Forever Again

by Shannon Stacey

  Travis and Mia both turned to give her almost identical shushing looks. She rolled her eyes and they both grinned.

  “This is serious stuff,” Travis explained. “We all agree on the pepperoni and the bacon, but you want mushrooms and Mia wants onions and I want grilled chicken.”

  “Grilled chicken? That’s an entree, not a pizza topping.”

  “Have you ever tried it?”

  Mia waved her hand between them. “Hello? If you guys start we’ll never get to eat. I’ll try the chicken. So—” she turned to the guy behind the counter “—one large pizza with pepperoni and bacon, half with mushrooms and half with grilled chicken.”

  “You shouldn’t get mushrooms on a pizza,” Mia grumbled when they had found a table. “They slide around and they’ll end up on our side of the pizza.”

  “They’re good for you,” Gena insisted. “They’re vegetables.”

  “They’re fungus,” Travis and Mia said at the same time.

  “You owe me a Coke,” Mia said, punching him in the arm. “And I have to go to the little girl’s room. Be right back.”

  Gena gave her a stern look and Mia returned it with one of wide-eyed innocence. “What? I really do have to pee. I haven’t gone since before the recital.”

  Left alone at the table, Gena noticed Travis seemed more relaxed than he had in a long time, and she couldn’t help but wonder why. He looked like a man who had gotten a big load off his mind.

  Maybe it was the relief of Mia’s performance being behind them. It was his first recital, after all, and the nerves that came with watching a child perform in public might have been overwhelming for him.

  But when he looked at her she saw the warm glow in his blue eyes and butterflies skittered through her stomach. He looked like a man with a surprise up his sleeve. A good one.

  Travis leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table. “I think you and I should start over.”

  That’s it? Gena smirked and shook her head. “We already tried that. It didn’t work.”

  “I want us to be friends.”

  Pain squeezed her heart, but she was thankful her eyes remained dry. She was determined never to cry in front of this man again—especially if he was the cause of her tears.

  I don’t want to be your friend, she thought. I want more. She wanted what his kisses had promised, but failed to deliver.

  “This is as good as it’s going to get, Travis. I’m not letting you get close to me again.”

  Gena tried to believe her own words, but she couldn’t. She only hoped they sounded convincing to him. For her own heart’s sake he had to believe she didn’t want him—wouldn’t let him kiss her again if he tried.

  “If for Mia, if nothing else,” he insisted.

  “Mia needs what we have now. We went to her recital together, we’re being polite, and she’s having a good time.” He touched her hand and the zap of electricity that jolted her heart made Gena jerk away. “Stop it, Travis. I mean it. I don’t want you any closer than arm’s reach.”

  For a quick moment she actually thought he looked hurt, but then Mia reappeared and the moment passed. The pizza came and they laughed and ate and talked, every second of it adding to the lead weight in Gena’s stomach.

  This was how it should always be. She imagined how they must look to the strangers surrounding them. A happy family, dressed up for some occasion, laughing over pizza. None of them knew how her heart was breaking or that she cried inside almost every moment of the day.

  * * * * *

  Back in the van, Travis wondered how he was going to convince Gena that he loved her if she wouldn’t even entertain the notion of being friends.

  He understood why, of course. In his determination to keep Kristen and Mia from being hurt, he’d had very little consideration for Gena’s feelings. He knew he had hurt her—repeatedly.

  Way to go, Trav. You’ve probably lost her for good this time. But he wasn’t going to give up without a fight. He reached over and slapped her thigh. “Quit sulking.”

  She glared at him in the flickering light of the streetlamps. “I am not sulking.”

  “Yes, you are. You’re pouting because I’m driving your car.”

  Gena laughed, sparking a flicker of hope in his chest. “That’s ridiculous.”

  “Good, because I’m a good driver.” He jerked the wheel to the right and Mia squealed in the back seat. “See?”

  “Don’t do that to my van,” Gena scolded, but he could hear the amusement in her voice.

