The Only Way To Live

by M. A. Innes

  Chapter 11

  Derek

  Emotions seemed to be ping-ponging through him and I couldn’t tell what he was feeling. When he’d first walked in he’d been all wide-eyed shock, so I thought teasing him would be a good distraction. But now I wasn’t sure what he was doing.

  Before I could shove the dirty wonderful images going through my mind back in their mental closet, his arms tightened.

  He didn’t mean anything by it, but the feeling of being trapped against him had my cock jumping to full mast in seconds. It was definitely something that tripped my trigger and slid me into submission faster than anything else.

  We just hadn’t played enough for him to realize that, so I was fighting to keep a clear head.

  The serious look on his face wasn’t helping the matter, though.

  God, he was sexy.

  “No.” The stern order probably came out rougher than he was intending, but it was still hot as fuck. “Don’t pull back.”

  I wasn’t sure if he meant physically or mentally or something else, but at that moment, I was planning on giving him anything he wanted.

  “Yes, sir.” I could see that the words startled him, but I couldn’t have held them back if I’d tried. There was just something about his expression.

  Sean leaned down and kissed my neck, tightening his hold on me. “I love the combination of your smooth neck and the faint stubble that you get on your jaw by the end of the day. I never would have expected it, but the feeling of it scraping against my skin gets me hard.”

  Fuck.

  I must have made some kind of needy sound because he chuckled. “And I love the way your ass fills my hands. You’re small enough that you fit against me perfectly, but your ass feels full and round in my hands.”

  I loved hard-working men.

  When they put their mind to something they could accomplish anything.

  Like admitting what got them hot and turning me into a puddle of lust.

  “And when you grind against me, I’ve felt another part that’s full and long.”

  Dick.

  He was talking about my dick.

  Every once in a while I had a probably irrational fear that he wasn’t really noticing I was a guy. Yeah, probably not logical, but we’d always stopped before things got too far and I wasn’t sure exactly why. Taking things slow could only go on for so long.

  “You’ve been wiggling on me, tempting me to do wicked things to you.” Then he actually bit down on my ear, making me whimper. “I’ve been trying to be a gentleman.”

  “Be more of an asshole. Please be more of an asshole.”

  Okay, not how I probably should have phrased it, but Sean didn’t seem to take offense. He chuckled and slowly slid his hands down to cup my ass. Clenching down on it, he rocked me against his body, sending wonderful shivers up my spine.

  “But you need to know how special you are.” He started kissing down my neck, making thinking almost impossible. It felt like I hadn’t come in days even though I’d jerked off earlier in the shower.

  “We’ll split the difference.” I loved how he wanted to get to know me, but I needed to feel his hands on me. I had to know that the chemistry between us was real before I fell even harder for him.

  Sean chuckled again, but it was a deep dirty sound compared to his usual laughter. “You were taunting me earlier. Only wicked boys send dirty pictures to their Daddies.”

  I hadn’t been that bad…but the implications had been fun.

  I’d taken a picture of my legs and feet as I was climbing into the shower. He couldn’t see my cock or anything that would make the picture explicit, but it was clear what I was doing when I’d sent the caption that I was thinking about him.

  “Thinking about you turns me on so much.” I rocked against him trying to get more friction, but he tightened his grip on me, pinning me to him.

  I was going to end up coming before he realized how much I liked being trapped against him.

  “That doesn’t mean you get to rut against me and come in public.” My logical Sean was probably worried about the legal ramifications, but he was unfortunately right. Getting off against him had to wait until the store was closed.

  I groaned but stopped wiggling and let the feeling of his firm hold sink into me. “I hate it when you’re right. But god, you have to do that again when we’re in private next time.”

  His hands relaxed and started slowly stroking over my back and ass. “What part did you like?”

  Sean kissed my head and the utter sweetness of it made me want to squirm and beg for more. “All of it.”

  But that wasn’t helpful, so I tried to explain it. “I like how strong your grip was and how you pinned me against you. I liked the way you controlled my body and the biting kisses too.”

  All of it.

  Relief was evident in his nervous chuckle. “I wasn’t sure what you were feeling at first.”

  Horny.

  “It was perfect.” I snuggled against him, silently encouraging him to keep holding me. “Remember, being restrained is one of the things that brings out my submissive side. It’s a big switch for me. You taking control like that was hotter than you probably understand.”

  He pressed another tender kiss to my head. “I’m glad. It wasn’t the reason I came over here, but I’m glad you liked that.”

  He was so sweet.

  I pulled back just enough to look up at him. “I know I’m not some kind of booty call to you. I appreciate you wanting to take things slow, but just so you know, I wouldn’t have been upset if that was the only reason you’d come over.”

  Touch and sex were just as important in a relationship as talking and getting to know favorite foods.

  “That seems…” He shrugged. “Cold, maybe?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t see it that way. I like knowing that when you’re turned on and feeling sexy, I’m the one you’d come to rather than just jerking off.”

  I stretched up and kissed him tenderly. I wanted him to see that both sides were important to me. “I have a fantasy of you coming in one day and bending me over the counter and doing wicked things to me.”

