The Only Way To Live

by M. A. Innes

  “But, Daddy—” I could feel desire racing through him.

  I’d held him enough times to recognize when my touch was turning him on, but this time I knew it was a combination of everything. “No.”

  The stern word had another low moan escaping.

  Derek wasn’t trying to hide how I was affecting him. It made me more confident about what I was doing, but it also felt like he was trusting me with something precious.

  “You’re going to have to wait until you’ve earned it.” I made my voice even firmer. “And that will not be in the middle of your work.”

  What next?

  “Now, finish showing me the toys you like and maybe we’ll see if you deserve a spanking.” That came out before I really thought it through.

  Shit.

  How would I know when he was good enough?

  How would I know how much to spank him?

  How would I know how hard to do it?

  Fuck.

  This was why spankings should be a punishment so I could find a reason not to do it and say he’d apologized enough.

  But his little sounds and the need running through him was hot…and I’d done that.

  Kind of.

  Accidentally.

  But it still counted.

  Derek let out a long breath and sighed, but straightened up and seemed to be trying to gather his brain back in one place. Now that was really hot. Thinking about hurting him made me nervous, but the lost dreamy look and knowing all he was thinking about was me was enough to make me forget why I’d been nervous to begin with.

  Okay, maybe I was starting to see why people explored role-playing.

  “I’ll be good, Daddy.” He was so earnest, I knew how much he wanted the spanking.

  Shit.

  I was going to have to figure out how to spank him.

  And I was pretty sure he wouldn’t let me get away with putting it off. Making out and sending him home to jerk off was one thing, but he couldn’t be expected to spank himself.

  “I’ll be the judge of that.” I kept my voice strict and gave him a very flat look.

  He shivered again, so I must have gotten the look right. “Yes, Daddy.”

  “Now show me your favorite toys.” I smiled and nodded as he took my hand. “Good boy.”

  I’d been branching out into a bit less vanilla porn, so I was glad to see my research had paid off. The rougher things hadn’t appealed to me, but some of the power exchange dynamics had been interesting. I just hadn’t been sure how that would translate into real life.

  Just because it looked interesting online didn’t mean it would work that way in reality.

  Yep, I was now living through all the odd lectures I’d given Ethan as a teenager.

  If there was some kind of higher power directing our lives, it clearly had a terrible sense of humor.

  * * * *

  I’d never realized how interesting people in my town were.

  Staying in the back office might have been cowardly, but I wasn’t at the point where I could debate the merits of different kinds of dildos.

  One day I wanted to be confident enough to handle anything that came up, but there was just too much changing too fast. As people had started pulling into the parking lot, I’d kissed Derek and explained that I was not hiding our relationship, but I was not going to watch my neighbors pick out sex toys.

  He’d laughed and shoved me in the back, telling me not to look at the porn on his computer unless I wanted a surprise.

  I wasn’t sure if that made me want to look more or not.

  I finally decided to play on my phone and leave everything in his office alone. That seemed to be the easiest way to stay out of trouble. I was prepared for the evening to drag, but Derek’s teasing and quick make-out sessions had the time passing quickly. Before I knew it, it was ridiculously late and he was locking the doors.

  The past half-hour or so had been quiet with him going through online orders, so I’d just wandered around, keeping one ear open for anyone coming into the shop. When he was finally done for the night, I could almost feel the change in the air. The teasing flirt who’d been having fun poking at me was gone and my boy was back.

  I just had to figure out what to do with him.

  The internet had been only so helpful with that. I could find everything from sex positions to the history of sex toys, but finding quality information on domination wasn’t easy to find. It would probably help if I knew what I was looking for, however. I was having to learn a whole new set of search terms.

  As he walked toward me, I could see his desire to play in every part of his body—even his walk was different than the take-charge stride he usually had. There was no question about what he wanted. I just wasn’t sure if I could give him everything he was fantasizing about…everything he needed.

  I finally went back to our previous discussion when he’d been whimpering in my arms earlier. “Have you been a good boy?”

  A shiver raced through him as he nodded. “Yes, Daddy.”

  I was starting to forget why that had sounded so strange to begin with.

  “Did you complete all your work?” I had no idea what he should have been doing, but all I could do was hope that I hadn’t distracted him too much.

  “Yes, Daddy.” His voice was breathy and sexy as he curled into me, resting his head on my chest. “I finished all my work and I did a good job showing you the toys I liked earlier.”

  Yes, he had.

  The little flirt had enjoyed every second of it.

  “You were very thorough.” But I had a feeling he’d taken it easy on me because he’d steered clear of any impact toys. At first I wasn’t sure why, but then I’d realized that he didn’t want to have to tell me which implements he enjoyed.

  Yeah, figuring out the difference between the variety of paddles and whipping things wasn’t something I was ready for.

  One day.

  If he sold those to my neighbors, then I could figure the damned things out…just not yet.

  “I wanted to be a good boy for you.” Even if I hadn’t been able to read his needy tone, the way he squirmed and rubbed his dick against me would have clued me in about what he wanted.

  Unfortunately, he’d been good.

