The Not So Bad Boy: Give up EVERYTHING for a bad-boy charm?

by Raquel Belle

  “I can’t wait to be in you,” he whispered in her ear, and Hayley felt herself growing wet. Stay strong, she reminded herself. Sleeping with Eric and then breaking up with him would send the wrong message, and the goal was to be boyfriend-free by the next day, so she could stop feeling guilty about flirting with James.

  When they entered Hayley’s living room, she directed Eric to the couch while she went to “freshen up.” Really, she was just going to collect herself for a few minutes and give herself a much-needed pep talk in the mirror before reapplying Maybelline Pioneer Superstay lipstick. It always made her feel like a superhero, and she definitely needed a little otherworldly boost right now.

  After washing her hands and reapplying her lipstick, Hayley glanced down at her phone. Without thinking, she clicked on Instagram, and the first picture that popped up on her feed was of James. With a woman. And a beautiful woman at that. It was a selfie taken in a dark, intimate bar Hayley had yet to go to. The woman was a brunette, with long, glossy locks spilling over her one-shouldered black dress. She was pressed against James, her eyes locked with his as they both smiled at each other. Hayley was positive James had never smiled at her like that. And he’d never mentioned a girlfriend. Of course, Hayley had never mentioned having a boyfriend, so she couldn’t exactly talk.

  Maybe it’s a one-off photograph, Hayley thought to herself. He might just be on a date. That didn’t necessarily mean he was dating anyone. She could [maybe] live with the possibility that he was on a date with someone. She navigated over to his feed and began scrolling, but to her dismay, there were at least ten pictures of this woman on James’ page: pictures of them at 5ks, at the zoo, at Pequod’s in Lincoln Park. A couple doing coupley things. Fuck.

  Hayley couldn’t break up with Eric now. Not if there was a chance that when she did, there would be no James to date. Being with Eric, even if he was ten steps ahead of her in the relationship, was better than being alone.

  Which was why, ten minutes later, Hayley and Eric were naked in her bed and she was sucking his cock. Eric was making appreciative sounds, his breath getting faster, indicating that he was close to climax, and Hayley was touching herself, thinking not about the man whose member was currently in her mouth, but about James. About what he’d feel like beneath her as she was rolling her hips against his, the friction hitting deliciously at her clit. Would he suck on her nipples as she leaned over his face, sliding up and down on his cock? She’d seen him eyeing her chest before, and knew he appreciated it when she wore tight t-shirts and tank tops under her sweaters. She had a feeling that, if given the chance, he’d worship her tits. The idea of his mouth on her nipple, his fingers tweaking the other until she was nearly crying out from a combination of pain and pleasure, sent Hayley over the edge. She came, her vulva pulsing around her fingers, and Eric, mistaking her orgasm as a result of getting off from sucking on him, came as well, shooting into her mouth as he thrust into her. When he was spent, Hayley slowly got up from the bed, and after placing a kiss on his stomach, went to clean up.

  Looking in the mirror, she saw her hair was disheveled, her eye make-up smudged, and her cheeks were puffy from the wine. She was a mess in body and mind and she had no one to blame but herself.

  Chapter Six

  The week leading up to the field trip was torture for Hayley. She’d been looking forward to a whole day with James for weeks, but since learning about his girlfriend, she’d been avoiding him whenever possible. She made excuses to miss their pre-work coffee meet-ups, ate her lunch with Kerry, or skipped the meal completely rather than risk seeing him in the teacher’s lounge and said only the bare minimum to him during and after lessons. It was impossible for James not to know something was wrong, but Hayley never gave him the chance to confront her about it, that is, not until the day of the field trip.

  The first half of the day went off without a hitch: all the kids showed up on time with lunches packed, the chaperones were eager and organized, and the bus got to the aquarium with minutes to spare. The classes were divided off into groups, with Hayley and James taking ten kids each. The tour guides assigned to them were enthusiastic and eager to answer any questions the students had, meaning that Hayley just had to make sure she didn’t lose anyone in one of the exhibits.

