The Only Way To Live

by M. A. Innes

  There’s no way his legs stretch back that far. What kind of medical insurance do these men have? I hope they have a union.

  He was hysterical.

  But never judgmental in a bad way, so I knew it was going to be fine with Jules. I spent the hour picking up the apartment and keeping an ear open for Jules, but he just played. If random Legos kept appearing in the hallway, I was just going to ignore that passive-aggressive little brat and remember how cute he was when he was sleeping.

  That’s what other parents seemed to do when their kids were assholes, so I figured it would work with Jules and me.

  By the time Sean knocked on the door, I was tired of picking up the damned blocks and was ready to take away all Jules’s crayons. Jules should have been grateful for the save instead of being nervous, but again, I knew where he was coming from.

  “Hey.” Sean was all smiles as he leaned over the bag of food and kissed me. “You seem stressed.”

  He had no idea.

  Putting a finger to my lips, I motioned for him to come in. Jules hadn’t come out yet, so I knew I had a few seconds at least. I dropped my voice low and leaned in. “I’m going to tell you about Jules later, and when I do, you can’t react negatively.”

  If we’d been in a cartoon, question marks would have been popping up all around his head, but thankfully Sean nodded and kissed my cheek. “Got it.”

  If I hadn’t been falling for him already, that would have clinched it. Any man who didn’t question my insanity would get my undying affection. Maybe even love if things kept going the way they had been.

  Smiling, I kissed him quickly and stepped back, calling out, “Jules, Sean’s here and the food smells fabulous.”

  Sean was still looking thoughtful as he whispered, “But he’s okay with me coming?”

  I shrugged. “He’ll get over it.”

  Jules met us in the living room, so all questions stopped and Sean turned on the charm like there was nothing wrong. “When you said hovel I thought it would be awful and I’d have to fake being nice. This is cute.”

  Jules actually laughed as we headed over to the table. “You didn’t.”

  Sighing dramatically, I shook my head. “I said the building is a hovel, but we’d done our best with it.”

  I wasn’t actually sure I’d talked to Sean at all about the apartment, but I could play along. “It’s not as bad as it was when we moved in.”

  Jules rolled his eyes and reached for a carton of beef and broccoli. “You’re such a drama queen. There was a bit of construction from the remodels downstairs and the whole neighborhood improved once that new police station went in down the block.”

  “Well, between the improvements you did and your smart timing of moving into the area, it looks like you picked a great place.” Sean looked around as he dug into some kind of chicken dish I didn’t recognize. “You guys have done a great job. I can’t wait to see the rest of it.”

  Jules paled slightly, so I figured a distraction would be best.

  Leaning toward Sean, I gave him a flirty smile. “You’re just waiting to see the good stuff. My bed is even better than yours for tying people up.”

  That had Jules groaning, but at least he wasn’t thinking about the playroom anymore.

  But if he didn’t relax, it was going to be a long dinner.

  * * * *

  “I guess you want a tour of the place now?” Jules’s question wasn’t surprising in itself, but there was something in Sean’s eyes that said he realized how hard the offer was for Jules to make.

  “That would be wonderful.” Sean smiled widely and glanced down the hallway. “I think it will take both of us to prevent Derek from getting out of control though. I’m counting on you to keep me safe from his bed.”

  Jules actually giggled. “I’ll do my best, but no promises. He’s very cagey about getting what he wants.”

  Sean sighed exaggeratedly and nodded. “I know. He keeps trying to get me to buy…” He leaned in conspiratorially. “Things from his store.”

  Another giggle escaped as Jules nodded. “He’s a menace to society, but he looks so sweet no one realizes it.”

  “Yes.” Sean sent me a teasing grin. “They think you’re crazy when you try to point it out.”

  Jules started to open his mouth, but I tossed my fortune cookie at him so his words got lost as he dodged the tasty missile. “Hey.”

  Sean laughed, but shook his head and waggled his finger at me. “Very naughty, Pest.”

