The Truth We Chase

by Carl Richards

  My request for an early check-in has been honoured so I make my way up to my room for a much-needed nap.

  I wake up around four hours later, disorientated, jetlagged and initially not knowing where I am. I sit up and reach over to the bedside table for my watch, it is now twenty past one in the afternoon, which, after a quick mental calculation, will make it twenty past eight in the morning over in New Jersey. I’ve missed Ana, she would have set off at six-thirty this morning so by now she’ll be having breakfast in our coffee shop. I long to contact her, but unfortunately, my phone doesn’t work here.

  Taking comfort in the knowledge that I’ll be able to contact her on the landline tonight when she gets back to the apartment, I turn my attention to the here and now. I unpack my suitcase and grab a quick shower.

  Just after two o’clock I leave the hotel and start the fifteen-minute walk up to the village.

  As it is such a nice day, I decide to walk the route that takes me along the riverbank. With open fields on one side of the river and farmland on the other, the space and greenery draw the urbanite out of me. The walk is quiet, apart from the occasional dog walker, some just nod a gesture of good afternoon, others who made small talk mainly about the weather, so quintessentially British. I don’t think I realised how much I missed this social interaction with strangers, or how much I love it, it’s certainly a world away from the streets of New York and New Jersey!

  It hasn’t taken long to get to the path that cuts up and along the edge of Wildgoose Heys. As the path reaches the top of the hill it enters a housing estate built several years earlier. I stop in the street and use my imagination to take me back to that summer night all those years ago when all this was fields from the river right up to the back of Jill’s pub. After a minute or two I move on and continue my journey.

  Chapter 8

  I arrive at my destination, known locally as the village, which it once was, not that long ago. Now its identity is slowly being eroded as it succumbs to the spread of suburbia.

  My local is a pub in the middle of that row of shops and hasn’t changed at all in all these years and as I am about to find out, neither have the regulars.

  A split second after walking through the front door, I hear a very familiar voice.

  ‘Well look who we have here if it ain’t Yankee doodle dandy, back I see, what’s up, has your American chick dumped you?’

  This is Lisa. Lisa is my ex-girlfriend.

  It was on a night out with the lads, following the split from her, that I met Mia in a student bar close to Manchester City Centre and even though Lisa had dumped me, she found it hard to accept Mia as my new girlfriend or to forgive me for moving on so quickly.

  ‘So, Mr USA, back for good, are we?’ I’m tempted not to answer, but Lisa knows how to push my buttons and she is succeeding.

  Before I can answer she turns to Dan, the barman, ‘I told you he’d be back; didn’t I tell you he’d be back?’

  Getting no joy from Dan, Lisa turns her attention back to me again. ‘I bet you a pint on the night you left for America that she’d dump you and you’d be on the first plane back and look...here you are,’ she says, slurring her words, before finishing her drink in one. ‘Well, are you going to honour that bet and buy that drink you owe me, or not?’

  I have no choice but to stand there looking at her smug drunk face, before deciding that I’d get more grief not buying her a drink than if I did so I get Dan’s attention and order.

  ‘A pint of lager for me, and whatever she’s drinking – within reason.’

  ‘I’ll have a snakebite’ Lisa says in a determined manner.

  ‘You’re not having a snakebite’ was Dan’s response.

  ‘Fine, I’ll just have the cider then.’

  I interject ‘Please’ as she orders her cider, at least I’m sober enough to remember my manners.

  Lisa turns to me, ‘Oh shut up.’

  I stare back at her in disbelief. ‘Thanks for the drink Joe, would have sufficed.’ I say as I pass over a ten-pound note to Dan. He gives me my change and I walk off to sit at the back of the pub near the pinball machine.

  I have just sat down when I hear a thump, I look up to see a bar stool on its side, it’s the one Lisa had been sitting on. After picking it up she collects her drink off the bar and starts to head over to me. I look beyond her to Dan, who is leaning on the bar shaking his head. As she approaches Dan silently mouths ‘Good luck!’

  Lisa sits down at my side; she seems a little calmer now.

  ‘So, when did you get back?’

  ‘Landed at seven twenty this morning’

  ‘Back for good?’

