Desperate Measures

by Fern Michaels

  “She’s disappointed, unhappy, trying to cope, and you do not know for a fact that she is not going to forgive you. You are assuming again, Pete. If you lied, as you said, you were under stress, just as she was,” Annie said lamely.

  Pete stretched out his hand to take her hand in his. “Thanks, Annie, you’re a true friend. If you hadn’t been at the store, I probably would have walked straight into traffic without a second thought. My life wouldn’t be complete without you.” His thoughts rolled back over the years. His feelings and emotions threatened to suffocate him.

  “Let’s talk about something else. Did you send flowers to the hospital?”

  “No, but I will. Do you mind if I go back to your apartment to shower and change before I go back to the hospital?”

  “Of course I don’t mind. Talk to me about Leo, Pete.”

  He didn’t want to talk about Leo, and he wasn’t sure why. Maybe it had something to do with mortality. If Leo died, he’d be staring his own mortality square in the eye. All the buffers would be gone. Leo wasn’t that old. Christ, he was thirty-six himself. If he went by Leo’s number, half his life was over. The thought was so chilling, he swallowed the bourbon in his glass in one long gulp. He sputtered, to Annie’s amusement.

  “Do you realize, Annie,” Pete said when his sputtering was over, “that half my life is over? Right now, at this point in time, I’m half shot down.”

  “Guess that puts me in the same category,” Annie said lightly. “Does that mean we should start stewing and fretting, or should we do something wild and crazy? Like that time we went cow tipping.” She started to giggle. Pete laughed so hard, tears rolled down his cheeks.

  God, he loved this woman sitting across from him. They had so many memories. They had so much. It struck him then that he loved Annie Gabriel the way a man is supposed to love a woman. His stomach curled in fear at the realization. Maddie Stern was an interlude in his life to get him to this place in time. Jesus H. Christ. Annie was saying something, he had to pay attention.

  “It’s harder for women to get older. Men grow distinguished, and women just seem to get older. Why is it that men want young, nubile females when they get to their forties and fifties? They think nineteen is ... don’t they realize how foolish they look with a young thing like that hanging on their arm?”

  He needed to think, to talk to Barney. His foot moved jerkily and he grabbed his kneecap and twisted it. Later, when he felt the pain, he wondered why he’d done such a dumb thing. He broke out into a sweat. She was waiting for him to say something. “I guess . . . I suppose they’re trying to recapture their youth,” he said. “I would never do that.” Jesus, what a stupid thing to say, he thought.

  “You can’t stop the clock,” Annie said quietly. “You can work out till you’re ready to turn blue, you can get cosmetic surgery, you can dress like you did when you were nineteen, but you’re still the same age.”

  She was pretty. No, she was more than pretty. She was somewhere between pretty and beautiful. Hell no, she was beautiful. He loved the way her eyes crinkled up when she smiled. He loved the wide smile that always reached her eyes. He loved her energy, her intellect. He loved Annie Gabriel. He leaned across the table, his eyes intent. “Annie, why didn’t we ever . . . you know, get together?”

  Annie’s stomach churned. She wanted to scream. She needed to say just the right thing. “I guess we didn’t want to spoil a wonderful friendship.”

  “Nah, it was Dennis. You were the first one to go into a relationship. I think I was just hanging in there waiting for you to make a move in my direction.” Pete stared into the amber liquid in his glass. This wasn’t the right time or place. He needed time. Time to ... time to ...

  “Why was I the one who was supposed to make a move?” Annie asked. “Isn’t it the man who’s supposed to do that? Besides, you never gave me any encouragement. I might have . . . you know, but who wants to be rebuffed?”

  “Aren’t . . . didn’t you do the same thing you are always accusing me of?”

  “What’s that?”

  “You always say I assume and presume. That’s what you did, Annie, you assumed I would rebuff you.”

  “Well, wouldn’t you have?” Annie said tightly.

  “I don’t know that and neither do you. That was then. You can be a real hard-ass when you want to be, do you know that?”

  “I think we’re on dangerous ground here. I think we should order, since we’ve been drinking on an empty stomach. The only thing I had to eat today was cottage cheese.”

