Through The Lens

by Shannon Dermott

  “And who doesn’t,” I said with my chin raised. I’d found my backbone, a little late I might add.

  “Follow me,” he ordered, keeping my camera, slipping the strap from around my neck.

  Wanting it back, I followed. His strides were long and I found myself almost running to keep up with him. We left the grassy middle of the “mall” and ended up on the side of one of the many buildings that made up the museums run by the Smithsonian.

  With his hand on a door that was marked “employees only”, I couldn’t help taking in an appreciate view of his backside. Turning to me, I took his proffered hand. It was smooth, but still strong and manly. I had no clue where he was taking me, but I wanted to get my camera which was now in reach. Okay, honestly I was caught up in him. He was so good looking, and he was talking to me. Me of all people.

  Then through my ogling, alarm bells began to sound off in my head. I realize my brain had stopped functioning since he first spoke to me. I had no idea who this guy was or where we were at because I hadn’t been paying much attention to anything but his body. Gosh, am I that shallow? No, not normally. But these weren’t normal circumstances.

  Opening the door, he gestured me inside with my camera. Yes, I wanted my camera back. Focus, Jessa, I told myself. With only a moment’s hesitation of only looking at him and those blue eyes, I stepped in and gasped. My eyes were filled with nothing I could imagine. And I wasn’t talking about the hot guy that stood next to me. Well, towered over me. And as delightful as he was, all was forgotten. I was struck by what was in front of me.

  I felt like I stepped inside a magical woodland. There were many trees, grass growing inside like it was meant to be there and there was sunshine. The roof had like a greenhouse-like ceiling above made of glass, letting in lots of filtered light. The space was fairly large with a path that curved around, and it was like a park, indoors.

  But that wasn’t the amazing part. The incredible part was the thousands of butterflies flying about. And how to describe them? They were every shade of the rainbow my stupefied mind could comprehend. Our entrance had sent them fluttering away in what almost looked like a gigantic colorful cloud. My jaw was open in stupification. And I felt a familiar shape pressed into my hand. On instinct, I lifted my camera and began to snap away before they landed. The clicking sound of the camera only added to the music that was created by the millions of wings flapping in flight.

  “Amazing isn’t it?” he asked, sounding as awed as I felt. I nodded unable to take my eyes off them. We began to walk down the path when the butterflies settled down. Speech had yet to catch up with my brain. “I thought a girl like you with a camera like that needed something special to take pictures of.” The snark was back in his tone. A girl like me? What did that mean? Of course, a guy like him would never be interested in a girl like me. I wasn’t my sister. I was plain Jessa. When I don't respond he goes on, “That camera of yours is a classic. It’s probably worth a lot. You must really be into taking pictures.”

  I paused. How was I supposed to answer without sounding incredibly lame? “Or maybe daddy got it for you,” he said before I could speak. I look to him then, his eyes alight with amusement. How the hell was he spot on? “I’m right, aren’t I?” he asked, chuckling. He sounded arrogant and amused all at the same time. Maybe I should give him a prize.

  Instead, I swallowed my pride and said nothing. I just made a face and I hid behind the lens and used my hand to twist the focus to his perfect face and snapped a few pictures of him.

  He narrowed his eyes and gave me a bored look. Click. Rolling his eyes, he said, “You aren’t doing it right.” He stepped forward. In surprise, I stepped back.

  And down I went along with said pride. I’d fallen over the tiny black fence that lined the pathway through the woodland. I was sprawled out and around me were the fallen butterflies. From what little I knew about them, they had short life spans. And dozens of the little guys lay around me. Scrambling, I tried to get to my feet. My backpack tilted off my side, causing me to fall off balance. His arm came out and pulled me to my feet but the momentum sent me hurtling into right his chest.

  Holy hell, it was a solid chest, and he smelled good. I nearly buried my head there, but thankfully, I came to my senses. I leaned my head back to look at him. His face held a smirk, and I stepped back, almost stumbling again. But he hadn’t let me go from before.

