Why Not Tonight

by Susan Mallery

  “There has to be. We have a festival nearly every week. If not, we can start something.”

  “Why Fool’s Gold?” Mathias asked, looking wary.

  “Why not?” Aidan’s expression tightened. “You grew up there. You have friends there. You can come back and hang with Mom. And speaking of our mother, you three need to step it up. Everything falls on me. Sending flowers for her birthday and Mother’s Day doesn’t mean you have an ongoing relationship.”

  Ronan took a step back. This wasn’t his fight, he told himself. He didn’t have to get involved.

  Nick shuffled his feet. “It’s not Mom who’s the problem.”

  “I don’t care.” Aidan stepped close and glared at him. “She’s your mother.”

  “I know.” He sighed. “Fine. I’ll do more. And you’re right—we should do something in Fool’s Gold in the next few months. Maybe before Pallas has the baby. After that we won’t want to travel for a while.”

  Mathias nodded. “I get it. I’ll talk to Carol. Maybe we can all get together for Mom’s birthday this year. Take her out to brunch.”

  Del grinned. “Brunch works.”

  Ronan knew their father hated brunch and would refuse to go.

  “Besides,” Del said, looking smug, “if Maya and I move back to Fool’s Gold, I’m going to be golden.”

  “You wish,” Mathias joked, and then he turned to Ronan. “You want to weigh in on this?”

  “Do what you want.”

  Mathias’s humor faded. “No way. You’re not going to tell us that you’re not coming with us.”

  “I have no reason to go see Elaine.”

  Nick muttered something under his breath. Del and Aidan both looked disgusted.

  “You can’t be serious,” Del told him. “Dammit, Ronan, get over it. She raised you just like she raised us. She was there for you every single day. You’ve got to let this go.”

  “Why?” Ronan kept his voice quiet. “Tell me why I should let it go. Because it doesn’t matter? Let’s see—I don’t know who my mother is. I don’t know anything about her side of the family. The woman I thought of as my mother lied to me every single one of those days she was taking care of me. I can see keeping it quiet while I was a kid, but what about when I was older? Didn’t I have the right to know?”

  His brothers looked at each other.

  “If you’re looking for an asshole in all this,” Nick said, “blame Ceallach. He’s the one who had the affair.”

  “Believe me, I’m not letting him off the hook.” Ronan tightened his hands into fists, then consciously relaxed. “But so what? He’ll always be a jerk. None of us cares about him. You’re asking me to say what Elaine did is okay. You’re asking me to just let it go. I’m not going to do that.”

  “What does that mean?” Aidan glared at him. “You’re never going to speak to her again? That’s the thanks she gets for taking you in and loving you?”

  Ronan turned away only to see one of the volunteers approaching. She waved a clipboard.

  “Gentlemen, you’re up.”

  Ronan thought about getting in his truck and driving away. Instead he joined his brothers on the edge of the now-crumbling bank.

  Nick and Aidan were in front, with Ronan in the middle and Mathias and Del behind. They all grabbed the rope.

  “This isn’t over,” Mathias said loudly. “When we’re done here, you and I are going to have this out. How come I never saw until this second our father isn’t the only dick in the family? Who’d have guessed it? Ronan, you’re just as bad as him.”

  Of all the things his former twin could have said, that was the worst.

  “You don’t know,” Ronan started, his teeth clenched. “You have no idea.”

  “Fight later, focus now,” Del yelled as the rope tightened.

  But Mathias wasn’t giving up. “Boo hoo. Poor you. Taken in by a good woman and loved as a child. How awful. You need a service dog to help you with that incredible emotional wound?”

  “Asshole,” Ronan muttered, pulling.

  “Say that to my face. Stand up to me. Oh, wait. No. You’re going to walk away. It’s what you always do. Why bother fighting for something when it’s just so easy to give up?”

  Rage exploded. Without thinking, Ronan turned to give Mathias exactly what he was asking for. Mathias must have read his mind because his twin also let go of the rope and started for him.

  “No!” Nick yelled, but it was too late. One savage tug on the rope later, all five of them were tumbling into the gully.

  The mud might not be very deep but it was wet and cold and humiliating. The other team, all women, stood staring at them. Then they burst into laughter.

  “I thought they’d be a lot harder to take,” one of the women said as they began to high-five each other.

  “We need to work on our communication skills,” Nick muttered as he climbed out of the gully. “All of us.”

  Ronan and Mathias stood and glared at each other, and then Ronan stalked off. He didn’t need any of this. Not anymore.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  ELLEN AND BARRY’S movie-based wedding also had the same theme for their rehearsal dinner and the party that followed. With Pallas still taking things easy so she would be rested for the wedding on Saturday afternoon, Natalie had offered to help the ever-efficient Renee get things organized for the party Friday night. She was slightly overwhelmed by the number of details that went into the evening, but as she wasn’t in charge, she simply did what she was told.

  She’d already started on the large flowers she was making for the “Atsuko project” and was also playing with her burned piece in addition to working, so she should have felt as if she were running flat out all the time. Instead she was grateful to be busy, grateful not to have time to think. In truth, she was mostly consumed by whatever was going on with Ronan.