  It all fell apart at lunch. It was a warm enough day for the kids to eat their packed lunches on the grounds outside of the aquarium, and so the class all sat in a big group on the grass, munching on apples and sandwiches and talking about which were their favorite fishes. Hayley was sitting with Jimmy Thompson’s mother, who, surprisingly, had volunteered to be a chaperone, when James seated himself beside her.

  “Hey stranger,” he said as he unpacked the Tupperware container, banana, and apple from his pack.

  “Oh! Uh, hi!” Hayley said, overly bright. She’d been picking at the fried rice she’d made the night before, but as soon as James sat down, anxiety overtook her, and she completely lost her appetite.

  “I feel like we haven’t gotten a chance to talk all week. You okay?”

  Hayley nodded vigorously. “Yup, totally cool.” Totally cool? What was this, 1997? And of course she wasn’t okay. She’d been agonizing over him all week, constantly checking his Instagram feed for more photos of him and his mysterious girlfriend. Neither Hayley nor James was on Facebook, so it was impossible to stalk him that way. She’d been so addled that she’d cancelled two dates with Eric, saying she had a cold, and he’d sent her chicken soup and flowers with a note saying, Get well soon! Love, Eric. Love. Because he loved her. She’d yet to tell him the same, muttering “I really care about you” before they fell asleep the night of their almost ill-fated date. As for moving in together, Hayley had made the excuse that she’d only just gotten out of shared housing and wanted a bit more time living by herself. Eric had been totally understanding, if a little disappointed.

  James interrupted her train of thought when he said, “You sure? Feels a bit like you’re avoiding me. Have I done something to offend you?”

  Hayley whipped around to face him. “Of course not! I’ve just had a weird week.”

  James nodded. “Okay. Well, if you need to talk about it, you know I’m here, right? Maybe we could grab coffee tomorrow morning at the café before school. It’s been weird getting my caffeine fix alone this week.”

  “Sure thing. I’d like that.”

  They chatted for a few more minutes about inconsequential things, until Kerry called Hayley over to ask her a question. Hayley left her stuff by James, including her phone, which was how he came to read the text Eric sent Hayley a few minutes later that read: “Thinking about you and missing you. Love you.” An arbitrary selection of emoticons completed the text. James hated emoticons and the people who used them.

  Hayley came back a few minutes later and plopped down next to James. Kerry had called her over to ask a question about the bus pickup later that afternoon, and as they chatted, Hayley began to feel the tension that had been weaving its way through her shoulders all week begin to recede. Though she’d immediately tensed when James first sat next to her, knowing that she was able to talk to him without blurting out DO YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?!, and knowing she could be semi-normal with him, made her feel so much better. She actually always felt that way around him. It was a shame that they wouldn’t be able to date, but maybe having him as a friend was almost as good. He always put her at ease.

  “Your phone buzzed while you were with Kerry,” James said, giving her an odd look. Hayley took a bite of her rice before scrolling through her messages, her appetite having returned. Eric’s was the first to appear in her notifications. Fuck. Had James read that? Was that why he was looking at her so strangely?

  “Just a text from my boyfriend,” she said, deciding she’d fish a little using Eric as the bait. “He’s actually really nice. I think you’d both really get along.” They wouldn’t. “Maybe we should do a double date sometime?” The worst idea in the history of forever.

  “I don’t ha
ve a girlfriend,” James said bluntly. Hayley’s eyes nearly bugged out of her head. If he didn’t have a girlfriend, then who was that girl in all his Instagram photos? Had she seriously stayed with Eric when she could’ve been slowly courting James? Why had she taken a few Instagram posts as concrete evidence that James was taken? Damn!

  “Oh! I just assumed…” Hayley said.

  “And why would you assume that?” James asked.

  “Well, that girl in all your Instagram photos,” she said.

  James crackled a smile and leaned in closer to her. “Hayley Wright, have you been stalking my Insta feed?”

  “A little…” she ventured.