  “Jeez, Annie, that’s terrible,” Pete said, his eyes rolling from side to side. “I’m going to buy you the biggest steak this establishment has to offer,” he added magnanimously, his arm narrowly missing the glasses on the table as he gestured with a wide flourish.

  “No. This is my treat,” Annie said. “I’m buying you the biggest steak this establishment has to offer. And lots of black coffee. They serve good apple pie here.”

  “It can’t be half as good as yours,” Pete said loyally. He wanted to say something meaningful, but he felt numb.

  “That’s probably true, but for a restaurant it’s good,” Annie said with no trace of false modesty.

  “We get along very well, don’t we, Annie? How long have we been friends? Forever, right?” Forever meant forever. He’d fucked up. Big-time. He wanted to tell her ... needed to tell her.

  Annie signaled the waitress. “It seems like I’ve known you forever,” she said carefully.

  “Maddie and I were never . . . we went right into the relationship. We should have been friends first. That’s what happened to you and Dennis. You need to be friends first or you have no foundation for a relationship to grow on. Isn’t that right, Annie?” That was meaningful, wasn’t it?

  “How do you know that’s what happened to me and Dennis?” Annie said crossly.

  Pete did his best to widen his eyes. “Because, Miss Smart-ass, you told me. How else would I know? You should have told me that when I met Maddie. What kind of friend are you?” The kind of friend, he answered himself, who . . . who . . .

  “The kind that minds her own business. I didn’t see you sticking your nose into my business when I started dating Dennis.”

  “That’s because I’m not as smart as you. You’re smart, Annie. You even have common sense.”

  She was in a prickly mood now. He knew her so well. What the hell did he say to put this strange look on her face?

  “You always have the right answer, or you point me in the right direction,” he said. “You’ve never failed me. Except for Christmas.”

  “You didn’t invite me. Let’s drop it, Pete.” To the hovering waitress she said, “Two porterhouse steaks, baked potatoes, sour cream and butter, creamy Italian dressing, string beans with almonds. Coffee. Bring the coffee now, please.”

  “You’re supposed to tell me what you want, and I’m supposed to order it. That’s the man’s job. You screwed up, Annie.”

  “I’m paying the bill, so I can order. It would have taken you an hour to decide.” She giggled. “You’re half drunk.”

  “It’s your fault, you brought me here. I want blue cheese.”

  “You hate blue cheese dressing,” Annie snapped.

  “Maddie likes it. She said I would learn to like it. You’re right, I hate it.”

  “If you don’t mind my asking, what exactly did you and Maddie have in common?”

  “Is this one of those trick questions?” Pete asked, slurring his words. When he saw the disgust on Annie’s face, he made an attempt to straighten his slumped shoulders and look Annie in the eye. He wanted to tell her he loved her, had always loved her but was too damn stupid to know it.

  “We . . . well . . . sex was good. We like . . . liked the same kinds of movies, you know, murder and mayhem. We both like to read in bed. We both like . . . stuffed peppers with a side order of sour cream cucumbers. What else do you want to know? Ah, I see by your expression you don’t think those are good enough r
easons to get married. I didn’t like her friends, she didn’t like mine. I did like Janny, though. Well, are you going to say something?”

  “No.”

  “Does that mean you’re pissed off?”

  “It doesn’t mean any such thing. I think, Pete, you need to go into what you used to call your ‘think tank,’ and not come out until you have things straight in your head. This might be none of my business, but what did she think about you guys going to Bell’s Beach?”

  “She said she’d go. Sometime. I’m going, did I tell you that? Leo gave me an open ticket. He wants me to go. The surfboard is all ready. All I have to do is decide the time and the date. If I wanted you to go with me, would I have to send you an engraved invitation? I don’t want to make another stupid mistake like I made at Christmas time.” He sucked in his breath, waiting for her answer.

  Annie felt herself grow light-headed. “A verbal invitation would suffice. Look, here’s our salads.”

  It was the look on her face that smoothed out the wrinkles in his heart.