  Something had changed. In the past week, he’d worked from home more than he’d been in the studio. The few times she’d seen him, he’d claimed that he was in the home stretch of his commission and needed to get as much done as he could. He’d said all the right things, but she didn’t believe him.

  She knew he and his brothers had fought the previous weekend. While she hadn’t heard all that had been said, she’d been able to read the body language and knew that whatever they’d been arguing about had been the reason they’d lost. She’d watched Ronan drive away, his pain obvious with every breath.

  Over the past few days, she’d talked to Mathias and Nick and had pieced together what had happened. As far as she could tell, Ronan was once again dealing with his past and everything he didn’t know about himself.

  She wasn’t sure how sympathetic she was willing to be with him. On the one hand, he had been dealt a hard blow. On the other hand, really? Really? Wasn’t it time to either find out what he could or start to deal? Did he plan to spend the rest of his life moping?

  She wasn’t sure if thinking that made her a bad girlfriend or not. She also wasn’t sure how much she could understand about his situation and his feelings. She tried to imagine what it would be like if she’d found her mother wasn’t her mother—that she’d lied to her all her life. She would be devastated to think all that love and caring and support had been shielding a lie. So maybe accusing him of moping was a bit harsh.

  Natalie finished setting the table and looked around the room. Renee had created a movie-based wonderland with posters and comic-themed objects. There were cityscapes made from cardboard and bats on everything. Banners, and a flock (or colony) of paper bats, compliments of Natalie. There were eye masks for the guests and a small but beautiful bat-themed cake for dessert.

  “Looks good,” Silver said from the bar she’d set up in a corner of the room. “I’m really excited about tonight. Tomorrow will be the real thing and more serious, but this is all fun.”

  Na
talie walked over and looked at the menu written on the chalkboard Silver had set up.

  “Went a little crazy, did we?” she asked with a laugh.

  Silver grinned. “I might have.”

  The drinks were charmingly named with a brief description. Sweet Poison—two kinds of rum. Boy Wonder—tequila and champagne. Joker—infused vodka. Poison Ivy—gin. Gotham Chill—Wild Turkey.

  “Have you tasted them all?” Natalie asked, thinking work like that would give her a really bad hangover.

  “In very small amounts and not on the same day. I’ve learned to be careful.”

  “I’ll bet.”

  Silver set out glasses. “You okay?”

  “Sure. Why do you ask?”

  “I heard some things about last weekend. That Ronan and his brothers got in a fight.”

  Natalie wondered who had talked. Most likely Carol or Pallas. They were all close and there weren’t a lot of secrets between them.

  “I think things are all right,” she said, hoping she wasn’t lying. “Honestly, I can’t tell. Ronan says he’s busy with work, so I’ve let him be.”

  “Do you believe him? About the work?”

  “I want to. I hope he is. Otherwise he’s withdrawing and that scares me. What if he runs again?”

  “I thought things weren’t serious. I thought you didn’t believe in happily-ever-after. What happened to you being unable to find a good guy?”

  “This isn’t about me,” Natalie said quickly. “I’m just worried about Ronan.”

  Silver set out several more glasses. “I get that and I think it’s really great you care about him. I would also like to point out that there’s more going on here.”

  Natalie didn’t like how the conversation had shifted. Things were so much better when she was talking about someone else.

  “Maybe.”

  The corner of Silver’s mouth turned up. “As long as you’re not trying to deceive yourself.” The smile faded. “Natalie, whatever Ronan has going on, he has to deal with. I like him, but you’re my friend, so I’m on your team. I can’t help wondering if all this fuss about him is really about distracting yourself from the truth. You’re falling for him in a big way and for whatever reason you can’t or won’t accept that.”

  “No.” The word was automatic. “I haven’t. I can’t. He’s wrong for me, so I wouldn’t let that happen.”

  “Famous last words.” She held up both hands. “I’m not saying you have to do anything. It’s your life. I’m simply suggesting you might want to be honest with yourself. You’re not hurting for Ronan because of his past. You’re hurting for Ronan because you’re in love with him. That’s why you don’t want him to run away. That’s why you think you need to fix this problem—so he’ll want to be with you.”

  “What? No. No, I wouldn’t...” She took a couple of steps back. “That’s silly. I’m not in love with him.”

  She continued to back up until she bumped into the table. Then she turned and raced for the door.

  “I’m going to check on the food,” she said. “I’ll be right back.”

  Silver only smiled. “I’ll be here.”

  Natalie waited until she was alone in the hallway, then crouched down and wrapped her arms around her stomach.

  She wasn’t in love with Ronan. She refused to be! No. This was just them having fun. It was easy and great and she liked being around him, but anything else wasn’t going to happen. It couldn’t. He didn’t want a relationship that would last forever and she couldn’t accept anything else. So there would be no “in love” for them. Just this fun stuff, and then, well, she wasn’t sure what the “then” was, but it wasn’t love. It couldn’t be. His hiding from his brothers proved her point.

  She forced herself to her feet. She had a rehearsal dinner to help with and then the wedding tomorrow. For now, she would let it all go. Ellen and Barry needed her. As for the rest of it, chances were her problems would be patiently waiting for her after that.

