Live to See Tomorrow

by Iris Johansen

  She arrived back at the third floor seventeen minutes later. She got off the freight elevator and moved toward where Cameron was standing by the window. He was only a blur in the darkness lit from the faint light streaming through the skylight. “They’ll have to come in from the shops on the street. It’s not likely they’ll use the fire escape to break into the other floors. They’re too easy to guard.”

  “Unless Kadmus is more clever than we think.”

  His voice sounded … strange.

  She stopped, her gaze searching the darkness to see his face. “Is something wrong?”

  “No.”

  He wasn’t telling the truth. The air was thick, crackling with whatever was disturbing him.

  “Let’s get out of here.” He lifted her up on the top box under the window. “Go on. I’ll see you down there. I’ll take care of the alarm.”

  She was already jumping the last few feet to the alley when he reached the fire escape at the second floor.

  She hadn’t had a chance to look around when they first arrived and took the opportunity to do it now. Garbage cans, boxes with the Moon, Stars, and Heavenly Wonder fireworks signs and, several yards toward the street, the blue Mercedes.

  “So this is where you dumped it,” she said, as Cameron jumped down beside her. “It definitely looks out of place in this alley. It should be easily spotted if anyone is searching.”

  “They’ll be searching.” He got on the motorcycle. “I guarantee it.” His voice held a tension that hadn’t been there before. “Come on, let’s go.”

  She frowned as she swung her leg over the bike and slid onto the seat behind him. Her arms slipped around his waist. “There is something wrong. What did you see up there after I left?”

  “Nothing.” He started the bike and roared down the alley toward the street. “It was just a long twenty minutes waiting for you.”

  “Seventeen.”

  “Whatever.”

  “It’s not as if I wasn’t efficient. I just needed to make sure there wasn’t anything that might trip me up when—”

  “I know that.” He was silent. “I suppose I was counting on going with you. It would have kept me busy, and I wouldn’t have had time to think.”

  “You mean worry? I thought you had it all planned. It’s not—”

  “I mean think. Anticipate. Imagine. I leaned against that wall waiting for you with the darkness surrounding me.” He said jerkily, “Guess what I was anticipating, Catherine?”

  She didn’t have to guess. Her heart was beating hard, and she felt the taut muscles of his back against her breasts. His words had come out of nowhere, but they were not really a surprise. Somewhere deep within her, she had been waiting for them.

  “You’re not answering,” he said softly. “Do you want me to tell you?”

  “Don’t play games.” Her voice was uneven, and she stopped to steady it. “You’ve already given me a glimpse before of how your mind works. It’s all about sex.”

  “Not all, but when I’m anywhere near you, it comes close. I was very controlled on the ride here. That’s amazing. As I told you, I have no discipline where you’re concerned.” He paused. “And you were touching me.”

  As she was touching him now. Her breasts pressed against the smoothness of the leather jacket, her arms holding tight around his taut, corded waist. Her upper legs curved under his and the center of her sex jammed against his buttocks. Only their thin layers of clothing separated warm skin.

  Not warm. Hot. Her entire body was flushed, readying.

  “I’ll tell you anyway.” His voice was hoarse. “I could smell you in the darkness, just a lingering hint of soap and shampoo. You were nowhere near me, but your scent was still there in the darkness. The same scent that drifted to me when you were behind me on the bike. The same scent I’m smelling now.” He gunned the bike.

  Speed. Jarring contact against his body. Wind whipping her face.

  “And I thought how I wanted that scent closer to me, how I wanted to drink it in and get drunk on it.” His words were soft as velvet, and yet she was aware of a subtle, erotic abrasion. “And I began to think how I could make that happen. I thought about this bike and that it was all wrong for you to be behind me. I wanted you to be in front, with your legs wrapped around my waist, so that I could bury my face in your hair.”

  “Rather distracting,” she said unevenly. “And definitely unsafe.”