  And that is how we were caught, me stepping away and Ethan holding onto me for dear life. His warm hand on my skin a match for the flush in my face.

  “Ethan,” a voice from behind said. And the guy in front of me paled a little. It was at that moment I realized he didn’t know my name, but now I knew his. Turning away from the big man and the voice, I looked back at “Ethan.” His dashingly handsome 'don’t-fuck-with-me face' was back on. Back to business it seemed. My time with Ethan was over.

  Ethan’s voice was a little gruff, and that made him all the more attractive when he spoke. “Mr. Jacobson.”

  “Your break is over. And you know the rules, no fraternizing. So I imagine that you’ve brought this young lady here for an application for the opening we have.”

  My head turned back to Ethan after I’d followed Mr. Jacobson’s voice to his face. Ethan’s face was still expressionless. “Yeah, she came around asking about a job. I was just about to come get you.” His stare stayed on me the entire time, blue eyes daring me to say otherwise. Maybe he needed this job. I didn’t know his story, so when I looked back at his boss, I said, “Yes, I’m looking for a job.” I found the voice I thought I’d lost and covered for him.

  “Ethan, back up front,” Mr. Jacobson said. “What’s your name, young lady?” The boss said in a much friendlier tone as Ethan stepped through the door.

  I nearly sighed. Ethan hadn’t asked my name, and he wouldn’t hear it now. “Jessa Shelby,” I said, holding out a hand. My Dad taught me that in the business world it was expected for you to offer a hand in greeting. With a quick firm handshake, he led me to the office. I thought I might see Ethan along the way, but I didn’t. A bit of paperwork later, and I had a summer job. He had been a bit desperate looking for someone on the weekends. And my weekends had been open indefinitely, till today at least.

  “Most of the workers are volunteers, but it’s hard to find good help. So I need a paid reliable person to be here on the weekends when the rest of your peers are hung over.”

  Smiling, I said, “I’m your girl.”

  “Bring your Social Security card or passport with you tomorrow morning at 8 a.m. The dress code is all black,” Well that explained why Ethan was dressed like a bad boy straight out of a teen romance novel. “I’ll have someone show you the ropes.” I could only hope that person would be Ethan.

  He was ushering me out, and my hopes fell thinking I would not get to see Ethan. But we stopped at an open doorway. “Ethan, say goodbye to your friend, Jessa.”

  My name. Ethan now had my name. He flashed me a smile and said “Bye, Jessa. See you later,” he said winking at me.

  Hearing my name on his lips made me a little weak in the knees. I was about to say bye back when a group of girls with stars in their eyes strode up to the Plexiglas in front of where he sat. He turned and proffered them a smile; I was sure because the giggles got louder.

  “Bye,” I whispered as I was ushered out a side door, not the same one we came in. I was sure he hadn't heard it, positive with those girls in front of him now he didn't' care .“Come to this door from now on,” Mr. Jacobson said. I nodded, said good bye to him and walked away.

  Outside, I could see a line forming in front of where Ethan was on display in the ticket booth, but I didn’t walk in front of it. He was gorgeous, and he knew it. I wasn’t going to be another starstruck girl. I just wasn’t. If we worked together tomorrow, I wouldn’t let it be known that looking at him made my heart skip a beat. He seemed kinda nice, but I could tell nothing would happen between us and my heart would crush in a thousand pieces. He was out of my le
ague. I needed to find a guy at least in my orbit first.

  Chapter Three

  Overhead the sky burned the midnight blue into an aqua color coming to life. The air, deceptively warm despite the appearance of night, didn’t stop the reminder that the day was Sunday. And the time was too early even to think about it without wanting to run back to the warm confines of my bed.

  I awoke thinking about my conversation with Madison last night. I’d filled her in on everything that had happened. She, of course, said it was fate. But I thought better of it.

  “Are you sure you want a job? Summer is almost over,” my Dad said that morning in the car. He’d volunteered to drive me to the metro because my sister had commandeered the car for the day again.

