Through The Lens

by Shannon Dermott

  It wasn’t long before my eyes drifted shut, sleep claiming me. The sun warm on my skin felt like a kiss. The memory of the one I had with Ethan woke me. Rising off the bed like I could levitate, I woke Bradley up. We both looked at the clock. It was nine in the morning.

  “Crap,” I mouthed.

  I got up, and Bradley did, too. He made it to the door before I could. Peeking out, we stood still to listen. The house was quiet. With two fingers, he pointed at me, then at himself. Then he formed, a fist and it all looked like something I’d seen the Marines do in a movie. I rolled my eyes at him, and he grinned.

  Getting the drift, I stepped outside his door first, and he followed. I’d made it down two steps when his mother stepped out of her room. “Brad, where are you going?” she asked. “And is that Jessa?”

  Caught red-handed, we froze. Bradley turned to his mother. “Are you here for some guilt-free breakfast, dear? I know your mother is into all things healthy these days.”

  “Yes, Mrs. Fisher,” I said.

  “I’m just getting up; it will be a bit,” she said.

  “No rush,” I said. Then I followed Bradley back to his room so it wouldn’t look suspicious about what we’d been doing.

  Chapter Nineteen

  It had been a close call, but after a breakfast full of useless calories that tasted scrumptious, I headed home. Doing homework, filling Madison in about my adventures excluding certain parts of Brad’s and my conversation, I waited for my sister to get home. She and I had much to discuss.

  It wasn’t until after dinner that Jenna decided to grace her family with her presence. I only knew because I heard Dad murmur something to her before the thud of her door said she was hiding in there.

  Stepping out of my room, I bumped into my father. “Jess, baby. I hardly see you anymore.”

  Isn’t that what I’d recently said to Madison? “I’ve been busy. How is the attic cleaning coming?” I’d meant to ask him about it. But I knew enough not to do it in front of Mom.

  “Slowly,” he replied. “How’s the camera working out?”

  Brightening, I hadn’t yet shown him the pictures I’d taken. I walked in my room leaving the door open so he would follow me inside. Dad was good with boundaries. He usually left us our space and didn’t enter without permission. I couldn’t say the same for my mother.

  Pulling out the envelope, I handed the pictures Ethan had developed for me into his hands.

  Slowly, he looked at each one of them. “These are really good,” he said. He held up one of the pictures of the butterflies from the museum. “You have a really good eye for catching great pictures. It almost looks like they could fly right off the page.”

  “Thanks,” I said, feeling the heat from a blush creep across my face.

  “These are really good, too,” he said, showing me a picture of myself. “Who took these?”

  “Ethan,” I said. “He developed them, too.”

  He nodded. “He’s good, really good.” It’s hard to judge a picture of yourself, so I said nothing. “Are you two getting close?” he asked, hesitantly.

  “I told you before, he has a girlfriend.”

  He cupped my cheek and looked at me like I was still his little girl. “I know. But you are a beautiful girl, and I couldn’t blame him if he was blinded by it.”

  Blushing again, he kissed my cheek before handing me back the pictures and silently leaving the room. The little girl in me wanted to cry, thinking how much I would miss my Dad when I went to college. And the other half of me cried, thinking about all that Ethan had lost when his father died and how he didn’t have the love that I had at home. His own home sat empty.

  Wiping at tears, I headed out of the room. I did knock, but then I barreled inside Jenna’s room. “Jennifer Kelly SHELBY, what were you up to this weekend?”

  Lucky for her, she didn’t look contrite. “Look, let me explain.”

  “Are you and Billy having sex?” I asked. My voice was low, but my meaning was harsh.

  She paled. “No, of course not,” she said.

  “Then what the hell?”

  “You know Mom and Dad and their curfew. I just wanted to hang out late. I swear Billy took me to Kara’s later. We didn’t go all the way okay.”

  I stared at her and her confession. I wasn’t sure if I totally believed her. I didn’t think she had sex, but there was more to it. “Is he putting pressure on you?” I may not know a lot about relationships, but I did know that sex was a big deal. And I really did believe that the right guy would wait until you were ready.

