“He’s someone else I need to deal with,” Rubén mumbles.
“Let me know what you need from me. I’m there, with fucking bells on,” I tell him.
“I will. For now, it’s all about Amanda. I want her last few weeks…” he stops and swallows a couple of times. I place my hand on his shoulder and squeeze. Letting him know I’m here. I pull my hand away, taking a gulp of my beer until Rubén speaks again, “Anyway, I want to know what’s going on with Shannon. And that realtor you had working for you. That crazy bitch still stalking you?” He chuckles and I let him have that, knowing it’s his way of covering up, his way of composing himself.
“Shannon and I are officially divorced as of ten days ago,” I reply. Finally, I feel like the weight of that disaster has been lifted.
“Did you fold and give her anything?”
I nod and he rolls his eyes, but he doesn’t get it. “I gave her a quarter million.”
“The fuck is wrong with you? She should have walked away with nothing, you didn’t have to give her dick,” he chastises me.
“Yeah, I know. If I’d have done that she would have never left me alone. This way it’s small change to get rid of her forever,” I explain.
“How do you figure that?” He raises an eyebrow in question.
“I had it written into the divorce. Not a phone call, visit, letter, text, not a fucking telegram. No contact. If she does then the money is gone, she pays it all back or goes to jail. Simple. I figured it was more than worth it. Hell, I would have paid double that to get rid of her,” I answer him with a smirk which he mirrors. It’s a half truth, I know that even as it leaves my lips. After everything that Shannon put me through, the phone calls, the bitching, the cheating, in the end, I couldn’t blame her. She knew I was never really with her. I never chose her. I just stayed, when I should have let her go, probably fucking up her life while I blindly traveled through my own. I knew my life would never be blessed because Bel wasn’t a part of it, not even as a friend. Anabel was my home. Since I forced her out of my life all those years ago, I’ve been homeless.
“And the other crazy one?” Rubén asks bringing me back into the conversation.
“Layla got rid of her. She was getting clingy, then she became unprofessional. She stopped being able to do her job, which was the only reason I kept her ass on the company list of contractors. We’ve got a new guy. He seems pretty legit, although I leave that all to Layla now.” I stop talking and rub my chin. There was a time, up until recently, that I wouldn’t have even considered handing the reins over to anyone else. I control everything, like to know what’s going on at all times. I don’t have a board of directors or any shit like that, I manage it all myself. It’s never been an issue as I’ve never needed to answer to anyone. Even when I was married to Shannon, I was never worried about getting home by a certain time. She just wasn’t a priority. Now things have changed in my life. Everything has done a one-eighty. My priority is Bel. There isn’t a doubt in my mind about whether to put her first or not. She just is. I’ve handed a lot of my work over to Layla. I trust her, it’s about time I gave her more responsibility. Other CEOs would think I was crazy. She’s a PA, but I know that she’s way more than that. She’s been there through the last five years. Working day and night if needed. She’s earned her dues, but more than that, she’s damn good at whatever work I have her do. I need to take a step back, especially at the moment. I’ve put enough into the company, so I’m comfortable in the knowledge that it’s running smoothly, even if it’s not me at the helm.
“You can trust her to do good. She’s a fucking bulldog when it comes to work. I remember when she helped me out for a month, back when Heath worked for me. Sheesh.” He shakes his head with a grin. “She was better than most of the men who sit on my board,” Rubén says. I think back to that time, it was the only occasion I was worried about losing her to someone else. I knew, as loyal as she’s always been, the chance to work with her long-term boyfriend, someone she doesn’t get to see very often, was a definite pull. Rubén’s marketing company is big and as such manages to haul in some widely headhunted employees. He can pretty much hand pick his management. Thankfully, she stayed with me. We’ve both been lucky with our work. I believe that’s because we got away from this fucking place. The fact that two people from the same year in our town, both went off and made something of themselves, is big news. I know the guys that we used to hang with don’t like it, they can’t deal with the jealousy. Still we both did it, but in the process we left our hearts behind. If I could go back in time and change things, this time I’d tell her I love her too. Ask her to be with me, and beg her not to marry Keith, I would, without question. Even if it meant that I never played football, never had my company and never made my money. She’s worth everything to me. I’d give it all up in a heartbeat, I’m pretty sure Rubén would answer the same way as me about Amanda. Hopefully, in Bel, I’ll have my future. The one I’ve always wanted. I know one thing. Now she’s here with me, I finally have my home back.
“Mr Warren,” Rubén says holding out his hand. Amanda’s dad has aged. His once dark hair is now white all over and the lines on his face show both age and worry. This illness has been hard on him too. His eyes are sad and tired, and once again my stomach turns thinking about what’s coming.
“Rubén, Danny, I think we’re passed the formalities now, you’re both men. Please call me Mike.” He smiles but it doesn’t even come close to reaching his eyes. Nobody questions the lack of warmth. We know what he’s going through.
“Mike,” I say once he’s shaken Rubén’s hand, offering him my own.
“Danny, how’s your mom and pop?” His smile seems genuine this time.
