Through The Lens

by Shannon Dermott

  Looking amused, he asked, “So what are you going to do?” Briefly, I wonder if he ever felt burdened by having two girls for best friends while he sat back pushing his shoulder length blonde hair off his forehead, a frequent habit of his.

  “Nothing,” I said, heaving out a sigh. I just needed to get that off my chest. The guy was taken, and Allie was really nice. She’d even invited me to hang out with her and Ethan after work. Though, I’d declined. I had enough of being the third wheel now that my best friends were dating. I didn’t plan on being a third wheel somewhere else.

  “What’s up with you?” I asked. He didn’t seem like himself. He seemed...distracted.

  That's when I saw it. Sadness. I wanted to move over and hug him. Instead I waited, sitting in his desk chair, while he crossed his hands in his lap. “I told Madison I loved her,” he said.

  Crap, I knew something like this would happen. I wondered why Madison hadn’t mentioned it last night when I called. Then again, I’d been busy rattling on about a guy that was no longer even an option for me, never had been really. I’m sure Madison had kept quiet because normally, I was the one doing the listening. And I loved her for that. She’d always let me have my day. But now I hated that, wishing she would have spoken up about it because something obviously had gone wrong with his admission to her.

  “And,” I prodded, not really ready for it.

  “And, nothing,” he said. “She didn’t say anything.”

  Damn. “Bradley,” I began.

  Holding a hand up, he said, “Its okay, Jess. You don’t have to try to make it okay. I didn’t tell you for that. There's more.”

  Nodding, I waited for him to say what he needed to say. “You know there is a party next week we were going to?” Despite Bradley having two girls for best friends, he had other friends. He was the kind of guy that got along with everyone. And yeah, I knew some of his other friends were throwing a summer party. I hadn’t planned on going though. “I got a text from someone I’d met before school ended that they would be there.”

  Understanding was clear. He’d met someone before he and Madison had become a couple. “This person doesn’t know about Madison?” I ventured.

  “No,” he said flatly.

  “Madison will understand,” I said.

  Glancing away, I could tell there was more to this story. Was he into this other girl? “Jess,” he said. The way he said my name was like he was begging me to accept what he was about to say. “It’s a guy.”

  It wasn’t at all what I expected him to say, so it took time for me to process it. “You’re gay?”

  Shaking his head, he said, “I like girls. I like girls a lot. And I do love her.” He spoke like that needed clarification.

  “So, who is this guy then?” I questioned. Maybe, I was a bit naive.

  “There was this party a while back. You and Madison didn’t come. I guess, I got a bit drunk. I had to take a piss bad. And I don’t remember exactly how it happened, he was there.... and he kissed me.”

  You could hear a pin drop. Keeping an open mind, I showed no judgment. But I still couldn't form a sentence. I was so shocked. I never expected Bradley...and a guy... “Say something,” he pleaded.

  “Did you like it?” I finally asked.

  Chuckling dryly, he said, “Like 'I kissed a boy, and I liked it?'” His words, reminding me of the song, I nodded. “I don’t know. Maybe. It wasn’t the first time I’d kissed a guy before,” he admitted.

  Now that really threw me. I was starting to believe I didn’t know my best friend at all. “It wasn’t?”

  “A couple of years ago when our family went to Florida, I ended up in the hotel pool the night before we were leaving. It was empty except for this other guy. We were horsing around, and he made a pass at me.”

  “So what does this mean for Madison,” I asked, having to get to the point of all this.

  Looking down, he spoke to his hands instead of me. “Nothing. I want to be with her. I’m not interested in this guy. But if she finds out,” he said, his words trailing off.

  “You need to tell her,” I said. I couldn’t imagine keeping this secret from her. Then I hugged him, because I could only imagine how huge it was for him to tell someone, even me, his best friend. “I love you, Bradley, no matter what. And she'll feel the same.” I said, face still tight in the crook of his shoulder but my words were forced and my heart was suddenly heavy.