  Jules giggled again. “I didn’t believe him at first when he said you called him that.”

  Sean shrugged. “What can I say, it fit.”

  It was my turn to shrug. He technically wasn’t wrong, but I preferred fascinating or feisty. Except when Sean said it. Something about the way he’d always looked at me when he said it had sent waves of something tender through me from the very beginning.

  Yeah, I might have had a crush on my older boss, but unfortunately, he’d been a complete gentleman.

  A clueless complete gentleman.

  Instead of debating my nickname, I stood and started to clean up the trash and the leftovers. Jules had been brave enough to bring up showing him the apartment and I wasn’t going to let us get distracted. He might not be able to work up the courage a second time.

  “Let me help with that.” Sean stood and grabbed some of the half-empty boxes.

  Jules huffed but apparently didn’t want to look like he was lazy. “It’s not my turn, but I’ll help too.”

  Something about the words or the small bit of little that shone through in Jules’s tone had Sean nodding slowly. I wasn’t sure he’d guessed, but he clearly knew he was starting to get hints of what was going on. Just a few weeks ago he would have missed it completely, so I was really proud of him.

  I rolled my eyes. “This isn’t much, so don’t get your hopes up on this counting as your turn.”

  That earned me another huff, which had Sean trying not to smile. But I was right, in thirty seconds we had everything thrown away or in the fridge.

  This did not count as him cleaning the kitchen.

  Sean walked over and squeezed my hand behind the cover of a chair before letting it go. “You ready? I’m curious to see the rest of it. If it’s anything like the living room, you guys did a great job.”

  I knew some of that was for Jules’s benefit, but we really had done a lot with the living room. The space was wide open and had been a bit run down when we’d first looked at it. Some of the other apartments, like the one crazy dog lady was in, had gotten complete renovations, but ours hadn’t been up for a facelift yet.

  But they’d let me paint the walls and even the kitchen cabinets so the place looked almost modern instead of the weird eighties colors it had been when we’d moved in. I’d spent entirely too much time and money on a place I’d never own, but it showed me that I could do a reno if I wanted to once I was ready to buy a house.

  But it’d also shown me that I didn’t want to do a renovation again.

  So learning experience all around.

  I would have loved to have cuddled up to Sean, but Jules needed me more at the moment, so I walked over and took his hand. Smiling at Sean, I tugged on Jules teasingly. “Let’s go show him everything. He’s going to love it.”

  “It” being the playroom.

  But even if Sean didn’t understand age play, he’d realize how much work went into those damned decals. No matter what anyone said, stars did not just show up on a ceiling randomly. Those suckers had to be meticulously planned out to look random.

  I hated stars.

  I hated stickers.

  I hated stickers of stars.

  But Jules loved it.

  Walking through the living room, we headed for the hallway that led to the bedrooms. “It’s technically a three-bedroom, but the last one is tiny. I think it should have been labeled as two bedrooms and an office. But it works for us.”

  I pointed to Jules’s room and grinned. “He’s a n
eat freak.”

  In anywhere but the playroom.

  Go figure.

  His bed was made so neatly it could have gone in any home store showroom, and the rest of the space looked just as perfect. One wall had a large bookshelf with all kinds of hardbacks and paperbacks stacked on every square inch and another wall had a long desk and a leather chair tucked in the corner.

  This was the side of Jules that everyone at the library saw.

  “Very nice.” Sean chuckled. “Let me know if you get bored with organizing and rearranging over here. I’ve got an office that looks like Satan exploded a filing cabinet in it.”

  Jules chuckled, shaking his head. “Oh no, it’s hard enough keeping Derek from spreading clutter all over the place.”

  I waved my hand dismissively. “A cluttered room is the sign of a creative and fabulous mind.”

  Neatness might be next to godliness, but I was going for fabulous and interesting, so I wasn’t worried about it.

  Sean groaned, focusing on Jules. “I should have been warned about this.”

