Why Not Tonight

by Susan Mallery

That was as much of a pep talk as she could manage, so she forced herself to her feet and walked across the parking lot to the studio.

  The building was closed and dark. She knew Ronan was working from home and she wasn’t sure where Mathias and Nick were. After unlocking the door, she stepped inside and turned on the lights.

  Nothing looked all that different than it had before. All the workstations were just as messy. The huge oven still sat in the far corner. She turned toward her area and saw the big easel was empty, which made her wonder where her canvas was. There was no way the guys would have thrown it out. She’d just assumed it would be waiting for her, all big and burned and ugly.

  She looked around the studio but didn’t see it anywhere. She went into the storeroom and saw it leaning up against the far wall. Her heart stopped as she relived the horrifying moment of the first flames consuming her beautiful flowers. The sound of the canvas hitting the concrete floor replayed in her mind over and over again.

  But even as the sound filled her mind, she couldn’t help noticing the damage wasn’t total. The top of the canvas had suffered the most and the flowers were burned down to the glue, but at the very bottom they were barely touched and three butterflies were intact. The flowers in the middle had scorched and burned petals, the black contrasting with the vivid colors she’d chosen for her piece. There was, she had to admit, a savage beauty to what was left.

  She carried the canvas to her workstation and set it on the easel, then walked back and forth as she studied the canvas. While it still hurt to see the destruction, a part of her knew there might be other possibilities.

  She ran her hands across the flowers. Burned bits fluttered to the ground. She did it again, faster this time, until all the loose pieces were gone. The flowers at the top were totally denuded. She would have to do something there for sure. And while she’d always thought she was only going to work with paper on this one, maybe not. Maybe it was time to add something else to the mix.

  She dragged her supply cart close and began pulling out drawers and setting them on her desk. Buttons, she thought. Metal. She needed metal. More flowers on the top, but maybe not out of paper. Fabric might be better, with a huge butterfly dominating the middle.

  She worked until her back and arms ached. When she finally stopped it was after six and she was exhausted. She hadn’t had anything to eat or drink since that morning, but none of that mattered. Not when she looked at what she’d done.

  From the ashes, she thought. In this case, literally. She still had a lot to do, but she could see where she was going. The flowers were the base, but now there was so much more. There was dimension in the piece. Determination.

  Her crushed heart opened and joy rushed in. She wasn’t broken or even beaten. She’d regrouped and she would be fine. As for the canvas in front of her...with a little time and love, it would still be her best creation ever.

  She put away her supplies, then left the studio, careful to lock the door behind her. She got her bag and went to her car. Nearly a half hour later, she pulled up in front of Ronan’s house. He met her at the door, his gaze questioning.

  “Are you all right?” he asked.

  She stepped inside, dropped her bag on the floor, then raised herself on tiptoe and kissed him.

  “Let’s go do it,” she whispered.

  “You don’t have to ask me twice,” he said, pulling her down the hallway.

  A quality she could totally respect in a man.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  “I’M NERVOUS,” NATALIE WHISPERED.

  Ronan pulled into the driveway of Mathias’s house and parked behind a rental car. “We’re alone in my truck. You can talk in a normal voice.”

  “I’m practicing for the dinner party later.” She worried her lower lip. “What if they don’t like me?”

  “Nick, Mathias, Pallas and Carol already like you. The rest of the family will feel the same.” He smiled at her. “Besides, what’s not to like?”

  Her eyes brightened. “That’s true. I am pretty likable.”

  She was. They’d spent the last twenty-four hours at his place. They’d made love, cooked, flown paper airplanes off the upstairs landing and she’d talked about how she’d taken what had been trash and once again created something wonderful.

  He didn’t know how she kept moving forward, no matter what happened to her. He’d seen her pain and devastation when her artwork had caught fire. He’d felt sick and horrified on her behalf—because he would never want to hurt her. But he’d never felt that loss himself. He knew if some glass creation was destroyed, he would make another, or pull something out of storage. He’d always had so much—it was difficult to want for anything.

  Around Natalie, for the first time, he began to see he could do better. Like what he was doing with the art classes. He was excited about the possibilities and how he might, in some small way, influence a child. What could be more important than that?

  He looked at the house on the edge of the animal preserve. It was a big, sprawling place. Mathias had bought it after Ronan had purchased his place up on the mountain. Until then, they’d shared a rental. Ronan had been the one to break away, to create the first crack in their relationship.

  No, he thought, determined to be honest. There had been plenty of cracks below the surface. His moving to the mountain had simply been the first that everyone could see. He’d been unable to deal with what their father had told them, so he’d escaped the only way he knew how. Over time, the distance between the brothers had gotten bigger.

  Things were different now. Better. He was healing—he could feel it. He wasn’t there yet and he knew he could slip away if he wasn’t careful, but for now, he was connecting with his family, and Natalie was the reason.

  He got out of his truck, then walked around to her side to help her down. She stared at the big house.

  “You’re all rich, aren’t you? In my next life, I’m going to be rich, or at least well-off. Just to try it. I think it will be fun.”

