Breathe Again

by Rachel Brookes

  Blake and Tate were half-brothers.

  This was going to shatter him into a million pieces, a million pieces I would, until the day I died, attempt to glue back together. To be honest, I was scared of that one brutal moment when the truth actually hit him, that moment when the world would give him a massive ‘fuck you’ and would stamp its boot into the already bloodied shards of his destroyed heart and grind it farther into the earth. That’s the moment I was scared of, and all I could do was pray to the heavens above that I was strong enough for him.

  “Tate, seriously, would you wait!” I yelled after him with every last bit of energy I could summon. Finally, he slowed his pace until he was almost at a standstill, allowing me to catch up to him.

  The last shards of California sun beamed from the skies above, but the cloud surrounding Tate was overshadowing everything. His shoulders were slumped and his head dropped in defeat. My strong man was crumbling in front of me. I grabbed at his arm and swung him around to face me. The face looking back at me destroyed me. His blue eyes were overflowing with fear, confusion, and what looked like embarrassment. What did he have to be embarrassed about?

  My hands flung up to his face, cupping his cheeks and making him look at me. “Talk to me.”

  The slight movement of his head as he shook it frightened me. He was shutting down, his walls were flying up at a rapid speed, and there was nothing I could do about it.

  “Please, Tate. You promised me.” I pulled out the big guns. His eyes finally latched on to mine. I knew he would never break a promise he’d made to me. Trust between us was now everything, and if he didn’t talk, we both knew we would be back to square one.

  His Adam’s apple bobbled in his throat as he swallowed hard, anxious to find the strength he needed to allow me into his inner thoughts. “This is fucked up, Sav. I share blood with Blake fucking Ryan. Or should I call him Blake Connors now? That piece of shit who made my life hell for so many years is my brother. That piece of shit who fucked Sarah and who fucked…you.” His voice cracked under his words and my heart stilled.

  Our eyes flashed to each other’s in pure desperation. My greens met his blues, anxious to pierce each other’s soul for a simple truth both of us craved. The rush and buzz of Los Angeles flooded around us, but the bubble we had locked ourselves in was intensifying by the second.

  “Don’t let your mind go there, Tate. We will get through this. Together. Your heart is mine to fix, to soothe, to caress, to love, to cherish, and I’ll be damned if your father or Blake will take that from me. You thought you had witnessed stubborn Savannah before. Well you haven’t seen anything yet.”

  A miniscule smile tugged at his lips but was taken the moment his thoughts escaped back to the nightmare he was currently living. “How am I supposed to tell Tanzi?”

  How could I possibly answer that question?

  Without another word, he grabbed my hand and pulled me down the street towards his Jeep, his face void of emotion, his eyes fierce, and his mouth pulled tight. When we reached his car, he opened the passenger’s door and helped me in, pulling the seatbelt around me and locking me in securely. His protectiveness was adorable. I watched him like a hawk as he sauntered around the front of the car before sliding onto the driver’s seat. He stilled, his hands gripping the steering wheel to the point on whiteness appearing on his knuckles. His breathing was rough, patchy, and aggressive.

  Anxiety crashed within me like a massive wave. I had seen this Tate before and I knew exactly what it led to. Tate was ready to fight.

  His shaking hands fumbled with the keys and the engine roared to life. Soon we were driving erratically through the streets of Los Angeles. If I hadn’t had complete trust in him, I would have been fearing for my life. He weaved through traffic, muttering obscenities under his breath when he had to stop. I remained silent but my eyes never left him.

  As he pulled the car to a stop at the lights, his eyes closed momentarily and then shot open with a new vigor taking over them. Suddenly he punched the screen on his dashboard and the sound of a dial tone filled the air. Moments later, Jack’s voice was heard.

  “What’s up?”

  “Is he there?” Tate didn’t hold back.

  “Who are you talking about?”

  I didn’t even need to ask who he was talking about. Swallowing hard, I turned in my seat and softly gripped his leg just above his knee. His eyes flashed to mine and for the first time since our gazes had first locked with each other’s in the foyer of our apartment building, I couldn’t read him. His eyes were my door to what he was thinking and feeling, and now, as I looked at him, I saw nothing. No emotion, no unspoken words, no passion.