  “It’s not like he hasn’t tried. What guy wouldn’t?” she exclaimed. I didn’t like her tone and was about to speak but she cut me off. “Still he respects me and said he’d wait.”

  “Don’t do anything you don’t want to,” I said before hugging my sister. “And don’t be stupid. Staying out late with him might give him the wrong ideas.”

  “He’d never push me to do anything. I swear.” She knew her boyfriend better than I. “And what’s up with you and Josh?” she said, waggling her eyebrows at me. If I hadn’t gotten enough advice already, I still told her about our date. “He didn’t kiss you?”

  Groaning, I collapsed on her bed. “It was the kiss-off, wasn’t it?”

  “No, not necessarily. Maybe he just wants to take it slow,” she said.

  “Tell me, have you heard Josh being slow with other girls?” She would know. He dated another girl in their circle a couple of years ago.

  She bit her lip like she had bad news for me. “Well, no, actually he moved quite fast which caused their breakup.”

  My hand found my forehead. My dating life wasn’t only getting to a late start, it looked like it would stall before it ever took flight. “Oh well,” I said, getting to my feet.

  Before I got out the door, Jenna said, “I’ll talk to him.”

  “Please don’t,” I said. Jenna nodded, and I left for my room.

  My brother was in the hallway coming from the bathroom. He proceeded to flash me. Lucky for me I was used to his antics and had my eyes closed and covered before the towel left his waist. “You are such a dork.”

  My brother had my hands in his as he laughed. I opened my eyes to see he was fully dressed from the waist down. “You fall for it every time,” he said.

  Rolling my eyes, I hated and loved all my family at the same time. I wouldn’t know what to do without them.

  Monday came as all Mondays do during the school year with a groan, a muffled grunt, a sigh, and resignation. Despite it all, we made it to school in peace even though Jenna and I were yelling at Kyle before we made it to the parking lot. He liked to tease, and he was merciless this morning.

  Grumpy, I made it to lunch without biting anyone’s head off. I was sitting in my normal seat when Bradley, Madison and Josh showed up at my table all at the same time. Bradley and Madison sat and tried not to pay attention to Josh and me, which only ended up making things feel weirder.

  Josh straddled the seat and looked at me. “I thought you’d sit with me at lunch today,” he said.

  I blinked. Were we all wrong, or was this just part of his master plan? I had to stop myself from being so cynical. “Um, I promised Madison I’d sit with her,” I said and gave her a quick look. She averted her eyes, and I wanted to yell traitor.

  “Okay, but your friends are always welcome to join us,” he said, getting up.

  I nodded, and he leaned over and kissed my cheek again. After he’d made it to his table, I growled, “What the hell is up with this cheek kissing?” Was I being a little irrational? Maybe, but it felt more friend-like.

  Madison looked like she had a lot to say, but Bradley beat her to the punch. “Did you really want him to put his tongue down your throat for the first time here in the lunchroom?”

  Give it to Bradley to cut to the chase. “Okay,” I said biting into my mystery sandwich. It tasted good though.

  The day was brutal. Teachers seemed to be just as mad the weekend was ove
r as we were. I hadn’t thought about Ethan much all day except during Law. But even there, what we were learning was so interesting that I found myself thinking about majoring in pre-Law.

  Coming face-to-face with Ethan at the end of the day, I was struck again at the sight of him.

  “Are you staying for Yearbook Club?” he asked.

  Crud, I’d forgotten all about my promise to Mr. Miller. “I don’t have a ride,” I said, searching for an excuse.

  “I can take you home. Unless you’re afraid of me,” he challenged.

  “I’m not,” I said.

  Mr. Miller stepped into class. Ethan continued to wait for my response. So I nodded to him before class started. We worked in charcoal today. It was messy for sure. By the time class ended, I was covered in it.

  After Mr. Miller ended class, he said he would be back in ten minutes for the Yearbook meeting. Ethan looked up at me. “You look like you’re ready for football practice.”

  Sighing, imagining the black lines under my eyes, I asked, “It’s all over me, isn’t it?”

  Smirking, he said, “Um, yes.”

  Standing, I said, “I guess, I should go wipe it off unless you want me to get you dirty,” I said, waggling my fingers at him.