  Jules laughed. “No returns and no refunds.”

  “I’m surrounded by insanity.” Pulling Jules farther down the hallway, I smiled at Sean and pointed to my room and the hall bath. It was small and boring, but my room was perfect.

  Well, slightly messy and perfect.

  “Ta-da.”

  “It’s very you, Pest.” Sean chuckled. “And yes, you win the sex bed war.”

  Jules groaned, but I laughed, preening a bit at the monstrosity with four posters and metal bars along the headboard. It was close to his, really, but mine was made by a guy in the lifestyle and it had little hooks and grommets in different places to restrain someone. It was fabulous. “The sheets are super soft too.”

  But not so soft you slid off the bed…I’d planned it out perfectly.

  The room was done in soft grays with pops of color that jumped out but all went together without anything being outlandish. I’d gotten the idea from a home magazine and it’d taken months of browsing through home stores, but I’d found everything I wanted.

  There was even a chest at the foot of the bed that held all my toys and fun stuff. It’d been labeled as an updated take on a hope chest, but the hopes I put into it were more fun than any tablecloth or old bedspread.

  “It is very you, Pest.” Sean leaned in and kissed my neck, sending a shiver down my spine. “You’re giving me all kinds of ideas.”

  Yes!

  “I hope they're naughty ones.” I tilted my head, offering more of my neck, but Jules ruined the moment by making gagging noises.

  “Stop that. I’m not watching you two have sex in here.” He sounded like a teenager who’d just walked in on his parents making out.

  Sean thought it was funny, but I knew Jules was starting to reach for his little side because of all the stress building up in him.

  “Fine. Drama queen.” But I turned to Sean. “He never lets me have any fun.”

  Sean was just smiling and doing his best to look like our banter was completely normal for friends. Well, maybe some of his friends. He really did collect very interesting people for someone who was so oblivious.

  “Come on, the tour is almost done.” I was smiling, but he was smart enough to realize that we hadn’t seen anything interesting enough to explain Jules’s nervousness. As he nodded, I could see his blank face right below the surface. Jules didn’t see it, but I’d watched Sean for years and I knew him well enough to spot it a mile away.

  As we headed out of my room and down toward the playroom, they were both very quiet. “Now, I expect lots of praise because the ceiling probably took ten years off my life.”

  Jules just groaned, somewhat embarrassed but mostly disagreeing with my drama. “You’re crazy. They were not that bad.”

  Sean smiled and shook his head but didn’t comment on our teasing as we stopped in the doorway. The space really was too small to be an adult’s bedroom, but it was perfect for a twin bed and all the toys a little could want.

  I was pretty sure Jules liked it because it was small and felt very different than his regular grown-up bedroom.

  Jules stood there quietly, frantically looking around for his binkie but refusing to say anything. Sean simply nodded for a few long seconds before he turned to Jules, and without blinking made me fall head over fucking heels for him.

  “Can I go in your room?” He said it simply, like he was asking for a cup of coffee, but there was something in his voice that made him sound like he wasn’t really talking to an adult anymore. It wasn’t baby talk or anything obvious but just something that touched me.

  Thank fuck.

  I knew he wouldn’t be an asshole, but that didn’t mean he’d know what to do.

  Part of me wished I’d just gone behind Jules’s back and warned him, but I couldn’t do that to Jules. He might’ve forgiven me, but I knew he’d never look at our friendship the same way again.

  Jules nodded slowly, his eyes darting back and forth between me and Sean. “Yes.”

  Another hurdle passed.

  Sean walked in, looking around like it was just as nicely decorated as the living room. “The space theme is great. I like your bedspread.”

  Jules finally relaxed because all the stress faded at the same moment, making him look like a deflating balloon. “Thanks. Derek found it for me.”

  I snorted. “You mean Derek searched the internet for a month to find you the exact one you wanted.”

  Kids were so fucking picky these days.

  Sean chuckled. “But it was important.”

