Through The Lens

by Shannon Dermott

  Pulling a key out of his pocket, he opened the door to his inner sanctum. I thought I stepped into an alternative universe. This room actually looked lived in. The walls were a dark blue. A few posters of questionable taste hung on the walls. One was of the backside of a girl wearing short shorts and, standing in the middle of the road. The headline on the poster said, “Do You Want A Ride?” The other was a movie poster that had a vintage feel to it. The guy on it looked menacing and Terminator was the title. It sounded familiar.

  “You want to sit,” Ethan asked, taking my thoughts away from my surroundings.

  I sat on his bed which was made. The comforter was dark, which only added to the overall effect of the room. In fact, his room was rather neat and tidy. “Don’t you have to be downstairs to entertain your guests?” I asked.

  “Not really. This was Allie’s idea,” he said. When he didn’t make a move to leave, I assumed he was leaving everything up to her.

  I nodded. Looking away, I took in his desk with a laptop sitting open on top. In a corner I saw Allie’s shopping bag from earlier, reminding me that this was her boyfriend’s room. Then I got to thinking about what they may do in this bed. That almost had me leaping up. I was on the edge of the bed though and hoped I was safe.

  “Why was your door locked?” I asked, reminded of my date last night with Josh grasping for conversation threads.

  “Cause I don’t want any anyone up here, using it like a hotel room,” he said. “How was your date?”

  That threw me for a loop. “It was good,” I said, sounding a bit too chipper.

  “Shocking,” he said.

  “What is that suppose to mean?” I asked.

  “You’ve gone to school with him, and you haven’t heard about him?”

  Shaking my head, I said, “I don’t keep up with what everyone is doing?”

  “You could do better,” he said.

  “Yeah, maybe. Or maybe he realized he could do better, and that’s why he only kissed me on the cheek,” I said absently. When he started choking on the drink he had at his lips, I found myself pounding on his back. “Are you okay?” I asked.

  Clearing his throat, he held up a finger. His fist beat at his chest. Blinking a few times, he said, “What‘d you say?”

  Sighing, I realized that I’d voiced my inner dialogue. Oh well, he was a guy and should be able to help me out on this. We were friends, at least I hoped we were. So I repeated my question. “Josh didn’t kiss me when the night was over. I thought we had a good time, but he only kissed me on my cheek. What does that mean?” Maybe I could get a guy’s perspective other than Bradley.

  “That he’s stupid,” he said quickly. Then he added, “But what do I know?”

  “Maybe because you are a guy, and I’m not sure what to make of it,” I admitted.

  Taking the cup, I tossed back the contents. “Guys are stupid,” he said.

  “You’re a guy,” I said, shaking my head and almost laughing.

  “Like I said, we’re stupid.”

  Wanting more, I asked, “Why are you stupid?”

  “Because I want to do something stupid,” he murmured. Under his breath he said, “Reckless even. And this damn liquid courage isn’t helping.”

  Not sure at all what he was referring to, I thought he seemed to have it all . . . well, except for the messed-up home life. I said, “It doesn’t hurt to shoot for the stars. What’s the worst that can happen?” Isn’t that what a friend is supposed to say? Hell, I couldn’t take my own advice without alienating Allie.

  Pulling my hair over one shoulder away from Ethan, I fiddled with it. Twirling the ends, I ignored the awkward silence. I was just thankful, we were past the whole debacle with my quick judgments.

  Lying back, I put an arm over my eyes. I hadn’t really noticed that my top had ridden up, until a finger of his made a circle pattern around my navel. My arm moved, my stomach fluttered. Allie. My hand clamped over his.

  In a swift move, he twisted our hands so that they were clasped. Moving my hand over my head, he leaned in, closing the distance, and he kissed me.

  I would be lying if I said that I hadn’t felt the earth move underneath me to have his soft lips pressed to mine. I can’t even say that I immediately reacted the way I should have, like maybe voice a protest on Allie, Josh and my behalf. No my brain froze on contact before the inferno melted all the frozen parts of me. Finally, I pushed away and looked at him in alarm. He’d crossed a line. No, we’d crossed the line.