  I felt like shit, leaving his house. He was a good guy, and I knew he would never do anything to hurt Madison. But I was afraid she wouldn’t understand. Oh, she would support him as a best friend. But I didn’t know how the girlfriend in her would react.

  That night, I worried about my best friends. And my own boy troubles just didn’t seem that important anymore.

  Chapter Five

  The week went by much like the rest of my summer. Bradley and Madison both had jobs, so it wasn’t like I just hung out with them. I read a lot, and I toyed with the idea of starting a blog. And I waited for Madison to come and have a talk about Bradley’s news. But the news still hadn’t come. He insisted he would do it, but the timing still wasn't right. I began to look forward to my own distraction. My job.

  Saturday, I found myself in the booth with Allie who apparently worked here too. I figured as much since she showed that morning. But I couldn’t be sure with the way some girls act. We ended up opening together and though I hadn’t seen Ethan and thought that was probably for the best. For multiple reasons I wouldn't have kept my mind off if things hadn't got hopping right away. We were slammed with a line of customers. I was making change when a girl’s stammering voice, edging toward shrill, asked, “Are you Allie McDougal?”

  The question from the girl made me give my co-worker an appraising look. I’d been struck with her being Ethan’s girlfriend, I hadn’t really thought past that. Now seeing her, she did bear a striking resemblance to the actress from that hit teen show, A New York Life, about a Southern girl who moves to the big city. But it couldn’t be. I didn’t watch the show often, but Jenna did. So I’d caught it on a few occasions.

  “No,” Allie beamed. “But I get that all the time.”

  The girl in the line deflated and let her Mom finish the purchase going back to texting on her phone. With my own string of patrons, I had to get focus back on work and not on the strange coincidence.

  It wasn't for another hour till there was a lull in ticket sales did I get my opportunity. “You do look a lot like Allie McDougal. Funny, you guys should have the same first name.” I asked.

  Allie turned to me. Her eyes were bright and full of mischief. “That’s because I am Allie McDougal.”

  The water bottle I’d brought to my lips emptied a cool stream down my air pipe before I could stop it. Gasping at the news, I choked and sputtered. Allie got another customer, and I gaped at her for the entire time.

  Giggling at me after the patrons left, she said, “It’s something I’d rather not admit to the general public.”

  “Yeah,” I said, feeling in awe of her. She was a TV star. “What are you doing here?” I asked.

  Her face fell a little, and I began to feel bad about intruding on her personal business. “Long story, I’ll spare you the details. But in short, I have to be here,” she said. I wondered if it was Ethan that was keeping her here. But a girl like her could find a ton of hot guys. Not saying Ethan wasn't a major catch. “You can keep this quiet right? You’re not going to sell me out to the paparazzi, are you?”

  My brows furrowed. “No, I would never,” I began.

  “Of course, you wouldn’t. You have that honest look to you,” she said with a smile. She was giving me a compliment, and I took it. Turning halfway serious, she added, “But I’m holding you responsible if I have to find another gig because my cover is blown.”

  “No, sure, I mean, I won’t tell.” Gosh, I was a bumbling idiot.

  For a celebrity, she was easy to make conversation with or maybe it was because I'd gotten to know
her and wasn't as intimidated to talk with her? I’d learned a bit about her during our down time. She was from around here but worked in Hollywood now.

  “Oh, my.God,” she said. Turning, I caught sight of what she saw. There were two guys strolling on the lawn out front. They were gorgeous with bare sculpted chests and low slung shorts. I think I gaped too. Looking at each other, we laughed. And for a moment I couldn't believe that I was here with this celebrity, laughing, like we were friends. It was completely surreal.

  She was fanning herself when I got a customer. Just as I was finishing, Ethan strolled in. Looking at Allie, his eyes narrowed, though his lips were quirked. “What are you two up to?”

  “It got hot in here after we spotted those two guys over there,” she said casually. Ethan looked up and saw the guys we’d been ogling, still standing and talking in the same spot.