  He didn’t have to say it because I knew the rules. “Daddy, it’s just for the summer. And,” I began, cutting off whatever he might have said, as his brows were creasing. “And, it’s only on the weekends.” Not that it mattered. It wasn’t like I had anything going on, ever. But for whatever reason, I felt like I had to say it.

  “Is this because of a boy?” he asked, looking forward at the road because he was driving. I was grateful because I cringed in my seat at the truth of his words.

  “Daddy, it’s a job. And it will look great on my college applications,” I said, diverting the truth into something he would prefer to hear. And that it wasn’t a lie. My parents were insane about me and Jenna attending a 'prestigious' college, though they'd never admit it. It would go against everyone was equal and they would love us no matter what mantra. Dad didn't say anything the rest of the way but the ride to the metro wasn’t long, especially considering the time and day it was. Putting the car in park, my Dad stared at me. “So you now work at the Butterfly Museum?”

  “No, daddy,” I sighed. “It is a butterfly exhibit, in a building they use for seasonal exhibits and technically I work for the Smithsonian.”

  Continuing in his father mode, he quizzed me. “You left the contact information with your Mom, right?” He couldn’t have been more parental with all his concern and the worried look in his eyes. But that made me love him all the more, the way he was still so protective and yet not overbearingly so. He just cared and that meant a lot.

  After I nodded, he leaned over and kissed my forehead. “Call me when you need me to pick you up?”

  Nodding again, I got out of the car a bit misty-eyed. My Dad was my world, and I couldn’t imagine this life without him. Steeling myself, feeling like more of an adult than I've ever had, I headed for the subway to make the trek downtown and to my job. Man, if that word still didn’t sound odd.

  Knocking on the door that Mr. Jacobson indicated yesterday, I didn’t imagine that Ethan would open it. But he did, flashing me a grin that was worthy of a cologne magazine ad. I knew his middle name was trouble. His sly expression gave way to him glancing about. I frowned and turned behind me to see what he was staring at. When I gazed back at him, he looked amused. “What?” I asked, curious.

  “Oh, I was just waiting for the candid camera. I know how you like to take pictures of people when they don’t know it.”

  Rolling my eyes, I passed him as he held out the door with one arm, leaving only a little gap so I had to make contact with him as I passed. I couldn't think of why he was doing this despite the fact he was bored and I was here, a female, a last resort target. And yet I couldn't help the fluttering in my chest. Reining in my feelings, I changed topics, to give myself time to pull myself together. “I thought Mr. Jacobson was supposed to meet me this morning for training.”

  “Well, apparently my punishment for bringing you in by an employee-only entrance was to wake up this morning and train my new recruit,” he said, using air quotes. He passed me and I followed him all the way to the front where I’d seen him yesterday. “And this is the control room,” he said, gesturing me to take a seat. “You’re supposed to fill out these forms and give them to Mr. Jacobson when he comes in later.” I glanced at the papers lying on the keyboard in front of me.

  Pushing them aside, he moved in, flipping switches to bring the monitor to life. Too bad according to Google sweaty palms and fluttering heart meant I was on the verge of dying. I wondered if this place had a defibrillator because he was going to be the death of me.

  Thankfully, he didn’t notice. The windows where he sat yesterday with all those girls were now dark, covered by something from the outside. It made the two-person room feel smaller than it was. Hovering, his scent over me, and my mind was sent into a frenzy. He smelled like sex. And no, I don’t mean like sex sex. Because how would I know? I was still a dateless virgin who’d never even been asked out, let alone kissed. No, I mean like he smelled so good, I wanted to throw myself at him and experience new things. And that had to be weird.

  “So you see,” he was saying.

  See, I saw nothing with him behind me. And damn, I’d heard nothing either. He’d been talking, and I’d missed everything. Call me blind, deaf, and definitely dumb because this boy made me feel stupid.

  “Am I going too fast?” he asked, spinning my chair around to look me in the face. Damn chair had to be one of those swiveled deals. Now I got a good look at the whole package, and that didn’t help matters.