  ‘No, I leave again on Monday.’

  ‘So, you’re still with her then?’

  ‘No, you were right, she dumped me.’

  ‘Wow, first me then her, you’re doing well! I thought you’d be married by now.’

  I notice she has a wedding ring on, ‘I see you are’ nodding towards her left hand. ‘I thought you said all that wasn’t for you, I thought that was the reason we split up?’

  My misunderstanding of the reason for our split seems to rile Lisa.

  ‘It wasn’t the marriage part that caused our split, it was you; you and your intensity, you and your house in suburbia, a wife, a dog, two point four kids, sensible family car.’ At this point she feigns vomiting to show her disgust at the idea. ‘Yeah, I got married but that’s it, I’m still free to do my own stuff. You just wanted to do couples stuff all the time, I felt suffocated, I was only nineteen!’

  She has stunned me into silence, but only because she is right and looking at it from her point of view, I had been quite intense.

  ‘So,’ I say, ‘who’s the lucky man then?’

  ‘Your best friend Phil...’

  ‘Really?’ That shocks me, I didn’t think Phil would be her type.

  ‘Let me finish, your best friend Phil... I married his brother, Rob.’

  Now it makes sense, I remember Rob well and they probably deserve each other. I stand up and make my way to the pinball machine, ‘do you want a go?’

  ‘Go on then, I’ll thrash you like I used to back in the day.’

  As I start to play, she moves to my side. ‘Did your Dad manage to get hold of you then?’

  ‘My Dad?’ I lose concentration and the ball rolls along the flipper and out of play.

  ‘Yeah, he was sniffing around here about a month ago, asking a hundred and one questions about you, wanting to know where you were living, who you were with and asking for contact details.’

  ‘You didn’t give them to him, did you?’

  ‘How could I? I didn’t keep any of your details after we split up. However, I think Phil may have passed on your email address.’

  I turn my attention back to the pinball machine and just as I’m starting my second go, I find myself on the receiving end of a punch to my kidneys, followed up with ‘are you trying to get off with my missus?’

  I really don’t need this and for the second time the ball rolls down the pinball flipper and out of play as I turn around to face my accuser. We recognise each other immediately.

  ‘Bloody hell, it’s Joe! Rob puts his left hand on my shoulder and offers to shake my hand with the other. ‘How are you Joey boy? It’s good to see ya, it’s been a while.’

  ‘All’s good thanks, how're things with you?’

  ‘Yeah, all’s good, hey, I saw your old fella a few weeks ago, fresh out of prison. He’s looking to get reacquainted with you, he said he needed your contact details and I think our Phil passed them on. Has he been in touch?’

  ‘I’ve just had that exact same conversation with your Lisa...’ I pause to take a mouthful of my drink, before continuing ‘...and I was just about to say, that he hasn’t been in touch.’

  I pause again as it dawns on me; just how had Jill got my email address? Then I feel a little perturbed as to why I hadn’t asked myself that question before now.

  I turn back to Rob,
‘has it only been my Dad asking after me?’

  ‘To the best of my knowledge, why?’

  ‘Do you remember Mick, Kathy and their daughter Jill, who ran the pub, The Printing Press in the late seventies early eighties?’

  ‘Yeah, I remember them, why?’

  ‘Jill contacted me by email last weekend, she’s the reason I’m back.’

  ‘Couldn’t tell you, seems a little coincidental though. If they were friends with your Dad, perhaps he kept in touch with them?’

  I fall silent whilst I think over what has been said. Lisa is busy on the pinball machine taking my go as well as her own, she had never known Jill so she was keeping out of the conversation.

  Rob taps a cigarette out of its packet and holds it up for me to take. I politely refuse. He lifts the packet to his mouth, grips the cigarette in his teeth pulling it from the packet, before reaching into his pocket for his Zippo to light it.

  ‘Thinking about it.’ Rob drew hard on his cigarette before blowing out three consecutive smoke rings and then carries on; ‘the rumour around here was Mick, the landlord, did a runner years ago; left his wife and kid to fend for themselves. I heard... what were their names again?’

  ‘Kathy was his wife and Jill is his daughter.’

