Saturdays at the Viper Rooms

by Kirsty-Anne Still

  As much as I don’t want it to be, my decision is final, and the moment I close the door behind me, I close off the life I once loved with Jace. I want him to do the same, but when I hear him thrashing around behind the closed door, I know that isn’t going to happen. I cannot help but close my eyes and press my palm up to the door. This is my fault. I broke his heart and mine. I hear glass shattering and objects hitting the walls, even feel one hit the front door and I jump back.

  I hate what I’ve done and want nothing more than to rush in and tell him the truth. A part of me knows I can tell him and we can weave a new web of lies. We can cover ourselves better next time, but I also know I wasn’t brought here off my own back. I was forced here before I was ready.

  I had to do this now or face the horrible consequence. Even though I feel dead inside, in the long run, Jace will know why I did this. He’ll appreciate not being tied to me.

  The sorry truth is that I always knew this was going to happen. The Viper Rooms was always going to be the biggest killer in my life.

  ***

  The water has long since ran cold. Its icy pellets are now attacking my back as I sit hunched up, my arms curled around my knees as they sit tightly squeezed into my chest. I’ve been crying ever since I left Jace’s and I don’t see me stopping any time soon.

  I’ve created a void in me that’s left me feeling empty and soulless and I deserve it. I brought Jace into this life when I knew better and I brought the heartache in. I may have revived him, restored him to the man he loved, but ultimately, I destroyed him.

  I knew this was going to happen. I had half-heartedly prepared for it. One day we were going to be torn apart, but I never expected it to be like this. I never thought I would be forced to feel pain like this followed by the hardest decision of my life. Nothing would ever prepare me for this turmoil, this coldness, this heartache. I’m just that same broken hearted girl I’ll ever be.

  It’s all I deserve.

  I can feel the water hitting the welts left from Clara’s crop attack. It hasn’t healed any in the twenty odd hours since she delivered the beating. Jace never knew what really happened between him proposing and me breaking his heart, and that is the way it has to be. He has to suffer to live. It’s the deal I made to save him from whatever mortality I’d be forced to inflict upon him.

  Uncurling my hand, I look to the piano string in my palm. It forces me to howl out, a physical reminder I intend to keep on me every day. I need a reminder of what I’ve lost. I feel I might as well be in actual pain because this is unbearable. What I’ve done is never going to leave me. What I’ve been forced to leave behind is always going to haunt me. I fold my hand around the string and clasp it to my chest as my heart pangs in turmoil. I slip further into the bath, until I am lying on my side, the cold water still sprinkling down upon me.

  I’m unsure for how long I stayed there before I decide the coldness has reached through my bones and hit my core. I haul myself out of the tub numbly and wrap the large cream bath towel around my tiny frame. I go to the mirror and just look at myself. My face has been long since ruined by tears. Twisting slightly, I look at the markings on my back and it just enforces that I did the right thing. If Clara can do this without batting an eyelash, she’d willingly kill the man I love to get what she wants.

  I jump as bangs against the door sound out and I rush back to the shower to turn the faucet, stopping the water from falling. The knocking comes again, this time harder and I feel the urgency. I pull on a strappy top and hot pants before I rush to the door and throw it open.

  “They’ve just pulled Brianna from the pit.” Eli throws the worthless comment as he comes in and shuts my door. “She’s a right mess.”

  “I don’t care,” I mutter with a voice so empty of emotion it scares even me. Brianna deserved more than that for being a back-stabbing bitch. I watch him and I see him staring at me and my nearly empty persona.

  “Your skin is so red,” Eli points out with mounting concern and I decide to go and get myself something to eat. I have no idea why he’s here, but I’d rather he wasn’t. “Joely?” he gasps in horror. “Your back. What the hell?” he asks as he points out the obvious and I merely shrug at him.

  “I deserved it,” I grunt happily at him as I go over to the fridge. “It’s what I got for being an awful girl.” I pull out a bowl of strawberries and I’m reminded of that sweet moment in the kitchen of Jace’s Hamptons home. My stomach rolls and the fruit goes into the trash.

