The Not So Bad Boy: Give up EVERYTHING for a bad-boy charm?

by Raquel Belle

  He slowly kneaded the tension out of her upper shoulders, focusing attention on each blade before moving down to make slow circles on her mid and lower back. Hayley moaned with pleasure—she’d been so stressed lately, which meant she was pounding the pavement even more than usual, but not following her regular yoga routine, so her muscles had been tight for weeks. This, therefore, was pure bliss.

  Eric slowly caressed Hayley’s sides, and she could feel his fingers inching toward her breasts. Yes! He was finally going to go there! She was getting damp with excitement at the thought of him running his fingers along her stiff, peaked nipples, tweaking them and pinching them before flipping her over and taking one in his mouth.

  Sadly, that daydream was cruelly shattered when Eric’s hands moved down to her belly, past the curls sheltering the apex of her thighs, to her clitoris. He drew a few circles with his index finger at her bud before flipping her over and planting hot, open kisses down her stomach.

  Hayley had never imagined she’d turn her nose up at cunnilingus, but though Eric could get her to climax with his tongue and a few expertly placed fingers in less than five minutes, she was pretty sure she’d give up a year of being eaten out if it meant her breasts got some, fuck, any, attention. Did Eric not realize what a rocking body he was dealing with? 36 DD’s that hadn’t sagged, that were creamy white and tip-tilted, topped with dusky, pink nipples perfect for biting? How did he not notice them? They were, quite literally, right in front of him.

  Hayley let the frustration overwhelm her for a second, forgetting about the man licking her out, the man who was kind, caring, and overall, very good in the sack.

  But then, despite herself, she felt the orgasm begin to build in her, travelling up her spine, across her skull and down her front, tightening her nipples and belly before creating a delicious spasm that emanated from her center. Hayley came with a stifled scream, but what she screamed wasn’t Eric’s name, or some four letter word or platitude to a higher being. What she screamed was James’ name.

  Thankfully, she screamed this into the pillow next to her, which was one of Eric’s, and therefore its absurd fluffiness perfectly muffled her sound. To Eric, “James” had probably just sounded like “Ame!’, a generic sexual screech, and that was Hayley’s story, and she was sticking to it.

  Eric came up for air, planting a kiss on Hayley’s forehead and muttering “I’m so lucky” before going to the bathroom to clean up and get ready for bed. Hayley grabbed a t-shirt from the drawer under Eric’s bed, slipped that and her panties back on, and settled back under the covers. A few minutes later, Eric came back in, turned off the lights, and curled next to Hayley. He muttered something Hayley couldn’t hear and didn’t care. All she could think about was how much she wished someone else, someone very much like James, was sharing the bed with her.

  Chapter Four

  The next few weeks passed by in a whirlwind—Hayley was busy with parent meetings, lesson planning, and dates with Eric, and she and James were slowly getting to know each other better. They often had lunch together, either in the teacher’s lounge or at one of the cafés near the preschool. She learned that James was an extremely talented artist who sold his own prints on Society6 and Etsy, as well as at local craft fairs. He showed her a few of his tattoos, many of which he’d designed himself, and Hayley had to keep herself from swooning because the ones he’d shown her wound their way around his arms, showing off muscles toned from his kickboxing habit. Hayley showed James some of her sketchbooks, and he tried to convince her to contact local galleries about exhibits. She refused, though sometimes at night during those weeks, while lying next to a softly snoring Eric, she imagined herself at an exhibition, her own exhibition, showing off the paintings she had tucked away in the makeshift studio she’d set up in the corner of her apartment.

  It was weird that she’d been so keen to show James her work when she’d barely let Eric glimpse any, begging off with excuses about how nothing was finished yet or just the way I want it, and she’d show it to him when she was done. But truthfully, she didn’t want to show Eric her artwork. It was too intimate, and even though they’d been dating for over four months, she just wasn’t ready to let him see that part of her. With James, however, she was eager to show off her artistic side, thankful to finally have someone who would actually understand it.

