The Truth We Chase

by Carl Richards

  Chapter 5

  We stumble into the kitchen diner just after lunchtime and find Luciana already sat there having some lunch before setting off to do her shift at work.

  ‘Afternoon!’ she says sarcastically, ‘Breakfast is served, or lunch for those of us who have been up for hours and have work to go to.’ Ana sits down across the table from Luciana and they give each other a knowing look.

  I sit down between them, there is a table full of food set out before us.

  ‘Fiesta Salad for the Señorita, Roasted Corn, Black Beans, Shredded Cheddar, Tortilla Strips over Mixed Field Greens and Romaine Lettuce with a Salsa Ranch Dressing; and to drink, a Hazelnut Iced Coffee.

  For Señor, tea and toast, with the toast done on one side, I believe that’s how the English do breakfast?’

  I have to rack my brain, then it came to me, ‘ah, the song, Englishman in New York,’ Sting has so much to answer for! ‘We’re a lot more cosmopolitan nowadays’ I retorted in a light-hearted way.

  ‘Right, I’m going, you two behave, I finish work at ten so I’ll see you when I see you.’ With that Luciana was off down the stairs and out of the front door.

  We finished our brunch, I need to book my flight back to Manchester, considering it was now Monday afternoon and by seven-thirty Wednesday evening I should be winging my way back home. After clearing up the kitchen I make my way through to the lounge and to the computer in the bay window. Ana follows on and as I sit down, she stands behind me massaging my shoulders.

  ‘Do you really need to go, is there nothing I can do to get you to stay?’ I spin the chair around so I’m facing her.

  ‘I really do, I’m sorry. Even if we had been together for longer, I would still need to go back. Although that said, I hope that you would have considered coming with me?’

  There was silence, I wasn’t sure why, but Ana looked especially forlorn at this point.

  After a pause I carry on. ‘If I could cancel I would. I’ve got to go over the Easter break, after that I’m fully booked up with work for the rest of the year. On the bright side it’s only four nights. Just think this time next week I’ll be back, the 9 am flight from Manchester will get me to Newark for lunchtime once you’ve knocked the time difference off.’ I am trying to sell the positives of the situation, and failing, badly.

  This only seems to infuriate Ana further. We had put off getting together for so long, waiting for the time to be right to start our relationship and now, only one day in to it, I’m running out on her to visit another woman.

  ‘I don’t even understand why you’re going back, who is this woman, what hold does she have over you that you can just drop everything and go running back to her; what... is she an ex-girlfriend... that’s it, she’s an ex-girlfriend isn’t she?’ Ana is now totally exasperated with me. It was the first time I’d ever seen her lose her cool. She storms off back towards the bedroom.

  I quickly follow on and find her face down on the bed. I lie down next to her and stroke her hair. Calmly I try to explain, ‘she’s not an ex, the last time I saw her we were children.’

  Ana turns her head to me, ‘how old?’

  ‘Elementary school age, so, I think we were about nine-years-old.’

  I can both sense and see the relief as she sits back up. ‘I don’t understand. The last time you saw her, you were so young, why do you feel the need to meet her now? This makes no sense.’ Ana and I need to talk this through, there’s no way I am going to let this come between us. I have come to America for a new start and, if I’m honest to escape, but hearing from Jill again has taken the lid off everything I had bottled up and it needs to be resolved rather than repressed otherwise the ghosts of the past will continue to haunt me.

  ‘We need to talk and I need some fresh air, let’s go for a walk, Independence Park?’ A nod of approval and a smile to die for from Ana brought a more conciliatory atmosphere to the room as we get ready to go out.

  As we walked the fifteen minutes to the park, we only did small talk, it wasn’t until we took a seat under the trees by the bandstand in the centre of the park, did we start to delve into my past.

  It felt good to describe my childhood home, by home, I mean area. I conveniently skipped my home life, nobody needs to hear about that, and even as an adult I still struggle with the memory of it.

