Divided

by Kaesey Stobaugh

  “We were playing in the water jets.” I force out.

  “Georgie, you are well aware that you must get permission before playing in the water, aren’t you?”

  “Yes, Mother.”

  “And you, Willamina! You are far too old for such things! What were you thinking?”

  “I just couldn’t understand why you couldn’t have fun in water just because you’re older. And it’s really hot today.”

  “Because that sort of play is for children. I hope both of you will make better choices in the future. Now go upstairs and put on dry clothes!”

  We march upstairs obediently. Play might be just for children but fun isn’t and neither is freedom.

  The day is dragging by now. Georgie and I are trying to avoid Mother around the house because her scolding glances will drive anyone to madness. We play checkers for a while. Georgie’s learning and has become quite good. She hasn’t beaten me yet, but I think that day is coming. Mother walks in and sits down with a book, but she does more scowling than reading. We give up quickly and retreat to our separate rooms. The days have become so long.

  Night falls eventually. I’m happy to the point of tears when I finally get to dress for the journey. I don’t have to wait anymore! The walk through town and the woods is simple and goes by in a flash. It’s strange to think it ever felt daunting.

  I’m first to the clearing this time and I put up the ladder for him. No more than five minutes later I see his head pop over The Wall, the rest of him following. I wait for him to join me at our log.

  “Hey.” He says, sitting down with a warm smile.

  “Hey.” I take a deep breath, waiting for him to sit down next to me before continuing, “I’m sorry about Mia. I talked to her on the way home yesterday. Turns out she doesn’t hate you.”

  “She could have fooled me.” He says, only a tad of bitterness left lingering in his voice from last night.

  “She was trying to ruin our friendship so that I’d stop coming. She’s afraid for how dangerous this is and doesn’t want me to get hurt.” His face softens.

  “Oh. Well, I can understand that. But, um… is she going to be a problem?”

  I smile to myself, sick satisfaction to the fact that he cares about seeing me taking over, “No. She decided to respect my decision. She even said she’d come back and meet you properly if we wanted her to come again.”

  He must see the hope in my eyes because he sighs and says reluctantly, “Yeah, I’ll talk to her again. Who knows, maybe we can become allies. Just promise she won’t come all the time.”

  “I promise. But I think you’ll really like her when you get to know her. She means a lot to me.”

  “I’m sure we’ll get along now.” He smiles encouragingly.

  “How’s Leila doing?” I ask with real interest. I feel like I have some responsibility in her safety.

  “She’s perfectly healthy! It’s incredible.” He lights up the clearing with his white smile, until suddenly, his face wavers before his smile disappears all together.

  “What is it? What’s wrong?”

  “I was just thinking that I’m glad everyone in my family will be healthy when they take me.” He glances at me hesitantly.

  “Except that they aren’t going to take you. We’ll find a way.” My new found strength returns to me. I will not let anyone take him away from his family, or from me.

  He looks at me pityingly. “We’ve had some time to think about it and we still don’t have any kind of solution. There’s just nothing we can do, Willa.”

  I’m at a loss for words and to my great surprise and humiliation; tears begin to build in my eyes.

  He sees them, of course, and shifts his arm to stroke my back, “It’s okay though. It’s not your fault, alright?”

  He hesitates a moment when he sees no progress made in cheering me up. His hand hardens against my back, “Please don’t cry, Willa.”

  “But there has to be something! Think, Nate. Is there any way to escape them? Any way at all?” I burst into an uproar, wiping my eyes fiercely.

  “The only way would be to leave the towns. I’d have to try to escape into the wilderness and that would be impossible.”

  “Why?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Why would it be impossible?”

  He starts to answer then stops. I can see him thinking hard.

  “Surely you have a lot of knowledge that would help you survive? You would be able to take care of yourself.”

  “Sure, maybe. I know a lot about survival, but no one has any idea what it’s like out there. It could be totally different than what I’m used to. And then there’s my family. I couldn’t take them into unknown wilderness, but I don’t know if I could leave them here to fend for themselves either. And…I’d miss you.”