  The aquarium field trip was only a week away when James came to her with an idea that Hayley couldn’t believe she hadn’t thought of. Have the kids draw the weirdest and wackiest sea creatures they could find. She and James spent an afternoon scouring the local public library for books on marine life and photocopying the best pictures, of creatures they knew the kids would love. The following day, they brought them into the classroom and posted them around the room, setting up stations with crayons, watercolors, and tempera paint.

  “Okay kiddos, to prepare us for our trip to the aquarium next week, Mr. James and I have posted some pictures of cool sea life around the room. We’re going to assign each of you to a station, and you’ll get twenty minutes to draw a picture that you think looks like the one at your station. Any questions?”

  Jimmy Thompson raised his hand. Since James’ arrival, Jimmy had become a whole different kid. He was no longer picking fights, eating paint, or talking back to Hayley. He wasn’t perfect, either—he still called the other kids names and James was working with him on “boundaries” to ensure he didn’t keep trying to chase the hopscotch girls at recess—but he was a much calmer, happier child than he’d been a few weeks ago, and Hayley knew that was partly due to James.

  Jimmy’s parents worked almost constantly, so he was usually picked up in the afternoon by a nanny, and taken home to play by himself until his dinner was prepared by the family’s personal chef. He rarely had play dates, had no siblings, and spent most of his time alone. That is, until James had gently suggested to his parents at yet another meeting with them that they try getting him a male nanny. One of James’ buddies on his masters course was a male nanny and babysitter with an undergraduate degree in Early Childhood Education, and he’d led twelve summers of basketball camp at his local Boys and Girls Club in Brooklyn before moving to Chicago for college.

  The Thompsons had hired Billy and within a week, Jimmy was a changed kid. He and Billy got along so well that the Thomspons had offered to pay the rest of Billy’s fees so he could quit his masters course and become their live-in nanny. He’d declined, saying he wanted to finish out his degree, but he’d committed to nannying Jimmy through the next two summers.

  This, along with a million other little things, was proof of how great a co-worker James was. He was also a great friend, a good nephew to Dan, an excellent son to his dad, and Hayley was beginning to think, generally just kind of perfect.

  As he led the kids to the various aquatic stations around the room, she took a moment to just watch him. The way he interacted with the kids and made each and every one of them feel special wasn’t something every teacher was able to do, not by a long shot. He might have been a skilled tattoo artist, but he was a born Kindergarten teacher.

  He looked up momentarily and caught Hayley staring at him. She waved, blushing profusely at him, and he giggled back at her and winked. Their rapport was so easy. Hayley had never felt this comfortable with someone before, with the exception of Kerry, and she had a not-so-sneaking suspicion that she was developing a colossal crush on James. He’d become the star in her daydreams, the person she thought about before she went to bed each night and the first thing she contemplated when she woke up. She practically sprang out of bed each weekday morning knowing she was going to see him, and had taken to sleeping at her apartment on weeknights instead of at Eric’s, so she could meet James at the coffee shop near school to grab a latte before the day started.

  They texted throughout each evening, sending each other links to interesting articles or good bands, and Hayley’s Instagram was littered with posts from local tattoo artists whose work James had introduced her to. />
  “You’re smitten,” Kerry observed later that day when they were in the teacher’s lounge making tea in between classes.

  “With Eric? I guess,” Hayley said, as she bobbed her green tea bag up and down in her mug.

  “No, doofus, with James. It’s painfully obvious, and you need to do something about it,” Kerry said, giving Hayley a no-nonsense raised eyebrow, as she poured honey in her English Breakfast Tea.

  Hayley groaned. “It’s that obvious?”

  “Only to me, because I know you so well, but if you both keep up with the way things are going, other people are going to notice it, too. Other people like your boyfriend. Who I’m guessing you have yet to inform James about.”

  “It may not have come up in conversation yet,” Hayley conceded, avoiding eye contact with Kerry lest she get the patented Kerry Gray death stare. It was the same stare Kerry had given her after she’d come into the school the day after her date with Eric and declared the date a smashing success! No chemistry, but that’ll build eventually, right?