  “Ah,” I stammered. Great, now I was gawking, and he would surely see it.

  The grin he sported widened. “You see something you like?” he asked, chuckling.

  Spinning back around, I imagined mortification turning me shades of red unknown to man. “Let’s keep this professional,” I said. Stupid, stupid, I felt like such a fool that he so easily figured me out.

  Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, he got back to business. And I thankfully could follow suit. We would be opening soon, and there was a lot to learn. Pricing and scheduling because of the size of the exhibits, only a certain number of people could come in at any given time. So tickets were sold in time blocks. And other important things like how to clock in and out so we could get paid.

  Then we took a tour, he showed me where the bathrooms and break room were. He took me through the exhibit for real giving me a silent tour. Before we went in, he explained it was important for me to see it the way the customers would in case people buying tickets had questions. In the quiet, it was really something to see. Nothing moved. We walked side by side. His presence next to me was no less torturous than the first time. However, the majesty of the place took center stage. I really felt like I stepped into a magical forest, occupied by fairies or something. Maybe I’d been reading too many fey books lately. I opened my mouth to speak, and his finger pressed to my lips. His mouth puckered in the “shhh” sound. That only made me stare at his lips and wonder what it would be like to kiss him. He pointed to the exhibit. I got it. He didn’t want me to startle the butterflies. So I kept my mouth shut.

  Taking it all in, thought about what I’d googled last night. I learned more about butterflies and their short life span. Anywhere from a few days up to a year depending on the species, was all the time they had. And based on the multitude of colors I saw yesterday, many different species lived here. There were several podiums along the walking route that looked to have more information about the butterflies here, but Ethan never stopped. Silently, he pointed to things I should notice and kept moving. The setting was so perfect, I could imagine myself sitting on one of the benches with Ethan. I nearly stumbled into him caught up in my fantasy.

  We ended up back where we started. The tour was over. Trying to make conversation, I prepared myself to ask why the exhibit had been empty when he’d brought me in yesterday. However, while we were walking, I assumed, back to the ticket booth, a girl, with equally good movie star good looks, bounded into the hall from the door I’d entered earlier. Her golden hair, highlighted with dark and light streaks, bounced as she walked, looking natural yet perfectly done. “Ethan,” she cried out. Her face was alight like he was everything to her. When she wrapped herself in his arms and kissed him the way I’d imagined kissing him, I guess
ed he was just that. Her everything. When she pulled back, he smiled at her with the same genuine look of fondness, and my heart sank. “Hey babe, this is . . . ”

  The awkward pause said he’d forgotten my name. “Jessa,” I said twisting my lips into a smile I didn’t feel.

  She held out her hand to me with an inviting look that held no jealousy. That stung a little, that I didn’t feel like competition to her. She said, “I’m Allie.”

  And that is how I met Ethan’s girlfriend.

  Chapter Four

  Hopping out of the car, I made my way to Bradley’s house. Madison had to work.

  “Make sure your back for dinner,” my Dad called after me. Sunday dinner was a ritual at our house and sacred. It was the one meal a week we had together so it was hard to have an excuse to miss.

  “Yes, daddy,” I said heading a few doors down the street.

  Bradley and I had been friends as long as I could remember. Since diapers maybe. His Mom was like my second mother. She was never surprised to see me and always ready to feed me, coming in with snacks, telling me how she thought Jenna was too skinny. Jenna didn't know what she was missing because boy, could she cook.

  Sitting in Bradley’s room could give you hives. The boy was totally unorganized, clothes on his desk and books on his bed. It was like a warzone but he seemed to be completely at peace with that. He just sat with his arms folded behind his head, amongst the papers on his bed, and listened to me. I spilled everything that happened, and his vibrant green eyes stayed focused on me, attention unwavering.

  And now having shared everything, I couldn't help but notice just how cute he was and what a good friend he was. It wasn’t hard to understand why Madison had given in and decided to date him, knowing full well this would change their friendship forever. Me, on the other hand, even if Madison hadn’t dated him, we would only ever be friends.