The Only Way To Live

by M. A. Innes

  Yep, we’d hit Christopher’s limit.

  He exploded as his knees buckled, cum drenching the panties he was wearing. Ethan had lightning-fast reflexes from all the practice and caught Christopher with no problem. As Christopher finally relaxed, I shook my head, still enjoying driving him crazy. “I can’t have my son-in-law running around in wet panties.”

  “He’s a very naughty boy.” Even though the words were teasing, the look on Ethan’s face as he gently kissed Christopher was filled with love. It was a look I hoped to see one day on his father’s face as he held me the same way.

  One day.

  Chapter 16

  Sean

  I’d gone to work erect, but the kiss Derek gave me in the car before I’d driven off was worth it. It was almost enough to distract me from what he’d been going to do in his morning meeting.

  Did they make brain bleach?

  A slight concussion could make me lose a few memories, right?

  But the teasing text messages he’d sent through the day were distracting enough that eventually whatever the hell he was getting up to with Christopher and Ethan hadn’t stayed at the front of my mind. Unfortunately, his interesting messages, while distracting, hadn’t helped the erection situation any either.

  But they’d certainly made the appointment with my lawyer go by much faster.

  By late afternoon when Derek had gotten busy at work and didn’t have time to drive me crazy, I was too distracted to keep working, so I’d skipped out early. Driving around the area doing surprise visits to the other garages had been worthwhile, so I felt like I’d earned a bit of playtime as I pulled up to my original shop. Frank and the rest of the guys were busy when I first stopped in, but after a few minutes, I was in step and things were moving along.

  “You know, you’ve been staring at that engine for almost five minutes.” Frank’s laughing voice had me straightening and looking around.

  “You’re being ridiculous.” Wasn’t he?

  Looking around, I tried to remember what I’d been planning on doing to the car. Frank just laughed. “Something or should I say someone on your mind?”

  I rolled my eyes, but I kept my smartass comments to myself because I’d just realized everyone else had already left.

  When had they closed the shop?

  “I’m fine.” But his question had me pulling my phone out of my pocket.

  Yep, I’d missed another risqué text.

  Quickly messaging him back, I told him he was insane and to go back to work. He was crazy if he thought I wanted to try a dildo that was that big. The picture might have distorted the size, but the damned thing looked like it was almost a foot long.

  What part of anal virgin was he confused about?

  Frank laughed again. “I’m not even going to ask what was in that text.”

  He leaned back against a post and nodded toward the phone. “Things going good, though?”

  “Yeah.” I couldn’t resist smiling as I thought about Derek. “He’s completely unique, but we have fun together.”

  And it wasn’t even just about the physical chemistry. We had a good time simply watching a movie or going to dinner. The age difference should have been more obvious and made it hard to find things in common, but that didn’t seem to be the case.

  “So I take it this isn’t just dipping your toe in the rainbow waters?” Frank’s tone was light, but the look in his eyes said he was taking the conversation seriously.

  “No.” I turned and leaned back against the car, finally admitting I was done for the day. “Maybe the first time I kissed him. But even then it was more about figuring shit out than simple curiosity.”

  I’d never been the let’s try it and see what happens kind of guy. Everything in my life had been practical and well thought out. Making a good life for Ethan and building up the business had been everything to me.

  “You know, most guys would be having some major drama right about now.” One eyebrow went up when I just shrugged.

  I wasn’t going to have an existential crisis just because that was expected.

  “Maybe if I’d been dating women for years and was really entrenched in my sexuality, but…and this is sad to admit…sex hasn’t been a priority in years. Even when I was forced into dating, it wasn’t my focus. Women were always confusing. So this is just filling in some blanks I probably should have looked at before.”

  But really, who had time to analyze their sexual preferences when they had a two-year-old turning their world upside down while trying to work a thousand hours a week? At a certain point, that part just got shoved to the background.

  “So no issues?” He didn’t seem to believe me, but I knew it was just because he was worried. “It’s not technically my business, but Derek’s never hidden that he wasn’t going to be some alpha’s constant bottom.”

  For goodness’ sake.

  “No, no big gay crisis.” I shrugged, pushing away the weirdness of everyone knowing about Derek’s sexual preferences. “I’m figuring everything out.”

  The internet was turning out to have an interesting combination of porn and accurate information about everything from domination to the proper way to ready oneself for anal exploration. I was at the point where if I died tomorrow I probably needed a friend who was just in charge of clearing my search history.

  Another useful bit of information I’d picked up on a blog.

  “‘Everything’ being the kinky stuff he’s into?” Frank folded his arms over his chest in a very we’re not done talking movement.

  It was something I probably would have done to Ethan when he was younger, so I had a difficult time keeping a straight face.

  We were probably well into oversharing, but I figured if I actually should talk to someone, Frank was an easier option than Ethan. “I don’t know. We’ll just say that it’s a wide world that I’d never really looked at. I think he’s been taking it easy on me, though.”

  I chuckled at the memory of our conversation from earlier.

  Hell, might as well get Frank’s thoughts.

