by Brenda Ford
“I know, I know, but at the same time, when you know that someone is the one, you just know.”
Those words stop me in my tracks, mostly because I know myself. After that initial blip with Angelo where he panicked – which I have looked over because of the crazy situation that led us here – we have been stronger than ever. We’re in an amazing place, and if Angelo wanted to marry me, I would.
With the drink circling through my veins, I find myself wanting to share the same with Sheri. I have managed to keep my relationship away from her up until now with the excuse that I want to see how things are going first, I want to be sure that all is going to work, but I don’t think I can hold on to that excuse now. It’s good.
“I have something to say to you as well,” I say with a small smile playing on my lips. “Something to tell you.”
“I knew it!” She bangs her hands down on the bar in front of her. “I knew that you were hiding something.”
I feel a heat traveling through my body. I really do suck at lying! Especially from my friend. I guess she’s just been patient, waiting for the moment when I would be ready to reveal all to her.
“Well, I only hid it because I didn’t want anyone to know. Not at first, anyway…”
She lets out a gasp and claps her hand to her mouth. My words trail off as I panic that she already suspects me, and Angelo are together. If she’s heard and I didn’t tell her first, she will destroy me.
“Please tell me you aren’t pregnant.” My friend’s face turns ashen which only panics me more. I fear she knows everything and she’s going to erupt. “Oh no, Rachel…”
“I’m not pregnant,” I reassure her. “That’s not the problem at all. I’m just seeing someone.”
The phrase ‘seeing someone’ really doesn’t cut it. The last few weeks have been wonderful and intense, full of lust and deep feelings that could rapidly be becoming love. I’m afraid to use the L word because it seems like it’s too soon, but I definitely feel it inside. Seeing someone doesn’t explain that, but it will work for now.
“Seeing someone?” Sheri lights up with excitement. “Who is it? Not Tom, right? That didn’t work out.”
“No, it isn’t Tom, but it is someone you know.” I hold my breath for a moment, trying to see through the booze to check that this is a good idea. I’m still not sure how she’s going to react, but I hope once I explain how happy I am. This is by far the best thing that has ever happened to me. “It’s Angelo.”
There’s a beat of silence before she replies. “Angelo? Angelo Smith? The guy with a girlfriend…”
“No, he doesn’t have a girlfriend anymore. He broke up with her.”
“So, nothing happened before he broke up with her?” I dart my eyes downwards, not wanting to answer that particular question. “And how long did he wait in between breaking up with her and getting with you?”
“I…” Another question I don’t want to answer because it was only hours. The way that Sheri is talking is as if it’s a seedy romance rather than us finally getting together after all of these years.
“And you really think that this is a good idea, Rachel? Because it sounds crazy to me. Like you’re just a rebound girl who is headed for heart ache. I don’t mean to sound like a dick, and I don’t want to upset you, but I think it’s much better for you to hear this from me than to just go ahead with this. Angelo Smith has never paid you much attention before and now all of a sudden, you’re ‘seeing him’? He broke up with Mandy for you… or he’s using you to make her jealous? You might just be part of a game here.”
“Sheri, I can understand why you think that,” I shoot back calmly. “But it isn’t like that. There really is something between me and Angelo. I know that it’s quick and not an ideal situation…”
“That’s one way to put it, sure. I have a few more choice words for it, if I’m honest.”
“Well, it’s real. It’s serious. Me and Angelo are going to make this work. I get that you don’t like it, and if I were you then sure, I would probably feel the same way, but you’ll just have to see.”
“Rachel, I think you are blinded by love.” She rests her hand reassuringly on mine. “You have liked Angelo for such a long time that you would take anything from him. You can’t be objective about this because your feelings are too deep. I want you to understand that you deserve so much better.”
I know there’s a little bit about what Sheri is saying that’s right, but not everything. “Angelo treats me right, Sheri. We are really happy together. You should spend some time with us, and you’ll see.”