  “You have a different kind of richness,” he said, putting his hand on the small of her back and guiding her toward the front door. “It’s part of who you are and you never have to worry about losing it.”

  She looked at him. “That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me. Thank you.”

  He kissed her. “You’re welcome. Now brace yourself.”

  “I’m braced.”

  He knocked once, then opened the front door and walked inside. The open foyer led to a big living room and dining room. The sound of conversation came from beyond, in the family room.

  “We’re here,” he called.

  Mathias and Carol came out to greet them. Carol hugged Natalie. “This is going to be so great. I didn’t even try to cook—the thought of it was too intimidating. We’re being catered and there’s nothing to worry about. Oh, and I have wine.”

  Natalie laughed with her friend. “You are the perfect hostess.”

  “I’m trying. Now, do you know everyone?”

  Carol led Natalie into the family room and started circulating with her. Ronan watched to make sure she was all right, then turned back to Mathias.

  “She’ll be fine,” his brother said. “She met the family at the fundraiser for Millie’s herd last year, then at our wedding. Come and say hi and then I’ll get you a beer.”

  “A reward for good behavior?”

  “Something like that.”

  Ronan hesitated a second before following his brother into the family room. He waited for the now-familiar tension he often felt when he was around his brothers. A sense of otherness that always drove him to the fringes. But it wasn’t noticeable today. Instead he was comfortable as he hugged Maya and Shelby and slapped his brothers on the back.

  In a matter of minutes, the ten of them had split off by gender. The women were in the kitchen, talking and laughing,
while the brothers sat on the large sofas in the family room.

  “You in any kind of shape for our challenge?” Nick asked Del. “Or are you still soft?”

  Del raised his eyebrows. “I’ll take you, little brother, just like I did when we were kids. Now, later or in twenty years.”

  “You wish.”

  Both brothers laughed. Ronan knew that for all their cheap talk, the truth was Del had always looked out for his younger siblings. Even when they’d been split into the artist and nonartist factions, Del had taken care of them. He’d been the oldest and all the expectations had fallen on him.

  “Maya and I work out together,” Del told them. “I’m going to be faster and stronger than any of you.”

  “Huh.” Mathias sipped his beer. “I see you talking, bro, but all I hear is a buzzing sound.”

  Del laughed.

  The women called them to help get ready for dinner. The large dining room table was set for ten. Ronan noticed a couple of bottles of champagne, along with sparkling nonalcoholic cider for Pallas. Mathias and Carol had ordered in from a local Italian restaurant. Salads were served while the lasagna and garlic bread warmed in the oven.

  Mathias sat at one end of the table, with Carol sitting at the other end, across from him. The rest of them claimed seats. Champagne and cider were passed around, and then Mathias raised his glass.

  “To family,” he said. “And those we love.”

  “Hear, hear.”

  They’d barely started eating when Del cleared his throat. “So Maya and I have an announcement.” Del glanced at his wife and smiled. “We’re moving back to the States.”

  “Great,” Nick said with a wink. “The Chinese government finally throwing you two out?”

  “Nothing like that. We’ve finished our project and we’re ready to come home for a year or so.”

  “Where are you going to settle?” Aidan asked. “Fool’s Gold?”

  “Happily Inc is much better,” Mathias said. “Move here. You can do whatever you want without Mayor Marsha knowing about it.”

  “Dude,” Nick said with a grin. “You know she still keeps track of us.”

  “No way.”

  Del and Maya exchanged a look. Ronan didn’t know what they were thinking, but he caught the intimacy in the gaze, and for a second, he felt a surprising jolt of envy. He was careful not to look at Natalie—he didn’t want her to misunderstand or think he’d changed his mind about wanting more than they had. But for a second, just a second, he wondered what it would be like to be comfortable enough to want more and know it was possible.

  “We haven’t decided where yet,” Maya said, still looking at her husband. “But we’re definitely leaning toward Fool’s Gold. I don’t have any family and I want to be close to Elaine.”

  Ronan’s good mood started to fade. Natalie reached across his lap and took his hand in hers, as if to calm him.

  “Elaine?” Nick sounded surprised. “Not that I don’t love my mom, but why would she influence your decision?”

  Maya flushed slightly. “I don’t have my mother around anymore and, well, we’re going to have a baby.”

  “What?”

  “No way!”

  “That’s fantastic!”

  Everyone started talking at once. Ronan looked more closely and realized Maya had taken cider, too. He could tell by the color in the glass. And Shelby’s glass was—

  “Us, too,” Aidan said proudly. “Shelby just passed the three-month mark.”

  “No way,” Mathias said, eyeing his wife. “Carol?”

  She smiled. “We were going to wait another two weeks to make the announcement, but sure. Why not?” She shrugged. “I’m eight weeks along.”

  Everyone laughed and then toasted again. Ronan felt as if he’d been kicked in the gut. He was the only one of his brothers who wasn’t married, let alone with a pregnant wife. What the hell was going on?

  Involuntarily, he glanced at Natalie, who looked happy as she clinked glasses with her friends. He told himself he didn’t see anything in her eyes, only he wasn’t sure if he was simply fooling himself. Natalie wanted kids—she’d downloaded that baby app, after all. Not that she’d mentioned it much lately, but who knew what she was doing when she was alone. Maybe she was researching sperm banks or something.