  Travis tapped the brake several times, making the van lurch down the road. “Really, I am a good driver.”

  “Stop…it,” Gena managed to say. She and Mia were giggling in earnest now.

  Travis basked in the warmth of their laughter, wishing he the drive could longer. He stopped at each of the three driveways before the Inn. “Oops, that’s not it. Nope, this isn’t the one…”

  Gena was doubled over in her seat, holding her stomach, when Travis finally pulled into her driveway. He wasn’t surprised when the laughter died. He saw the silver Mercedes with Massachusetts plates and his spirits plummeted. Kristen was back.

  Chapter Twelve

  Travis turned off the engine and they all sat for a second, the tension instantly palpable. Gena felt the joy rush out of her night as surely as if it had been sucked into a vacuum.

  The fairy tale evening was over. The mantra may not have been enough to keep her from dreaming of the family they could be, but having Kristen Sinclair actually present accomplished that with no trouble.

  Travis was very quiet, sitting as still as she was. She wondered why he wasn’t more excited to see the woman he loved and was going to marry. Stealing a sideways glance at him, she saw he didn’t even look happy about it.

  “Well, we can’t sit in the van all night.” She picked her purse up off the floor and opened her door. “You’ve got company, so we’ll get inside.”

  They all got out of the van just as Kristen stepped out of the shadows of the porch. She didn’t look happy, but Gena couldn’t say as she blamed her. She probably didn’t look very happy herself.

  “Hi,” Kristen said, walking down the steps. “I rearranged my appointments so I could come, but you’d already left, Travis. So I thought I’d drive up anyway, but I missed you guys and the woman watching the Inn didn’t know where it was. Your cell was off, of course.”

  “My instructor taped it,” Mia said. “I was almost perfect, and when I get the tape we can watch it together.”

  Gena’s heart twisted at the open invitation in her daughter’s voice. Sharing her daughter with Travis was one thing, but sharing her with another mother was hard to swallow. Maybe especially hard considering she was also in love with the woman’s fiancé. She wasn’t sure which was worse—sharing a daughter or sharing a man.

  “We should go inside,” Gena said, putting her arm around Mia. “These heels are killing me.”

  Gena shepherded her daughter to the door, but she couldn’t resist looking back. She wished she hadn’t. Travis placed a light kiss on Kristen’s lips and her stomach tightened into a knot. She could have happily gone to her grave without ever seeing that.

  Of course he kissed her, she scolded herself. He loves her and he’s going to marry her.

  “You guys looked like you were having a good time,” Kristen said with a slight edge to her voice.

  “Yeah,” Travis replied, looking past her to Gena. “We stopped for pizza, and…it was fun.”

  Kristen turned and followed his gaze and Gena saw her eyes narrow. She decided it was time to leave them alone. She opened the screen door Mia had allowed to swing shut behind her.

  “You need to come home, Travis,” she heard Kristen say bluntly. Home. “No more games. I want you to come home with me and Mia can come and visit anytime she wants.”

  Gena stepped into the house, but paused when she heard Travis’s reply. “I was actually going back to Boston as soon as I left here. I wanted to see you.”

/>   His words slammed Gena, knocking the breath out of her. She didn’t know why—she knew he loved Kristen. He was going to marry her. But hearing the gentleness in his voice, knowing he had been thinking about Boston the whole time they had laughed—when he was gazing at her with so much warmth and humor—was too much for her.

  She swung the front door closed behind her with enough force to rattle the pictures on the wall. Then she leaned back against it, trying to fight the sudden need to cry. She failed, and that only made her even more angry.

  Damn him, she thought as the tears flowed over her cheeks. She was sick of this ride and she wanted off. First desire, then pain, then anger. More pain, then the laughter, and now the worst pain. Enough was enough.

  She checked with Donna to make sure the guests hadn’t had any problems during her absence, then went into the kitchen where she found Mia getting a drink.

  She looked up from the soda she was pouring and scowled, looking so much like her father Gena had to look away. “Mom? Are you okay?”