  “Hayley, you need to tell him. Or better yet, you need to tell James you have a boyfriend, but that you’re breaking up with him because you’ve developed feelings for someone else. Someone being him.”

  Hayley knew Kerry was right. She knew she was leading James on, letting him think they were growing closer as friends, closer to a potential, future coupledom, when in reality she was still seeing Eric at least three times a week and having sex, though unsatisfying, no-boob-play sex, with him at least twice a week. But she was worried that if she broke up with Eric and told James how she felt, he’d be like every other bad boy she’d ever met, and break her heart, and she’d end up right back where she started: alone, jaded, and hating all straight, cis men.

  “I know you’re right. But I’m scared. What if he…?”

  Kerry finished for her. “What if he breaks your heart, and you’re alone again, and you hate guys more than ever? I understand that fear, but you can’t throw him into the same box you label all your exes with. Just because he wears a leather jacket and has tattoos does not make him a ‘bad boy.’ It just means he likes body art and classic clothes. From all the conversations I’ve had with him, James seems like an extremely sweet, kind person who’s emotionally intelligent and honest. I think you have a better chance of breaking his heart than vice versa.”

  Hayley nodded. “Well, I’m seeing Eric tonight, so I’ll talk to him and tell him how I’m feeling. I mean, it’s been almost five months, and we haven’t even said ‘I love you’ to each other. It can’t be going that well if we haven’t even crossed that hurdle, right?”

  “Babe, it doesn’t matter if you’ve declared your undying love for each other and started making babies. If you’re spending this much time with another guy, you need to end things with Eric.”

  Hayley picked up her mug, grabbed a KitKat from the stash by the sugar jar, and looked Kerry in the eye. “Okay. I’m breaking up with him tonight, and I’ll tell James how I feel after the field trip.”

  “Excellent!” Kerry shouted, and they both left the lounge, Hayley on a mission and Kerry just behind her.

  Chapter Five

  Eric had booked a table for them at a new Thai restaurant downtown, so Hayley went home to change before meeting him. She had a hell of a time finding an outfit, however. What exactly did one wear to break up with one’s boyfriend? Dressing sexy felt a bit mean, considering the circumstances, but she couldn’t very well show up at one of the nicest restaurants in town wearing jeans and her Reading is Sexy t-shirt. In the end, she settled for a mix of comfort and cute, with just enough class: v-neck purple empire waist dress that showed off her chest, a black fitted blazer, red, patent leather pumps and fleece-lined black tights because it was, after all, still winter in Chicago.

  The L was late, so Hayley walked into the restaurant just after seven. The maître’d took her coat and showed her to their table, where Eric sat, looking extremely nervous and fidgety in a dark blue blazer over a chambray shirt. As Hayley sat down, she swore she saw the telltale glint of cufflinks on his shirt. It must be a special occasion if he’d broken those out.

  “Sorry I’m late. Trouble with the L,” Hayley said as she settled into the chair across from him. Eric leaned over to kiss her on the cheek and nearly knocked over his water glass in the process.

  “It’s fine, don’t worry about it. You’re here now,” he said, giving Hayley an adoring look. “You look amazing.”

  Hayley smiled and returned the compliment. “So, what’s the special occasion?”

  Eric waved her off, almost smacking a passing waiter in the stomach as he did. He blanched briefly, then recovered and said, “Oh, let’s talk about that once we’ve ordered. Do you want some wine? They have a great list of Rieslings and Chardonnays here.”

  Hayley had never seen Eric this nervous. What was wrong with him? Did he sense that she wanted to have The Talk? Maybe he needed a bit of wine to calm down. When in doubt, alcohol was the answer. When the waiter approached the table, they ordered a bottle of 2005 Hansel Chardonnay. Hayley let Eric do the tasting when it arrived at the table, and he noticeably relaxed as the alcohol began to course through his system and his glass slowly emptied.

  “You okay? You looked a bit hot under the collar for a while there,” Hayley said, as she took a sip of her wine. She was hoping he wouldn’t blurt out I know you’re trying to break up with me, but with the way he was acting, she wouldn’t put it past him.