  “Fuck,” he said, “Jess.” Shaking his head and stumbling to his feet, he made a beeline for the door and swiftly left me alone and stunned in his room.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Sitting was all I could do at the moment. I had a decision I needed to make. Allie was a friend, and I should tell her what happened. But how? I looked around his room but the details were all lost on me. The fascination for being here dimmed, in light of everything I would have to tell her.

  They say time heals all wounds, but I wasn’t given any time. It seemed like seconds later, Allie breezed in the room.

  She came and sat by me on the bed undeniably calm. My hands were in constant motion on my lap, unable to stop the unease of what I would need to tell her right now.

  “Ethan came and told me he messed up. He’s really sorry,” she pleaded.

  Her calm demeanor confused me. Her stillness had me worried. Although Allie would normally be considered “bubbly” her emotions now came off of her was everything but.

  I narrowed my eyes. Had he actually told her he kissed me? She didn’t fully seem like a girlfriend who had just gotten that news. Why was she trying to get me to forgive him? What about her?

  “Ethan’s a little drunk. Forgive him,” she said, continuing where she left off. Her smile seemed forced and I waited for the accusation from her that I’d made out with her boyfriend. “You should forgive him.” Again she flashed me the fake smile, before finger combing her hair riffling through it.

  This would be my moment. The spotlight seemed to fall on me. Yet words came at a high price I couldn’t afford. I’d never been in a situation like this and I started to get a little angry at Ethan. He’d done this, yet I felt like I was on the hot seat.

  “He’s going to be alone you know,” she said in earnest. She seemed resolved in her words. She and I were so close; I could smell her tooth paste. Her eyes implored me to get her meaning. Instead my eyes were wide with confusion because, no, I didn’t know. “All these people only care about gossip and a place to party. And when I’m gone-” she began, as if that was old news.

  “You’re leaving,” I said, sounding pathetic to my own ears. Her words were a shock to me for the second time tonight. “Where are you going?”

  From within, her whole body brightened. She seemed to sit straighter, and her face beamed in anticipation of telling me some great secret. “I only just got the word not too long ago. I got the movie,” she announced.

  Not having any idea what she was talking about, at least the specifics, I asked, “Movie?”

  “Well, I didn’t want to jinx it, so I’ve kept it to myself in case things didn’t work out. But I was cast in a movie as one of the main supporting characters. I’ll be leaving tomorrow for LA, then off to Italy for at least a month initially. Probably more like three months when it’s all said and done.”

  “Wow, congratulations,” I said, giving her a big hug.

  “It’s pretty freaking awesome,” she said. Then she sobered. “But I’ll be leaving Ethan here alone. I feel like I’m abandoning him like everyone else in his life.” She paused, looking into space as if she was reliving the moments. “First his Dad, then his Mom, then Carly,” she began.

  “Carly,” I protested. Carly, if I had my facts right, certainly didn’t leave him willingly.

  “Yeah, Carly. That night when things…changed. She had broken up with him. He begged her to give him another chance. But I knew that it was over at least from her perspective.”

>   “Why?” I asked.

  “Ethan was insanely jealous over all the media accounts of her being with other guys. But being in the business, I know that tales get spun just to keep your name out there. Then there were pictures. A lot of that came from things that happened on set during rehearsals, but it’s leaked to the media to create buzz.”

  “That’s messed up,” I confessed.

  “It is, but that’s the nature of the business. Carly liked the attention. I remember when her Mom first started dragging her to auditions. Carly forced me to go with her because she hadn’t really wanted to do it. Then she landed a part, and so did I. Things went from there.”

  I knew there was more to the story but left it alone. “So what happened that night?” I asked. This seemed like a better question. Allie was in the mood to talk, and I might not see her again or at least for a while. I hoped she would shed some light on what I’d learned from accounts online.