  Sean’s gaze heated and I could feel his touch start to change again. “I like the sound of that.”

  There was a silent but I couldn’t quite define.

  Luckily, Sean decided to let me in on some of his worries. “But I’m not sure my mind thinks that way. I would worry about distracting you from your work or…” His voice trailed off and he shrugged.

  “I will tell you if for whatever reason it’s not a good time. Things get crazy once in a while, but that will never mean it was a bad idea. Fuck. You turn me on just by smiling at me.” Sean chuckled like I was teasing, so I shook my head.

  Him showing up to ravish me like I was his personal sex toy was a fantasy I’d love to recreate. “I would love to know I turned you on like that and that you were thinking about throwing me over the counter and fucking me or dragging me back to your house late one night to keep me tied to your bed all night long.”

  He was trying to not blush, but I could feel the way he wanted to squirm. The dominant man who’d shone through for a few minutes was gone, but just seeing him like that had been incredible. “Okay, no more teasing me and making me hard. Now it’s my turn to tease you. Come look around the shop.”

  He groaned cheekily but nodded. “I don’t think I’ve been in since your grand opening.”

  Because he’d been scared of it.

  But I wasn’t going to point that out.

  “Let me show you everything again.” I wiggled against him before stepping back and grabbing his hand. “I’ll show you my favorite things if you’re curious.”

  That had those wide eyes coming out again, but he nodded and smiled. “Yes, I’m curious.”

  “Nothing scary.” At least nothing I’d point out right now. Easing him into the kinky side of things sounded like a better idea.

  “I feel a bit silly. I’m clearly very bor
ing because I’ve never tried most of these things.” As he glanced around, I laced my fingers through his.

  “It’s fun. And don’t feel silly. There are a lot of people who haven’t thought of adding toys to their sex life.” If more people bought toys, my bank account would be a lot bigger.

  I did a fair bit of online sales, but I loved the personal interaction of getting to talk to people and really helping them figure out what they were curious about. And if I got to play a bit with people like Christopher and Ethan, that made it even more fun.

  Hmm, that was a conversation we might need to have soon.

  Not about Christopher specifically, but we needed to talk about what he thought a relationship looked like.

  If my toys made him nervous, that conversation was going to be a doozy.

  But putting it off would only make things more difficult.

  I had no desire for an open relationship, but teasing and playing a little in the shop or at a club was fun. But would that be too much for Sean?

  Yes, once he got a bit more comfortable and we moved past the just dating phase, that was the first thing that needed to be addressed.

  Sean squeezed my hand, looking around. “Tell me about your inventory…your toys.”

  So cute.

  Hoping I wouldn’t overwhelm him, I took him at his word and led him to the back wall that was filled with different kinds of restraints. “My sub side loves being tied up.”

  I always went overboard on ordering restraints, but there were so many fun kinds. “I’ve got everything from silk to leather and everything in between.”

  Yeah, overboard.

  But it was my store and I could stock whatever I wanted.

  Sean chuckled. “How many of these do you own personally?”

  “Hmm, maybe a few…just a handful…” A giant-sized handful.

  That got me a very skeptical look, but he didn’t seem to find my love of restraints outrageous, so I took that as a win.

  We stood there silently for a few moments as he studied them. When he reached out and ran his fingers over a soft leather cuff that attached to the head of a bed, I might have moaned. His chuckle that time was a bit more wicked and I could almost feel his dominant side coming out again.

  “I’m betting you have this one at home, don’t you?” His fingers kept stroking the leather like he might my dick and it was incredibly distracting. “You keep talking about being tied down to the bed.”

  Because it was the best fantasy ever.

  I had to swallow because somehow all the blood leaving my head to go south made my mouth dry as well. “Yes, I bought a bed that would work with these just because of how soft they were.”

  I’d just never used them with anyone yet.

  Contrary to what some people might think, I didn’t let just anyone tie me up.

  I was open-minded and kinky…not stupid.

  Sean released his hold on my hand, but wrapped his arm around me and pulled me in front so I was leaning against his chest. “It’s easy to imagine how sexy you would look stretched out and tied down.”

  It looked like he’d found his inner Dom again.

  I just wished I knew what let it out to play.

  “Probably not too easy…you’ve never seen me naked.” Hopefully, tonight’s adventure shortened the timeline on that step.

  “No, but you’ve wiggled against me and don’t forget I saw you in that tiny bathing suit last summer.” There was a smile in his voice, but the way he held me said he wasn’t really finding it funny. “I was shocked, but looking back, I think I should have recognized a few other emotions as well.”

  I had to smile. I’d worn the most outrageous thing just for fun since it was in a friend’s backyard. “You looked so cool, like nothing would ever shock you.”

  “I’ve worked on perfecting that expression.” I heard the smile in his voice as he kissed my head.

  Leaning back into him even more, I loved the way his arms tightened to hold me. “Then why show me now? You haven’t been playing Mr. Cool and Collected anymore.”

  That earned me another kiss. “Because you deserve to know me, even when I’m surprised or looking stupid.”

  Stroking my fingers over his forearms, I smiled. “How did you get so smart?”