“They’re good, thanks. Loving the Florida weather,” I return and he nods. “We’re this way,” I tell him, leading the way back to my rental.
Once we’re all in the car, Mike in the front with me, while Rubén squashes his big frame in the back. We make idle conversation until Rubén turns things a totally different way.
“Mr… Mike. I know this isn’t the time nor the place, in the back of a car from the airport to see your sick daughter, but when you get to the house obviously you’ll want to be with Amanda and I need to get this clear before we get there,” Rubén mumbles.
“Spit it out son,” Mike tells him with a smirk.
“I’m in love with her.” Rubén’s words make me think of Bel. I have nobody to share that with from her side, because apart from Amanda, she has no one. I did share with my parents the night we became more than friends. My pop said about time, my mom just sighed happily down the phone line.
“S’pect you are son,” Mike replies and I can see Rubén’s surprise when his head jolts, just slightly, at the words.
“You knew,” Rubén says but it’s not a question.
“Probably get this Rubén, but I’ll lay it out anyway. My daughter and me, we’re close. We have been since her momma died, but more so when we moved to France together. She had Pierre for a while.” Mike stops and grinds his teeth. “You know that didn’t end well. Always thought he was a bit weak. Didn’t realize my daughter would be walking down the aisle to a man that would abandon her when she needed him the most.” He stops again, I can feel the emotion rolling off him, it’s choking. When I look in the rear view mirror at Rubén, his face is hard, angry and I know it’s because he’s thinking of Amanda being left to deal with all her shit alone. “Still, I know she had a thing for you when she was younger. Nothing seemed to develop between you, unless I missed it?” He turns to Rubén, who shakes his head once in the negative. “So that was that. A bit like you and Anabel,” he says looking over at me. “She was smitten with you. After you left she was closed off for a while. Never seen a girl of that age, manage to convince herself so fiercely, that she was doing the right thing by marrying someone she didn’t really love.” He shakes his head sadly, and I grip the steering wheel harder turning my knuckles white while clenching my jaw. In that m
oment it dawns on me that I’m no better than Pierre, I abandoned her. Granted, I thought I was doing the right thing, but still, there’s no way to pretty it up. “Mandy has told me she’s happy with you. I figure she’s told you she loves you. Not sure if she has, and normally I wouldn’t be the one to say it but obviously she hasn’t got time. You make her happy. Continue doing that and we’ll be solid. She could do with a bit of beautiful before…” He stops talking and we all go quiet. Everyone seems lost in their own thoughts for the rest of the journey until we turn into Amanda’s road. Then Rubén breaks the silence.
“Mike, when things aren’t all about Amanda anymore…” he stops and grinds his teeth before continuing, “…I’ll be coming to you, asking for a favor.”
“And what might that be, son?” Mike asks turning in the passenger seat to look at Rubén.
“Everything you know about Pierre Bellerose,” Rubén answers. A tinge of anger in his tone.
Mike turns back around, looking ahead at the road. He nods. “Consider it done.” Then the car, once again, falls silent.
“Anabel,” Mike breathes out as he clasps the top of my arms and just looks at me. “I’ve missed you, darlin’.” He crushes me into his chest and I take in his scent of Old Spice and ginger, even after all these years, he still smells the same.
“I missed you, too,” I whisper back.
“We need to talk later sweetheart, after I reconnect with my little girl. How is she?” The worry in his voice makes it wobble. I glance down to my clenched fists, before looking back at him.
“She’s gone downhill… since yesterday.” I bite my bottom lip and look at him. His eyes have a faraway look, and I know that my words are causing him pain.
“It’s okay, darlin’, not like this is a surprise. Got her call the other day, knew it was time to get my ass in the air.” He hugs me again.
“She’s downstairs,” I tell him and watch as he nods, giving me a small smile, making his way to Amanda. I don’t need to explain where the room is, this is his old house. It must be hard for him being back here. I know it’s not somewhere he ever wanted to revisit. On top of all the pain that he’s feeling right now, he has to walk into the room that Katherine, Amanda’s mom, spent her last hours in. Now he’s going to watch his daughter, in the next few weeks, lose her life there too.
“Hey baby,” Danny whispers pulling me into his arms, only leaning back slightly to wipe away the tears I was ignoring.
I cling to him for a few minutes as I hear Rubén leave the room, heading out back. Then I pull away from him. “Danny, I’m going to go and jot down some thoughts.”
“You know, although I suggested that notebook and I still think it’s a good idea, you can come and talk to me. I’ll always be here to listen if you need me. I’m here for whatever you might want. Always,” he says, wiping away yet another tear.
“I know. Thank you. I just need to purge everything, so my mind is as clear and as focused as possible for her. I’ll return to look at my thoughts after...” I don’t finish my sentence. He knows what I mean. Danny leans down gently kissing my mouth then letting me go, he walks off in the direction that Rubén just went. As I walk up the stairs to my room, the house is quiet and I hear Amanda and her pop chatting.
“No. It’s fine, Pop. I’ll be fine,” Amanda’s voice is muffled, but I can still hear the sadness.
“I’ll figure something out,” Mike tells her.