  “It gets worse … or better. You’re naked, and I open my jacket so that I can feel your breasts rub against me. Your nipples are hard and taut, and I want my mouth on them. But I know it’s not going to be enough. So I make an adjustment, and I’m inside you. I can feel you. I start to move.”

  “My God, Cameron.” Her voice was shaking. “Stop.”

  “Because you’re feeling me inside you, too? That’s no reason. You like it, don’t you? You feel the jarring of the bike, the occasional sharp bump, but it’s all part of me and you and the rhythm. It’s driving you as crazy as it’s driving me.”

  Crazy? Yes, and breathlessly erotic, with white-hot sexuality. She found herself clenching, fighting the emptiness. “Are you doing something to my head, Cameron?”

  “Not this time. It’s only words.”

  And visions brought to life by those words.

  “Close your eyes,” he said. “Let it come to you. Let me come to you. You know it’s going to happen. Why are you fighting it?”

  “Dammit, because I don’t fall into bed with every man I find sexually attractive. There has to be a reason, there has to be order to my life.”

  “Then I’ll give you a reason,” he said roughly. “You want your son protected? I’ll see that he’s safe from Kadmus and everyone else. Not just now but for the foreseeable future. I’m probably the best-qualified and expensive Guardian he could ever have. Is that reason enough?”

  “I didn’t say price. I said reason.”

  “Then you’ll have to decide if what I bring to you is reason enough.” She could see his hands clench on the handlebars. “But decide soon, or I’ll start fighting dirty. I don’t want to do that with you.” He said curtly, “We’re halfway back to Celia’s place. You haven’t got much time.”

  “I have as much time as I wish. I won’t be pressured, Cameron.”

  “Pressured? I’m not pressuring you. It’s the last thing I want. I know that’s a one-way street.” He drew a deep breath. “I’ve just got to have you. You tell me how to do it.”

  She didn’t answer. Her mind was in chaos. She put her cheek on his back again. Leather, jarring contact, his words, which were sending deep tremors throughout her body. Feelings and visions were splintering into glittering shards all around her.

  Her thighs resting against Cameron’s. She wanted to move them, rub against him.

  Her breasts were taut, swollen, full.

  I wanted my mouth on them, Cameron had said.

  Cameron’s imaginary scenario was suddenly her own.

  Her body naked against him, her thighs parted to accept him into her body.

  She could feel him.

  She bit her lower lip to keep back a groan. She clenched hard, and he must have felt the movement ripple through her body. “Stop fighting,” he said thickly. “You won’t regret it. I’ll give you anything you want from me. Stack up a dozen reasons, and I’ll knock them out one by one. Are you afraid of me?”

  “No.” She was more afraid of herself and this fever that seemed to be possessing her. She could feel the waves of pure lust jolting through her. She could feel the flush heating her cheeks. She was shaking, wanting to draw him closer, wanting to tear off her clothes and make that naked vision reality. “Of course not.”

  “I can’t take this,” he said harshly. “Celia’s is just ahead. I’m parking a few houses down.” He drew the motorcycle to the curb and turned off the engine. “I’ve got to have my hands on you.” He pulled her off the bike. “Don’t argue. You want it, too.” He pulled her toward the walkway leading to C
elia’s backyard. He’d gone only a scant four yards when he released her wrist and jammed her up against the brick wall of the house. “God, I hope you want it. I can’t cheat and find out.” His mouth was on hers, opening it, tonguing wildly. “Not this time. Not with you.” His body was arching, hips rubbing catlike, pushing her back against the rough bricks. “Tell me you want me, Catherine.”

  Want him? She was dizzy with wanting him. She couldn’t breathe. She was on fire.

  “Tell me,” he said roughly. “I have to know. I can’t find out any other way.”

  “That must … be very frustrating for you.” She reached up and started quickly unbuttoning her blouse with hands that were shaking. “Hell, yes, I want you. And if you don’t do something about it, I’m going to drag you down right here. This is too much to—” His lips were covering hers again. Tongue to tongue. Teeth nibbling, biting, tasting, possessing.

