by Nicole Dykes
I give Lincoln a great big hug when we reach him. “I’m so proud of you, Linc.”
He winks at me. “I’m proud of all of us.”
I smile as I take my spot on the opposite side of the aisle and watch Asher and Lincoln exchange a handshake and a quick grumble no one else can hear. Penelope and Hayden’s cue is the bridal music, and everyone now stands. We all watch.
Penelope has her arm linked with Hayden’s as they walk toward us. The emotions I feel are almost too much.
I know Colt is watching. I can feel him, and as much as I hated coming here and being where he died, I know Penelope and Linc were right to have their wedding here.
He should be a part of this. I’m not sure how he would feel about their love. But at the end of the day, he was so good, I think he would have found a way to be okay with it. He loved harder than all of us.
Hayden gives Penelope’s hand to Lincoln, and everything in this moment feels as it should. Like we’ve been on this path for a long time, and this was our destination.
It’s powerful listening to them exchange vows, promising to love each other and be together forever no matter what is thrown at them.
My eyes lock with Hayden’s as he sits next to Tony, listening intently, his eyes intense.
Destiny is a funny thing, isn’t it?
“He’s spiraling out of control.” I hold Lola to me as we stand against the wall of the grand living room in the lake house. The furniture has been cleared out, and after a nice dinner, the table was removed to make room for dancing.
Baz and Viv are on the dance floor with Tony and Nora, and Linc and P. But Lola is fully focused on Asher, who showed up shitfaced a couple of minutes before the wedding.
He held up remarkably well during the ceremony with alcohol seeping through his pores. “He’ll be okay, Lola.”
She doesn’t believe me, and I hate the sadness in her eyes as she looks up at me. “I don’t want to fail him anymore.”
I wish I could make her see he’s not her responsibility, but I don’t think that will happen. I watch Asher lift a silver flask to his lips, not even bothering to hide it as he stands by the exit. I’d rather deal with him anyway.
I kiss her forehead. “I’ll be back, okay?”
I don’t let her argue with me and walk over to Asher, standing at his side as he watches Penelope and Lincoln on the dance floor, hatred in his eyes. He doesn’t say a word, and I nod my head at the flask. “Don’t you think that’s enough for the night?”
He doesn’t say a word, just lifts the flask to his lips and takes another drink, still staring. “She cleans up nice, huh?” I bristle at his tone but remain stoic. “She always did. I remember when Colt and Linc brought her home. She had ripped jeans and dirt on her face, but they didn’t care. They both loved her.”
“She’s not hard to love.”
He snorts. “Apparently. Penelope likes to give a lot of love. Of course, I never got that far.”
You can’t kill him. “Good.”
He shrugs. “I was pretty young when she was busy fucking both of my brothers.”
My knuckles turn white as my hands fist at my sides. I stay quiet.
He keeps pushing, and I know exactly why. “You knew that, right? Or did they give you the watered-down version?”
I take his bait but keep my voice quiet as Lola joins Baz and Viv, all three of them dancing together and seemingly having a good time. “Knew what?”
“That she was Colt’s. And now we’re here celebrating her marriage to Linc.”
From everything I've heard, Penelope and Colt were a puppy love relationship, and Penelope and Lincoln seem like the real deal. Still, I know the kid is hurting. “I think you can grieve a loss and celebrate a new future at the same time, man.”
“That’s enlightened. No wonder you got into my sister’s panties.”
I push the door open and in one quick motion, pull him outside with me, hoping to cause as small of a scene as possible, shutting the door behind us as he shoves me away from him.
“What the fuck are you doing? I’m not into dudes.”
“Cute.” I can see Lola watching through the glass door, but she doesn’t move to join us, and I'm grateful. “I know, you want to disrupt all the fun, but I thought we should do this out here instead.”
“Do what?” he growls, looking like shit.
“You’re angry. I get it. You miss your brother.”
“You don’t know shit about my brother or anything else. You’re an outsider.”