“You can’t. You don’t have the money to get a nurse,” she replies and I want to walk down there and butt into their conversation. Now isn’t the right time. I will bring it up later, though.
Their voices become quieter as I continue to my room. Sitting on the windowsill, I grab my notebook and open up a new page.
I watch people with Amanda since she’s been back. Of those people who know about the cancer—mainly people we’ve known for years, that inevitably, we have bumped into around town and she’s shared her illness with—they all look upon her with pity. I hate that for her. It’s not what she wants, needs or deserves. I want to shout at them, tell them if they want to do something then smile or chat with her like they would if they didn’t know she was dying. Give her the last few weeks of normal that she so desperately craves.
Still, I can’t be mad, I get it. I do. It’s just that I’ve had time to work out what she needs from me. I can’t say I’ve gotten used to it because I don’t think that’s possible. I can’t even say I’ve come to terms with it, I’m not sure that will ever happen. But, I do feel like I’ve learnt how to deal with her. I say deal with her because, although I have no experience, I would imagine everyone is different. Every single person that is facing imminent death will, no doubt, want or need something different than what the next person does.
Knowing Amanda, and more than that, asking her honestly what it is that she’d like from the time she has left, has determined how I deal with her. Giving her strength, showing her normal, helping to fulfill her wishes and just being with her as much as I possibly can… that’s what I do for her. That’s what she wants.
Holding myself together is getting harder. When she’s spending time out with us, doing fun things, I can somewhat overlook that tiredness creeping in. Dismiss the weight she’s losing. As she starts becoming more unwell, bedridden, weaker, and starts wasting away, I’m scared. Scared of my reactions to her. Scared that I won’t be able to control what she sees in my eyes. Scared that the fight in me, the fight I have… for her… that fight might be overpowered by the sadness I constantly feel. The pain that I’m always battling with.
I won’t give up fighting. Every. Single. Moment.
I’ll pull out everything within me and wring myself dry for her.
As long as I’m fighting, I hope she will too.
I wander around the grocery store, grabbing things without really thinking about it and throwing them in the cart. Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve managed to pick up some cleaning jobs in the evening, specifically after Amanda’s in bed. Unfortunately, there were no night shifts at the Hatfield Club. The money I’d saved from working there, though, has been keeping me afloat. I need to find another job soon. I know that Danny mentioned the possibility of reopening my pop’s ice cream store, but he hasn’t said anything more and I don’t want to ask him. He wanted to come with me to the store, to help, more likely to make sure I was okay, but I asked him to stay at the house with Rubén.
It’s strange, for all of us, it’s like real life has been put on hold. Not one of us cares what’s happening in the rest of the world. It seems Rubén and Danny are not in the slightest bit interested in their businesses either. Danny argued that I shouldn’t be on my own, even visiting the store. I explained that being on my own was exactly what I needed right now. Mike was with Amanda when I left, they hadn’t seen each other for weeks and need that time together. The cupboards need restocking and Rubén is wandering around like a lost sheep. Now, though, I seem to be in a trance, aimlessly in search of nothing and something all at the same time.
“Anabel…” the soft voice startles me and I spin on my heel. Finding myself looking straight into the eyes of Ashley Summers.
“Ashley?” I choke out. It’s not like I haven’t seen her around here and there over the years. But we’ve never spoken.
“Is it true?” she asks softly.
“Is what true?” I ask, my stomach dropping, hoping she’s not asking about Amanda. Ashley Summers is the last person I want to talk to about Amanda.
“You’ve left Keith? It’s just that the town is all talking about it. Since I moved just outside of town, I don’t hear the news real quick, so I only heard two days ago.”
I stare at her, shaking my head. I can’t believe this is what she’s asking. After everything that has happened to me in the last few weeks, Keith is the furthest thing from my mind.
“I take it that’s a no then?” she asks looking back at me and I realize I’m still shaking my head.
“Sorry, yes, no. I me
an, yes, I’ve left Keith.” Her eyes widen and I let myself think about Keith for a moment. I started the divorce, but it’s kind of stalled since I left my job. I plan on picking up where I left off, though, as soon as I can. The last few times I’ve seen him, he’s been polite, nodding a hello to me or smiling. He hasn’t approached me, apart from that one time with Declan. He seems to be letting me live my life. This is the first time in all the years that I finally feel some peace between us. Ashley shatters that with her next few sentences.
“Oh good, I hoped so. I mean, he told me you were, but I really wanted to confirm with you. I’m just glad he’s finally spending time with Bobby. They’ve now got as much time as they need to get to really know each other. Not that I’m saying you were stopping him,” she tells me, placing her hand on my arm and I’m thrown. The first thing that comes to mind is that I can see the sincerity in her eyes. Now, I haven’t seen this woman in years, but whenever I have, her eyes have always sliced through me. She was nasty to me back at school as she always wanted to be with Keith. Now, suddenly, she’s being nice? Confusion swirls around my head. The next thing that hits me, I realize probably should have been the first thing I thought about, was her talking about a Bobby? And Keith getting to know him?
Finally Unbroken Page 16