“You want me to hang out with you and Angelo?” she sneers. “There’s no chance of that.”
“But why not?” I throw my hands in the air in frustration. This conversation definitely isn’t going how I wanted it to. “Why not just get to know us together as a couple? Just give it a chance. I tried things your way, I went on the double date and it just showed me more that Angelo is the only one for me.”
She slaps her palm to her forehead in an irritated manner. I can see what Sheri is thinking, she’s annoyed that she can’t get through to me, but that doesn’t make me crack because I feel the same way. She isn’t listening to me either. She has her blinkers firmly on and she doesn’t want to see the truth.
“Rachel, I can already see that you aren’t going to listen to me,” she finally continues. “So, I just want to say this last point before we don’t talk about it again, because the last thing I want to do is fall out with you. Especially when I’m sure that you’re going to need me more than ever soon…” I resist the urge to roll my eyes. “But jumping into a relationship with someone who has just split up with another person is never a good idea. Particularly if there is an overlap. There will be no trust, it’s always on a tight rope, waiting to explode. I believe this is especially the case with you and Angelo because you are going to be deeply involved. You have had feelings for this man forever, so you are going to throw all of yourself in it. He can’t be as full in as you because a little bit of him is still with Mandy. Even if he doesn’t have feelings for her anymore, which I suspect he might have because they were together for so long and only just ended, he will have baggage. She was cheating on him as well, with his twin brother. I don’t believe that can stay a secret forever. That will be complicated.”
I shift uncomfortably in my seat, having already experienced some of that. The jealousy coming from Mandy’s cheating. But we got over that, so that means we can get over anything. Surely. We have feelings so strong that we are clearly meant to be, so I believe that we can recover no matter what happens. I really believe that.
“Look, Rachel,” Sheri continues. “I don’t want to burst your bubble. I want you to be happy, and if it’s with Angelo who you have wanted to be with forever, then so be it. I just want you to be careful. I don’t want you to get your heart broken because you’re being naïve. I only care about you.”
She’s been my friend through so much, including my unrequited love for Angelo, so much as it doesn’t suit me to hear her words, I need to listen anyway. Sheri has my best interests at heart always. She doesn’t have any reason to tear me down when I’m up so high, I have to remember this through everything.
“Thank you, Sheri. I really do appreciate what you’re saying. I know what you mean. I am being smart though. At least, I think I am. I know what I’m doing here, and I’m sure that it’s all okay.”
“Look, I will be here when it all goes wrong…” She spots my facial expression. “If it all goes wrong. I will be here for you to help you pick up the pieces, and I won’t say ‘I told you so’. Even if I want to.”
I can’t stop myself from laughing a little at that remark. She will so want to tell me… but it isn’t going to come to that, I’m sure of it. “So, no double date for the time being then?”
“I will go on a double date with you and Angelo. I want to check him out. But not yet. I think… I think I just need to get my head around the idea first. To know for sure that this wo
n’t implode.”
“Sure.” I nod seriously. “I agree with that. I know that you have your reservations, so whenever you’re ready.”
I rise my glass and clink it against Sheri’s in a cheers gesture. We sink the rest of the drinks before ordering another. Much as it was a strangled conversation, I’m glad that Sheri knows now. It would have been way worse if she discovered the truth from someone else. It’s out there now. Everyone who needs to know, does.
However, scared my friend is for me, I know that I’m doing the right thing. I have had the most amazing time with Angelo. I swear, he’s even better than I ever thought that he was going to be. He’s so sweet and attentive to me. So, loving and kind. The way that he speaks to me and holds me, kisses and loves me… it’s like I’m in the middle of a dream or something. This incredible fantasy. Sheri will see. She’ll understand.
“So, anyway…” I decide to change the subject. “What was Luke doing on one knee?”
Her face immediately relaxes as she thinks about her own love life. “Oh, he had dropped something. Silly, right? I guess that just shows how into him I am though. I never would have wanted another boyfriend to propose. It might have only been a little while, but with Luke, it’s just different. It’s better. All of it. I just… I haven’t ever had this desperate feeling of not wanting it to end. I don’t know how I would cope without him now.”