  I smile at him. “I’d miss you too, but I don’t want you to become a guard. They’re not normal, Nate.”

  “I’ll have to think about it. It seems like everything is wrong. Picking a direction to go in is like picking a poison. They’ll all kill you one way or another.”

  “I know. But I guess we have to work with what we have. I know that’s not much, or not much that’s good, but it’s all we have.”

  “What if…what if I go insane from being alone? That is, if I do decide to go?” I can see the pain in his eyes. “Why bother living at that point? There’s no one left that you love and nothing to do but survive. That’s not life, Willa.”

  My head starts racing. A thought is brewing in the back of my mind, becoming louder and louder until I have to get it out. “What if we went together?”

  At first, he’s stunned into silence. It takes him a moment to get his wits back, “Let’s be serious, Willa. This is an important decision.”

  “I’ve never been more serious about anything before in my life.” If I had any doubt before asking him, my mind is decided now.

  He shoots a challenging eyebrow up at me, “Would you really go?”

  “I’m not sure. But I’m not sure about anything anymore.” Even as I say it, I know it’s a lie. I would.

  “It would almost definitely be dangerous. And I can’t promise you I know what I’m doing out there.”

  “I know. Let’s think about it for a while. We have a little time left.”

  “Okay, I can live with that.”

  Is this what my future looks like? Wandering through the wilderness for the rest of my life by Nate’s side? It doesn’t sound that bad. As long as I had Nate to keep me company, I could do it. Maybe this is our way to happiness.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Nathan

  I can't say Willa's idea doesn’t take me by surprise. Why would someone who has everything want to give it all up for something that isn't even their problem?

  We sit in silence for a while, listening to the sounds of the forest. It's strange how different this side of The Wall is compared to my side. I know I’ve wondered about this so many times before, but everything sounds so alive and free and wild, it’s hard for me not to question it all. All the animals sound happy. I can name most the sounds I hear but some I'm at a loss with. I wonder if there are animals here that aren't over on my side.

  I jump when Willa's voice interrupts my deep thoughts coming to me as a product of trying to distract myself from the real topic at hand.

  "Could you do it?" She asks flatly, not looking up from her hands to meet my eyes.

  "What do you mean?"

  "I mean, would you be able to leave?"

  "Well...I guess if I had to. Who knows, this might work out great." I try to show some excitement in my voice but she still doesn’t look up.

  "And you would be able to leave your family behind? Even your sisters?" She finally looks up to read my expression. Why does this question take me by surprise too? I stare at her hard as the feeling sinks in. I would have to leave my sisters behind. How could I do that?

  I sigh and hold my head in my hands, supporting my elbows on my
knees. "I don't think I'd have an option. I know they wouldn't make it out there."

  Willa is quiet. Waiting for me to raise my head, I guess. I lift my head up and sigh again.

  "What about you? Would you be able...willing to leave your Georgie?"

  She stares at me with a blank face. I hadn't realized how hard it is to read Willa's face. I always thought she was an open book.

  "Georgie doesn't need me the way your sisters need you. It's not life or death for her." She states plainly.

  "Yeah, I guess not. I just don't want to drag you away from anything."

  She smirks, almost laughs. "This was my idea, let’s remember that."

  I smile at the ground as she nudges my shoulder. "I mean, I would really miss her. But I think you being in danger is a good enough reason for me to leave her where she is."

  I don't agree with what she’s saying, and it makes me wonder if I would give up my sisters for Willa. "Can you tell me something?"

  "Of course."

  "What happens to the kids over on my side when they’re taken to yours?" I stare at her and start to wish I hadn't said anything. Her eyes soften as she looks away from me.

  "To be turned into soldiers." I continue. "What's the process? How does that work? Because when they come back...as soldiers, of course, they aren't the same. I've seen soldiers that I once knew beat and kill their own people." She shivers and crosses her arms over her chest.