  I’d been holding out hope that his innate need to drive me nuts would have him doing something naughty, but no such luck.

  Another factor in making it clear how much he wanted the spanking.

  “You were a very good boy.” I hugged him tighter and let my hands slide down his body.

  Sometimes it still struck me how different his body was than anyone else I’d ever touched like this, but then it would slide away. It was different…but not in a bad way. I liked the tight muscles and angles that I caressed over. I just hoped I wasn’t going to fuck this up because everything that I’d read said spanking meant naked.

  It was either going to be fabulous or a spectacular failure.

  I really should have dated more.

  For the most part, ever since Shelly died, aside from the few one-night stands and odd dates, I’d been the only one touching my dick and I hadn’t touched anyone else’s ass in…damn…over twenty years.

  Fuck.

  I was going to screw this up.

  Since letting Derek in on all my insane worries would just ruin the moment, I shoved them back and concentrated on how it felt to have him in my arms and how good it would be to make him happy. That was easy to focus on. He needed this and he wanted me to be the person who gave it to him.

  Letting my hands continue down to cup his ass, I kissed his head. “I think you’ve earned a reward. Is my boy ready for his spanking?”

  He let out a low moan as he nodded and pressed even tighter against me. “Yes, please.”

  I squeezed his cheeks and simply focused on the sounds he made and how turned on he was. “Are you sure? I’m going to have to bare your bottom to make it all pink.”

  Derek groaned and his hips thrust forward befor
e he could catch himself. “Please, Daddy.”

  Okay, I didn’t suck at this.

  “No coming without permission if you want a spanking.” That had been listed on several different sites, and judging by Derek’s shiver, he liked that idea as much as the other subs online had.

  Good to know.

  “Yes, I’ll be good.” He sounded sincere, but I wasn’t sure he’d last because every signal he was giving off said he was ready to explode.

  “Then let’s go back into your office.” The sex toys made me nervous, but thankfully, the office was the only place that had a sturdy enough armless chair.

  I’d looked.

  As Derek pulled back to head into the office, I could see his erection straining the fabric of his pants. That was nothing surprising; I’d known he was turned on and I’d seen him aroused before after we’d been kissing.

  But today I was going to get him naked.

  I knew that to really make him feel like I was in control, I needed to be the one to pull down his pants. I had to take the initiative. It shouldn’t have felt any different than if he’d been the one to finally do it while we were making out but somehow it did.

  Placing my hand on his back, I steered him toward the office. “Hands by your side. I don’t want to see you playing with your cock.”

  That was almost word for word from a dirty blog post, but I didn’t think the author would mind my borrowing his idea.

  Derek shivered so hard he almost tripped.

  I grabbed his arm as he caught himself. “Yes, Daddy.”

  Keeping one hand on him, I watched him carefully as we walked into the office. He was still hard, but the needy look in his eyes would have given away his desire even if he’d been wearing baggier clothes.

  But I had to admit…I was glad he wasn’t.

  Something about the way the pants hugged his ass had my fingers itching to slide them down. I liked the way we’d been getting to know each other, but I was going to take Derek’s earlier words to heart and let things progress naturally.

  However fast that turned out to be tonight.

  As I sat down, I kept my arm on his back, marveling at the way he was so excited he was shaking. It was almost distracting, but I fought to keep the steps in my head. “Tell me your safewords.”

  He made a needy little sound and I watched his throat move as he swallowed. “Red to stop and yellow to slow down. Green if everything is fine.”

  “Good boy.” I was aiming for more than fine, though. “No matter whether it’s for punishment or pleasure, spankings are on bare bottoms. Do you understand that?”

  His head jerked up and down as another moan escaped. Finally, he seemed to shove the words out. “Yes, I understand.”

  Derek’s fingers twitched, making me shake my head. “Hands at your sides.”

  I wanted to be the one to take off his clothes.

  As my fingers stroked over the front of his pants, he gasped and his eyes almost rolled back in his head. So, of course, I had to do it again, pretending it was completely casual. “You may not come in your pants, Derek.”

  His dick jerked under my hand and he swayed in place before finally answering me. “I won’t. I’ll be good.”

  He was going to try, at least.

  I nodded but gave him a stern look. “Just remember that.”

  The glances and growling orders felt natural. I’d never used that tone of voice with a date, but sliding into the side of me that came out when I had to remind someone who was in charge wasn’t difficult.

  In this case, I was just in charge of Derek.

  As I finally slipped the belt through the buckle and opened his pants, I wasn’t sure if either of us were breathing. Everything had been new enough for me that jumping into bed hadn’t been my first thoughts, but it wasn’t the same for Derek.

  If I had to guess, he’d been waiting for this since before our first date.

  When the tight little black briefs came into view, I honestly wasn’t sure how they’d held his dick back at all. Neither of us were in the mood to debate the practicality of his underwear, though, so I tried not to gawk as the pants slid down his thighs.

  Refusing to overthink what we were going to do, I didn’t let my hands pause as I reached for his briefs and peeled them over his erection and ass. His cock sprang out, the head already slick with precum, and he moaned as I ran my hands down his legs.