  “What’s happened?” Eli inquires as he comes into the room to confront me. “You’ve been crying, your skin is looking sore, and your back is covered in lashings. What did you do to deserve that?”

  “I got caught,” I admonish and I see him flinch at my bitterness. “Clara knew about Jace and me. I don’t know how, but she did. She knew it all along and I-I.” I can’t finish the sentence. I flare my nostrils as the tears find a new water source. I look to Eli and right before I falter I tell him what happened. “I broke Jace’s heart.”

  I fall into my misery again, but this time I’m caught by Eli as he steps in and wraps his arms around me. He holds me as I sob into his chest. I cling onto him for dear life and just cry out cathartically. All my crying doesn’t compare to this moment. I needed to be caught; I needed someone to hold me.

  “Hey,” Eli whispers as he pulls back. I know that tone. I recognize someone wanting answers when I hear it. “Does he know you were forced to?”

  I shake my head and sniffle as I pull away. “I had to lie. I had to tell him I never loved him. I had to do it, or Clara would have had him killed. She told me I’d have to kill him. I’m her property and that’s my punishment.”

  “He believed you?” Eli asks, ignoring my sorrow. “Did he believe you?” He repeats himself and I just nod. “I’ll go and have a word with him.”

  “No!” I bellow, the terror thrusting up in me again. “I don’t want him to get hurt. I don’t want you involved. I got whipped as it was, I don’t want you caught in this. I had to spare him. I couldn’t have him love me anymore.”

  “What did you do?” His question signals for the moment I need here – closure. I’ve done as Clara’s asked and it’s time I accept it. I need to be convincing if Jace is going to be at The Viper Rooms.

  “I broke his heart,” I reply and resign myself to what I’ve done. I decide now is the best point, if any, to close myself off from any and all emotional involvement with what’s happened.

  I’m Joely Gilbert, a heartless belonging to Clara Delvine. I’m head Viper Girl and tomorrow I’ll face my punishment how I have to. I’ve lost everything again, and it’s time to submit to my fate.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  I'm late for work. I've sat here, on the rooftop, just staring at the New York skyline Clara blessed me with. It's beautiful, but I resent it. It's a sick reminder of what I almost had. Those lazy evenings up here alone with Jace, those nights snuggled up in Jace's penthouse with the skyline as our view. They're all gone, but never forgotten. I can't stop them playing like a movie in my brain.

  But they always end with Clara's words to me - End it or else.

  As my Boss enters my mind I know I what I need to do for self-preservation. Taking out my phone, I decide to call in sick.

  "What?" Clara answers the phone and I can hear she's not in a good mood.

  But I bite the bullet and suck up my shitty situation. "Hey, it's Joely," I murmur into the phone and hope I don't get hit with Clara's fiery attitude.

  "What's wrong? Is it your break-up from dear old Jace?" She's mocking me. She made me kill my future and she has the audacity to mock me. Why am I so surprised? As always, what Clara wants, Clara gets.

  "I may have done as you asked, but this is nothing to do with that. I'm sick. Possibly food poisoning." My lies just roll off my tongue nowadays. I don't have to worry myself with being caught out on fibbing. My deceit to Jace has unleashed a new fury in me. "It's made my ribs really painful." It's all the crying
that's exacerbated the pain in my sides, not violently vomiting. Breathing is even a calculated task for me now. Each new breath makes a stabbing pain rush up and down my ribcage.

  "I'll have Shads drive you to the in-house doctor tomorrow," she finally replies after an agonizing few moments. "Okay?"

  "Okay," I reply and the line goes dead. At least seeing the doctor will mean I can live up to my lie. Even if there's no other cause than my own stupidity.

  I set the cell beside me on the brickwork wall around the roof and don't move. Instead, I continue to look out, my legs dangling over as if I'm some suicidal jumper. However low I am feeling now, there is no way I could end my life. A part of me wants to see Jace at the club. I want to see him fight for me, I want him to see through my lies. I want him to rescue me. I guess, ultimately, I want him to be my savior again.