  ‘Yeah, that’s them, Kathy and Jill. I heard they moved to Buxton and were living with relatives. I think Kathy went on to get her own pub in the end, but I might be wrong.’

  I desperately want to tell the truth about Mick; people around here think that he did a runner and left his wife and kid to fend for themselves? Really, that’s what people think? He had been like a proper father to me and a good father to Jill. I feel the rage building inside of me when Rob said he had done a runner almost as if Mick was weak. If only people knew the truth, it took four men to bring him down that night, four men with the element of surprise.

  Rob leans back to the shelf where he has put his pint, he picks it up and drinks about half of it before putting it back and continuing, ‘why don’t you make a few enquiries, there can’t be that many pubs in Buxton?’

  ‘It’s alright like I said, Jill has already emailed me and is coming over tomorrow to see me. No doubt I’ll get to the bottom of it then.’

  All through the evening a steady stream of familiar faces fills the pub. It was great to catch up with them and after a while it was like I’d never been away.

  I’m grateful, when, at ten to eleven, the last orders bell rings at the bar. I have had enough; my body is still all over the place with the time difference and I haven’t had anything to eat since the flight. I make my excuses and head towards the door, just before I step out onto the street, I hear Rob call me, I turn around, he gestures for me to come back.

  ‘Do me a favour’ he says, ‘Lisa has got the hump with me, I’m going into town but she wants to go home. Will you walk her back?’

  I was a bit surprised, to say the least. ‘I will if she wants me to.’

  ‘Good man, I can trust you and I’ll know she will have got home safe.’ So that was that he heads back over to his friends and I am left standing in the middle of the pub waiting for Lisa to come back from the toilet.

  Lisa appears from the back of the pub, ignores Rob and walks directly to me.

  ‘Rob’s had a word with you then, has he?’ she says in a disgruntled tone.

  ‘He has, are you okay with that?’

  ‘I’ll have to be, won’t I?’ She looks across at him laughing and joking with his friends. ‘Come on, let’s go!’

  She links arms with me as we leave the pub.

  ‘Aaugh! He’s such a dick sometimes, what did I ever see in him?’ Lisa says as we step out of the front door into the cold night air.

  That is a question only she can answer, so I refrain from answering.

  ‘Where are we going, I mean where do you live?’ I ask.

  ‘Heatons Heath’

  ‘Heatons Heath... get you... and I thought I’d done well for myself!’ I say in a jealous tone of voice.

  We make our way along the row of shops to the fish and chip shop at the far end to get some food. It’s nice and quiet as we are in the lull between the early evening rush and kicking out time from the pubs.

  We take our food and make our way up the main road before turning into the cobbled courtyard of Heatons Heath. When we reach Lisa’s front door, she stops dead in her tracks.

  ‘I really don’t want to go in’ she says, ‘the park is open, do you want to go and sit up at the top, on the benches with the view?’

  For me it is six o’clock in the evening, at least it is for my body and mind still functioning on US time, so I agree.

  We reminisce about the old days and even about our former relationship. We finish our fish and chips; I collect our rubbish together and take it to the bin before returning to the bench.

  Lisa has a fixed gaze straight across the valley and out to the far horizon, she doesn’t even acknowledge my return as I sit back down at her side.

  We sit there in silence for a moment, then in lieu of any conversation I stand back up. ‘I have to get going, I’ll walk you back.’ I say.

  That prompts Lisa to speak. ‘Tell me, Joe, I’m interested how a small-town boy, whose only aspiration was to settle down and live out his life here quietly getting on with things, ended up making it big in New York?’

  ‘I wouldn’t say I’ve made it big.’ I sit back down, ‘I just seized the opportunities when they presented themselves.’

  ‘...and you couldn’t have been more like that when we were going out together? You were a sit down and stay, not a get up and go sort of person, in fact, we’d still be together if you’d shown that side of yourself.’

  I’m a little bemused to hear that was the only thing that caused our break-up.

  Now Lisa is plotting, I can tell by the expression on her face.

  ‘So,’ she says, ‘to make amends, take me back with you. I don’t mean to rekindle our relationship,’ she pauses, ‘I mean as friends. Surely, I’d get a Green Card, I have a degree and a profession?’