  "People don't just do that, Willa. They don't just leave as one person and come back another. It’s like they never lived there with us, like they never loved their families that are still suffering."

  Her face stays blank. I can't tell if it's sorrow or fear in her eyes but I hope it's neither. I'm not looking for pity and I'm not trying to scare her. I can tell it's time for me to shut up now. I look down and sit quietly, half of me still waiting for a reply and the other half not expecting one.

  "I don't know," she whispers so softly I almost don't hear her. "I don't know, Nathan. I didn't know those people were forced from their homes to work for us until I met you."

  I realize it’s neither sorrow nor fear in her eyes. It’s guilt. If she thinks I’m blaming her, she's way off. That's so wrong I don't even know how to start.

  "They’re being forced to work for them, not you." I correct her. "I don't really count you as a Teck anymore."

  She smirks but quickly looks serious again. "Well, then why are you asking?" She suddenly sounds offensive. "Are you afraid more people are going to get hurt?"

  "No. I used to be afraid of that but it doesn't surprise me anymore. I know more people are going to get hurt." She stares at me with confusion. Her lips press together, forming a straight line. I can tell she’s upset.

  "How could you say that?"

  "Because, Willa, it's normal now. I see people, good innocent people, get beaten to death every single day. It would be unusual and almost scary if it didn't happen. That would mean something’s wrong."

  "Then why did you ask? Are you afraid of your family getting hurt?"

  I stare at her sternly. I lean in a little bit and whisper, "I'm always afraid of that. But at this point, I don't think they can hurt us anymore than they already have."

  "Then why did you ask?"

  "I just wanted a heads up. I don't like surprises. I like knowing what's gonna happen and how to be ready for it." She still looks confused, her eyebrows narrowing, "So, if they do take me-"

  "They won’t." She interrupts quickly.

  "Yeah, but if they do,” I soften my voice, I don't want to fight, "I want to know what I'm facing. I can't imagine they do anything good to those kids to get them to come back and beat their families without hesitation or sorrow. I just don't want to be lost in the dark." I trail off, staring into the forest in front of me. I don't know what she’s thinking and I can't see her expression.

  "Well, you don't have to worry because they’re not gonna take you. We're going to think of a way to save you without hurting your family if I have to die trying. You’re not going to be one of those robots, Nathan. I promise. I won't ever let that happen."

  I stare at her hard, eye to eye. I've never felt so close to somebody before this moment. Does she truly mean that? If she’s going to throw everything away just to keep me from them, then I’m going to do everything in my power to keep her safe and away from danger. That I promise her...in my head.

  I finally smile when I realize she’s getting worried with my hard stare.

  We sit in silence again. This time Willa breaks it, "So...I've told you a bit about my childhood, so let’s hear about yours." She smiles.

  I laugh a little...fake. "Well, I think you might find my childhood a little sad and gloomy. Not to mention filled with horror. And it doesn't have a happy ending like yours does."

  She sighs and slides down off the log onto the cold ground. "I guess I'll make myself comfortable then. I'm ready for a story." She tilts her head back to see me. I smile weakly and slide down to sit next to her.

  "Okay. Just don't blame me if you have nightmares. What do you want to know?"

  "What am I allowed to ask about?"

  I laugh and this time it’s for real, "You may ask about anything you want. I'm not keeping secrets."

  "Okay… you said your father was crippled...how did that happen?" Her voice is off in hesitation.

  "Oh, that's a good question. It's a long story though and it might trail off onto other subjects."

  "I'm not in any hurry." She grins, crossing her legs.

  "Alright then. Once upon a time, I was about seven years old, I guess. And it was that horrible year that everyone was terrified of. I didn't really understand what was going on, why my dad was stocking up, why my mom was so worried, why everyone seemed scared all the time. This was back when my dad could walk and he cared about what happened to us." I look at her to make sure she’s keeping up. Her eyes are attentive so I continue.