  * * *

  THE WEDDING STARTED on time exactly at three. By five, it was a party.

  “What is it with zip lines at weddings?” Natalie asked Pallas as they paused in the kitchen to grab a glass of water before heading back to work.

  “I know, right? We had that one last year and I honestly never thought I’d have reason to call the guy again. Still, it’s a fun and memorable addition.” She sat on a chair in the corner, leaning her head against the wall. “I feel so much better. Still tired, but better.”

  “You look good.”

  Pallas smiled. “Thanks. In a couple of months, I’ll be a whale, so I’m trying to really enjoy all the compliments I’m getting now.”

  “First, you will never be a whale. Second, you’re having a baby. It’s worth it and you know it.”

  “I do. I’m so happy.” She touched her stomach. She looked at Natalie. “Have you talked to Ronan?”

  “Not today. But I saw him Thursday. Why?”

  “I don’t know. Nick’s worried. Everything was okay and then it all blew up at the tournament.” She got up. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. We have a reception to get through. Have I mentioned how much I appreciate your help?”

  “About a thousand times,” Natalie said, pretending to be totally fine with what they’d just talked about. “Renee is going to be jealous.”

  “You think? I’m still having trouble reading her, although I certainly can’t complain about her work. She’s amazing, but sometimes, when she doesn’t know I’m looking, I would swear she’s...” Pallas hesitated. “I’m not sure. Sad, I guess. Not that it’s any of my business. Okay, I’m rested. You ready to go back and deal with our slightly drunk guests?”

  “I’m here to do whatever makes your day easier.”

  Pallas chuckled. “That makes me love you even more!”

  * * *

  NATALIE MADE HER escape close to eight o’clock. She wasn’t sure how long the party would go, but Pallas was heading home, leaving Renee in charge, and she’d told Natalie she was free to go, as well. Natalie sat in her shiny red car for a couple of seconds as she tried to figure out what she was going to do. Going back to her place was one option. She was tired and wanted to just sleep the whole night. But she couldn’t stop thinking about Ronan and all that had, or hadn’t, happened in the past week.

  He was pulling away from her. She could feel it, and while she tried to understand why, she found herself getting more and more pissed. He’d come so far and now he was retreating and she knew exactly what would happen then. He wouldn’t be able to work, he wouldn’t be happy and he wouldn’t want to be with her.

  Her anger gave her a burst of energy. She pulled out of the parking lot and headed up the mountain. She pulled into the driveway and gave herself a second to really get her juices flowing, then stomped up to the front door and rang the bell.

  Ronan answered quickly, looking surprised. “Hi. Did I know you were coming by after the wedding?”

  “No.” She pushed past him, then waited while he closed the door behind her. “You didn’t. I want to talk.”

  His expression turned wary. “Okay,” he said slowly. “Should we go into the—”

  “No,” she interrupted. “We should stay right here. I don’t want to be comfortable and I’m not staying long.” She tried to think of something rational to say, but all that came out was “You’re a butthead. A complete and total butthead.”

  Ronan’s mouth tightened, but he didn’t speak.

  She glared at him. “Worse, you’re stupid. You know what you’re doing and you know the consequences, but here you are hiding out, anyway. You’re probably thinking about leaving. Am I right?”

  She didn’t bother waiting for an answer. “But here’s the thing. You like what’s been happening to you. You like it a lot. You like hanging out with me. You like what we have.
You also enjoy being with your brothers and working in the gallery studio again. You’re creating and that’s got to feel like you can finally draw in a full breath. But is it enough? Of course not.”

  She put her hands on her hips. “You know what’s going to happen. You’re going to cut yourself off from everyone and then what? You won’t be able to work anymore. You’ll be stuck, like you were before, only it will be worse this time because you just had everything you wanted and you lost it because you’re a stupid butthead.”

  “You have no idea what I’m dealing with.”

  He spoke between clenched teeth, which made her wonder how mad he was. She supposed she should have been afraid, but it was too late for that.

  “You’re right. I don’t. So here’s the thing—you’re not dying. You’re not sick. You haven’t lost a child, or your job or your house. You’re not worried about how to deal with your mom’s Alzheimer’s when you can’t afford care and you have to work and she’s started wandering around the neighborhood. You have as much money as God, a family who loves you and a hell of a cute girlfriend.”

  Her voice was getting louder, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself. “I’m sorry about your dad and what he did and I’m sorry you don’t know who your biological mother is, but you know what? You have a mom who loves you and you don’t care. That is wrong. People care about you and you’re going to throw it all away because you’re a stupid butthead and you liked being in the world again.”

  She drew in a breath, then realized she’d said all she wanted, so she walked past him to the front door. Once she was in the car, she started it and headed down the mountain.

  By the time she got home, she was shaking. Possibly from fatigue, possibly from emotional overload. She forced herself to eat some cheese and crackers and drink some water before pulling on yoga pants and a T-shirt. She would veg out in front of the TV until she felt sleepy, and then she would go to bed. As for Ronan, she honestly didn’t know what was going to happen. She’d told him the truth. She didn’t have anything else to give.