  “That girl is my sister. She just moved back to Chicago after living in Kansas for a while. We’re really close, and we do a lot of stuff together. Did you not notice the resemblance? Everyone always tells us we look like twins.” James pulled out his phone and pressed the button that took him to his lock screen. Sure enough, the woman, his sister, that he had taken the picture with did share a definite likeness to him. They both had dark hair, naturally arched eyebrows, high cheekbones and full lips. Their skin had the same olive tint to it and both had a smattering of freckles on their noses and cheeks. They were the spitting image of each other and Hayley had no idea how she hadn’t noticed it before.

  “Wow… You two definitely look alike.”

  “Is that why you’ve been avoiding me all week? Because you thought I had a girlfriend?”

  “How much of an idiot are you going to think I am if I say ‘yes’?” Hayley asked. An alarm went off on her watch, signaling that it was time for everyone to pack up and start the afternoon’s activities.

  “I’ll forgive you if you explain to me over coffee tomorrow exactly why you were so upset about the prospect of me having a girlfriend. Especially considering the fact that apparently you actually are coupled up.”

  And the tension was back in Hayley’s shoulders. She said yes to James and stood up, grabbing her stuff and rounding up her kids, hoping that a full afternoon packed with a dolphin show, a hands-on activity with manta rays, and a long bus ride back to school would leave no room in her mind to worry about what the hell she was going to say to James tomorrow.

  ***

  The following morning, Hayley once again woke up extra early so she could run off her stress. She added an extra mile to her normal running route, and as she pounded the concrete around Lake Michigan, she rehearsed what exactly she was going to say to James. How did she let him know that she was absolutely crushing on him, but was afraid he’d break her heart? And, more importantly, how did she explain, without offending him, that she was afraid he was a heartbreaker simply because he looked like a telltale bad boy? By the time she rounded the corner to her apartment, she was no closer to a good answer. She’d just have to wing it.

  James was waiting at a table in the back of the café when she walked in at 7:30. He’d ordered her favorite drink, a large soy mocha with an extra shot of espresso, along with a chocolate donut. Why was he so perfect?

  “You look beautiful this morning,” he told her as she sat down. Hayley seriously doubted that—there were huge circles under her eyes from lack of sleep, and she hadn’t been able to get her hair to lie flat despite going at it with a straightener multiple times and she was fairly certain she’d accidentally worn the feminine equivalent of a cowboy tuxedo.

  “Ha. Thanks. You look great too.” And he did. James was wearing a green, flannel shirt that brought out the hazel flecks in his eyes, and he’d left it unbuttoned enough to show a hint of dark chest hair. It took a Herculean effort for Hayley to keep herself from imaging running her fingers through that hair, and what that hair might lead to down below his boxers. But now was not the time for thoughts about cocks.

  “So… Let’s talk.”

  Hayley had been hoping they could ease into things, but perhaps it was best to just rip off the Band-Aid and get it over with. That way, if it all went terribly, she had enough time to send Dan an email claiming she was sick, walk back to her apartment, crawl back into bed, and stay there for the rest of the time, or until James left Brightside. Whichever came first.

  “Um. Okay. So. I think it’s probably pretty obvious that I like you. And I think you might like me? I do have a boyfriend, though we’re in the process of breaking up.”

  “The process of breaking up?” James asked. “What exactly does that entail?”

  “Me repeatedly trying to break up with him but eventually deciding against it because I’m terrified of being alone.”

  “Ah. Been there.”

  “You have?” Hayley said, incredulous. James seemed like such a confident, self-assured person that she couldn’t possibly imagine him having the same spinster freak-out she was plagued with at least twice a month.

  “Oh yeah. My last relationship lasted about three years too long because both of us were afraid we’d never find someone else.”

  “What made you finally end it?” Hayley asked.

  “The sex.”

  Hayley nearly spit out the sip of mocha she’d just taken. “Pardon me?”

  “The sex. It was the last thing that stopped working. We just didn’t find each other attractive anymore. So, I ended it. She’s now happily married with a kid on the way, so it worked out in the end. She found someone new, and I got to focus on my masters for a while.”