  Chuckling, he lifted his shirt in time for me to turn and get an eyeful. He wasn’t even a foot away from me in this small space. I caught sight of a great tan with well defined muscles down to the V showing in his low riding pants. What was it with guys and pants? It ought to be illegal. His body could give a girl a heart attack. Mine was beating thunderously.

  Allie fanned herself harder. She touched his stomach, tugging his shirt down. Can you be jealous of a hand? “Do you want to start a riot?” she teased.

  “Just making sure I have your undivided attention,” he laughed, but he winking at me. I turned around and tried to think clearly. He and Allie were together. Allie, the gorgeous celebrity. And I was...me. So I couldn't understand why Icouldn't slow down my heart.

  Getting another customer, Allie turned her pearly whites on a family of four. Ethan leaned back on the wall behind me. “So, Candid Camera, have you finished the roll of film yet.”

  Unable to comprehend any words just yet, I nodded, unsure of what to do. I had no customers and it would be rude to ignore him.

  “Where are you going to get it developed?” he asked. Shrugging because I was still felt stupefied, he said, “Maybe you should let me develop it for you. I don’t like the idea of someone having access to my picture. Who knows what they might do?”

  Done with her customer, Allie turned to me. “You have pictures of Ethan?” It wasn’t an accusation, but the carefree girl was gone.

  Ethan laughed. “Yeah, I caught her taking pictures of me.” Roses bloomed on my cheeks. I almost apologized to her, not knowing what else to do, but Ethan spoke, cutting me off. “So, why don’t you come over, and I’ll develop the pictures. I can even show you how if you want?”

  “You should go,” Allie said. “He’s really good at that kind of stuff. She seemed a bit too encouraging for me to go and I wondered if that was a inverse reaction to me encroaching on her territory. Still, she didn’t seem mad.

  “Okay,” I said, then turned away from them. I didn't understand any of it. And my brain was in dangerous of shutting down with conflicting signals and confusing information.

  Thankfully, I only heard this time. I didn’t need another eyeful. I was certain he leaned over and kissed her, making her giggle. “Oh, you’re on break,” Ethan said to me glancing at the clock on the wall. The place was small. So standing next to Allie put him in touching distance of me.

  “Sure.” Quickly, I flipped up the sign on my window that read Next Window before a customer showed up and delayed my departure. “Back soon,” I said with a smile and hightailed it to the break room. Pulling out my lunch, I felt like I was in school again. My mother didn’t believe in us eating the school food if we didn’t have to. And apparently she didn’t trust what I’d find downtown. Honestly, I wasn’t bothered by it. The food was good, and I didn’t have to think about where to eat.

  After throwing away my trash and texting Madison, I headed back to work. And I was on my way peacefully when Ethan cornered me right outside the door. He obviously had no qualms with personal space like I did. No, it seemed like he knew I was uncomfortable and was somehow using it to his advantage. For his blue eyes sparked with something as he stepped even closer to me. My back hit the doorframe in retreat. Allie was in plain sight. She was busy, however, with the line that stood before her.

  “I should get back to work,” I said, holding up a finger.

  “So tonight then?” Ethan questioned.

  Allie wasn’t as unaware of our presence as I thought because she asked, “I thought we had plans?” while counting change and managing a smile for the person in line so they didn’t think she had forgotten about them.

  Okay, now things were a bit awkward. “No, you said you had to run lines tonight,” he said over his shoulder. He didn’t seem concerned that his words might give away who she really was or that he was still a breath away from me.

  “Oh,” she said, the dawn of recognition coming over her face as I watched the exchange. “Later, then?” she asked him. He nodded. She turned back to the window.

  Unsure what to do, I said, “I don’t know.”

  “I’ll pick you up when I get off,” he said. “I’ll call you to get your address.”

  Seeing the line grow, I quickly said, “Okay.” Dipping under his arm, I sat back at my spot and got back to work. Later, when my shift was over and I left, I thought I was off the hook. He hadn’t asked me for my phone number. Thus he couldn’t contact me. I wasn’t sure if I was more relieved or disappointed. That was until he texted, asking me for my address. Then, I remembered that the schedule in the break room listing our phone numbers next to our names. Well, damn.