I smile and nod, glad to see my friend in a good place. This of course leads on to a ‘what were we thinking?’ conversation about past boyfriends and flings, leaving us both in fits of laughter. But everything that we discuss just makes me feel even more lucky, even happier that I finally have my man. The one that I have always wanted.
Sure, things might happen soon. Everything could explode in a moment if Alex and Mandy are still seeing one another, or if it ever comes out, but I’m separate from that now. I’m not in the middle of it anymore since the picture didn’t work, so me and Angelo will be fine. I’m confident in that.
Chapter 22 – Angelo
“We’re very rarely all together like this anymore,” Brad says proudly as he looks around at us all. “Not unless it’s someone’s birthday. How the hell did this manage to happen? Everyone in one room.”
I roll my eyes and snort. “It isn’t that rare, Brad. It has happened from time to time.”
“You lot are always so busy,” Nelson declares while not looking up from his phone screen. “I’m in high school so I’m always around at the moment. It’s you lot and your busy jobs keeping you away.”
“Me and Angelo have an excuse!” Oliver pipes up. “Our boss is an asshole.”
We all laugh at that while pointing and making gestures at Brad. He might be our stand in father since our parents died when we were only young, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a good time taking the piss out of him. He rolls his eyes and ignores all of us winding him up, shaking his head now and again.
“My job is probably the busiest,” Wesley jumps in. “And I’m still here a lot, so that’s no excuse either.”
This comment alone sparks an argument between all of my brothers about who has the craziest life style and why. The only person who doesn’t say anything, who hasn’t said anything at all since he arrived here, is Alex. He’s not being himself at all, sitting at the back of the dining room, barely making eye contact with anyone.
“Alex?” I say quietly, only wanting to talk to him without everyone else jumping in. “You okay?”
But somehow, this little comment grabs the attention of Nelson who manages to drag his attention away from the screen of his phone for just a moment. “Yeah, Alex, you are quiet today. What’s going on?”
“He’s hung over, obviously.” Wesley rolls his eyes. “He’s a rock star, isn’t he?”
“It better just be booze and nothing else,” Brad warns. “You know I’m not happy about you being around drugs. You tell me right away if something happens in that department so I can help you out.”
“Uh oh,” Oliver chuckles. “Daddy Brad is out. You better be careful, Alex. He might ground you.”
“Or make you go to your room to do your homework,” Wesley joins in. “Or chores around the house…”
The others continue to rib Alex for a while, but I don’t join in with them. This is exactly what I was trying to avoid. I didn’t want everyone else to turn this in to something to laugh about. I’m pretty sure that Alex’s mood is something to be concerned about. I haven’t ever seen him this way before. I need to get him alone.
“Guys, does anyone want another drink?” I ask loudly, trying to turn to focus off Alex. “I’m headed to get a beer. I’m sure I can’t be the only one with an empty bottle.” I wave my bottle as evidence.
Luckily, they are all very predictable and they leap on the chance to get a drink without getting up. It’s also good that they start talking about something else entirely as I go. The more pressure that they put on Alex, the less likely he will be to say anything about it. Whatever ‘it’ is. Rachel hasn’t mentioned anything about Alex being in a bad mood recently, but I can’t help wondering if it’s something band related.
“’ll give you a hand.” I’m surprised when I hear Alex behind me. I have managed to get him alone without even trying. “It isn’t easy to carry six beers all by yourself. Plus, I need a minute. Away from all that noise.”
I turn and stare at him, trying to work out what’s going on behind his eyes right now. He’s shut down though, his walls are up high. Whatever is hurting him, he doesn’t want the world to see it.
“Alex, you know that we’re all here for you, right? Whatever is going on. If you need us…”
“I’m fine,” he snaps right away, closing down even more. “I don’t need any help. From anyone. I’m fine.”