  “Wow. I mean, if we’re being honest, sex with Eric is one of the main reasons I have stayed so long.”

  James grinned. “And the rest of the relationship?”

  “It’s… stable. He’s good for me. He won’t break my heart.”

  “And I will?” James asked, looking not offended, but interested, like he was trying to suss Hayley out.

  “I don’t know. I’ve dated guys like you before, and…”

  James interrupted her. “Guys like me? What kind of guy am I, exactly?”

  “You’re mysterious and sexy and funny and smart and a little rough around the edges. You’re a hot bad boy. Basically, you’re everything I want but am too afraid to allow myself again.”

  “Hayley, I know we’ve only known each other for a few months, but you can’t lump me in with every failed relationship you’ve ever had because of some preconceived notion you have of me. Don’t pigeonhole me into some category just because I have tattoos and wear leather. Find out who I actually am, and then decide if I’m going to break your heart. Because from where I’m sitting, it seems much more likely that you’re going to break mine.”

  Hayley nodded mutely. She knew James was right, and she knew that she was making assumptions when she didn’t really know him. But there was only one way to get to know him, and that was by being his friend. Maybe, if she did that, she could figure out if they could, in fact, be more. And it would give her time to figure out what to do about Eric.

  “Okay. Then let’s be friends,” she said. “Let’s get to know each other, for real.”

  ***

  The rest of the day after their early-morning chat, Hayley and James worked as a team, and the day passed much more quickly for it. While Hayley had been avoiding James, the kids had noticed and begun acting out. Annie Short had started covering herself with green paint during art class, claiming she was trying to recreate the face mask her mother used every week, which was funny, until James realized that the paint gave Annie an allergic reaction that necessitated two doctor’s visits and three missed days of school. Kai Patel took to chewing on crayons with such vigor that by the end of the day, despite Hayley and James’ best efforts, his teeth were riddled with bits of orange and blue wax. And perhaps worst of all, Jimmy Thompson had returned to his old tricks, going so far as to pull the chair out from under Briana Tyler, whose mother had been none too pleased when James had to explain why her daughter had a giant bruise on her butt at pick-up that day.

  But with the teachers back together as a team, the kids calmed down, and the week after the field trip passed by with only a few accidents, and
most of them of the normal peeing-in-the-pants or eating glue variety. Things were back to normal and Hayley liked it. That is, they were normal at school. At home, with Eric, they were worse than ever.

  Hayley thought Eric had calmed down after their romantic dinner together, but he must have sensed the shift she felt within herself after her talk with James, because he suddenly became more needy than ever. Hayley came home Friday night, a week after the field trip, to find that Eric had let himself into her apartment using the spare key she had in the lockbox outside her door.

  “I guessed the combo,” he told her, like that wasn’t at all cause for alarm. Granted the combo was her mother’s birthday, but considering Eric had never met Hayley’s mother, she found it a bit concerning that he knew the woman’s birthday. Worse, Eric had bought what looked like a week’s worth of groceries, which were scattered all over her tiny galley kitchen, and had planted himself in front of Hayley’s stove to cook a veritable feast. As she walked by on her way to her room to change out of her work clothes, Hayley spied a whole roast chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, green beans and what looked suspiciously like homemade dinner rolls on various spots of her tiny counter.

  “Did you make all this?” she asked, incredulous. It was only five o’clock, and a meal like that must have taken hours to make.

  “Yeah! My house sale ended at two so I picked up groceries and came right here. Thought I’d surprise you with a comforting meal after your long week at work.”

  Hayley nodded her head mutely and walked into her room and shut the door. Long week at work? This had been the easiest week she’d had in months, possibly years. And she’d told Eric as much at their dinner Tuesday night. When he’d asked how her week was going, she’d said, in these exact words: It’s the easiest week I’ve had in so long! It’s great. So why the hell was Eric making it sound like Hayley had been slaving away? Was it just an excuse for him to pamper her? And why didn’t she want to be pampered?