  I know at some point I’ll have to address the Jill situation, but for the time being I’m enjoying reminiscing about my old friends, the area we grew up in and some of the things we used to get up to. The area where I grew up is split into three very distinct areas, the first The Village consists of a row of shops, a couple of pubs, a church. Opposite there is a road which drops down to the area affectionately known as The Valley. Off this road, there is a path that takes you down through the woods to the fields by the river and along the river itself. We spent summers here den building in the woods or gathered on the fields, far enough away that our youthful antics wouldn’t annoy anyone. Here at the far end of the woods where the trees were sparse is my favourite place, Wildgoose Heys, a large meadow of long golden grass on the hill. No one went to Wildgoose Heys, there was nothing to go there for, except for Jill and myself this was heaven. It was our place to get away from everything, where you disappeared into the sanctuary of the long grass and just lay there listening to the bird song.

  In the second area there was the old abandoned brickworks, now long gone, where we made extreme bike courses down the sides of the large clay pits, way before mountain biking became popular. At the bottom, the pits, now flooded to form small lakes, is where we built rafts and caught tadpoles in spring. We made full use of the derelict cluster of buildings, the offices that served as a meeting place when it was raining and during the winter months, the warehouse that was our own indoor sports arena where we’d organise our own indoor five-a-side football games, the old kilns that ran deep into the core of the building that served as a den well away from the outside world.

  Then in the third area, high on a hill above the clay pits, is the school, the playing fields and open ground beyond. This offered views of the city but more importantly, to me anyway, the totally uninterrupted view out to the west. As I tell my story, I recall sentimental memories of watching the setting sun as it disappeared below the distant horizon and how I dreamt of, one day, following it to far-flung destinations, like America.

  Sometimes dreams do come true.

  I have spoken so passionately about my home that Ana finds it difficult to understand why I had been so keen to leave. I have, of course, only given her the rose-tinted version of my life up to now; the hardest part, the part I had yet to tell, was the part of my life I was running from.

  It’s now late afternoon and the local high school is finishing for the day, as the horde of kids start to amass in the park we decided to head back to our apartment.

  On the walk back it suddenly dawns on us that we haven’t given any thought to our new living arrangements now we are an item; would it be too full-on to share a room so soon?

  That said, we’ve known each other for well over a year and lived under the same roof for five months so sleeping apart seemed nonsensical. After a short discussion, we decided to leave things as they are until I get back from England. We’re both sensitive to the fact that Luciana could start to feel pushed out which neither of us wanted and I certainly didn’t want to be the bad guy stealing her best friend.

  It’s late afternoon as we arrive back at the apartment, we climb the stairs and kick our shoes off at the top before crashing out on the sofa in the lounge. We sit at either end with our legs stretched out, facing each other like bookends. I start to massage the soles of her feet and as I do, she closes her eyes and a look of contentment washes over her face. After several minutes Ana is drifting off to sleep, I get up and collect the duvet from the bedroom to cover her, even though it is mid-April and warm during the day, it’s still cold by evening time. I tuck her in, she looks so serene, so beautiful. I sit on the floor at her side f
or a while and hold her hand.

  I remember what Luciana had said to me the night before, “take it easy, slowly, small steps.”

  I then realised that I had spent the day talking about myself; I rue the lost opportunity to find out more about Ana’s life during our time alone, especially as I had so little time left before leaving to go home.

  Ana was now in a deep sleep so I make my way to the computer and start to search for flights.

  As I have left it so late, the only availability on the Manchester flight is in BusinessFirst Class and that is going to cost another fifteen hundred dollars. I sit and ponder, the only other viable alternative is to fly to London and get the train to Manchester, although cheaper it would add another four and a half hours, at least, to my journey. By the time I’d gone through Heathrow travelled to Euston, waited for the train, then the two-and-a-half-hour journey time to Manchester, then the travel on to my accommodation. I decided it was time that I couldn’t afford to waste.