  “Blake,” he spat.

  “Don’t, Tate. Please,” I begged softly, my voice sounding like a pitiful school girl—whiny, weak, and losing my hold on him. Slowly shaking his head, he looked away and focused back on the road in front of him. Nothing I could say would stop the torment in his head. This had fucked him completely up.

  “So is he there?”

  “Yeah he is. He is chatting to the photographer. The after-party is in full swing. Fuckstick Chelsea is still here.”

  “See you in a bit.”

  Tate ended the call and didn’t say another word to me as he took off through the intersection when the light turned green. We weaved our way through the congestion of Los Angeles traffic and along the familiar roads I knew would lead us straight to Red Velvet. My hand didn’t shift from his leg, I was desperate to offer any kind of comfort I could, but as the minutes passed, I knew I was failing miserably.

  One thing I was quickly learning about Tate Connors was that if he stood in the face of trouble, uncertainty, or fear, he would do one of two things. He would either shut down completely, silence would overcome him, and he would pull away from me, offering me nothing but silence or he would fight. He would fight until he was satisfied that he’d won, that the fight was his to own, that he was the ultimate winner. The scary thing about right now was that I was seeing both. I was witnessing the silence engulf him but seeing the fight ignite within him and I had absolutely no clue what to do about it.

  “Tate, please talk to me. You are scaring me.” My voice was barely a whisper.

  “I can’t talk now, Sav. I got the answers I wanted, didn’t I? This whole thing is fucked up, but now it’s opened up a whole new bag of fucking secrets.”

  “Tate, you don’t need to do this. Just talk to him. Don’t do something you’ll regret.”

  Tate turned to me and his eyes darkened to a shade I had never witnessed before. “I won’t regret this. That’s one thing I can promise you,” he scoffed and forcefully pulled out the keys from the ignition. I didn’t even realize we had stopped. My head swung around and I recognized the familiar car park of Red Velvet. Fuck it! He was out of the car before I could beg him again.

  “Shit, fuck, bullshit,” I muttered to myself, pulling open the door and rushing after him. Seriously, would he ever not make me run after him? My feet pounded on the gravel as I ran across the car park, my breathing heavy when I finally got to him. His hand gripped the door handle of the entrance of Red Velvet and he was just about to swing it open. With everything I was I pulled him back and pushed him against the wall beside the door. His eyes scanned my face, shock at my sudden strength covering him. Inhaling sharply at the feeling of the heavy beating of his heart against my chest, I grabbed both his hands and interlocked our fingers, gluing our hands together.

  “Sav, just let me go.”

  “Never, Tate.” I rose on my tiptoes and wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling him flush against my body. My lips collided with the corner of his mouth and instantly I felt his stiff body relax ever so slightly against me. “I will never let you go.”

  Tate turned his head slightly, allowing his lips to fall on mine with an insurgence that made me breathless. My hands gripped his shirt, drawing him as close to my body as my stomach would allow. The early evening shadows of Los Angeles were fal
ling around us, but as his hips collided with mine, I couldn’t give a shit what was happening around me. He spun me in his arms and pressed me firmly against the wall without breaking contact with my mouth. His tongue slid between my lips as I gasped. Our tongues began furiously dancing with one another as we tasted every inch of our months. Fuck, I loved kissing this man.

  Kissing was something that I’d never enjoyed. Kissing to me had always been more intimate than sex. Kissing was tasting, caressing, delving into a person’s soul, and that was one thing I’d never wanted. I had often refused to kiss the men I had been with, but with Tate it was everything I needed. I wanted to kiss him until my lips were swollen, red, and bruised, until the tingle stayed for days, until our heads were fuzzy due to lack of breathing. That was what kissing Tate Connors was like, and right now I was under his spell. Suddenly the tormenting situation we found ourselves in faded into thin air, even if it was just for a couple of minutes.

  A deep cough sounded beside us and both of our heads spun around to find Steve, Tate’s trusty doorman, looking at us with a grin the size of the Grand Canyon plastered on his face.