  Before Eric could answer, though, their waiter came by to take their orders. Hayley had been staring at the menu for what felt like twenty minutes without actually reading it, so she randomly chose the shrimp pad Thai and corn cakes and handed her menu over. Eric went for the Beef Rendang Curry and the pork and vegetable spring rolls.

  Once the waiter had left, Eric turned to her and, with a very serious look on his face, took Hayley’s hands in his. “There’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you,” he said.

  Oh shit. Oh my god. He’s not going to propose, is he? On the night I’m supposed to break up with him? It’s only been five months! She started to sweat a little as Eric leaned in toward her and opened his mouth, but the words that came out were nothing like what she had expected.

  “Will you move in with me?”

  ***

  Hayley sat there in silence for a few seconds before realizing that Eric was waiting for an answer. Did he really think they were moving toward that step in their relationship? Hayley had been absent-minded lately, but she still knew that she hadn’t given off any sign whatsoever that she wanted to take the relationship to the next level. After all, they’d only been dating for five months! Even if she hadn’t been about to break up with him that night, it was still far too early for them to move in together. They hadn’t even said I love you!

  Hayley was about to respond when Eric went on. “These past few weeks, you’ve been so busy, and it’s made me realize how nice it would be to be able to go to bed and wake up in the same bed together every day. We’d get to see each other so much more, and I know I haven’t said it yet, but I love you, Hayl. I want to be with you all the time. I think about you all the time.”

  There was that horrible nickname again. He hadn’t said it since their near-break up a month ago, so Hayley still hadn’t had an opportunity to tell Eric quite how much she hated people shortening her name, and she didn’t think that telling him that, plus that she didn’t love him and wanted to break up, was the best move just then. Instead, she said, “That’s so sweet, Eric. But I’m not sure we’re there yet. The truth is…”

  The waiter arrived as Hayley was about to finish her sentence, and she didn’t think she could in good conscience continue with the break-up while the appetizers were being set down in front of them. Eric took a huge bite out of his spring roll the moment the waiter left, looking at her sheepishly. “Sorry, I haven’t eaten all day. I’ve been too nervous. Go on.”

  “It’s fine, don’t worry about it. A
s I was saying…” Again, before she could finish, a different waiter came by to check on the wine. Hayley quickly told her it was amazing, delicious, delightfully refreshing, and the girl walked away, giving Hayley an odd look. But Hayley couldn’t help it. She was getting seriously exasperated. She just needed to bite the bullet and do it, without some well-meaning restaurant personnel interrupting her.

  The words I want to break up were nearly out of her mouth when she looked across at Eric. There was a glob of sweet chili sauce on his chin, his eyes were wide with what looked like fear, and his tie was slightly askew. He was adorably ruffled, and suddenly, Hayley knew she couldn’t just ditch him. Not in a public place. This break-up needed to be done in the privacy of one of their homes, preferably hers, so she could kick him out and go to bed afterward. Heartless, but she was exhausted, after all.

  So, instead of telling Eric that not only did she not want to live with him, she also didn’t love him and didn’t want to continue dating him, instead, she said, “You’re so sweet, Eric. I’m not sure I’m quite ready for that step yet, though. Why don’t we go back to my place after dinner, and we can talk?”

  Eric visibly relaxed at this and nodded, squeezing Hayley’s hands, which were still wrapped in his slightly sweaty palms. “Sure thing, babe.”

  ***

  The dinner was delicious, and Hayley and Eric talked easily while they sampled each other’s dishes and drank not one, but two bottles of Chardonnay. Eric refused to let Hayley cover the bill, which irked her, since they switched off paying for outings, and it was technically her turn to pay, but she brushed it off, figuring tonight was not the night to give Eric a talk about feminism and how capable she was of paying her own way.

  They took a cab back to her apartment and held hands as they mounted the steps to her door on the third floor. Eric nuzzled Hayley’s neck as she undid the three locks, and Hayley could clearly feel the hardness in his trousers as he pressed himself against her back.