I nod my head, not arguing. “True. I never got to meet Colt, and from what I've heard he was a damn good man.”
“He was.”
“Great, but do you think he would want you to do this? Try and ruin their wedding?”
“She was his.” His teeth clench tightly. “You think he would be happy about her marrying someone else?”
“Doesn’t he have a kid with someone else? Not sure he would have any room to talk.”
He shoves my chest, but not hard enough to move me. “Fuck you. You don’t know shit.”
“I know what a tantrum looks like.”
He walks away from me toward the dock, and I follow.
“So, you hate Penelope because she had the nerve to fall in love with two different people in her life? You know how many people have done that?”
“Oh yeah?” He turns around to face me. “You’re telling me you love Lola and some other bitch?”
“No.”
“Okay.” His glare is full of hate. “You think you’d be totally fine if she started fucking some dude on the side. Huh?” He saunters to me, his chest nearly touching mine, and I'm determined not to let his words get to me. “You think you’d be fine if she spread her legs for some other guy? Let him hold her? Whisper sweet little nothings into her ear? All while she’s doing the same thing with you? You would be fine with that?”
I cringe but hope he doesn’t see me flinch. “What happened between those three is between them.”
“Right. Or you just don’t want to admit that your sister is a slut.”
“Watch it.” It’s a quick warning. “Don’t say that shit about my little sister.”
“Or what? And calm the fuck down. She’s been your little sister for all of a month.”
I don’t correct him. “I wouldn’t give a fuck if I’d only just met her two seconds ago. Don’t call her a slut.”
He knows he has me right where he wants me. But what he probably doesn’t know is I'm the one in control. “Careful now.” He leans in close. “You and I get into it, Lola isn’t going to suck your dick tonight.”
I smile derisively, having too much respect for Lola to say anything crude about her. “You’re the angry, broody one, right? That’s your thing.”
Lola walks out and runs toward us, holding the skirt of her dress up with her hand. “What’s going on?”
Asher’s angry gaze lands on hers. “Your boyfriend was just trying to set me straight.”
Her eyes move to mine. “He’s drunk and angry.”
She doesn’t need to make excuses for him.
“It’s okay, Lols. You’re happy enough for all of us, right?”
Her head swivels to meet his scathing gaze. “What is going on with you?”
He shrugs, his eyes darkened with contempt. “Nothing. I’m just saying it’s great that you’re so damn happy. You know? I mean, fuck, you ran far away after Colt died but then rushed back in and fixed everything. The true hero.”
He moves to walk closer to her, but I hold my arm out to block him. “Stop.”
He stands where he is and glares at her. “Then you swooped right in to save Viv, convinced her to move her and her kid across the country. I mean, you are amazing.”
I see her lip quiver and my instinct is to hold her, but instead, I stay between Asher and her. “Asher, I’m sorry. I didn’t do it to hurt you.” The quivering of her voice is heartbreaking.
“You think I'm not used to being all al
one?” The kid is miserable. “I know all about being alone, and I'm fucking fine.” He gestures to me. “And now, you’ve met your superhuman match. Now everyone can just go on with their lives and forget about Colt and me.”
“We’ll never forget about you. Or him.” A tear slides down her cheek as she pleads with her brother to wake up.
“Bullshit. You just had to fucking fix it. Perfect Lola.” His voice is quiet, but the tone is edged with scorn. “You can do no wrong. And no one ever calls you out.”
“Watch it. She was looking out for you.”
His eyes lock on me. “You angry, huh? Lola won’t like that. She doesn’t get angry. She just comes in with the perfect solution and tries to dictate our entire lives.”
“You two were hurting each other. I didn’t want that for you or for her.” She’s crying, and I fucking hate it.
“That wasn’t your fucking decision!” His voice raises, and I step fully in between them now. Asher’s cold dead eyes are even with mine. “You want to hit me?” He points to his chin. “Right here.”