  And still there's a niggling demon in me, snarling and cursing how he'll never give me a second look. It's flicking words at me like I need to hear how Jace now hates me and I'm beginning to believe it. Would I really expect anything else? I told him I used him and tossed him out when I was done, like he was a piece of soiled rubbish. If only he knew how much I really rely on him to love me and believe in me.

  Reaching for my cell again, I wonder if I could call him, bargain with him quickly without being caught. But I know I’m being watched. I’m on probation, do I really want to run the risk of being caught? I begin to release my cell, but wonder if I could possibly get away with a call home. It has been years since I was last back in Florida, but I want my mother. I need her guidance in this moment. Shaking my head I force myself away from that option, knowing it will hurt me more. It’ll make me miss them all more than I already do.

  Resigning myself to loneliness, I just turn my attention back to the skyline before me.

  ***

  It's my first day back since throwing myself into eternal darkness, and the entire time I've been here, I've been a bag of nerves and thrust under constant surveillance. I'm being watched like a hawk and I know why. It's Saturday - a night I used to spend with Jace. But not anymore, and I know Clara is reaping full pleasure at how antsy I am. I'm beginning to tailspin into a full blown frenzy. My heart is palpitating and I'm a mess. I'm unravelling at the seams and my heart is straining to keep up. This is now a matter of life and death.

  “Hey sidekick of mine, how’re you holding up?” Eli asks me pleasantly, even though he knows how I’m really doing. He just loves having me by his side because he can keep an eye on me. I shrug and he frowns. “I know it’s hard, but you just need to take a deep breath and hold your head high.”

  “How do I do that?” I question him harshly. “How am I supposed to hold my head high when I feel like I’m under scrutiny from everyone, and to top it all, Jace is due in soon and I’m not allowed to go near him.” I whimper and choke down the sob that tries to uncurl from my throat. “I just want a moment to apologize, Eli.”

  “If it’s meant to be, then you’ll get that moment,” he muses and I loathe how he’s able to hold onto optimism. “And only Brianna knows what happened in that room and between you and Jace. No one else.”

  “Well Cassidy seemed sickeningly happy when she put in a drink order just now,” I comment distastefully.

  “Cassidy’s only happy tonight because she got a new client.” He emphasizes the word client and nods his head.

  That's when I see her new client and I have to brace myself against the bar. My legs weaken and my heart clenches. Jace Mason. As I live and breathe he is about to be entertained by Cassidy. My heart does sink right through to my stomach, but what else did I expect really?

  "Take their drinks," Clara orders over my shoulder and I spin around in panic. She just explodes into a devilish chuckle. "Don't look so surprised. You have a job, and until your ribs are healed properly, you're on floor duty, Joely. Now take them their drinks."

  I listen, obey, and react. It’s all I know to do. It’s all I have to do. Eli has the drinks placed on a tray already and I take it. I take a deep breath as I approach and mentally prepare myself for what will ultimately happen.

  "Your drinks," I announce as I get closer. I put my hand onto Jace's drink and I place it down, not giving eye contact at all. I set Cassidy's down and back away. "If you need anything else, don't hesitate to ask."

  "Oh, he's got everything he needs right here with me," Cassidy purrs as she toys with a piece of Jace's hair. She's being seductive and teasing him. She's luring him in and my heart shudders fiercely.

  Now I look to Jace. I have to see if this is what he wants. If he's moved on so quickly. When his gaze meets mine, I shiver under the intensity. The man who used to wake me up to kisses and cuddles is no longer there. I killed him. The feeling that I'm a murderer doesn't get easier the second time I realize what my actions have done.

  “I should be sorry you lost a client, Joely, but really I’m not,” Cassidy remarks sourly. She’s being cruel because she can. “Jace seems like a good one to spend time with.”

  “He is,” I whisper to her and my eyes water. “Treat him well. He deserves nothing but the best.” I make the mistake with that last comment by letting a tear fall and I see Jace’s eyes soften towards me. "I'll leave you to it," I utter and practically run away. I can’t stop the tears now, and I know if I can get back to the bar, I can find some serenity to get me through this shift.