  “Crazy night. We partied, and Ethan got really drunk. So did I. Carly told us that she’d gotten a big part for a movie and would be leaving for good. She was moving to Hollywood. Ethan was devastated. Carly got drunk, too, and kept Ethan crazy by dancing with other guys. And I tried to console him,” she said. Her story seemed a little sad. I got the feeling that maybe Allie liked Ethan long before they go together, and her emotions then were kind of like how I’d crushed on him. “He kept pressing her, and she kept pushing him away. He was a goner by the time we all piled in the car. It is a testament that we all didn’t die that night.”

  “What happened?” I asked, prodding her. Hoping she’d continue the story.

  “A tree, or rather Ethan hitting it nearly killed us.” I wanted to say, ‘No Ethan did’, but I kept my mouth closed. “After it happened, I got out of the car and threw up. Sam was there to rub my back. Then Ethan and Carly got out. He tried to help her, but she was pissed and pissy drunk. She’d shouted at him to leave her alone that they were through. She told him that the rumors were true. She and her co-star were together and that Ethan needed to move on with his life.”

  Feeling the rage for him, I bundled my fist in my lap. “She began to stump toward the woods that edged the road we had been on. I tried to follow her, thinking that she would need someone to talk to. That’s when she aimed her poison at me. She told me she’d be fine. She didn’t need me anymore to be her shadow. That I was nothing but a leech trying to milk my own roles from her success.”

  Allie got quiet. Her last words were said with an undercurrent of old anger and resentment. Her next words, however, were barely more than a whisper. “So we let her go. I watched her walk into those woods and never saw her again.”

  My hand went to cover hers. Yet she patted mine like I was the one that needed consoling. “I better get back. You should forgive him. He’s going to need a friend. And I know I can trust to you be just that.” I’d gotten the subtle hint. She wanted me to be there for him, but only as a friend. Maybe he had told her about the kiss.

  She left after a hug. I never got out of her what Ethan had told her exactly. And I hadn’t told her about the kiss to make sure. How could I after all that? It seemed so insignificant to that story. Ethan had been wronged just like Allie said. First his father’s suicide, then his mother’s departure, Carly’s breakup and disappearance, and now Allie was leaving him, too. It was just a stupid drunken kiss. It probably meant nothing.

  I looked at my watch. It was only eleven. I was supposed to spend the night with Allie. At least that’s what I told my parents so that I wouldn’t break curfew. Now, I just needed to go. Allie was leaving, and Ethan and she needed time alone. I couldn’t call Madison because her shift wasn’t over. She wasn’t allowed to talk on the phone. So I called Bradley

  It was an option for me to go back to the party. I walked around Ethan’s room instead. On his shelf above his desk, there were trophies. On closer inspection, he had awards in football, lacrosse and track. He’d been an athlete through last year.

  When my phone buzzed, I knew it was Bradley. I checked anyway. He was here. I headed out of the room, locking it in my wake. On my way down the stairs, I saw Bradley talking to some guy. Trying to push stupid thoughts out of my head, I searched for Allie first. Again, she was in a cluster of people. I walked over and tapped her on her back.

  “I’m headed home. You’re going to be great,” I said in her ear.

  She nodded. “I’m going to miss you,” she said.

  We parted ways, and I wondered if I would see her again. There were no false promises in our goodbye about keeping in touch. Allie would be busy in her world. One thing my mother told me was that sometimes you had friends for a season and others may be friends for life. I’d count myself lucky for having Allie for the summer.

  Bradley was grinning at something the guy he was talking to said when I walked up. “I have a girlfriend,” he said, putting his arm around me. The guy who was too hot for words looked supremely disappointed.

  “Too bad,” the guy said before strolling away. I could swear the guy had a sashay in his step.

  Shaking my head, I led Bradley away even though his arm was around me. In my peripheral, I caught Ethan off to the side, watching me leave. I thought about Allie’s words regarding everyone leaving him, but there was nothing to be done about it.