  Stepping back, he laughed, and it was a good sound. Somehow we’d found our way back to easy banter. Walking in the direction of the door, Ethan called out, “Wait.”

  Turning, I saw him standing in front of a wall with pictures tacked to it. The closer I got, I realized they were the sketches we turned in on Friday. “Is this yours?” he asked.

  Mortified, I quietly said, “Yes.”

  He chuckled and turned his head this way and that as if to figure out if the picture was askew. “Very funny,” I said. “You don’t like my pansy? I said, feeling bold from embarrassment.

  “Just because your boyfriend didn’t kiss you, you shouldn’t call him names. I swatted at him. He ducked and laughed. “You know you opened yourself up for one,” he said.

  “I’d like you to know I worked very hard on this masterpiece,” I said, not wanting to talk about Josh. However, I was laughing hard myself before I finished my sentence.

  Then my field of vision landed on the eye I thought I’d seen from his sketchbook. “Is this yours?”

  His smile slipped slightly, but he nodded. Stepping forward to look at it directly, I thought about how no matter where you stood, the eye was never angled to see the viewer. Next to it was a depiction of an ear. A few musical notes danced on the border of the page, but I had this weird feeling. “Yours, too?” He nodded again. The only conclusion was that the ear didn’t hear. My eyes moved over to the next sketch. I’d expected a mouth to round out the trio, instead it was a bird. The wings were at the bird’s side, yet the feet were angled just slightly. It looked as though it was about to fly away,” Was he saying with his art that someone wasn’t seeing or hearing him before they left? It was a lonely trio of pictures.

  His reaction held the barest of smiles. “You should go wash up before the meeting.”

  Wanting to lighten the mood, I asked, “How come I’m the only messy one?” I asked, wiggling my fingers.

  Smiling with more lift to the eye, he said, “I’m a professional.” He held out his fingers, which held no charcoal at all.

  Making my way to the bathroom and working desperately to remove the smudges, I did the best I could before making it back. I was a little late.

  “Nice of you to join us, Miss Shelby,” Mr. Miller said. “I’m breaking you guys up into pairs. In this hat,” he said, holding out a baseball cap turned upside down, “there are the assignments for getting pictures and information for the yearbook. Miss Shelby, you and Ethan can work together since you two know each other well.”

  Mr. Miller passed the hat along to each pair. Apparently, that had been done while I was washing the grime away. I let Ethan take a strip of paper. “Debate Team,” he said.

  His look and his monochromatic tone had me bursting out into giggles. Mr. Miller said, “For your information Mr. Hart, the Debate Team can be a lively group.”

  And he was right. When we made it to the classroom, the group of straitlaced and stern-faced people were arguing about what to argue. With a borrowed camera from class, we took a few pictures of the fight in progress. For that, we got a door slammed in our face before we could announce ourselves. Ethan and I just laughed some more.

  “What are we going to do?” I asked, barely getting the words out between giggles.

  Ethan wiped at his eyes, like he laughed so hard until he teared up. Shrugging, he said, “I don’t know, but failure can’t be good.”

  For a second, I bit my lip, thinking I didn’t want to be paired up with anyone else. From around the corner the clicking on the tile floor and a look on Ethan’s face gave a clue who was walking in the empty halls. Even still, I was shocked when Josh rounded the corner in full football gear.

  “Ethan,” he said, walking up and knocked fists with him as a guy. “Jessa,” he said, bending down and placing a soft kiss on my lips, before wrapping a possessive arm around my shoulder. My eyes widened, and he smiled before standing straight. “What are you guys up to?”

  When Ethan didn’t answer, I said, “Yearbook.”

  Josh shook his head, “You are wasting talents, my man. I heard all about your exploits last year as quarterback.”

  Ethan tilted his head. “Retired. Don’t you have practice?” he asked.

  Josh looked at me, then said, “I forgot my mouth gear in my locker.”

  “Oh,” Ethan nodded. “That can be important if you’re attached to having all your teeth.”

  Josh said, “Yep, I’m already late. So I’ll talk to you guys later. Jessa, I’ll call you.” And he kissed me again.