  The strong muscles under his legs and light sprinkling of hair had my hands sliding back up, loving the way he felt under my skin. Giving in to temptation, I stroked up his thighs and around to cup his ass.

  We hadn’t labeled this as anything other than dating, but I was feeling startlingly possessive. I had to fight to keep the possessive dirty talk in check. I wanted to demand he acknowledge who he belonged to, but it wasn’t the time for that kind of label. Those discussions needed a clear head and neither of us was thinking with the big brain at the moment.

  Releasing one hand, I slid my other hand up his back and did my best to sound calm and in control. “Over my lap.”

  We both moaned as he stretched out over me. The feeling of his dick rubbing against me and his body cradling my cock had both of us even more turned on. Derek was still a bit further down the race than I was, though.

  Stroking over his back and ass, I wasn’t sure if I was giving him a chance to catch his breath or if I was just teasing him. Either way, I wasn’t planning on rushing. I’d been curious about his body since we’d first kissed and I wasn’t going to give up a chance to explore him.

  My fingers trailed over one cheek and I smiled as he shivered. “No humping my leg. Your reward is a spanking. If I decide to let you come, that’s entirely separate.”

  Another blog moment.

  God love people who overshare on the internet.

  Derek took a long breath and I could feel him forcing his body to relax. “Yes, Daddy.”

  If he’d been draped across a bed, I would have played longer because I loved the feel of his smooth ass under my hand, but bent over, I wasn’t sure how long that would be good for him. I squeezed one cheek. “I want to hear your sounds.”

  Then I raised my hand and spanked him before I had a chance to question what the fuck I was doing spanking the man who was quickly coming to mean so much to me.

  I wasn’t a man who hit.

  But there I was watching a pink handprint bloom on his ass as he moaned and arched up, begging for more. So I spanked his other cheek. Derek gasped and let out a needy whimper as I tenderly stroked the pink skin. The order to let me hear how he was feeling wasn’t just to assert control, even though it worked for that too.

  My last concerns about what I was doing fell away as he squirmed and wiggled to silently demand more. He clearly wasn’t done with his reward yet. And because it was his reward, I wasn’t going to punish him for that. He needed to remember who was in control, though.

  “Are you supposed to be humping my lap?” Okay, so he wasn’t actually humping, but that sounded hotter than squirming.

  Answering wasn’t easy because I started a slow, steady rhythm of spanks as he panted and shook his head. “No…sorry…I…”

  Whatever he was going to promise was lost as I trailed my fingers down the middle of his ass and skimmed them over his tight hole. His frantic moan was all the confidence boost I needed to take it even further. Now between each spank, I circled his entrance and teased the sensitive skin.

  One site had mentioned how many nerve endings were around the anus, and it was easy to see they were right as he whined and shook.

  Okay, maybe I was starting to understand why the domination part was so interesting.

  When his ass was pink and I could feel his muscles clenching, I stopped spanking him and focused on caressing and teasing him. The actual spanking part wasn’t as much fun as driving him crazy and knowing how turned on he was. But the spanking was all wrapped up in that, so I knew it was something we’d be exploring again.

  “You were
a very good boy.” I ran my fingers over the tight pucker that seemed to be trying to pull my finger in. “So good, in fact, I think you deserve to come.”

  I didn’t think it would take much to tip him over the edge, so I wasn’t worried about my technique or what to do next. I’d save those concerns for when we were starting from scratch. I had a head start on his desire for this one.

  It was a little like cheating, but I figured since I was the one who’d turned him on earlier it still counted. “How does my good boy want to come?”

  Might as well not reinvent the wheel if he knew what he wanted.

  “Please…inside me…please…” The breathy words were harsh and forced but they didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out.

  The internet had said some anal play without lube was fine as long as I was gentle. Derek knew what to do, so he relaxed his muscles and my finger slid just inside his body.

  Lube.

  That was going on the grocery list. There had to be pocket sizes of that stuff somewhere. Everything else came in little travel-sized bottles, so it couldn’t be any different. But there wasn’t time to worry about that as he started to moan and hump my leg again. Bracing him with my arm, I reached down and caressed his still-tender ass as I shallowly finger fucked him.

  It was like patting your head and rubbing your stomach at the same time.

  But it worked.

  Derek’s body jolted and his hips jerked even faster for several long seconds before he started to shake. I could feel his body spasming as he moaned and rode out the pleasure. If I’d been playing with his dick I’d have probably eased off, but I wasn’t sure the same oversensitive issues would apply to his ass, so I just kept fucking and caressing.

  When he finally collapsed over my legs, I eased out of him and wrapped my arms around him. “Come here, baby. That’s not comfortable.”

  He was a boneless mass as I helped him sit up enough to move him onto my lap. Once that was done he sank into me like he’d just run a marathon. Kissing his forehead, I held him tight and stroked his side and arms, anything I could reach to let him know I wasn’t going anywhere.

  Aftercare. I’d read about that too.

  But even after all the reading, I wasn’t prepared for the way it all made me feel. We’d only been dating a matter of days, really. Was that enough time to want to wrap him up in my arms and never let him go?