  Out in the night, I followed Bradley over to his hybrid Ford Fusion. It was sleek and all black. Bradley was very spoiled, and his stance on clean energy and his job had landed him in a brand new car this year. It had to help that he was an only child and a shoo-in for a full scholarship to the college of his choice. Some people had all the luck.

  “So what happened?” he asked once we were on the road home.

  I told him everything. He and I didn’t have secrets between us that I knew of. Began with my date with Josh and ended tonight. We were parked in front of his house by the time I finished.

  “Jess, you had more drama than a Shakespeare’s play.”

  “Tell me about it,” I said. “So, what do you think?”

  “I think, you should be cautious of Josh,” he said. That stung a little, but I’d been thinking the same thing. He knew all about my crush and Josh’s crush on Jenna. “It could be nothing, but I don’t want you to get hurt.” I nodded. “I don’t know what to say about this Ethan guy. It sounds like he likes you.”

  Ordinarily, I’d be happy to hear that about a guy I thought was cute. But this was different. “And it sounds like he and Allie’s relationship is either really complicated or not at all what you think it is.”

  Propping my arms on my knees, I buried my face in my hands. Bradley’s hand rubbed at my back. “It could be worse.” I sat up and stared at him. “It’s true. Allie could have come in and accused you of manstealing.”

  Raising my eyebrows at his choice of words, I agreed to that fact. “Okay, but what am I to do now?” I asked.

  “What does your gut say?” he asked.

  Taking a second to think, I replied, “That I should give Josh a chance and remain friends with Ethan.”

  “There’s your answer then. It’s not good to judge rashly.”

  His statement was so true. “I don’t think you should tell her,” I blurted. He went stiff. I knew I caught him off guard. “I know what I said before. But honestly when I came downstairs and saw you talking to that guy, my mind wondered for the briefest second if you were flirting. I immediately blew it off because I trust you. So I found Allie instead to say goodbye. Madison shouldn’t have those second thoughts, even if they are fleeting. If you truly believe she is your future, why spoil her thoughts on something that’s never going to come to pass.”

  “I’m not interested in every guy I see, Jess. In fact, I’m not interested in anyone besides Madison.”

  “I know, and I feel awful,” I admitted.

  Sighing, he said, “You have made some good points before. I should trust Madison with the truth. But I’ll think about it.” Nodding, I looked out into the quiet street. Nothing w
as stirring at this late hour in our neighborhood. “Are you ready to go home?”

  Huffing out a breath, I said, “Not really. I don’t want to have to explain to Mom and Dad why I didn’t stay with Allie. I’d have to think of a lie, and I’m not very good at lying.”

  “You can stay with me tonight,” he said.

  Even though Bradley and I were the best of friends since we were little, I never stayed overnight with him or any boy. “Won’t we get caught?” His mother may have liked me a lot, but I doubt she’d be happy to find out that I’d slept over.

  “They won’t ever know. My parents are probably sleeping. We just have to make sure you get out early or pretend you came over early.”

  Conspiratorially, we got out of his car and crept up to his house like thieves. Giggling, it was just all too silly. If our parents knew that nothing would ever happen between the two of us, they might not worry about this particular event.

  With a finger to his lips, he let out a tiny “shhh” sound. Opening the door, he exaggeratedly whispered, “Wait here,” drawing out the words like he was speaking in a foreign language that would allow me to understand what he was saying if he said it slowly.

  Catching another giggle in my palm, I stayed outside as he closed the door. Moments later, we tiptoed into the house and up the stairs to his room. Bradley’s room was still in a state of disaster like the last time I saw it. It differed greatly from Ethan’s clean room. But hadn’t Ethan mentioned something about a housekeeper?

  Out of exhaustion, we both tossed ourselves on top of his bed. It creaked and groaned under our combined weight. We muffled laughs, and I pointed to the door.

  “I locked it,” he said, still whispering.

  Flinging an arm over my eyes, I lay on my back as the giggles died, and my predicament weighed on me.

  Bradley rolled over on his side and laid an arm around my waist. “Get some sleep. It will all work itself out.”