  “Sure, sweetie. I just…I’m tired, I guess.”

  Mia set her glass down with a thud. “I’m not stupid, Mom, and I’m not blind.”

  Gena felt her moist cheeks grow hot. This was not a conversation she wanted to have with her—their—daughter. “Mia, I’m fine. Really, I am.”

  “I’m sorry if my…scheming hurt you. It was dumb, and I didn’t even realize that maybe you had feelings for Dad.”

  One hiccupped sob escaped her. “Sweetheart, it has nothing to do with you. I’m just…”

  Her words tapered off, and she grabbed a paper towel to wipe her eyes. She looked at her daughter, realizing her little girl was almost a woman now, and probably already knew a little about broken hearts.

  The tears began flowing again, faster than she could mop them up with the paper towel. “Yes, I’m in love with your dad, Mia. I think I always have been, and some part of me always will be, but I promise you it has nothing to do with your relationship with him.”

  Mia lip trembled and her eyes welled up with tears. Gena stepped closer and pulled her into her arms, rocking gently from side to side.

  “This really sucks,” Mia said into her shoulder.

  Gena laughed through her tears. “I agree.”

  “Why don’t you go up to bed? I’ll say goodnight to Dad and lock up. Donna’s going to stay over since there’s an empty room.”

  “I think I will.” She gave Mia a kiss, hugged her again, and opened the door to their rooms.

  “Mom?” Gena stopped and looked over her shoulder. “I’m sorry all this happened.”

  “Me too, sweetie.” She turned and walked to the stairs, hoping it wouldn’t take long to cry herself to sleep.

  Outside, the night air was growing chilly and Travis shoved his hands in his pocket. He tried to look Kristen in the face, but it wasn’t easy. “Why don’t we go back to the hotel? There’s no sense in standing out here in the driveway.”

  She shook her head, and he saw the determination in her eyes. “I think I’ll go back to Boston tonight.”

  “Kristen, you just drove all the way here. You can’t turn around and go back now. I’ll get you your own room and we’ll talk.”

  He didn’t want to talk—was dreading it—but he knew the time had come. If any of them were to have a chance at happiness, he had to be honest with everybody—even if it hurt.

  But he didn’t want to tell her he was in love with his ex-wife while they were standing in the woman’s driveway. It wasn’t the time, and it definitely wasn’t the right place. But he couldn’t go on this way anymore. He’d made his decision, and now all he wanted to do was go after Gena.

  The slamming of the door had echoed in the deepest chambers of his heart. There was a finality to it, as if she had just closed him out of her life forever. But he couldn’t go to her until he had resolved his relationship with Kristen, and he couldn’t do that here.

  Kristen looked tired and upset, and guilt tugged hard at his conscience. He still cared about her, and the image of her driving back to Boston after hearing what he had to tell her was disturbing. He couldn’t do that to her.

  “I’ll follow you home. We’ll talk there.”

  She hesitated, and he got the impression she didn’t want to have this conversation any more than he did. Her expression confirmed his suspicion that she already knew their relationship was coming to an end.

  “All right, Travis. But spend the time thinking about what it is you want, because when we get home we’re going to make some decisions.”

  I want Gena. The words were on the tip of his tongue, but he bit them back and nodded. Fishing his truck keys out of his pocket, he cast a glance up at the window on the second floor. It was Gena’s, and though it was dark, he was sure she was in her room, probably cursing him to the heavens.

  “I have to say goodbye to Mia and then I’ll be ready.”

  Kristen got in her car, but she didn’t start it, so he assumed she would wait for him. He walked into the house and smiled a greeting to Donna, who was still behind the desk filing some paperwork. He found Mia at the kitchen table, her eyes red from recently shed tears.

  “Hey, kiddo.”

  “Kristen looks pretty mad.”

  He nodded. “She’s a little upset, but we’re going back to Boston tonight, so we’ll get everything straightened out.”

