Heart of the Wild

by Rita Hestand

  Gina came to sit beside Tanka on the bed, her arm going around him protectively. "You could have been killed. I never once dreamed it could happen. Here I was trying to convince everyone else how capable you two were, and you were shot."

  Tanka flashed her a big grin, even though his face had gone pale once more. "It would take more than one wayward bullet to kill me, Gina. But I'm glad to know you have confidence in me."

  She took his good arm, and brought his hand to her trembling lips.

  Kasie watched them out of the corner of her eye, envying them to some extent. Her eyes drifted toward Amory again, and he was watching her.

  The doctor finished dressing Tanka's wound, then checked on Kyle. He glanced over his round-rimmed glasses at Amory. "It's beginning to look like a regular hospital up here, Chayton, what's been going on?"

  "Nothing but a bear hunt, doc."

  "A bear hunt, you say? Well, looks as though I might be busy around here a while."

  "Tell me about Ole Blue," Kasie muttered miserably, when nothing else would come out of her mouth.

  "He's dead, Kasie. But, it wasn't due to any of our efforts, I assure you."

  Kasie stiffened, feeling a sadness surround her, but she managed to get herself under control, even as one tear slipped silently down her cheek. "I don't understand."

  Amory watched her, then gently reached to flick the tear away. "Well, he showed up, and we were all there. The rangers and Tanka and I were trying to head off the bear hunters. It was a disaster looking to happen. The bullets started flying, every which way. Ole Blue, he just kept on coming like he didn't care. The rangers shouted out orders to cease-fire. Ole blue dodged the bullets. I don't know whether they were all bad shots, or just too scared to aim right."

  Amory made the mock movements of the bear to emphasize, as though this were important. "You should have seen him, Kasie. He was a sight. He was magnificent."

  The way he spoke to her was like soft love words between them. They both seemed to realize this was a moment of shared affection for the bear--only for the bear, of course.

  "He died a proud death. And not by the hand of any man. You see, his own curiosity got the better of him. He must have stumbled on that porcupine days ago, because the quills were so embedded in his throat that he was screeching with the pain. They finally choked him to death. And death, Kasie was a real blessing at that point. After we sent the hunters packing, we waited and stayed with him till the end. We buried him, Kaise. He's with nature, now. Funny how such a small creature as a porcupine could down a bear his size, but it happens. God has a plan for all his creatures, I guess. So you see, nature created him, and nature killed him."

  Kasie let out a shallow breath and smiled sadly. "I'm glad it ended that way."

  Amory looked into her gaze, her soul. "So am I."

  He kept staring, and Kasie finally stammered for something to say when Amory reached to hand her something.

  "What's this?" she asked taking the small clump of hair from his hand that was neatly wrapped in cello paper.

  "It's Ole Blue's. You don't fight an animal without learning to appreciate him in some respects. You fought Ole Blue, so I thought you might like something to remember him by. I guess you can take it home and tell a few tales about him, can't you?"

  Amory was smiling for the first time in days, it seemed.

  Kasie forced her emotions under control. "Thanks, but I doubt I'll be bragging about my round with him. I certainly won't forget him, though."

  Their heads both turned towards the other room when they heard the doctor. "Sure, in a week or so. Now, what was I saying. Oh, yes, I could take you as far as the Gordon's," he was telling Gina.

  "Could you? That would be marvelous." Gina was ecstatic. "I could call the airport from there on the ham."

  "Sure, I'll be glad to take care of it." Kyle jumped into the conversation.

  "Easy does it, young man, you're still going to need plenty of rest. Only a few minutes at a time on your feet for the first few days." The doctor ordered.

  "Yes sir," Kyle said with a weak smile, "but I won't be on my feet at the ham."

  "These youngsters! You can't keep them down, no matter what. Alright then, you get your things together, Gina and we'll leave as soon as we can load young Kyle into the jeep."

  "What's going on, doc?" Amory asked, getting to his feet and handing the salve back to the doctor.

  Gina glanced over her shoulder at Tanka, who had remained ultra-quiet during the conversation, and zipped her flight bag. "The doctor has offered to get me down to the Gordon's."

  "You might be stuck there a day or two, too, Gina," Chayton informed her, as he walked back in the room and saw the pained expression on Tanka's face.

  Gina frowned.

  "She'd be more than welcome," Young Kyle added.

  The doctor scratched his head, then glanced at them all. "Well, if she doesn't mind waiting through a delivery, I can take her on in to Eugene this afternoon. I've got a meeting down there I've got to try to get to."

  "Are you sure you can make it, doc?" Tanka asked, his voice hopeful.

  "I won't attempt it, unless I can."

  "Great, let's get on the road, then," Gina prompted, turning to Tanka for one last look. "Stop fretting so. I'll be back. You take care, and do what the doctor says. I'll try to get back up before Thanksgiving. I've got something I want to give you."