  “What’s cheating to you? I mean, how do you define that?” I grinned when he snorted.

  “With anyone else, I’d think you actually meant cheating, but with that brat, it’s probably something different entirely.” When I nodded, giving him a confused half-shrug as well, he chuckled.

  “If you talk about it beforehand and have rules, then it’s not cheating if you stick to the rules.” Then he paused, probably waiting for me to fill in the blanks, but there was no chance in hell of that.

  When I just kept a neutral smile and tried to look interested in what he had to say, he continued. “Cheating is when you break the rules of the relationship. A lot of couples have unspoken rules about monogamy and that’s when things get sticky.”

  “Derek talks about everything. I’m not worried about communication.” I was more worried about oversharing. I didn’t want to look at Christopher over the dinner table and know what they’d gotten up to even if I was okay with Derek teasing him in some way.

  Frank laughed, obviously able to draw a mental picture of those awkward conversations. “Yeah, he’s never been shy.” As his smile faded, he gave my question more thought. “But really, as long as you two are happy and you’re not just going along with something because you think that’s what he wants, I think it will be fine.”

  I rolled my eyes. “When have I just blindly followed someone into a ridiculous situation?”

  Maybe I looked at things a little too logically, but I wasn’t a follower who couldn’t think for themselves. When I submitted or dominated or bottomed it was going to be when I was ready.

  Or curious enough to throw caution to the wind.

  Frank snorted again. “You like making people happy. Not in a bad or blind way, but I can see you talking yourself into stupid if you thought it would please Derek. It’s not hard to see that you’re falling head over heels for him.”

  Okay, maybe he had a point.

&
nbsp; About both topics.

  Not that I was going to admit it. “I’m not going to do anything I’m not ready for or curious about. Satisfied?”

  Frank cracked a smile, nodding. “Yeah, for now. I just never pegged you as the kinky type, boss.”

  I rolled my eyes. Neither had I but life was weird. “How about you don’t think about me like that all?” Figuring it was a good time to change the subject, I grinned. “You still stalking someone at the library?”

  Even the fastest reader didn’t visit the library that often. According to the gossip mill, he’d been to the library three times that week and hadn’t come out with a single book.

  Groaning, Frank waved his hand. “I’m not stalking. I like to read.”

  I laughed. “Sure, tell that to someone more gullible.” Even I remembered he did most of his reading on an electronic tablet. “What are you doing?”

  There was a fine line between flirting and watching someone, and creepy behavior—and I didn’t want him to fall over that line.

  “He just…” Frank rested his head against the pillar, sighing. “There’s just something about him. When he thinks I can’t see him, he watches me. He gets this little smile and it’s like there’s a whole world in his head. He doesn’t look at me like I’m a thug. He just…well, he hides.”

  Trying not to laugh, I nodded understandingly. “You got a plan or are you just going to watch him?”

  A plan had to be safer than the possibility of a restraining order.

  Frank sighed again. “I saw him talking with Derek last week. I was hoping not to have to go through someone else like we were sending notes in middle school, but I’m out of options.”

  I finally gave in and laughed. “It’s Jules?”

  “His nameplate on his desk says Julius, so yeah, I guess he might go by Jules.” His confusion had me chuckling.

  “No, he’s Derek’s friend.” When Frank just stared at me in confusion, I shook my head. “The quiet, wide-eyed kid who used to come pick him up from work sometimes.”

  I couldn’t have been the only one to notice him. He’d looked like we’d scared the hell out of him.

  Oooh.

  Okay, maybe with clearer hindsight it hadn’t been fear.

  Frank was still blank.

  “Derek brought the kid’s car in and you taught him to change the fan belt.” Knowing I was not the only oblivious man at the company made me feel a little better.

  “Yeah, I remember the car.” Frank was nodding, but I could tell he still didn’t remember the guy.

  “That was Jules’s car.” I tried to think of how Derek had described him.

  Frank shrugged. “Derek’s friends were always weird. Avoiding them was the only way to save my sanity.”

  Ignoring his comment because it was probably true, I focused on the issue at hand. I didn’t want to break any confidences—not that I knew much—but there had to be something I could tell Frank. “I know he’s shy and he works a lot. I think he’s been building up his courage to put himself out there more, so unless Derek says something else, I’d keep trying.”

  “So I should talk to Derek?” Frank didn’t seem excited about that idea, but I thought it had to do more with possibly embarrassing himself than his relationship with Derek.

  “Yes.” I straightened and started clearing away my tools. “At the very least, he can tell you not to waste your time. Who knows, maybe he’ll give you a hint about how to catch Jules’s attention.”

  Knowing Derek, the guy was into something outside the box for them to be friends that long.

  Had Frank realized that?

  I had to hold back my own snort. I really wasn’t the most oblivious person here, no matter what he thought. “I know they’ve been friends for years.”

  Still nothing, not even a blink.

  “Yeah, he has a lot of buddies.”

  I rolled my eyes as I turned away. I was a genius compared to Frank.