  "It had been ten years since the Tecks had come for new soldiers. So, everyone was preparing to either be taken or have their strongest person be taken. This was before Gabby, Cinda, or Leila was born. Gabe was just a toddler." I trail off, trying to refresh my memory, "I don't really remember all the details of the Taking process but they’re doing it a lot different this time than they did ten years ago."

  "I don't ever remember this happening. It's happened more than once?"

  I laugh at her but she doesn’t seem to care. "Willa, this has been happening for more than a hundred years. You and I have only lived to see it once."

  "Are you constantly in danger then?"

  "It's not really like that. You see..." I stop, trying to figure out how to explain this confusing fate. "Okay, take my brother for example, Gabe. He's thirteen. He's too young to be taken at this point, unless he was the strongest member of my family. I'm the strongest, that's why they’re taking me, not him."

  "They’re not taking you." Willa snaps through her teeth. I can tell this is going to be a harder conversation than I thought.

  "Okay, okay. But you know what I mean."

  She crosses her arms again and looks away from me.

  I’m quiet, waiting to have her full attention again. She sighs deeply and turns back to me. "Okay, go on."

  "So yeah, they’re not taking him, which is good. Now in ten years when they come back, he will be twenty-three. That's too old unless he's the strongest member. But we've learned that the Tecks take younger men. Usually teenagers, actually."

  "Why?"

  I shrug. "No idea. I guess it's just easier to hold kids hostage than it is grown men. But if you’re lucky and you’re born at the right time with a good number of older brothers, than most likely you'll never be taken. But somebody is always taken from a family, whoever is the strongest. So, when this year came around last time, it was horror for everyone. I don't remember that day very well. My mother kept me inside and off the streets. But the one thing I remember like it was yesterday is all the screams. I remember every scre
am of every mother who lost a son, the cries of newlyweds who wouldn't get to spend their life together, the shrieks of children, and the moans of fathers. Some people tried to fight back. Half the town was burned to the ground. Dozens of people were killed either from burns, being beaten, or trampled. Everyone lost their mind and panicked. Hundreds of soldiers came to help stop the uprising. Needless to say, we lost. And more people died because of it. We were punished, of course. It really is just a day of heartache. Even today, I can hear all those screams in my head. And the sickest part about it is all those heartless wrecks have no idea what they’re-" I stop when I look over at Willa again.

  She sits quiet for some time trying to take it all in. I can imagine it being hard to hear things like that when your whole life has been safe. Her eyes are full of terror as she pictures the scene. I haven't even told her the worst parts. I decide to leave it at that. I want her to get some sleep tonight.

  We’ve been quiet for a long time, when it sounds like Willa forces out the question, "But...but they didn't take your dad, right?"

  I shake my head.

  "But you said they always take somebody. If they didn't take him and they didn't take...you..." She has trouble saying the last word.

  I smile and rub her arm that’s now leaning against mine, "I should probably stop. I don't want to be the reason you don't sleep for a week."

  "No. No, I'm fine. Tell me how your father became crippled."

  I sigh as the memory floods through my head. I can see it like I’m there, even as I tell her the story.

  "My father was...afraid...of being taken and leaving us with nobody really able to take care of the rest of the family."

  "Well, that's a good thing, right?"

  Her interruptions are getting annoying. I give her a look to make her be quiet and listen.

  "Oh, sorry." She flushes.

  I smile, "Anyway, that's what he told my mother. That's why he took action. I watched him go to the back of the house with an axe in his hand. He crippled himself from the waist down. He said it was best for the family but when they came, when they broke through our door, I realized he wasn't acting for the family. He was acting on his own fears. Just pure selfishness." I stare off into nothing. Willa doesn't say a word but I can feel her eyes watching me. Her stare burns into my head until I have to continue. "When they came and found my father useless they got angry. But I wasn't even close to old enough. So..." I look Willa in the eye. "You know what, it doesn't matter. Long story short, my father was too much of a coward to face what most kids have to face. What most kids are willing to face to keep their families alive. What I'm willing to face."