  Once I was back at home, I was bursting at the seams needing to talk to Madison. She immediately picked up on the first ring and I gave her the bulk of the story, I waited while she digested the news.

  “So, let me get this straight. The hot guy that you met while taking pictures downtown, the one who got you the job, is Allie McDougal’s boyfriend. Like I knew she was from here, but wow.”

  I did omit that Allie was working at the museum with me. I’d promised not to tell that much. Allie didn’t want her cover blown. I didn’t think Madison would talk. However, one slip, and then everyone might know where she worked. So I didn’t. I could, however, share that I’d met the girl. “Yeah, and swear you won’t tell anyone.”

  “Like who am I going to tell?” she said. “Okay, Bradley, but he doesn’t count.” She laughed. Madison must have continued talking. I caught her midsentence. “So, you’re like into this guy, right?”

  Pausing, I knew how I should feel. “I hate that I think he’s cute. It feels like a betrayal. She is super nice.”

  “Jess, it’s okay to think a guy is hot. Acting on it is a problem. So when you are alone with him, think of him like you think of Bradley. Friend material.” I thought about Allie openly ogling the guys we saw. Ethan didn’t seem to have a problem with her doing it either.

  “I guess, you’re right,” I said. Friends.

  Shortly after, we hung up because her break at work was over. I felt bad for hogging her time, but she put things in perspective for me. Ethan was okay to look at, but off limits to touch. Not that he even thought I was touchable. Sighing, I lay on my bed and turned to face the wall, wondering just what to wear when hanging out with a guy you think is the living definition of perfection.

  Chapter Six

  With my face buried in a book, I heard my Mom’s voice drift up from the kitchen. “Dinner,” her voice rang. I dog-eared my page and grabbed my cell on the way down. My Mom had a strict policy about dinner. Breakfast and lunch were more relaxed. But dinner, no cells allowed. And she collected them and placed them in a basket making sure they had been turned to silent first. This never really bothered me because Madison and Bradley were well aware of my family quirks. Tonight, however, Ethan was planning on picking me up. So if something changed, I wouldn’t know until dinner was over.

  My Mom stood with the basket in her hand. Unceremoniously, I checked to make sure my phone was on silent before handing it over. It wasn’t until she gave me a quick smile, and I
turned to walk into the dining room that I noticed the wonderful smell wafting out of the room. We never knew when Mom was going to try out a new recipe on us or if we would get a family favorite. With Mom’s bistro going all natural and low fat, my Dad and I had worried about tasteless meals. We shouldn’t have. Mom was a really good cook. Eating was an experience and she claimed they were tasty and healthy. All I knew was that the food was good, most of the time. She had some misses. And she seemed to know when there was a possibility that a meal would be “gross” because she would have a backup meal waiting in the so we wouldn’t go hungry.

  Jenna was already at the table, studying her nails. Dad looked perplexed and even a little agitated Obviously, I’d missed something. Right before I was about to ask, Mom stepped into the room and placed the basket of cell phones on Nana’s antique console table that sat against the wall.

  Mom liked to unveil her meals. I just wanted to scarf down the food, especially when the smells were tantalizing. “Free range chicken with organic carrots and celery,” my Mom announced.

  “I don’t see how you people eat those poor animals,” Jenna said.

  Sighing heavily, my Mom said, “Not tonight, Jenna. I made a special tofu dish for you.”

  Dad and I looked at each other, silently gagging to ourselves without outwardly doing so. We just knew and started laughing.

  “Settle down, people,” my Mom said, sounding bored because this was our normal routine.

  After Mom announced all the dishes, we dug into the food like vultures. I was seriously hungry. Lunch had been a cup of yogurt. I hadn’t had time to prepare lunch to take with me this morning. I’d just lost the weight, and I wasn’t prepared to put it back on by eating fast food or hot dogs from the food court, even though it all smelled delish.

  “How come Kyle is never home for these family meals,” my sister complained. Kyle was our younger brother. He was nearly fifteen and would be a freshman this year.