  “They’re roommates too. I think Derek said they’ve been living together a few years.” I hadn’t really thought about what that might mean about Jules before, but in my defense, I’d never thought about BDSM in relation to anyone I knew before.

  Derek was clearly rubbing off on me.

  But Frank, on the other hand, should have thought about that. He had all kinds of friends, and last year I’d heard about him and a buddy going to some get-together thing that now sounded very suspiciously like a BDSM meetup.

  Something about it hadn’t worked out, though. Was it because of the guy he’d gone with or something he’d seen there?

  I was not going to ask, no matter how curious the little Derek on my shoulder was.

  He was more devious than any little devil that might follow someone else around.

  “He seems too shy to have a friend who owns a sex toy store.” That at least got Frank to grunt, but when I turned back, he was still wearing the same confused look.

  Hopeless.

  I was going to let Derek figure out what to do about this.

  “Okay, I’m cleaning up and then heading out. What are you up to?” Another library visit perhaps? But I kept that to myself.

  Frank straightened. “Home. I have some bills to pay and a book waiting for me.”

  A romance, no doubt.

  “Have fun.” He really needed to get out more, but since my nights had sounded a lot like that before I’d started seeing Derek, I had no room to say anything.

  But I had a feeling that once he got to know his little librarian, that would all change.

  He probably wouldn’t need to google how to bottom, though.

  Life just kept getting more and more interesting.

  Chapter 17

  Derek

  “You know, Sean probably won’t be mad if I change my mind.” Jules blinked up at me, doing his best to look cute. “He’d love to take you out to dinner. You heard him.”

  No safeword, so I was going for it even though we were closing in on yellow.

  “Well, if you heard that part then you also had to have caught it when he said he wanted to take us out to dinner because he knows how important you are to me.” I shrugged and gave him my best dejected expression. “He asked to get to know you better before he asked to meet my mother.”

  Of course, that was because I’d been honest about how insane she was and we’d both decided to cross that bridge when we had to. I hadn’t talked to the woman in three months because the last time we had dinner she’d spent over an hour pestering me to sell the shop and get a real job.

  My excitement for dinner must have ruined my timing because he snorted. “Your mother is insane. I’ll aways look like a better option. I’m all the family you’ve got who’s remotely functional.”

  So he was right.

  That didn’t mean he was getting out of dinner.

  “All the more reason for Sean to get to know you.” I leaned over and hugged Jules. “You’ve got about an hour to play before he gets here.”

  Jules groaned, but he knew when he’d been beaten. As I left the playroom, he let out a long breath and started hunting for his binkie. “On the nightstand.”

  Where it always was.

  I swear, I picked that thing up a thousand times a day.

  “You’re really going to show him the apartment?” He sounded whiny, but again, didn’t safeword.

  “Yes, he knows something’s up, but I haven’t mentioned it yet.” Partly because there hadn’t been time to really talk over the past couple of days. There’d been a small fire at one of the other garages and even though the damage hadn’t been bad and no one had been hurt, it had still taken up a lot of Sean’s time.

  It’d been almost a week since we’d done more than text, and dinner with Jules had been his way of trying to make up for it. Well, dinner with Jules and some hints about what he wanted to explore next via some very interesting screenshots.

  He was being mean.

  I was so proud.

  Some people never learned
the art of driving their loved ones crazy.

  “Are you going to mention it?”

  “If I don’t, he’s going to think one of us has kids, and I’m not going to steal a toddler just so we don’t have to explain the playroom.” ’Cause even if the legal implications could be ignored, that would raise all kinds of questions since we were two very gay men.

  “We could probably borrow one from the neighbors. That lady on the first floor has like a dozen. She probably won’t mind.”

  I just rolled my eyes. “She runs a daycare.”

  She might not notice, but one of those kids’ parents would.

  I heard a very dramatic, very loud sigh come from the playroom before it went silent. Binkie time. His fears weren’t irrational or baseless, but I knew Sean. He had the best blank face ever, so even if he found it completely startling, Jules would never know.

  Not that I thought he would. He’d been quietly asking about kinks lately, so I knew he was trying to figure Jules out. Of course, he’d also mentioned Frank several times, so I knew that was part of it too. Evidently, he’d figured out that they were dancing around each other with Jules acting like they were playing hide-and-go-seek.

  I wasn’t sure whether to be impressed or worried that Frank hadn’t given up already.

  Once I had a chance to talk to Sean about the whole thing, then I would make a decision. There was no point in worrying when he seemed patient and willing to play Jules’s game instead of creepy and weird.

  Sean was bringing Chinese because he didn’t want to make work for us since it was his idea, which worked for me. I could cook but cleaning was a bitch and it’d been a long week. I was even going to enjoy my day off on Saturday instead of trying to get shit done.

  I was hoping part of enjoying my day would be doing wicked things with Sean, but I was willing to be flexible and binge on porn and pizza instead.

  Especially if Sean was watching with me. Shocking him was so much fun because he asked the best questions.

  Can an anus really stretch wide enough to take two cocks or is that just CGI?

  Outside of porn the only other man I’ve seen orgasm is you, but do some men really have that much cum in them?