  The decision was made to stick with Manchester; albeit with a heavy heart leaving Ana behind.

  The confirmation email arrives in my inbox, it’s all so real now, I book a room in a local hotel down by the river, as I do it brings a smile to my face. The hotel is built on the site of the old open-air swimming pool and had retained its name. Nostalgic childhood memories of outdoor swimming whether it was rain or shine, and if you know the area, you’ll know more often it would be rain not shine, even in the summer months.

  Next, I must email Jill to firm up arrangements now I had definite dates.

  Jill.

  I hope all is well with you. I’ve booked the flights and a hotel, so I’ll be back Thursday thru to Monday. Please let me know your contact details so we can arrange to meet up.

  Thanks.

  JJ

  Within five minutes there was a reply in my inbox.

  JJ, that’s great news. Where are you staying? I’ll come to you.

  Jill x

  Jill.

  I will be at The Riverside Lido for the duration of the stay.

  If possible, can we make it Good Friday to meet up? I’m flying out Wednesday on an overnight flight, landing at Manchester about 7:30ish on Thursday morning. I’ll need to get my head down for a couple of hours, then catch up with some old friends. So, Friday would be better for me if okay with you?

  JJ

  JJ

  Happy with that, I’ll meet you at the hotel Friday morning, you can treat me to breakfast! Let’s say, at nine o’clock, then we can have a full day together.

  Jill x

  I sit for a while lost in my thoughts. I’m thinking about how much I have changed between that night and now, coupled with the persistent nagging question that just won’t go away; why is she contacting me now? I have never entertained the thought of Jill and myself ever seeing each other again, the last time we parted had such an air of permanence about it and with me in America and Jill back in England our meeting up had been an unlikely prospect.

  One thing guaranteed to break my reverie is my hunger, and it does, so I go to the kitchen to see what food we had in.

  Ana is now awake after her power nap. ‘How’s it going, have you sorted out your trip?’ Her soft voice brings me back into the room.

  ‘I have, I’m getting hungry do you want anything yet?’

  ‘Yeah I’m ready!’ she says in a half-hearted sleepy tone of voice.

  ‘I was just going to do something quick, is Fettuccine Alfredo with grilled chicken okay?’

  Ana nods her approval.

  Thirty minutes later and it’s ready. We take our time over the meal whilst enjoying a couple of glasses of red wine along with a little light hearted and flirtatious conversation.

  I clear the dishes to the sink and as I do, I feel Ana press up against me from behind, she reaches around my body and holds me tight with her arms around my waist. I turn to face her. Her eyes seductive, her touch sensual, the intimacy of the moment sets my every sense alight.

  In my ear she whispers, ‘você é o mundo para mim’ as she presses hard against me.

  I lift Ana onto me and as I do, she wraps her legs around my body. We make our way out of the kitchen knocking over a couple of chairs from around the table in the process.

  ‘Você é o mundo para mim?’ She silences me with a passionate kiss, breaking off only to say... ‘You are the world to me.’

  Você é o mundo para mim – you are the world to me; I repeat it over and over in my head as we make our way to the bedroom.

  Chapter 6

  Tuesday

  ‘You might want to cover yourself...’

  I wake to find Luciana stood at the open door to my bedroom. Quickly I gather the duvet and pull it over my naked body. I recover my composure and ask, ‘where’s Ana?’

  ‘She’s gone to the deli for breakfast.’

  ‘On her own?’

  ‘Well, I’m sure you would have been more than welcome to join her, but obviously, sleep was more important to you... Just kidding! She’s getting us a takeout.’

  Luciana has made her way into my room and is now sat alongside me on the bed.

  I’m none too pleased, perhaps I was being over sensitive but having Luciana in my bedroom didn’t feel right and obviously, it showed.

  ‘Nervous, aren’t we? Don’t worry you’re not my type, you’re the settling down kinda man,’ then through a fake yawn, she calls me ‘boring!’ She pauses for a moment, then continues... ‘But then again...’ Luciana looks me up and down before returning her gaze back to my face, she quips ‘you’ve got a nice body, I’ll give you that... Ana’s lucky to have you!’