  He grew less comfortable by the second and thought longingly of escape. It was all too much.

  Time slowed as his brothers and their wives discussed pregnancy, birth, names and hoped-for gender of their soon-to-be children. Natalie joined in the conversation, but Ronan stayed quiet.

  The only bright spot was the upcoming challenge. Pallas pointed out they all needed a good night’s sleep and the dinner broke up shortly after dessert.

  “Are you all right?” Natalie asked as he helped her into the truck.

  “I’m fine. Thinking about tomorrow. Nick’s expecting us to win and we have no idea about the competition. I hate to see his competitive heart broken.”

  As he’d hoped, Natalie accepted his words at face value and grinned. “You’re right. Someone could be bringing in a few ringers and then what? We’ll just have to see.” She leaned back in her seat. “All right, young man. Take me home. You shouldn’t be distracted by a woman tonight. You have to save yourself for the competition.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  He did his best to sound teasing rather than relieved. He’d been wondering how he was going to avoid spending the night with Natalie. He needed to be alone, to process everything. The sensation of being trapped only grew and more than anything he wanted to run.

  He dropped her off, kissed her once, then was on his way up to his place. At the edge of town, he hesitated. The highway beckoned and in a matter of hours he could be in another state. He could just drive until he got lost for good.

  His hands tightened on the steering wheel. No, he told himself. He wasn’t going to run. He was going to see this out. Although he had no idea what “this” was, nor did he know what seeing it out meant. He just knew that if he screwed up this time, if he got himself lost, he might go so far that he would never be found. And even he wasn’t sure he really wanted that.

  * * *

  THE MORNING OF the competition was cool and clear with heat promised for the afternoon. Ronan arrived still wrestling with all the emotional crap from his family. The last thing he wanted was to endure the competition, although he told himself once he had a good, hard workout, everything would look better. He hoped like hell he wasn’t lying.

  There had to be at least a hundred people milling around, all wearing different-colored shirts with numbers on them. His brothers were already there and had checked him in. Aidan and Shelby had stayed with Mathias and Carol while Del and Maya had stayed with Nick and Pallas. He’d been the only one alone the previous night. By choice, he reminded himself. That was how he liked things. Quiet. Solitary.

  “Wondered if you were going to show,” Mathias said, handing him a bright green T-shirt with their team number clearly marked on the front.

  “I’m here.”

  “Good.”

  Natalie rushed up and hugged him. “I’m so excited. You’re going to do great.”

  Just seeing her eased the tension inside of him. His gut unknotted and he found himself thinking more clearly. He kissed her. “You’re going to watch?”

  “I’ll be here with your sisters-in-law.” She grinned. “We’re going to be talking about everyone, so brace yourself.”

  “No bracing required. I won’t be able to hear it.”

  She laughed. “Good luck.”

  She ran back to join the wives.

  For just that instant he allowed himself to believe it was real, that he could figure things out and convince her they belonged together. Only he knew that was impossible. There was too much for him to overcome. He couldn’t trust who he
was and there was no way he would consider having children, while Natalie was born to be a mom.

  “So here’s how it’s going to go,” Nick said. “We have the 5K followed by a scavenger hunt through the wooded part of the park and then a tug-of-war. The better we do in the first two parts, the higher our ranking in the final one. The last two teams compete against each other first in the tug-of-war, with the winner taking on the next highest ranked and so on.”

  “The higher you are, the fewer number of turns you have to take,” Del confirmed. “No problem. We’ve all been training for the race and Aidan will get us through the woods, no problem.”

  Mathias looked around. “Maybe it’s just me, but doesn’t that guy over there play professional soccer?”

  “Ringers,” Nick muttered. “I knew it.”

  Ronan chuckled.

  “If the teams will head to the starting line, please.”

  The instruction came over the loudspeaker. Ronan and his brothers lined up for the race. Some of the teams were all women and others were mixed gender. There was friendly bantering at the starting line. Then the gun went off and everyone sprinted along the course.

  An hour and a half later they’d completed the 5K and gotten through the scavenger hunt in the forest. Aidan had studied the map and found the shortest way through while the rest of them had worked the clues. They’d finished third out of twenty-five teams, giving them plenty of time to rest before the final event.

  After a water break, they headed over to the tug-of-war area to watch the other teams. A long rope stretched over a shallow gully filled with mud. It was about ten feet wide, and while not that deep, it was going to be plenty messy, not to mention humiliating, for any team that got pulled in.

  The two last-place teams took their place. A group of women easily defeated a team of guys in their late teens who were too busy laughing and joking with each other to notice the round had started.

  “Never underestimate the power of a woman,” Aidan said as the young guys went sprawling.

  “We’ve got a bit until it’s our turn,” Del said. “We can relax. This has been fun.” He made a fist and lightly socked Nick in the arm. “Thanks for arranging everything. We should do it again.” He looked at Aidan. “Is there anything like this in Fool’s Gold?”