  “Fuck,” Tate hissed between his teeth while the heat from my reddening cheeks radiated. Without a second thought, Tate grabbed my hand and pulled me to the alleyway that ran the side of Red Velvet, and once again I found myself pushed against a graffiti-covered wall.

  A silence fell between us, eyes scoping each other’s, our hearts beating feverishly in our chests. I grabbed the front of his shirt and smashed my lips to his. It was my turn. My tongue traced the length of his bottom lip, sweeping delicately and giving him a teasing taste of me. His hands gripped my arse, and before I knew it, I was on my tiptoes, moments away from being in his arms. I wanted nothing more than to wrap my legs tight around his hips and grind myself up against the delicious cock that was crushing against my thigh. When I pulled his bottom lip between my teeth, his groan filled the air and the wetness of my panties became apparent. His mouth claimed ownership of mine in a struggle of tongues, lips, and teeth. We couldn’t get enough and I knew I never would. This was my Tate. Rough, raw, and sensual.

  “We have to stop,” Tate breathed heavily into my ear before sucking my lobe into his mouth and nibbling the tender flesh. My legs felt like jelly, my sex ached for attention, and my heart was exploding in my chest.

  “Why?” my voice hummed with desire.

  “I love you too much to fuck in you the back alley of our bar.”

  “But you always say you like when I’m a dirty girl.” My words dripped with lust and oozed with sarcasm.

  I felt Tate’s lips curve to a smile against my neck. “Yes, I love dirty Sav when she is talking dirty to me when I’m pounding into her at home or the car or my office. I have no interest to meet dirty Sav in the back alley of Red Velvet when we are probably standing in someone’s piss and vomit. We are classy, remember?”

  “Oh yeah. Totally classy.”

  His mood suddenly shifted and his arms moved from around my waist, dropping to his side. I knew I couldn’t stop him from doing what his mind and body were ready to do. I just hoped he realized what this could mean.

  Tate

  BLAKE RYAN was my brother. The words of my father continued to pound in my head. Had our whole friendship been a sham? Was his aim in life to destroy me? Had his concern for me during the worst time of my life been fake? The more I thought about it, the more my anger grew. I should have listened to Savannah. I should have taken her hand and allowed her to take me home. I should have huddled in her arms with the comfort of her and Jellybean and forgotten the shitstorm that was now brewing. But I didn’t.

  The moment I stepped away from Savannah and she didn’t follow, I knew I had made the wrong decision. Pushing open the door of Red Velvet, I was greeted with a bar full of pretty people. Models were scattered everywhere, the music was blaring, and the atmosphere was electric. On any other night, this would have made me ecstatic. I would have smothered myself in happiness and my ego would have soared. But at this moment, I didn’t give a flying fuck about anything other than finding Blake Ryan. I stood just inside the main doors and let my eyes scout every corner of the bar. I found Lucas and Tanzi sitting at our usual table in what looked like a hilarious conversation, and Jack was working the bar and serving Thomas, our regular Hollywood high roller.

  I jumped at the feeling of a hand pressed on my back and relaxed under the touch of Savannah. The feeling of having her near me suddenly calmed the fluctuating emotions bubbling just under the surface, and for a moment I forgot everything.

  “I was wondering when you’d come back without that bitch.”

  That wasn’t Savannah.

  I whipped around to find Chelsea wearing a dangerous smile and a barely there dress. Her eyes roamed the length of my body and the unease in my stomach rose in waves of bile to my throat. She licked her over-plump lips and took an uneasy step towards me. She was completely wasted and had a face full of intention.

  My jaw clenched. “You say one more word about Savannah and I swear to god, Chelsea.”

  “What, Tate?” she scoffed, pushing her chest into me obnoxiously. “What are you going to do about it? I am a fucking model. She can’t do jack shit.”

  “You are also a conceited bitch I don’t want in my bar.”

  Chelsea’s face dropped momentarily and then fire ignited. As far as I was concerned, she had chosen the wrong fucking time to go head-to-head with me and I’d take whatever she gave.

  “And who is going to kick me out? You?”

  “Leave quietly, Chelsea, or be embarrassed when I make the biggest fucking scene you’ve ever witnessed. I don’t give a fuck what people think about me here, but you do. Your choice.”