  "Promise?"

  "Promise! You know we've never missed a Thanksgiving together, in three years," she said, with a sad smile into his pouting face.

  "I know, I just wasn't sure you'd remember. Please don't miss it. I've got something important to ask you."

  "Looks like that's all settled, then?" Amory joined them.

  "Yes, thank goodness. And I want to thank you and Tanka for taking such good care of me," Gina said with a big smile.

  "No thanks needed, you and Kasie were on your own a lot. I'm truly sorry for that." Amory added, as he watched Kasie move about the room slowly. The fact that she'd chopped firewood, on her own, without any prodding from anyone, made him proud, and almost hopeful. But he knew better than to even think like that.

  "No problem, huh, Kasie?" Gina said, as Kasie came to stand by the foot of the bed.

  "Not a one," Kasie managed to say under her breath, with Amory's keen scrutinizing glance cutting at her.

  "Well then, I guess this is goodbye, for now. Chayton, you're a dear." Gina reached on tiptoe to kiss his cheek. "And what about Kasie?"

  "John's anxious to talk to her. She stays," he affirmed quickly. Not that it would do any good, he thought to himself.

  "Hopefully, I'll be right behind you, Gina," Kasie added.

  "Well, if I don't see you again, it was a real pleasure." Gina extended her hand to her.

  "Ditto," Kasie murmured, her voice going soft. "Leave me your phone number, I'd like to stay in touch."

  She felt as though she was suddenly being deserted, and a sadness enveloped her.

  Gina smiled, then turned back to Tanka, who looked as bad as Kasie felt at the moment. Amory and the doctor proceeded to take Kyle to the jeep. Kasie followed them out, waving to Kyle.

  Knowing Gina and Tanka wanted a little time alone, she didn't return to the cabin, but stood peering out onto the snow a long while. She watched the jeep pull out of sight a few minutes later, staring after it.

  She should have been in that car. Gina belonged here with Tanka.

  "I spoke with your father again, Kasie," Amory was saying just behind her, when she didn't come back inside the cabin.

  "And?" she questioned, whirling around, unaware how close he was standing.

  "And he'll be here on or before the 25th, like I told you, he promised."

  "Thanksgiving? You'd think the way you're all acting that that was an important holiday." Kasie took this news in her stride. She had reckoned with her fate. Until Amory or her father did something, she was stuck here.

  "It is for some. Most women look forward t
o it, making a fuss with their holiday cooking. My mother used to set great store by it. It was the only day dad promised to be home, during the entire year. But I guess you don't set much store in it, do you Kasie?"

  "I've always thought of holidays as commercialized hype. I think the real meanings got lost somewhere down the line. I'm thankful everyday for something in my life." She turned away, wanting to change the subject. "So, was your mother a good cook?"

  "No," he resounded, his eyes following her. "Dad cooked a lot of the time. I remember one year when she burned the turkey, dad just got out the canned ham, and cooked it over an open fire. Tasted great, and no one said a word about mom's turkey." He looked into her face again. "Why don't you celebrate Thanksgiving, Kasie?"

  She ignored him. "Is his bride coming with him?"

  "Yes, she is, as a matter of fact." He eyed her suspiciously. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about her right away, but I couldn't be sure you didn't already know about her. Margaret is a nice lady; you'll like her."

  "I just bet I will."

  Deep down she had already surmised that this Margaret must be a nice woman, but she wouldn't give Amory the satisfaction of knowing just how much she was changing her mind and attitude. The angrier he was, the easier it would be to leave him. Let him think she didn't care about anything or anyone. She had to put some kind of distance between them, even if it were only verbal.

  "Dad usually marries money, or looks. Which is it this time?"

  Amory's gray eyes sharpened on her.

  He wasn't pleased, and that was good. Wasn't it?

  "Is that what you think? Or is that your mother talking?"

  "It's my opinion," she said with a sneer. "My mother might have had some influence on me off and on, but I do have a mind of my own, Amory. Even you should know that. Believe it or not. I've read the papers, kept an album of him. Why do you keep throwing my mother into this? You think me incapable of thinking for myself? My dad's been married four times."

  "Incapable, no, but biased, perhaps. Well, for what it's worth, that isn't the case this time. And I'm sorry you haven't had a chance to get to know your father better during these past few years. John's not without mistakes. Who is? But give him a chance, Kasie. You might be pleasantly surprised. Your father is quite a man. You ought to know – you chose him over your mother, didn't you?"

  "I was six years old. I didn't know any better. Like most people around here, I idolized him, once. Not anymore. So how do you know so much about her, anyway?"

  "Because I know her, for one thing."

  "Yes, so you've said, you're cousins." Kasie knew her voice sounded snobbish. She hated the look in his eyes. How he must hate her. She wanted him to hate her. As long as he hated her, it might be easier to leave. And he wanted her to leave.

