“Thanks,” I manage, “I may need that.” Silently, though, I shy away from the idea.
For a few moments, neither of us speaks. I fear my awkward reply has upset Annabelle, but outwardly, she seems the same. I try not to make the situation worse by not speaking, so I force myself to think of something to say.
“So, what are you planning to do, now that you’re here?”
Annabelle perks up. “I’m going to start college next week at UNM. I’m still deciding between physics and biochemistry for majors, but David said I could just start with the general education classes for now. And when I’m not in class, we can train with each other and I can help you work on your control. David thought I might be good at teaching control, but I don’t know if he really believed that.”
“David,” I say under my breath. Suddenly, Annabelle showing up here puts me on edge. “Was it his idea for you to move here?”
A frown spreads across Annabelle’s face at my sharp words. “I was the one who asked to come here. He didn’t send me, if that’s what you’re thinking. I didn’t want to stay there not knowing when I’d see you again.” She looks down and twists her hands together. “I thought you’d be glad I came. I don’t have a lot of friends back at the compound, and I thought over the last two weeks we’d sort of, well, become friends.”
Part of me wants to rush straight into an apology, but I can’t. Even though I’ve come to trust Annabelle, I don’t trust that she isn’t being used by David. My eyes stay narrowed, worrying and wondering for a few more seconds before realizing it doesn’t matter. I don’t plan on giving David anything to use against me. If the last two weeks taught me anything, they taught me to play David. My hostile stance relaxes as I admit that I am glad to have Annabelle nearby.
Slowly, I settle back against the bench and take in the fact that what Annabelle said is true. “We are friends, Annabelle, and I am glad you’re here. I’m sorry. It’s just that any time David gets involved in something, I get suspicious. It was him I doubted, not you.”
Annabelle nudges me playfully. “It’s okay. I don’t trust David either.” She smiles. “He was a little too willing to help me get set up here. I’m sure he’s expecting me to keep an eye on you, but that’s his job. I’m just excited to see what life outside the compound is really like.”
“I hope you like it here.”
“I’m sure I will.”
When Annabelle settles back against the bench, her shoulder brushes mine. It feels oddly natural. I don’t know why I expected it to be any different now than it was at the compound. Annabelle was always a bright spot for me in an otherwise dark world of uncertainty and regret. But that was back at the compound where everything was different. Out in the real world, I guess I expected her to change, become the real version of herself. It makes me smile to see that she is exactly who I thought she was.
“I don’t really have any friends,” I say, “or, I didn’t before I met you. I really am glad you’re here, Annabelle.”
Perking up, Annabelle says. “Me too! I want to do so many things, and I was hoping you’d do them with me.”
“What kind of things?” I ask with a laugh.
“Go to a movie, stay up late, shop for myself, get a job maybe, watch you play sports, go rock climbing, dance at a club…” She sighs. “I just can’t wait to start doing normal things.”
I look over at Annabelle, choosing my words carefully. “Some of the other students at the compound told me how they would go home during the holidays. It, uh, sounds like you didn’t leave the compound very often.”
“I didn’t,” Annabelle says. “My parents had five kids, but I was the only one born a Godling. I was the first one in generations. They never took the training seriously, so when I came along, they were terrified of me. Then the sickness started soon after my hunger began to develop when I was three and they panicked. I think they were happy when David took me away.”
“Did they ever visit or let you come home?”
Annabelle shrugs. “At first, they would visit, but I think every time they came, they expected me to be fixed. When it didn’t happen after a year, they gave up.”
Rather than telling Annabelle how sorry I am that her parents suck, I stand up from the bench and yank her up with me. The surprise on her face quickly turns into a smile. “Where are we going?”
“Just come on. I need to get my coat and tell my grandma we’ll be back for dinner.”
Shrugging, Annabelle lets me tow her through the house—making a pit stop at the kitchen to tell my grandma goodbye—and then out to my truck. When I let go of her hand and gesture for her to get in, she does so willingly. I climb in after her and roll out of the driveway without a word. As if Annabelle somehow knows that where I’m taking her isn’t somewhere I would normally share with anyone, she sits quietly and doesn’t give me any reason to change my mind. It’s not until I kill the engine, and she looks out at the limestone and desert surrounding us, that she speaks up.
“Um, what is this place?”
“Come on, I’ll show you,” I say as I get out of the truck and approach a familiar sandstone formation.
The quiet shuffle of Annabelle’s shoes swishing through the loose sand barely registers to my ears as I stare up at the towering rock. The pink and orange of a desert sunset hovers around the mesa top, casting dark shadows in the cracks and crevices. The effect is a dangerous illusion that there are ample hand and footholds that will get you to the top. The truth is quite the opposite.
“You said you wanted to learn how to rock climb.”
Annabelle looks over at me with wide eyes. “I was thinking more along the lines of an indoor climbing wall. You know, the kind with harnesses and mats all around the bottom.”
I’m actually a little surprised by her reaction. I look over at Annabelle. “Does this scare you?”
She shakes her head, her shock morphing into amazement. “No way. This is so much better than I imagined. Can we try it right now? Can you teach me?”