  Jules just beamed. Great. Another adult who thought he should be pampered. I’d never get him to pick up the damned toys at the rate we were going.

  As they walked around the room, Jules showed Sean his favorite toys and his favorite stars and his favorite book…and on and on. But Sean never looked bored and seemed fascinated by every item Jules bragged about.

  When they finally got back to the bed, Sean absently grabbed the binkie and handed it to Jules. “I think this is what you were looking for earlier. We need to get you one of those little clips.”

  He was a keeper.

  Jules seemed to think so too based on his wide-eyed expression that was filled with awe. Sure, he was going to love having a second Daddy-ish person in his life right up until Sean made him clean up the damned Legos. Then we’d see how excited he was. I remembered Sean when Ethan was a teenager.

  He’d been a real hard-ass about chores.

  Thankfully I just wanted kink, not rules.

  Chapter 18

  Sean

  I’d nearly spit out my drink when Jules had come right out and asked if we were going to head back to my house to have sex or if he needed to go run some errands for a while.

  Dead.

  The conversation about boundaries and not wanting to hear friends or almost-Dom-ish-kind-of-Daddies have sex left me scared.

  After escaping somewhat unscathed and relieved not to have fucked up the “Jules was a little” part of the evening, getting back to the quiet of my house was wonderful. Well, relative quiet. I wasn’t going to count the giggles Derek let out when he threw himself at me.

  Wrapping him in my arms, I relaxed back on the couch and let out a deep breath, pushing out the stress of the evening. “I am very glad that went well.”

  Derek nodded, curling up tight against me. “Yes, though I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you. But it—”

  I interrupted, not wanting him to worry. “But it wasn’t your secret. I understand.”

  Kissing his head, I smiled. “You really did a great job on the ceiling. I tried those and they were a horrendous mess. I gave up after an hour.”

  He giggled again. “You should have heard me cursing. The damned things took forever.”

  I had a feeling that it was more out of pure stubbornness rather than any natural patience. “You did a wonderful job and Jules loves them.”

  The fact that Jules was a little filled i
n holes I didn’t realize were there. “Jules colored the pictures in your office, didn’t he?”

  Derek nodded. “I get new ones every few weeks. Sometimes sooner depending on how he feels.”

  “And that’s the reason he hasn’t talked to Frank?” I chuckled as Derek rolled his eyes. “I just realized before all the chaos of last week that the guy Frank mentioned was Jules.”

  “You can’t tell Frank, though I can tell you because Jules is going to let me talk to Frank, but he really likes him.”

  It was a convoluted sentence, but I was fairly sure I followed. “I can honestly say that Frank has no idea. He knows Jules is shy and he’s certain that Jules likes him because he’s seen Jules looking at him. But other than that, I have no idea what he’ll think about the little aspect.”

  But if I’d read about it in my limited research on BDSM and nontraditional lifestyles, then Frank had to have heard about it.

  Right?

  Derek sat up long enough to kiss me gently before curling back into me. “Thank you for handling that so well.”

  I scoffed. “I was honestly expecting something harder to understand. That’s binkies and cartoons. That I get. Some of the other stuff I’ve found online was much harder to grasp.”

  I was pretty positive that it wasn’t my thing, but I’d heard enough adults talking about coloring and what cartoons they were watching to understand why someone would be into it. Wait, was the Japanese stuff everyone was watching actually cartoons?

  “What did you think?” Derek didn’t ask questions he didn’t want to know the answer to, so I thought about it for a moment.

  “I’m not going to say I’m completely uninterested in it, because honestly, that’s what I would have said about dating a man six months ago, but I don’t think it’s something I need to explore. I picture myself as an honorary uncle who can find binkies.” I was too old for kids.

  Shit.

  Kids.

  “Do you want kids? I mean, I understand the difference and I’m not suggesting anything weird or untoward, but it brought the idea up and I’m just not sure—” Derek’s laughter had me stopping mid-sentence.