  Now it was my turn to nod as Josh walked away. I stood thinking for a second. Three times I’d been kissed, and I hadn’t expected it any of them.

  Ethan’s expression held amusement.

  “What,” I asked.

  “Nothing, why do you look confused?”

  I shook my head. “It’s just that he kissed me.”

  He looked puzzled. “Isn’t that what guys do to their girlfriends?” he asked, like he was unsure what planet I was from.

  “I’m not his girlfriend,” I said. “At least I don’t think so. We only went out once, and I told you all about it.” I added hesitantly.

  “Oh, the kiss on the cheek?” I nodded. He said, “I guess, he was staking a claim for my benefit.”

  Frowning, I said, “He isn’t a pioneer, and this isn’t the Wild West. And I’m not a piece of luggage waiting in baggage claim.” Frustrated, I mixed my metaphors, but I was so angry. He wouldn’t kiss me in private, but in public he kissed me so he could beat his chest like some Neanderthal marking me as his property for the taking.

  “When it comes to a hot girl you’re interested in, it’s best to mark your territory.” He just simply walked away after saying that, leaving me openmouthed and a little breathless. Was Ethan interested in me? First the kiss, and now this comment. He couldn’t be. He had Allie.

  Chapter Twenty

  It turned out to be a strange week. Josh spent half his time sitting with me and my friends, and the other with his. We held hands in the halls if he walked me to class. He kissed me spontaneously when I least expected it. Without a word, I’d become his girlfriend. At least that’s what others called me in front of him, and he never bothered to correct them.

  Ethan and I, although on better terms, still didn’t talk much. In fact, I nearly jumped out of my skin on Friday during our last class.

  “We’re still on tonight,” he said, out of the blue. I’d rashly asked him to hang out with me and my friends tonight. He’d accepted.

  The two other girls at our table looked up, no doubt soaking up the gossip. News of me dating Josh was big business. Overhearing what they heard would be a worthy rumor. “Yeah, we all are still getting together. Josh won’t be able to come, see
ing he has a game tonight,” I said, poignantly.

  Ethan smiled, knowing what I was doing. Rumors would still come, they always did. I could only hope I minimized the damage.

  After school, I spent an hour gathering snacks and setting up the living room like I hadn’t done in the past. When Madison and Bradley showed up, they were more than amused.

  “Are you sure he’s just a friend?” Bradley teased.

  Rolling my eyes, I didn’t bother to answer him. “Leave her alone, babe,” Madison said. Babe? When had that happened, I wondered.

  “I’m just teasing her,” he said, wrapping his arm around her waist. He stared into her eyes like she was the means of his last breath. I couldn’t help the bit of envy that filled my belly.

  Pushing passed them with a bowl of chips in my hand, I was grateful I asked Ethan to come so I wouldn’t be the third wheel. Laying the bowl on the coffee table, the doorbell rang. Thankfully, my Mom and Dad were having a ‘date night’. Jenna and Kyle were both at the football game, so I was reasonably assured that Ethan was at the door.

  “Hi,” I said, seeing him standing on my doorstep. Stepping back, I let him into my house. He stood for a second when I remember the last time he’d come to my door, I’d shut it in his face.

  Gesturing him in, I said, “My parents and siblings aren’t home.” I wasn’t sure why I added that, but it was done.

  Madison and Bradley came out of the kitchen and introduced themselves. Settling in the living room, Bradley and Madison surrounded themselves in each other by sitting in a one-person leather chair. It was, however, big enough for approximately one-and-a-half persons, so it worked out. I was reminded why I was glad Ethan was here. This show of affection would have been so awkward for me if this had been a threesome.

  Holding up three DVDs, Bradley said, “I raided my parents’ eighties collection, and this is what we have. Die Hard, Sixteen Candles, or Breakfast Club.”

  “I don’t want to jump to conclusions, so tell me a little about the other two,” Ethan announced.

  Bradley answered, “Sixteen Candles is a girly flick, but there is a wild party and talk of sex.” Ethan’s eyebrows raised as if in interest. “Breakfast Club is about a group who have to spend a Saturday in detention.”