Laughing, I shake my head at her. “Sure, just let me get you some shoes from the truck. I think Van’s will fit you.”
A few minutes later, Annabelle and I both have climbing shoes and chalk bags. Annabelle approaches the formation eagerly. “Okay, what now?”
“Now, we climb.”
The first few minutes makes me doubt the wisdom of letting Annabelle climb with me. She’s so excited to try this that she can’t keep her grip on the rock and slips several times before finally beginning to make progress. Once she gets a good five feet off the ground, she settles down considerably. I smile as her expression becomes determined and focused.
We move more slowly than I would if I were by myself. I keep one eye on the holds I’m reaching for and one on Annabelle above me. I ask her multiple times if she’s ready to turn back, but each time she grabs another hold and keeps moving upward. Every foot she climbs make me more and more impressed with her. Somewhere around halfway up, I throw out any remaining doubts I had about her coming here.
Annabelle doesn’t stop until she reaches the edge of the formation. It’s only there that she pauses and looks down at me. “Um, how do I get up over the lip? There’s nothing to grab onto up there.”
“Just a minute,” I say as I leave my protective position below her and come up even with her. She watches me carefully as I demonstrate the safest way for her to lever her upper body onto the mesa so she can get her legs up after. It’s no surprise, by that point, that she does it flawlessly.
“Wow!” Annabelle exclaims. “It’s gorgeous up here.”
Sitting down next to her, I look out over the desert vista. The pinks and oranges painting the skies have darkened, leaving it to look more like a painting than real life. Most days when I come up here, it’s not to look at the view. It’s to escape.
I’m not escaping today. Today, I brought Annabelle with me to share something with her that might not be normal for everyone, but is for me. Today, I can appreciate ho
w amazing this spot is.
“This is where I come when I need to get away from everyone and everything.”
Annabelle looks away from the sky and glances over at me. Her fingers brush the back of my hand hesitantly. “But you brought me here. Why?”
“I don’t know,” I admit. I glance over at Annabelle. Looking away is suddenly harder than usual. The dying sunlight has warmed her pale skin and nearly set her red hair afire. Her gentle smile inspires a feeling I can’t really explain. “All I know is that I feel better when you’re around.”
Annabelle snaps her hands away from me and stares at them. “I wasn’t doing anything, I promise.”
“Huh?” It takes me a moment to realize what she’s talking about. When I do, I laugh. “No, I didn’t mean you using your gift. I just meant you.”
Annabelle blushes. “Oh.”
The red in her face makes me wonder. “Have you used your gift on me without telling me?” The two times she has tried to use it openly, I have pulled back, scared to let her gift touch me. “I thought it only worked when you made your hands glow.”
Now Annabelle really looks embarrassed. “No!” she exclaims. She shakes her head. “I’ve never used my gift on you without your permission because I know it would have upset you, but yes, I can do it without glowing as you put it. I only glow when I’m using a lot of power.”
“Then why is your face as red as your hair?”
Annabelle huffs at me, clearly annoyed at having to answer. Yet, when she turns her chin up to face me, there is a sweet, beautiful longing in her eyes. “Because I want to use my gift on you. All the time. You’re so hurt, Zander, so close to breaking sometimes. I can’t bear to see that happen.”
“I…”
The feeling of being completely laid bare in front of Annabelle freezes me. Part of me wants to pull away, to hide, but I can’t this time. When she places her hands on either side of my face, I find it impossible to push her away.
“Can I?” she asks quietly.
I can’t find any words to respond. Annabelle seems to take my silence as answer enough. The glow of her hands doesn’t startle me this time. I don’t really know what is happening. A hint of fear begins to creep into my soul as the light expands from her hands. I can feel it sinking into me, though that hardly makes sense. My body stiffens as the light pools inside my chest. I try to say something, tell her to stop, but no words come out.
Without warning of any kind, everything changes. The breath I was holding flows out of me like a river, swift and sure, and carried with it is my pain. Warmth seeps into me like a wave of pure peace. The sensation shocks me to my core. I cannot move as the hurts I have caused the people I love begin to soften and warm. Lisa’s death vanishes from my heart. The agony Van has lived under since giving up Ketchup on my command slips away. Everything I did to hurt Ivy becomes a mere memory. One by one, they vanish from my heart, leaving only love and happiness. It shatters me to know I have not felt this happy since childhood. The sheer volume of pain I have felt and caused to others is enough to break me.
It only lasts a moment before Annabelle pulls back, and I have to stop myself from grabbing her and begging her to keep going.
“I can’t believe David would let you out of his sight,” I say, shaking.
“Why?” Annabelle asks. The naiveté in her expression is impossible to doubt.
“Why? Because David is all about controlling people, and he could easily turn you into a powerful means of controlling his enemies,” I say. When Annabelle’s expression scrunches in confusion, I say, “Do you have any idea how easily someone could get addicted to what you can do, what someone would be willing to pay or do in order to have you at their beck and call?”
Annabelle’s hands disappear as she wraps her arms around her body. “Well,” she says quietly, “I guess it’s a good thing David doesn’t know the full extent of my gift then.”