  “Thank God it’s creamy Italian,” Pete said, staring at his salad bowl. “Jesus, you have no idea how much I hate blue cheese.”

  “Eat.”

  “Nag, nag, nag,” Pete said. Time, he thought, would make it right.

  Annie stared at the phone in her hand, then hung up. She felt almost dizzy as the breath she’d been holding swooshed out of her lungs. Her knees wobbled as she made her way to the couch to sit down. Jakes had said he had a lead on Barney. “I’ve dropped everything to concentrate on it,” the detective told her. “I know it’s taken a long time, but I did tell you I wouldn’t give up. Keep your fingers crossed. I feel in my gut we’re going to make Pete Sorenson one happy man soon. Thanks to you, Annie. I’ll call when I have more news, and don’t worry, I didn’t forget, he’s to show up with a big, red bow on his head. Pete’s gonna love you forever for this, Annie. See you.”

  Pete’s gonna love you forever. She wished. God, how she wished. Tears brimmed in Annie’s eyes. This is the last thing I’m doing for you, Pete Sorenson. I need to start over without you in my life. Knowing I was able to do this, with Jakes’s help, well, that ends it for me. Am I being noble here, a martyr, or what? I don’t know. What I do know is I can’t go through another holiday season. Thanksgiving, yes. Because I have so much to be thankful for. Then it’s good-bye, Pete, hello world.

  Sniffling and hiccuping, Annie made her way to the kitchen. What she needed was a good strong cup of coffee laced with something, and whatever that something was, it was going to be one hundred proof. Maybe she’d get snookered all by herself so she could have a good crying jag. The kind where her eyes puffed up and got red and she got hoarse from sobbing. Her nose would get red from blowing it and she’d use up a whole box of tissues. Her good-bye salute to Pete Sorenson. Damn straight it was her good-bye salute.

  Some things just weren’t meant to be.

  Pete left the hospital. Thirty minutes later he was ringing Annie’s doorbell.

  “I didn’t know where else to go,” Pete said brokenly. “Leo . . . passed away. I don’t know if I can handle this, Annie.”

  Annie gritted her teeth and tried to bring her friend’s countenance into focus. She tried harder and managed somehow to usher him into the apartment. He seemed oblivious to her condition. Pete needed her. She was supposed to respond in true Annie fashion. She was supposed to make things better for him. What about me? she screamed silently. She took a deep breath. Thank God she hadn’t had that last drink. If she’d consumed it, she’d be lying under the table right now.

  “Pete, God never gives us more than we can handle. You thought you couldn’t handle Maddie’s disappearance, but you did. Leo wouldn’t want you to cave in now. I’ll make some fresh coffee.”

  “Tea. Annie, make me tea. My mother always used to make tea for my father when things weren’t going right. Tea and toast. Something light. Nourishment. The only reason I was able to handle it was because of you. Only you, Annie.”

  “Tea’s good.”

  The early sunrise crept through the kitchen window. “This tea and toast must be an old wive’s tale,” Pete muttered after he ate. “I don’t feel one damn bit better.” Suddenly, he noticed Annie’s drawn face. “Are you crying?” he asked.

  “No, not really. It’s sad when someone leaves this earth. I’m sure your uncle had a good life, but it’s still sad. We take so much for granted, you, me, all those people out there,” Annie said, pointing to the kitchen window. “We’re alive, we’re healthy, the world isn’t such a bad place. It’s whatever we make it. Life is going to go on no matter what. Now, is there anything I can do for you? I still have your power of attorney. I can handle the legal matters. I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to do that.”

  “If you don’t mind. You always make such perfect sense, Annie.”

  “I accept the compliment. Do you want me to handle the funeral arrangements?”

  “No. I have to do that. I’m going to shower and . . . head out to New Jersey. Close Fairy Tales, Annie.”

  “Okay. Do you want me to go with you?”

  “If ... are you sure you want to? Yeah, yeah, I do need you to come with me. I need that level head of yours.”

  An hour later Pete picked up Annie’s small bag. “How come you don’t use the big bedroom?”