  I almost make it when I run into Clara. "No tears," she berates me as my head dips lower and I wipe the waterworks away. "You have a job to do and a level of loyalty you agreed to. Suck it up and do your job." She leans in as she hisses, “You’re mine, remember that, Joely. Stop making me look like a mockery.” She leans back, smiling at my terrified stance. Reaching up, she wipes my face. “Now, go and get cleaned up, you need to be ready for the events of tonight.”

  “Tonight’s events?” I query, using the change of subject to suppress my emotions.

  “We’re putting on a show,” she notifies me and she laughs. “Get your best talent out, Joely. It’s time to have a little fun with some clientele.”

  I do as I’m told, taking my time to make myself look more presentable. I have only an inkling of suspicion as to what Clara has planned, but I know not to hedge a bet onto anything until it happens. Straightening my dress and fixing my hair, I leave my room entirely and work my way back to the bar. Clara, having clearly waited, makes her way to the little stage she keeps for entertainment purposes.

  “Gentlemen and Viper Girls!” Her voice is shrill, but everyone stops and silences, applying any and all attention to her. "We have a slight change in tonight’s proceedings. The girls are going to showcase their talent!" Clara declares as she smiles brightly. "And all you have to do is bid for the girl you want tonight. You can keep who you have already and fight it out, or you can have a new girl."

  I gulp and look to Luca. She's frozen solid, terrified at the new change. She has to understand that Clara is a game changer. She's spontaneous and loves to put us all on edge. Why hadn’t I taught her that initially?

  “First up is one of my favorite girls,” Clara declares exuberantly. “She’s one of the two girls who holds my brand in its highest light. She’s loyal and caring, and she’s one girl who has a new spot open in her clientele list. I’m pleased to present to you - Joely!”

  I freeze. All eyes fall upon me, Joely Gilbert, one of two head Viper Girls. I knew this introduction would happen, but I never thought I would be the first. Why am I surprised? I shouldn’t be. I am one of the best, it’s only fair Brianna and I are presented to everyone. I just never expected to be introduced as loyal. I’m anything but.

  What am I supposed to do? I have no real talent apart from playing an instrument and loving Jace. They’re the only things that thrive in my bloodstream. They’re innate and cardinal.

  “Use the piano,” Eli points out. He even pushes me towards it.

  He knows that’s one of my strengths. I thrive in the sanctuary of my comfort zone. Except I�
��ve never played on this piano, hell, I don’t even know if it’s been tuned and ready to be played. In my moment of hesitation I look to Clara who silently goads me to the instrument that has always sat in the corner of the room.

  I guess it’s time to impress.

  Making my way to the magnificent expensive white piano, I feel dread conjure up in me. I won’t lie, but I pray that Jace hears what I am about to orchestrate to a room of people who want nothing but my body to be theirs. I sit down, lifting the lid to display the glorious black and white keys. My fingers graze upon them, gearing myself towards the song I’m about to play. Mentally I flick through music books and think of composers. I could impress with a piece of Chopin or Mozart. Hell, I could even present them all with a classical piece from Beethoven.

  But I play to my heartache. I tell my story exactly how it should be told. I begin slowly, making the notes deep and dark. I play my way through how I found the love of my life, the keys loosening and falling into a softer, sweeter rhythm. Then I abruptly halt, my fingers landing heatedly onto new keys, the notes carrying a heavier, deeper, sharper, almost wounded melody.

  I use the full range of the piano to display my talent and skill alongside my bitterness and pain. I even dot in the underlying love I hold onto. I don’t know if anyone will digest what I just played or pull it apart, but I gave myself some sort of release. My fingers drift effortlessly across the keys without any such thought. It’s careless of me, but as long as the piano plays, I will orchestrate. My mind screams out as I hit the keys, ‘D-flat! C-sharp! A-minor!’, but none of that matters because I am lost. Nothing within my piece of music is uplifting after I work through breaking Jace’s heart. It’s raw and unrewarding and it’s the forever state I find myself in. And when I finish, I don’t move. I remain frozen, locked in the melodic trance. It’s applause that drags me from my reverie. They’re getting louder and more appreciative the further I pull away from my stupor.