  Once again, I find myself bemused, this time at how glib her attitude is. ‘Yes, you’d probably get in, but it’s a lengthy process, anyway, you can’t just pack up and go, what about Rob?’

  She is no longer plotting and she is no longer glib, in fact right now she looks a little forlorn. ‘He wouldn’t miss me. No, actually he would, once the laundry basket was full and there was no food in the cupboards or beer in the fridge.’

  ‘If you are truly serious about New York I can help, but accommodation would be tricky, it’s scarce and expensive, you’ll need to find a shared apartment or house.’

  ‘What about your place?’

  ‘I already share with two others.’

  ‘That’s alright I can be one of the boys!’

  ‘Actually, they are both females.’

  ‘We could get our own place.’

  ‘We really couldn’t; The two girls I share with... well, I’m in a relationship with one of them.’

  After an awkward silence that seemed to take an age, Lisa stands up. ‘I’m going.’ She says.

  I walk with her as we take the steep path back down towards the bowling green and the gates.

  Now with an angry tone to her voice she berates me. ‘Jeez, you’re Roger the lodger and an over-lapper. To think, I wasted all that time, emotion and regret about our split, when I should be glad I got rid of you.’

  Feeling the need to defend myself I snap back. ‘Oh, come off it Lisa, you finished with me... remember? Plus, after you finished with me, I was single for two months before I started going out with Mia.’

  Lisa interjects, ‘wow, a whole two months!’

  I continue, ‘then I was single for a whole year between Mia and Ana, hardly overlapping is it?’

  We walk in silence for the last hundred metres before Lisa finally speaks again. ‘Ana; that’s her name is it? Pretty little blonde bimbo, all American girly girl no doubt?’


  ‘No. An intelligent, sophisticated, attentive, generous, classy, beautiful Brazilian actually.’

  We have arrived at Lisa’s front door, as she puts her key in the lock, she turns to face me once more. ‘Is that it, you’re aiming to date a girl from every continent? Three continents completed in seven years, well done!’

  She opens her front door, steps inside and utters ‘goodbye Joe,’ without turning around she backheels the door closed.

  I feel indignant as the door slams closed in my face and the feeling doesn’t dissipate on the short walk up to the main road to head back to the hotel.

  The main road that leads away from the village is now quiet; apart from the occasional passing taxi, I pretty much have the night to myself.

  Five minutes later and I’m approaching Jill’s old pub. It only takes a few steps before I’m outside the front door and directly opposite the road I used to live on as a child. The appearance of the pub hasn’t changed much since that fateful night and it hasn’t changed at all in the four years since I’ve been away. With so many memories I don’t want to dwell too long outside. In the distance, through the trees that line the road, I can see the clock tower, its black hands backlit by the bright white illuminated clock face. It is just after two in the morning, I’m meeting Jill at nine and I need to ring Ana. I pick up the pace as I still have a fifteen-minute walk to get back to the hotel.

  I finally get back to the hotel and I head straight over to the reception desk. After setting up a wakeup call and international calling, I make my way up to my room to ring Ana.

  It is nine-thirty at night back in the US, I hadn’t planned on ringing so late but Ana didn’t mind, she was just glad to hear everything was okay. We must have spent over an hour on the phone and eventually we got to the point where we had to say goodnight to each other. It is now three-thirty in the morning for me and I need to get some sleep in before meeting Jill for breakfast.

  By four o’clock I finally made it into bed. Unsurprisingly I fall into a deep sleep virtually straight away. I have a crazy dream that I’m sat in my office in Lower Manhattan in a reclined position with my feet up on the desk. The dozens of people who usually surround me daily are strangely absent. Unnerved, I stand up and make my way to the lift, the doors open, I step inside and find myself in an aircraft. I take my seat ready for take-off but the aircraft doesn’t fly - it makes its way through the streets instead. Unfastening my seat belt, I make my way into the cockpit. I find there is no one in there, the door closes behind me and I’m back in the lift plummeting towards the ground. It stops suddenly with a jolt. The emergency intercom is ringing. I need the ringing to stop so I can use the intercom to tell someone I’m stuck in the lift. I’m getting frustrated, the ringing just won’t stop.