  He wanted to tell her. She would be thrilled to find out her father was going home to end his engagement so he would be free to confess his love to her mother. But he held back. This was between him and Gena, and he didn’t want to drag Mia—and her hopes—into it.

  The possibility that Gena would throw his love back in his face was very real. The thought scared him, but he knew he had only himself to blame. A woman could only take so much, and she had taken more than her share of heartbreak from him.

  “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  She only nodded, so he leaned down and kissed the top of her head. “I’ll be back here as soon as I can, okay? I’m not sure when it will be, but I will call you.”

  “Okay. I love you, Dad.”

  “And I love you, kiddo. So much it blows my mind sometimes.” He stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on her head. “Is your mom around?”

  Mia stiffened, and Travis sighed. She knew he was hurting Gena and it wounded him to imagine what she must think of that.

  “She went to bed. I don’t think she wants company right now.”

  Again he thought about telling her. She would understand then, and he wouldn’t feel like such a heel. But it was for the best this way. No sense in getting the girl’s hopes up if he had lost Gena for good.

  “Tell her I said goodbye, okay? And I’ll see you soon.”

  When he stepped back into the yard Kristen started her car and put it in gear without even looking at him. Travis opened the door of his truck, then cast one last glance up at the window. His breath caught when he saw her looking down at him.

  Her face was blank, expressionless, and it shook him to the bone. He held her gaze for a minute, then she stepped back and let the curtain fall.

  She was gone. And he didn’t know if he could get her back.

  * * * * *

  Travis had to stop for gas, so Kristen was already settled in when he let himself into her apartment. She sat on the couch with her feet tucked under her and only one dim lamp lit. The diamond ring sat on the center of the glass table.

  She knows it’s over. He wasn’t sure if he felt more relief or guilt, but it didn’t matter. The fact that Kristen knew what he was going to tell her didn’t make it any easier.

  He tossed his keys on the phone stand and walked over to the couch, sitting down next to her. Leaning forward, he picked up the ring and rolled it between his fingers.

  “When you pulled into the driveway you were all laughing,” Kristen said in an unusually soft voice. “I saw her face when she saw my car. And I saw your face, too.”

&nbs
p; “I’m sorry, Kristen.” His eyes felt damp, and he had a hard time getting the words through his throat. “I swear I never meant for this to happen.”

  “Are you in love with her?”

  “Yes—” he turned to face her “—but I…I’ve just figured that out. I don’t think I’ve lied to you.”

  She gave him a sad smile. “I thought about this on the way home and I realized something. When I found out who she was, I was angry. When you told me you had kissed her, I was angry. I’ve been very angry.”

  “I know. I’m so—”

  She held up her hand to silence him. “Even all the tears I’ve cried were because of anger.”

  “You have every right to be angry. I’ve been a jerk—to both of you—and you didn’t deserve this.”

  “But it wasn’t hurt, Travis. You have been falling in love with that woman and all I’ve felt is jealous anger.”

  He didn’t understand what she was trying to tell him. Of course she would feel jealous anger. The same emotions he had felt when he saw the way Joe Kirkwood looked at Gena that night at the gallery.

  “Don’t you see, Travis? I want to love a man so much that even the thought of him kissing another woman tears my heart out. I want to watch him looking at some other woman the way you looked at Gena and feel like a knife has been stuck in my chest.

  “If the man I love has to go away for a weekend, I want to wonder how I can survive it. You’ve been gone all this time and…I’ve just been plain old mad. I want to love a man so much I would rather die than have him leave me.”

  She rested her hand on his knee. “You’re not that guy, Travis.” Her voice broke as her eyes filled with tears. “I wish you were, but you’re not.”

  He looped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to him, resting his chin on her head. Several of his tears fell to rest on her hair. “I’m going to miss you, Kristen. I’ve loved you for a long time. And I have loved you.”

  “I’ve loved you, too,” she said against his chest, “but we don’t have what it takes. You and Gena do, and when I’m done being mad as hell I’ll probably wish you all the best.”