  Still, the only way to save her pride was to belittle this moment. Physical attraction was not enough for Kasie.

  She wanted more with him. She wanted it all.

  When he said nothing, did nothing, she wiped her lips hard and long as though she could wipe the memory of his kisses away. She wanted his heart, not just his body.

  His smile was filled with new insight. "You can't wipe it away, you know."

  "What?" she played it cool.

  "My kisses. You won't forget them, Kasie."

  "Won't I?" she challenged. Her breast felt full and strained against all her clothes, heavy with the need of touching. His touching.

  "You can try."

  "Look, Amory," she said, her voice breathless, and strangled, "I'm no man's toy."

  "No man will make a fool of you again, will they, Kasie? You won't let them."

  She held her head proudly, squelched her tears, and faced him. "Not if I can help it, no."

  "Aren't you afraid you might miss something?"

  "Like what?"

  "Like love."

  "You're going to preach to me about love? You? The mighty Chayton Amory. That wasn't love when you nearly married me. That was pure lust for a naive little girl. And your kisses--."

  "Do you really love this Rick character?" He came much closer now, his eyes boring into her for the truth.

  "That's none of your business."

  "Do you? I doubt it. Tell me, whom have I been kissing? That was Kasie I've had in my arms, and you wanted it as much as I did. You won't admit it, you're too afraid of making a fool of yourself. Well, I have news for you, love means making a fool of yourself, Kasie. It means admitting things."

  "Look, I like to be kissed as much as any girl. But you can't pass a few kisses off as love; even I know that. Besides, if it's so easy to admit it, then you should have done that long ago." She deliberately ignored his probing.

  "We were talking about marriage and love. Tell me, before Tanka and Gina got here, who was that lady in front of me, baring herself to me, daring me to take her? You knew me well enough to know I wouldn't take you. Not like that." His voice suddenly softened, his eyes burning into hers. "Not going to commit, even to yourself, are you, Kasie? Well, you don't have to. I've had Kasie all along, and the only thing that stopped you was that I stopped. Love means taking a chance, Kasie. It's no game. But I suppose some see it as a real gamble."

  "Love? No, love isn't. But sex is. And lust, and I think I know the difference. Don't play noble all of a sudden, Amory. You couldn't say the words eight years ago, and it's too late now."

  "You're right, Kasie, as always." He seemed to consider her words a moment. "But, are you willing to settle for anything less than love?" His eyes blazed into hers. Then realizing her answer, he shook his head. "I thought you were tougher than that. You can fend off a bear better than any woman I know, but you'r afraid to take a chance on love, aren't you?"

  "I'm not afraid; I'm just not naive anymore."

  "Would you recognize the difference?"

  She stood rock still.

  "But maybe I was wrong, maybe it was lust for you. You seemed to have turned your back on love. So, let's set the record straight. I could get what I wanted without marriage, or love, too. If that was all I wanted. But when you love someone, marriage is the only answer. Isn't it?"

  "So, is Chayton Amory suddenly an authority on love and marriage? I believe this whole thing started with you trying to break up a marriage."

  She hit home, and he looked surprised.

  When he said nothing, she slapped him with more. "I'm not the same little tomboy, anymore. I've grown up."

  She couldn't control her mouth any better than she controlled the kiss, or the all-knowing expression on Amory's face.

  He chuckled softly. And something in his expression told her that this was some strange foreplay between them. It stimulated, excited, and it hurt. "In most ways, maybe. And here we go again, another point I should remember and respect. Another attempt to put me in my place. Well, try this on for size, sweetheart. You've got a mother you can't abide, a father you don't even know, but there is one thing for damned sure, it's me, I repeat, me, you respond to; lust or love, call it anything you want."

  His words stunned her into silence.

  "Cat got your tongue? Maybe that's because it's true, and you know it. You've erected a lot of barriers. More than some men would want to deal with. But lady, I've got your number. I know the combinations. With me, you are yourself. With me, you're angry; with me, you cry; and with me ...you respond. Does that suggest anything to you?"

  "You've simply caught me off guard, is all."

  A weak defense!

  "Hardly," he said with a hard laugh, "you've asked for it every time."

  She gasped.

  "Don't look so wounded. We'll just put them all down to animal lust, or physical attractions, as you call it, since you obviously don't believe in the word love. I'd never touch you

  Kasie, unless--you wanted me to." His voice softened again, his eyes glittered dangerously into hers as though he knew something she didn't.

  Irked by his aloof manner, she snubbed him again. "That'll be the day." The old Kasie
wasn't all gone. She still had some fight in her. She had to fight; her fear of his rejection at her admission outweighed the truth.

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  * * *

  Chapter Nine

  Laughter followed her all the way into the cabin.

  "Trouble?" Tanka mused, watching her stomp back inside dusting the snow from her boots..

  She turned to look at him, and knew Tanka was wise to her. Some people you could fool, and some people couldn't be fooled at all.