“But you don’t seem to be in a good place at the moment. I just want to help, that’s all.” I take a step closer to him, but he backs off, making me even more suspicious. “You can talk to me about whatever. Even if it’s something that I have done…” My blood runs cold as his eyebrow cocks. “Is it something that I’ve done?”
“What could you possibly have done?” he asks bitterly, his arms folding across him.
“Well, me and Rachel,” I reply regretfully. “I know you have said that you’re okay about it…”
“I am okay about it.” He shrugs. “I’m fine. You two seem really great together. I’m very happy for you.”
“I just don’t want to do anything to affect the band, that’s all. If that’s the problem…”
“It isn’t,” he snaps. “Nothing is the problem. I just need some space, that’s all. Some time to breathe.”
“Right.” It’s clear that I’m not going to get any answers right now. “I see. Well, I’m sorry.”
“Please don’t be sorry. Please, I just… I don’t know. I don’t want to talk about it right now, that’s all. There are certain things that I need to deal with by myself, that’s all. Just give me some time.”
I haven’t ever heard him like this before and it really is troubling to me. But what can I do if he doesn’t want to speak to me? I can’t force him to. I can’t make him spill everything. All I can do is be here.
“Yep, time. I can give you time. That isn’t a problem. I didn’t want to make it worse.”
There’s a thick silence between us. One that’s absolutely filled with tension. I can’t recall a time where it has ever been this way before. Strained between me and Alex. I don’t like it one bit.
Ring, ring… Ring, ring… Ring, ring…
The sound of the phone is loud. So loud I assume its mine so I dig my hand into my pocket to grab it, but before I can wrap my fingers around it, Alex has his and I see the source of the sound.
“Not now,” he groans, sounding like he’s in agony. “Seriously, not now.”
I wish I could see the screen of his phone. I’m sure that this call is linked to whatever his issues are and since I’m desperate to solve them this could be the clue that
I need. But he’s keeping his phone close to his chest. He is definitely against me finding out what’s going on in his life, which is sad. We’re all brothers who have been through a lot together, but Alex is my twin, making our bond even stronger. I’m not judgmental. He should feel like he can talk to me about anything. I feel like I can speak to him no matter what.
“Who is it?” I whisper, knowing that I won’t get an answer. “Do you have to pick up?”
“I do.” He nods, ignoring my first question. “I’m going outside to pick up.”
I watch him go, my heart sinking as he does. As soon as he’s gone, I race in to the front room with the beers still in my hands, and I gather my brothers around for a quieter conversation.
“I’m worried about Alex,” I hiss immediately. “Really worried. This is something else.”
“It’s the booze,” Wesley insists with an eye roll. “Don’t panic, he’s just had a few too many.”
“You do know that he can be a miserable fucker when hung over,” Brad agrees. “I don’t think that this is something we need to worry about. See him tomorrow, he’ll be fine.”
Nelson nods along but I notice Oliver shaking his head. I give him a look, silently begging him to speak.
“I think we need to worry about Alex as well,” he says. “He isn’t being himself. He’s been a bit weird for a while, in my opinion. He hasn’t seemed as happy with things as he should be. Which seems strange to me because the band is doing really well at the moment. I thought that was all he wanted. Maybe the reality of it is too much?”
“Maybe,” I reply doubtfully. “I don’t know. I suppose it could be. He just got a call in the kitchen that seemed to stress him out. He went outside to answer it. I guess that could have been band related.”
Everyone jumps on this, the idea getting bigger by the minute, but all this does to me is convinced me that it isn’t something musical. Alex does want the band to go big, it’s all that he has ever wanted, and I don’t think he is anywhere near the stage of panicking about that yet. The band will get a lot bigger before that happens. No, to me, this seems like something more personal. Like he’s having trouble in another area of his life somehow. I have been distracted recently, consumed by my feelings for Rachel, which means I haven’t been there for Alex like I need to be. That is something that I will rectify now. I’ll make sure I’m better.