  Chelsea opened her mouth to retaliate but then spiteful hate exploded in her eyes as she looked over my shoulder.

  “I need you to leave the premises, Chelsea. You are no longer an employee of Beautify and you will not be working with us again.” Savannah huddled beside me, grabbing my hand hastily. Her voice broadcast strength but her face revealed that she was being swarmed by anxiety. “Oh, and you have a life ban from Red Velvet.”

  “You have absolutely no fucking say as to where I work, who I work for, and what bar I visit.”

  Savannah’s hand squeezed mine before she spoke. “One, I was running this shoot and you broke one of the terms and conditions of your contract with Beautify. Two, breaking a contract means it’s instantly void. And three, I am pretty sure my boyfriend here will back me up and he owns the bar so yeah, you are shit out of luck with that one.”

  “You are a joke. What did I supposedly do, you fat bitch?”

  “You fucked a member of the Beautify staff, Chelsea. Section 5.1 of the model contract with Beautify states that models under contract with Beautify International do not engage in any sexual relations with staff and contractors while under assignment. Guess what you did today, you fucking idiot?” Savannah’s voice dripped with power.

  Chelsea’s face drained of all color as she looked at Savannah with wide, terrified eyes. “You don’t know what you are talking about.”

  “There is a little thing called video surveillance cameras all around the bar, and what do you know, Chelsea? You were filmed fucking on camera again. You really seem to be making a habit of this. You should become a fucking whore.” Sav took a step towards Chelsea and thrust her phone into her face with a look of satisfaction and a surge of confidence taking her over. On the screen, it was as clear as day that it was Chelsea fucking the mail guy from Beautify in the corridor leading to the bathrooms. “Chelsea you are officially busted.”

  You could have heard a pin drop around us. Chelsea stumbled back as realization circled her. Savannah had won. Chelsea shook her head violently and grabbed at my arm. Seriously, did she really think I was going to comfort her? Shrugging her off, I moved closer to Savannah and stood proudly beside her.

  “You can’t do this!” Chelsea hissed.

  “A
lready done, Chelsea. The video has been sent to Mr. Davenport, who has since forwarded it on to the CEO of Beautify International. Your career with Beautify is done. You have no reason to ever come near me or Tate again. If you don’t leave immediately, I will call the police and have you escorted off the premises.”

  Chelsea took a step towards Sav and looked her square in the eye before dropping her gaze to Sav’s stomach and a vindictive smirk covered her lips. “You are a fat English slut and Tate will tire of you. He always does.”

  From the moment the venom had spat from Chelseas lips to the impact of Sav’s fist to her nose, time stood still. “For the last fucking time, I am Australian! While you are unemployed, learn the fucking difference!” Sav growled, turned on her heel, and stormed through Red Velvet like a woman possessed. I had never wanted Savannah more in my fucking life.

  Chelsea dropped to the floor, clutching her nose, her fingers covered with the blood spewing from her nose. “I am going to sue you, Tate! I will destroy you! I will destroy her!”

  “With what evidence, Chelsea?”

  “The cameras! I’ll get the evidence.”

  “The cameras haven’t been turned back on. You got any other pathetic threat you’re going to throw my way?” I looked at her and smirked. “Get the fuck out of my bar, Chelsea, before Stevie throws you out. And don’t ever come back.”

  I didn’t stick around to hear her pathetic excuse. I knew she wouldn’t do a thing about her threats. She was as weak as piss, and now that she had lost her contract with Beautify, she didn’t have a leg to stand on. Walking through Red Velvet, I was desperate to find Sav and make sure she was okay. She had put on her I don’t give a fuck attitude but I knew that would have gotten to her. My priority was her.

  “Sav went to your office.”

  My eyes slammed shut at the sound of his voice. Suddenly the reason why I had come to Red Velvet was standing in front of me. I turned to face him and the truth hit me directly in the heart. How had I never noticed before? As he looked at me, it was like I was looking into my or Tanzi’s eyes. The exact same blue eyes as mine were glancing back at me. There was no denying that he was my brother.