  “Not here.” He lifted his head. “Come on.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the back garden. “I got a text from Celia. There’s supposed to be a summerhouse…” He glanced at her. “Oh, shit. Bad timing?”

  “No, she told me the same thing.” She was half running to keep up with him. “I don’t care if she thinks she can set up arrangements for you. This isn’t about her.”

  It was about need and the most intense desire she’d ever experienced, she thought hazily. She had to have him, and nothing else mattered.

  “That’s what I was trying to tell you.” He threw open the door of the summerhouse and pulled her inside. Darkness. Moonlight streaming through long, arched windows, couches, and chairs with some kind of print upholstery. “This is the only thing that’s important.” His fingers were flying over the buttons of her blouse. “I have to—”

  He wasn’t being quick enough. “I’ll do it.” She kicked off her shoes and brushed his hands aside. “I don’t need you for this.”

  “Whatever.” His jacket dropped to the floor. “Just so you need me for—” He inhaled sharply as she came naked into his arms and began to rub against him. “Dear God.” He closed his eyes. “I’m so damn close. Give me one minute.”

  “I don’t want to—” She moved away from him. She was panting. Her skin felt burning, aching yet satin smooth, inviting touch. Inviting him. “Where’s your control, Cameron?”

  “I don’t know,” he said jerkily. “I don’t have it with you. Everything’s different with you.” He was naked, pulling her to the couch and tipping her down onto softness. “The first time is going to be fast. I’ll make it good, but I can’t—” He parted her thighs and sank into her.

  Deep.

  Hot.

  Hard.

  She groaned through clenched teeth, and her nails sank into his shoulders.

  But he was groaning hoarsely, too, and moving, lifting her to meet every thrust, turning her, taking every bit of her.

  Madness.

  Striving.

  Her stomach was clenching to give more, take more.

  But she couldn’t take more no matter how she tried. And it was driving her insane.

  She held him frantically tighter. “Cameron.”

  “I know.” His tongue was in her mouth, taking deep. He raised his head. “Now … I’m sorry … it has to be now.”

  “Sorry?” Her teeth sank into his shoulder. “Do it.”

  He went deep, deeper than before. She hadn’t thought it was possible, but he was pinning her and stroking with an intensity that was causing her mouth to open in a silent scream.

  Deeper.

  Round.

  Deeper.

  Frantic.

  She climaxed!

  And the scream was no longer silent but had become a broken sobbing of sheer pleasure and relief.

  She was only vaguely aware of Cameron’s low cry and his body stiffening above her. She was lost in a haze of pure physical sensation.

  He was leaving her.

  She instinctively tried to keep him inside her.

  “Shh, not right now.” He pushed her away and kissed her breast. “Rest, then I’ll make this up to you.”

  What was he talking about? Oh, yes, something about control or lack of it. But none of that was important now. What was important was that she felt empty without him and wanted him back, wanted the rhythm and the madness back.

  She watched him move off the couch, the moonlight playing on that beautiful, strong body like a shadow lover. But she wanted to see more of him. She was feeling a crazy sense of possession. “Turn on the lamp.”

  “No, I don’t want anyone looking down from the house and noticing that we’re here.” He took out his penlight, turned it on, and put it on the end table by the couch. “But I want to see you, too.”

  The beam was only a little brighter than the moonlight, but she could see him. Oh, yes, superbly masculine and totally sexual. Purely sensual, muscular, tight belly and buttocks. And now that she had what she wanted, she was feeling a little awkward about it. Or perhaps it was because the first frantic, feverish need was subsiding, and her head was clearing.”It’s okay. You’re right, the light’s not necessary.”

  “The hell it’s not.” His gaze was slowly going over her. “You’re magnificent, you know. All gold and sable and grace. I want to take my time and memorize every gorgeous inch of you.” He knelt before her, and his hands cupped her breasts and lifted them to his mouth. “Because I can’t see time or opportunity allowing us another occasion like this anytime soon.” He sucked gently, then teethed the nipple. “And you may decide I’m not what you want. I’ll try to rectify that clumsiness I showed last time, but it’s your decision.”

