you make some stupid moves.” I’m intending to see the look I’m getting from him right now. He’s hurt and insulted all at once and I know it’s only the beginning. “And I hate to say this, Jace, but what we have is toxic. And we both knew it would destroy us.”

  “What does this all mean, Joely?” he asks me weakly. “What is this sudden heartless act you’ve got going on? What does it mean?”

  "It means I don't want this life with you anymore," I tell him and try to replace the misery in my voice for hardened conviction. "I don't want to sneak around and put my life on the line. I don't want to look over my shoulder and hide away. I have to do enough of that as it is being a Viper Girl. I don't want a relationship where I have to do the same. All of this is getting too much. I can't love you anymore when I'm sick and tired of lies and secrets. It's not fun." And then I lay my final lie onto him. “I hate this life I have with you. It’s mundane and it’s not lifelong. We’re living a lie and it’s time we grew up.” I see him look feverish before me, anxious at my claims, and I know I’m getting somewhere with him. "You've fed me promises and lies, Jace. It's time to face up to the fact that you're never going to get me free, and all this time you've just been counting your lucky stars I haven't done this before now." I'm angry now, verging on furious with him, but it’s all a terrible act. "But it's time I do my job without worrying about the potential bounty over your head." I bit my lip as if to stop myself from saying this final bit, but I’m forced to speak it. “And let’s face it, before you, I could do what I wanted, who I wanted, and when I wanted. I didn’t have some moral code and obligation! You took that from me. You made my life so much harder than it ever was. You did that!”

  “You wanted it as well! You wanted me as well!” Jace argues, his voice getting shrill with desperation to keep me here. I can hear it in his voice, he’s getting desperate.

  “It’s what I thought I wanted!” I mock our love. I take full of advantage of the pain Clara’s inflicted upon me to do this horrible deed. I know I don’t want to do it, but what’s that matter anymore? The Boss has spoken and I must obey. “You corrupted me far more than that club ever has. I have everything there. Choosing you is a losing bet in my eyes. I lose everything I have at my feet if I choose you. So why would I? Why would I pick the man that has led me to this point over a life that’s kept me extremely comfortable?”

  “Stop this,” his whispers his statement. His face is laced with pain and confusion as my words hit him over and over again. I can see him watching me, his eyes caught on me as he tries to understand. “You’re lying,” he says and comes back towards me.

  “No, I’m not!” I shout at him, my voice quivering mid-sentence. “I don’t want this life with you anymore, Jace. It was fun when it began, but it’s not now. Now it’s problematic and ruining my life. I don’t want my future with you. I guess I led you on when I was actually unsure.”

  “Why are you doing this?” he asks in a shaky voice. He’s now pacing before, stomping through my words. “How could you do this to me?”

  “Because what we have isn’t fair on either of us.” My admittance is the first truth I have allowed myself to spiel. Out of everything I have declared so far, knowing breaking away is fair on him is the only consolation I have. “We aren’t living a life, Jace. We’re living a lie. We’ve been on this fine line for too long and it’s time we stop. Open your eyes. You don’t need me in your life; you needed me to help you restart it.” I gulp hard, finding this getting to be a harder act to follow through on. “I’ve done what I’m supposed to, so it’s time to wake up and realize that I’m not the one for you. Like you’re not the one for me. It’s time you left me and The Viper Rooms behind, Jace. You’ve got your entire life, don’t waste it on me. Don’t waste a few years to see if we’ll survive. Don’t waste that time watching me live a life I would rather have.” I drop my gaze out of guilt. I can feel the sweat beading upon my forehead and along the back of my neck, slicking my palms. I’m guilty of loving a man I knew I never could have, and I’m guilty of being greedy enough to keep him hanging on. It’s then the idea hits me. I know he won’t just let me leave without a fight, so I have to be nasty. I have to think like Clara. “I made sure you wanted me, Jace. I saw what I wanted and knew I wanted a little bit of adventure. I strung you along just until I knew I was done with you. You’ve served a purpose,” I tell him and shrug, “What more do I need? Now there won’t be any love lost.”

  He doesn’t speak. That scares me far more than any other outburst he could have had towards me. He just leaves me standing here as he reacts in his own way. I watch him leave the room, only to grab a knife from the kitchen and head over to the piano. I close my eyes dreading the melodies I’ll write now. When I open them he’s standing upright, raveling up something in his hands before knotting it. He turns back, his face darkened with putrid hatred for me.

  “Take this,” he tells me and thrusts the object into my hand.

  The moment my hand feels it, I know what it is and my entire body weakens. "You can't give me this," I whisper to him looking at the rolled up piano string that now sits in my palm.

  "Why not?" he snaps back in retort.

  When I look back my vision is askew with tears as I say, "The piano won't play right without it."

  "And?" His simple question is laced with such venomous hate I wince. "You've broken my heart, why not break the one thing that reminds me most of you too?" His disdain of me is killer. It’s far worse than what Clara had ever done to me.

  “I’m so sorry,” I tell him remorsefully. My voice is overcome with tears, soon to be unable to work. All my hateful words, all my lies are lashing out at me, burning me for my sins. I didn’t think it’d be this easy, but apparently I was taught well. I should be happy he’s started to part with me, but there’s something far more hurtful in him breaking the piano than him ever hissing hurtful words. He’s proven, once again, that actions speak louder than words.

  “I don’t want to hear it,” he hisses to me and walks away before stopping to lay into me a l
ittle more. "Maybe you're more like your precious Boss than you think." He snarls at me as I walk away and the words hit me so hard I feel like I'm about to collapse on myself. "You're a manipulative user just like her." I can see the truth twist within his eyes and the tears beckon forth. Is this what he's always thought of me? "There's a reason why she hires the girls she does, Joely. It's because she sees herself in them and she knew exactly how alike you'd be to her. You're all her protégées and you'll forever be incapable of love as a result. By the time you get out you'll be heartless little vipers just like she wants." He doesn't slow in his tirade to cuss me and belittle me, but his broken heart is leading him through this and I have to suffer it. "And the worst part is, I never saw how poisonous you actually were for me."

  His comments hurt me. They pierce through me, lashing at my heart, like Clara had done to my back. This pain is worse than anything I have ever felt. No physical pain I have endured amounts to this. I can't even tell him how Clara orchestrated everything. I want to tell him I never meant any of it, that it’s all a lie, but I can't. I'm not allowed to because I’ve spent all night imagining those many ways that I'd be forced to see Jace die. How I’d be made to make him die. I have to do this to save him.

  "Thanks for the wakeup call." His comments are getting worse, harsher, something I deserve. "I'll guess I'll see you at the club. I'll make sure I learn from this mistake." All while making me pay. I can see it now. He'll torture me for this and I warrant it. This is what I get for loving so wholeheartedly.

  "I'm sorry," I whisper and decide it's best to leave completely. "I-I never meant for this to happen."

  "But it did," he snipes at me. "Just answer me one last thing," he asks, his voice no longer full of ice and malice. It's melted away into something softer, something almost lost. "Did you ever love me?"

  "Yes," I admit weakly and know I need to leave. There's a part of me, the monster that drew him in originally to love me, growing fiercer and if I don't leave I will regret it. I will tell him the truth and what good will that do? It'll end his life forever if I do that. I hear him call to me, clearly noticing there is more to my monosyllabic answer, but it disappears as he throws his glass at the nearest wall.