“Don’t, Hayden.” I hear Lola’s plea from behind me, but it’s one I have to ignore.
Asher’s eyes narrow, challenging me. “Tough decision. You hit me, she’s not going to let you touch her. Sex? Or a different kind of satisfaction? Your choice.”
My choice was already made. I pull my fist back and quickly pop him right in the mouth, not nearly as hard as I’m capable of, but I give him what he’s looking for.
Lola is at my side, looking at Asher who now has a split lip as he brings his hand up, wiping away the blood and glaring at me.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Lola gasps, but I know she’ll forgive me.
Asher smirks, his tongue running over the bloody lip. “Fuck. That’s all you’ve got? Even my sister leaves a mark when she throws a punch. This’ll be gone tomorrow.”
“Asher, shut up.” Lola is still looking at me, horrified.
“You done being a little shit tonight?” I ask him.
He only smirks again, bringing the flask up to his lips and wincing as he takes another drink before lowering the flask. “Nope.”
My arm pulls back again, and this time my fist lands on the side of his cheek, making a loud smacking sound with the contact. He stumbles back this time, covering the left side of his cheek.
“Hayden!” Lola screams just as Lincoln runs out of the house to meet us, examining his brother’s face.
“You little shit. On my wedding night?”
“Fuck you.” Asher spits into the snow in front of him. “You come out to take a shot too?”
No longer wearing his tuxedo jacket, Lincoln starts rolling up the sleeves of his white shirt. “Maybe.”
Lola shoves Lincoln’s chest. “Don’t you dare. What is the matter with you two?” She’s looking at me and Lincoln. Not Asher. “He’s drunk. And pissed off at the world.” She looks at me. “So you hit him in the face?”
I don’t defend my actions and can see the welt forming on Asher’s face. He glares at me but seems calmer.
Lola, however, is definitely not. “What is this, some sort of stupid man thing? Solving problems with your fists?”
I smile at her. “I seem to remember your fist meeting my face not all that long ago.”
“That was different.”
Linc asks the question before I can. “How?”
She turns to her brother, flustered. “I don’t know. Shut up.”
He chuckles, and I take her hands in mine, trying to calm her down and really wishing she’d have let me handle this alone. “He wanted that, Lola.”
Asher doesn’t argue, and I know, without a doubt, I'm right.
“You’re insane. Who wants to be hit in the face?”
Lincoln swallows tightly, folding his arms over his chest and looking at Asher, who doesn’t move. I look at Lola, not sure how I can make her understand and thinking this is not the time or place to do it.
“Fuck this.” Asher turns to Lincoln. “Happy wedding day, asshole.”
It doesn’t seem to be full of venom, more like sadness. He walks away, and Linc squeezes Lola’s shoulder. “Don’t be too hard on him. He’s not wrong.” He gives me a quick nod which I return before he leaves us.
She pulls her hands away from me, and instead of going inside where it’s warm, my stubborn woman heads for the snow-covered dock.
And, of course, I follow.
I don’t turn around to face Hayden. How could he do that? Hit my little brother right in front of me. Twice.
What the hell was he thinking?
I know Asher is a pain in the ass. I know he says horrible things and needs to learn to shut up and stop being so selfish, but Hayden hit him.
“Lola.”
I don’t face him. Instead I look out at the murky cold water.
I feel his hands on my shoulders. “Lola, look at me.”
I turn around reluctantly, and he slips his jacket over my shoulders. “You hit him.”
“I know. It’s what he wanted.”
I scoff, folding my arms over my chest, my fingers clutching his jacket. “You sound like an abuser. Who the hell wants to get hit in the face?”
“Someone in a lot of pain. And who has a lot of guilt.”
The ball in the pit of my stomach only grows, and I feel like I'm going to be sick. I shake my head from side to side in a daze. He was so angry. “How do you know?”
“I was him.” His laugh is not light or easy, more ironic. “Hell, I still am at times.”