  He gave a dry chuckle. “From getting dumped and screamed at.”

  That wasn’t what I’d been expecting. “What?”

  He laughed, still keeping a tight hold on me. “Shelly and I had been dating for a few months and I thought it was going fine. She thought otherwise. I don’t even remember what started it, but one night in the middle of McDonald’s she starts flipping her lid, screaming at me that I’m hiding things from her and I’m not being honest.”

  Laughing quietly, I shook my head. “I can’t imagine anyone screaming at you like that.”

  “She was some kind of pissed. It took a few weeks and some long phone calls to figure out that she hated not knowing what I was thinking and what I wanted. So I promised to communicate better and she agreed to start seeing me again.” I could hear the emotions in his voice as he relived the past.

  “So I’m doing my best to give you the same promise and not fuck things up by hiding from what I’m feeling.” His fingers started slowly stroking my chest. “I’m assuming that was the right decision? I have no desire to be screamed at again in McDonald's.”

  “Yes.” I squeezed his arms. “I can’t imagine trying to figure this out if I didn’t know what you were thinking. It would be too hard.”

  He did calm and unflappable too well for me to handle that all the time. I understood why he’d probably needed it with as many surprises as Ethan had probably sprung on him as a teenager. But I wouldn’t have been able to date him not knowing what he worried about or how he was reacting to things.

  “I do my best to learn lessons well and not have to repeat the same problems.” I could almost hear his stern voice giving a very similar speech to Ethan.

  “I appreciate your honesty.” I turned my head and kissed him gently. “Just don’t ever feel like you have to share something that you’re not ready to. It’s okay to tell me you want to talk about it later or that you’re just not ready.”

  Pushing wouldn’t be healthy either.

  “I appreciate that, but it seems like when I put off a discussion it gets jumbled in my head.” He looked back at the wall. “Case in point.”

  Taking the hint, I cuddled back into him, grateful that it had been a slow night. “What’s jumbled in your head?”

  I wasn’t going to try to guess what was going through his mind when he looked at the restraints.

  “I’m not sure I know how to give you everything that you need.” He nodded toward the toys and around the room. “I’m not sure how to approach any of this.”

  “We don’t have to jump into the deep end.” Especially since we hadn’t even gotten to the naked part of dating yet.

  “I understand the mechanics of gay sex.” The way he said that had me snickering and hiding my smile against his chest. “Stop laughing. But I don’t see how to ease my way into this.”

  I knew by “this” he meant the toys and BDSM, but that wasn’t how it sounded.

  I wiggled my ass and lifted my head to give him a teasing grin. “I’ll help you figure out how to ease in. Lots of lube and some stretching will do the trick for the most part, though.”

  Sean might have shaken his head like I was teasing, but his grip tightened and I could feel the thrum of energy that went through him. Smiling, I gave him a quick peck on the lips. “Oh no, you can’t hide that reaction.”

  He scoffed. “I wasn’t hiding anything, just being a gentleman.”

  Sure.

  “Remember what I said when you had me hard and aching before? Less gentleman, more asshole.” I grinned because it was funny.

  Sean rolled his eyes. “That is a terrible…pun or something.”

  “It was funny and accurate.” I sighed. “Just because you’re old and
have no sense of humor—”

  He actually smacked my ass.

  He didn’t even seem to think about it. The automatic response to my teasing had my heart racing and a shiver ran through me. It was too good and it’d been too long. I found myself pressing my face to his chest. “Again. Please, Daddy.”

  Yep, he’d found another switch.

  Chapter 12

  Sean

  One minute he was flirting and in control and the next he was pleading for a spanking and calling me Daddy again.

  Fuck.

  Dating was hard.

  Now, I was pretty sure spankings were supposed to be a punishment, but his reaction didn’t fit the picture in my head.

  His voice said he wanted it…no, needed it.

  I wasn’t stupid—I could connect the dots.

  I just had to do it quickly.

  The internet said for some people pain could be interpreted as pleasure depending on the situation and the person. Evidently for Derek, the spanking felt good and also triggered his submissive tendencies.

  Logic.

  Dots.

  I wasn’t terrible at this.

  Okay, what did Derek like…quick, quick…role-playing, working too much, spankings, driving me crazy to get a response, talking dirty.

  I could work with that.

  Dropping my voice low, I smacked his ass again. “Are you supposed to act like a brat just to get a spanking? Calling Daddy old to earn a pop to your bottom isn’t a good way to get attention.”

  Ha, porn research was finally coming in handy.

  It might’ve just been the spanking, but his groan and breathy whine seemed to say I didn’t suck at the role-play part.

  “I’m…I’m sorry, Daddy.” I expected it to seem just as overwhelming as the toys and BDSM words made me feel, but this was natural, like it was just a part of us.

  I let relief rush through me and decided I’d overthink it later.

  For the time being, I was going to enjoy giving Derek what he needed.

  “If you want a spanking, you have to ask nicely and wait until you’ve earned it.” The wording brought back all the feelings of needing to take care of someone and the frustration of seeing them be disobedient, but this was Derek.