  Annie looked away. “I don’t know. Too much trouble to move my stuff from the guest room. I’m only here temporarily.”

  Later, I have to think about what she just said, Pete thought. It did mean something, he was sure of it.

  The afternoon of the funeral found Pete in Leo’s study. Annie sat behind the desk with Leo’s will in front of her. “I’ll skip the legalese and get to the heart of things.”

  Pete nodded.

  “You inherit everything, Pete. Requests to the servants. A large lump sum, a hundred thousand dollars to his secretary, and of course her pension of two thousand a month. She’s to retire now to take care of her cats. This house, and everything in it, goes to you. There’s a provision here for the perpetual upkeep of your . . . mother’s and father’s graves. His own too. All stocks, bonds, bank accounts go to you. He’s got six trusts here that have to be gone over. His life insurance will pay the estate taxes. His share of the firm, which is half, goes to you too. That’s about it. There’s a sealed envelope here for you. You might want to read it in private. He took care of everything. I’ll file the claims with the insurance companies. I’d say, Pete, you are one hell of a wealthy man. Oh, I forgot, money has been set aside for the upkeep of this estate, and Leo asks that the servants all be kept on until retirement. There’s a fund set up for that too.” Annie folded the will, snapped the rubber band around it, and handed it to Pete. “I think I’ll go for a walk.”

  Outside in the warm September air, Annie reflected that Pete looked so vulnerable, so lost. Instinct warned her not to go back inside. Pete would pull up his socks and get on with his life, and she had to do the same.

  Just now, going through Leo’s will, handling legal details, made her realize how much she missed the practice of law. Running Maddie Stern’s business, enjoyable as it was, simply wasn’t for her. The problem was, did she tell Pete now, when he was so whacked out, or did she wait for a more opportune moment? Or she could formalize it and send a letter of intent?

  Annie sat down on an iron bench and stared at her surroundings through misty eyes. It was beautiful here. She wondered how many people it took to keep the estate intact. Had Leo Sorenson enjoyed this lovely place, or had he been too busy to smell the proverbial roses? Probably the latter.

  She thought about the funeral and the hundreds and hundreds of people who stopped to pay their respects. Flowers, tons of flowers, had arrived and were still arriving as the funeral procession made its way to the cemetery. Large sums of money had been donated in Leo’s name to the hospital, to the Heart Fund, to the Cancer Fund, and one incredibly handsome donation in his name had been sent to a chi
ldren’s year-round camp, a camp the donor said Leo endowed many years ago. A camp called the Harry and Jane Sorenson Camp for Handicapped Children. Pete’s eyes had rolled back in his head when he heard about that.

  Annie swatted at a bluebottle fly bent on attacking her ankle. Would Pete tell her what was in the letter with the gold seal?

  If only . . .

  Pete sipped at the cup of coffee he carried into Leo’s study. This was his now. This shiny mahogany desk, this rich leather chair Leo had broken in, all belonged to him. His eyes burned when he stared at the framed picture of his parents that sat on Leo’s desk. His desk now. The picture was his too.

  He ripped at the envelope in his hand. There were four sheets of paper and a letter on crackly paper. He read the letter first.

  Dear Peter,

  If you’re reading this letter, it is obvious I am no longer of this world.

  I want to say so many things to you, but I don’t know the words. I feel I have to leave you with something besides material things.

  In life, Peter, we have choices and options. I missed out on so much by never marrying. I guess you could say I am a one-woman man. I loved your mother dearly and I could never find anyone to fill her shoes. After a while I simply stopped looking. I don’t want that to happen to you. If I can leave this earth knowing you are going to find someone with all those wonderful qualities your mother had, I would die happy. She was warm, generous, kind, considerate. She would never harm a living thing. She used to open the screen door so the flies could go outside. She would never think of swatting one like the rest of us do. When she smiled, the smile came from her heart and reached her eyes. Rather like the way Miss Gabriel smiles. She was so loving, Peter.

  There was one minute there, when I first met your friend, that I thought I was seeing your mother all over again. I don’t mean in appearance, but more her inner qualities.