  Then, and not a moment too soon, Ana arrives back. The front door closes and as she makes her way up the stairs, I expected Luciana to make a move and leave the bedroom, she didn’t.

  Ana appears at the door and she doesn’t look too pleased. ‘What’s going on here then?’ At this point, Luciana gets up off the bed and makes her way out of the bedroom, without saying a word she takes the bag of food from Ana as she passes her.

  ‘Well?’ There is anger in Ana’s voice.

  ‘Well what?’ I answer abruptly.

  ‘Well, is there an explanation as to why you and my best friend end up in bed together the minute I go out?’

  ‘We weren’t in bed together, and it’s certainly not what you’re thinking, Luciana was just passing and decided to wake me up.’

  ‘I bet she did.’

  Trying to be more conciliatory I soften my tone of voice. ‘Please Ana, don’t be like that. The door was open, she came in, woke me up and then you came back, nothing more, nothing less.’

  Ana stands silent in the doorway with her arms crossed staring at me. I can tell she is reasoning it out in her head and that is one of her finest qualities, she’ll always think through her judgement and move on quickly.

  ‘Come on then, the food is going cold’ she says as she turns away and heads off towards the kitchen.

  I pull on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt.

  In the kitchen the atmosphere between the three of us is tense, I’m not sure what game Luciana is playing, but I am sure that something is going on. I’m pretty sure what just occurred in the bedroom, for all intents and purposes was designed to get Ana jealous, or certainly plant a seed of doubt in her mind and what about the dressing gown incident the other night when Luciana and myself were alone in the apartment, was that just an accident, was it teasing or was it testing my fidelity?

  Luciana starts to unpack the bag of food onto the table. ‘What have we got?’ She asks.

  Ana doesn’t make eye contact with either Luciana or me as she started to divide the food up.

  ‘Berry Acai Bowl - Strawberry, banana, almond milk, blackberries and granola for you Luciana.

  Acai Bowl - Banana, dates, blueberries, maca, coconut, rice crispies for myself...’

  I get eye contact and a hard stare...

  ‘And for you...’ She pauses before continuing.
>
  ‘The Breakfast Burrito - Scrambled eggs, mango salsa, cheddar, sweet potato, avocado, with dimes hot sauce in a whole wheat tortilla.’

  We sit in silence for a while as we eat, then Ana looks over the table at me.

  ‘So, let’s hear all about this woman you’re going to see.’

  ‘Where do I start?’ When I say “Where do I start?” I mean it as a fill-in, as a rhetorical question, to start what I have to say, however, Luciana has decided to assert herself and obviously feels that this is her time to chip in.

  ‘Try at the beginning.’ She says.

  ‘Okay, if that’s what you want. I’ll need to take it way back. I’ll need to tell you the whole story to put it into the context of why it is so important that I’m going back to speak to her in person, rather than doing it over the phone.’

  Luciana has decided that she is the spokesperson for both Ana and herself. ‘That’s fine, Ana has all day, and I’m not on shift until two this afternoon.’ Ana switches her hard stare from me to Luciana, she doesn’t like the insinuation that she has all day as if she’ll be doing nothing.

  I decide to get on with it before someone starts an argument.

  ‘Jill and myself, we were born within weeks of each other, so we had spent our whole life together, that was until a Saturday night in August. The actual date I don’t remember.

  Jill and her parents lived in and ran the pub at the top of my street. They were close friends with my parents, at the time this was all we knew or needed to know. Her Mum, Kathy, a local girl, was a feisty woman with a passion for life and people. Her Dad, Mick, originally from County Clare in Ireland, was a big physical man, and tough, but with a big, big heart. He always treated me like a son, I had so much respect for him.’

  Ana stops me, ‘I don’t need to know about her parents, just about her.’