  His teeth were causing her nipple to harden and the need to return. And he had to know it. She said, “You’re being very meek, but I think you’re full of shit.”

  He lifted his head and smiled. “Partly. I have no intention of giving you or this up. I just have to find a way to keep it going that won’t interfere with your independence.” He parted her thighs, widened them, and began stroking the soft hair. “I admire and respect your independence. Did I ever tell you that?”

  She was losing her breath again. “I can’t remember its coming up.”

  “I do. But it’s going to get in the way. I found out something tonight. I kept thinking … mine.”

  “How barbaric and completely chauvinistic. What about your independence?”

  He grinned. “That doesn’t bother me.”

  “I’m sure,” she said dryly. “Because you consider it totally inviolate. Not fair, Cameron.”

  “No, but I’m trying to give as much as I can.” His fingers started gently plucking. “I know I can’t have it all my own way.”

  Heat was spreading from his fingers to her entire lower body, and she had to steady her voice. “Why even discuss it? It’s only sex and really has nothing to do with who we are. Who I am. This isn’t me. Do you think I do this all the time? You managed to sweep me away, and I’m still dizzy from it. But I’ll come to my senses. So will you.”

  “Will I?” He leaned forward, and his lips touched her belly. “I don’t think so. I’m caught. I don’t even want to be free.” He licked delicately. “So I’ll just have to find a way to have you. Get used to the idea.”

  She closed her eyes as her entire body started to ready. “It’s only sex,” she repeated. “And you’ll become bored. I’m just another woman in your life.”

  “Neither of us is going to become bored.” His fingers were moving down. “We started out with something pretty incredible, and I’ll keep fanning the flame until it gets so high, it will burn us both to touch it.”

  She was burning now. His fingers were doing something strange, wickedly erotic … “Cameron.”

  “You like that?” He rubbed his cheek against her belly, and she felt the faint bearded roughness. “I told you I’d take my time from now on. Providing I can keep control. I believe I can hold on. I told you I was forced to limit sexual encounters to prostitutes, and that may have advantag
es for you. I was taught many, many ways. There are so many things I can do with my hands and mouth…” Pressure. Two fingers. His thumb. “And I can do them for hours and hours.” Three fingers. He pressed hard with his thumb.

  She cried out and lunged upward as an explosion of pure lust shot through her.

  “Shh, it’s just starting.” He was rubbing, pressing, pinching. “I love to see you like this. Will you believe that it’s the only control I want to have over you?”

  Her head was moving back and forth on the couch in an agony of need. “No, I don’t—believe you.”

  “Well, right now.” He whispered, “And perhaps, if I bring you enough pleasure, you’ll let me share that beautiful mind while I’m inside your body. That would be spectacular. There’s a thousand sensations and emotions I could give you if you permit me to do that.”

  “No.” She could barely speak as she clenched helplessly around his fingers. “Dangerous.”

  “Not if you trust me.”

  She shook her head.

  “You’re trusting me to do this to you. That’s only another step.” He looked up at her and coaxed, “It would please me. Sometimes I think I love that mind of yours better than I do your body.” He leaned forward and licked her nipple. “And then I realize that I can have both if I work hard at it.”

  “You can’t have either.” Dear heaven, his fingers, intricate, knowing … She hadn’t known anyone could do that …

  “Yes, I can. Just look at us. Right now, this is strictly on loan. But I’m working toward making it a permanent arrangement.” His lips returned to her belly. “But you’re distracting me, I’m not working hard enough. I have to see if I can make you want to please me as much I’m pleasing you.” His breath was warm and heavy as he moved down. “What do you think, Catherine?”

  Don’t scream. Don’t scream. Don’t scream.

  She screamed.

  CHAPTER

  16

  Something was wrong.

  Something was missing.

  Cameron wasn’t with her.