“What do you mean?”
Slowly, Annabelle unfolds her arms and stares down at her palms. “You’re the only one who has ever seen my hands glow. I’ve never used my full power on anyone before.”
“You haven’t?”
She shakes her head. “As far as David knows, all I can do is mildly sedate nerves or panic. To him, I’m a so-so replacement for Xanax.”
Now it’s my turn to shake my head. “Why did you show me your full gift? You didn’t even know me that first day at the compound.”
Annabelle shrugs. “For the same reason you brought me here, I guess.”
Neither of us says anything for a long while. We watch the sun disappear completely. The silence doesn’t feel strange or awkward. It feels right, just like sharing with Annabelle what I would never share with anyone else does. When I finally move to get up, Annabelle doesn’t ask how she’s supposed to get down in the dark. She simply takes my hand when I offer it to her and curls her body against my chest, trusting me to protect her. She doesn’t even close her eyes when I jump.
Chapter Eighteen: A Place to Belong
(Zander)
Pulling up to Annabelle’s apartment building, I scan the parking lot for anything suspicious. It’s not any particular threat I’m worried about. I’ve never been the type of person to see shadows and rustling leaves as lurking dangers, but tonight is different. To be honest, it’s been different ever since we got back from the compound.
I pull into an empty parking space and glance at the numbers on the different buildings to locate Annabelle’s. As I walk toward her building, I admit to myself that the reason I feel more anxious than usual has less to do with leaving the confines of the compound and more to do with my reason for visiting Annabelle tonight. When I called her, I made it sound like I just wanted to hang out. I’m not sure how she’ll react to my real reason for coming.
My knock echoes in the old building. I glance up and down the clean, but tired hallway, thinking David could have found her a better apartment if he had tried even a little. When Annabelle opens the door with a grin, I forget about the hallway and smile.
“Come in, come in!” she says excitedly. “You’re my first official guest. What do you think?”
Looking around, I have mixed feelings. The small, one-bedroom apartment is nothing special. The white walls look newly painted and the whole place still smells a little like wet paint, but it looks like it’s been kept up well enough. What really gets to me is the sparseness of the apartment. Annabelle, who has spent most of her life a virtual orphan, has very few personal possessions. It makes me sad to see how little she has, but at the same time, it’s clear that she cherishes what she does have. The quilt spread over a worn-looking couch is so inviting that I can’t help trailing my fingers along it.
“I love it,” I say, making Annabelle beam.
“I’m so glad. You’re probably the only one I’ll ever have over, so I wanted it to be somewhere you’d feel comfortable.” Annabelle plops down on the couch and motions for me to join her. When I do, she says, “So, I know you said you just needed to get away from Ketchup, but it sounded like you had something else on your mind. What’s going on?”
Startled that she guessed I didn’t come over just to veg out on her couch, I try to gauge whether or not she’s bothered by that. Her happy, interested countenance seems to say she’s fine with my reasons, but I still tread lightly.
“I was hoping you could help me with something.”
Annabelle folds her legs under and turns slightly so she’s facing me straight on. “What kind of something?”
“The book you gave me has been really helpful when it comes to figuring out the basics about how Godling society is run and some of the history. I haven’t finished the whole book yet, but I don’t think it’s going to answer all of my questions.”
“It won’t,” Annabelle reassures me.
“That’s what I figured,” I say. “So, I was hoping you would. As much as you can, anyway.”
The way Annabelle tucks her bottom lip between her teeth makes me
nervous. “Zander,” she says quietly, “is this about Ivy?”
There are a lot of people I lie to on a daily basis. I have to in order to protect myself or my family. I don’t want Annabelle to be one of those people. I can’t tell her the whole truth, though. It’s not about trust. I don’t doubt Annabelle’s integrity. Her strength and will to keep my secrets may not be unbreakable when faced with David. He can’t take information from her that she doesn’t have.
“Partly,” I say.
“What part?”
Running a hand through my hair, I try to piece together my thoughts carefully. “I need to know more about Richiamos. I want to know where they come from and how they train, how they’re assigned, or even just what they really are. I want to stop them from targeting us.”
Gently, Annabelle places her hand on top of mine. “Zander, I don’t know the answers to any of those questions. I barely know anything about Richiamos.” She takes a deep breath. “But if this is really what you need right now, I’ll try to help you find what you’re looking for.”
“Really?” I ask without thinking.
Annabelle laughs softly. “Did you think I wouldn’t?”
Frowning, I say, “Well, I was a little concerned, yeah. I mean, not only would David be furious if he found out… but it’s about my ex-girlfriend, which is… awkward.”
One corner of Annabelle’s full lips turns up. I can tell she’s trying not to laugh at me, but oddly enough, it doesn’t make me feel self-conscious. “The important bit of that last one is the ex before the girlfriend part.”
Annabelle nudges me playfully with her elbow before becoming serious again. “Zander, I think you’ve probably already figured out that I like you…enough to leave the only home I’ve really ever known and move to a strange town, all because I know you need someone to be there for you right now. I want to be that person.”
Wicked Power Page 19