My eyebrow lifts. “What do you mean?”
He looks sadder now, looking past me toward the water. I know he doesn’t like talking about the past, but he does it for me. “When my grandma died, I was young and angry. She was the only one who ever gave a damn about me, and she died. I never really let her love me. I was barely just letting her in when she died.”
My throat feels tight. I can’t imagine what his life was like.
“She tried. She tried so hard for me, but I fought her. And then she fucking died on me right when I started to trust her.”
“Hayden.” I soften, seeing the broken boy inside the strong man.
He smiles, tight-lipped. “I was pissed off at the world. I had no clue how to deal with anything. So I started getting into a lot of fights. Pushing them as far as I could until they’d haul off and hit me because pain like that—on the inside—you don’t know how to handle,” his eyes meet mine, “that’s the most painful thing in the world.”
“And getting hit in the face helps that?”
“Of course.” His answer is so easy. When I cock my head to the side, he takes one of my cold hands in his, leaving me to clasp his jacket together with one hand. “It gives you physical pain to focus on. It’s an outlet, maybe a weird one to you, but it makes sense to him. And to me.”
I take a deep breath. “I guess that makes sense.”
“I didn’t just hit your little brother because I was pissed. I did it because he was begging me for it. And I recognize that pain.”
“So did you just grow out of that?”
He pulls me into his arms, wrapping them around me and smiling down at me. “I don’t know. I kinda liked it when you punched me.” I lift my head, looking into his eyes and roll mine.
“Oh yeah?”
“Got me all excited.”
I snort as his hands grasp my face and his lips meet mine for a quick kiss. “You’re kinda twisted.”
He chuckles. “Yeah. No shit.”
I smile and let him hold me as it starts to snow again. “Don’t indulge him anymore, okay? I don’t think I can stand to see him in physical pain. He’s in enough hell already.”
He nods in agreement. “It’s on him though, Lola. He’s going to have to figure that out. You can’t force him to get through this.”
I hate his bluntness. “I can try.”
“No.” He doesn’t even humor me for a moment. “He’ll come to you. I promise you. He will. I
have no idea when, but you have to let him come to you, Lola. You can’t force him.”
“Hayden . . .” My plea is strangled because I feel so lost and hopeless as I lean into his remarkably warm chest for it being so cold. “I just need him to be okay.”
He holds me tighter. “I know. He will be.”
He sounds so sure, but I saw the look in my brother’s eyes tonight. It was terrifying, like he’d given up hope.
“I think I really messed up when I encouraged Viv to leave Hayden. Like really badly. I swear I didn’t mean to hurt him.”
He lifts my face so I'm looking into his eyes again. “Of course you didn’t. You love so deeply and just want everyone to be okay. You’re one of the strongest, most loyal people I’ve ever known, and more people should be like you.”
I know I'm beaming, and I hate how he does that to me. “I love you, Hayden.”
“I love you, Lola.”
He hugs me to his side as we turn to look out over the water, and my heart squeezes tightly as I think about Colt.
“He’s not wrong. I ran after . . .” My throat hurts when I choke on a sob. “After . . .”
“Lola, it’s okay.”
“No.” I look out at the water again and take a deep breath. “I was always fairly distant. I loved my family, but I had goals. My father was so disappointed with his oldest being a girl that I worked my ass off to prove to him I was worthy. That I could take over some day. I didn’t date. I barely had friends. I just worked. I didn’t see what was happening with my family.” I stare at the snow hitting the water. “I didn’t pay attention. And then . . .” Tears fall down my cheeks, and Hayden hugs me closer to his side. “Colt died.”
My voice is weak, but I said it. I said his name out loud.
I turn to face Hayden, who brushes my hair out of my eyes and rests his hand on my cheek.
“Colt died, and everyone imploded. And I went back home and saw my mom crumbling, and I couldn’t take it. I let the guilt eat me alive, but I let my little brother handle it because I wasn’t strong enough. And now look at him.”
