Through The Lens

by Shannon Dermott

  Now curiosity dictated I say yes, immediately. But pride said that I should drag it out a bit. “Why?”

  “Because I have something to show you,” he said.

  Okay, yes, I was truly intrigued. “Sure, when?”

  “Soon, if you can,” he said.

  “Alright, I’ll see you in a bit,” I said.

  Since Jenna had the car yesterday, I was easily able to commandeer it today. Parking, I walked to the door with ease. I’d just been here last night. His house was fast becoming a familiar territory.

  After I rang the doorbell, I waited a beat before he opened the door. There was no denying my gawking it when he did. He knew, I knew, heck the whole world would know it if they saw him. His hair was damp, his bare chest rosy against the golden tones of his skin. He recently left the shower and the clean woodsy scent of pine of something permeated the space between us. His grey sweats were loose on his hips. My throat was dry. I didn’t even bother to speak when he smiled at me. Scowling at him in order to hide my ogling, he stepped back. Feeling less like a stranger, I walked into his kitchen and grabbed a glass. Opening the fridge, I pulled out a pitcher of something and poured it in.

  “Wait,” he said.

  But I drank deep before I sputtered. “What the hell is this?” I complained. My mouth no longer dry but burned instead.

  “All in punch,” he said.

  “What?” I croaked while he reached in the fridge and handed me a water bottle. Cracking it open, I drained the bottle hoping to take some of the sting out of my throat.

  Shaking his head, he said, “Someone brought it over.”

  “Who?” I asked, wondering who made something that tasted like it could take paint off the walls.

  “You don’t want to know,” he said looking away.

  Well, that explained it. One of his fan club, because despite Lucy’s claim on him at school, there were other girls making themselves available. The shamelessness of some people, I thought. “Look, I’m going to go get dressed,” he said. That brought my attention back to his body. Giving me a grin, he headed out of the kitchen.

  Sighing, I didn’t need this torture. My phone buzzed and I looked down to see that Josh was calling. I sent the call to voicemail. I wanted to turn the ringing off, but didn’t.

  A few minutes later, Ethan walked back in covered with a tee shirt and jeans. I was ready for him with my camera pointing. Click, Click, Click. Sighing, I almost thought about Josh and his beautiful body but remembered he was on my shit list. Instead, I watched Ethan’s dismay. “What,” I said. “I told you I was almost done with the roll.”

  Expertly, he plucked the camera from my hand. Then, holding out his hand to me, I said, “Where are you taking me?”

  Taking hold of me and leading me down the hall, I wasn’t so concerned about the location but rather how my heart felt. I knew better to fall for him. He was taken. He was cheating on Allie, although he claimed not to be. And well, I hadn’t exactly broken up with Josh. Ethan had been correct about one thing, every guy was probably going to try. So maybe I shouldn’t be so pissed with my would be boyfriend. Furthermore, I shouldn’t be thinking about what it would be like to kiss Ethan again.

  We passed the darkroom where we’d developed film the last time. We walked through a back door and out past the pool, then we went by the tennis and basketball courts. When we passed through a line of trees into a field of gold, I stopped. The grass or stalks were about waist high.

  Stopping, he turned back and aimed my camera at me. Before I could mutter a protest, he said, “Done.” Stepping to me, I watched wondering what he would do next.

  “Come on,” he said tugging me forward after he handed my camera back. We walked until we stepped into a little clearing. Looking down, I saw a door in the ground. It appeared to be a hatch of some sort. Ethan bent down and spun the wheel of a handle until we heard an audible click. Flipping the door over, he rested it on the ground. Moving a bit forward, I leaned over the hole to see nothing but darkness.

  “You first,” he said.

  Shaking my head, I said, “I don’t think so. I’ll follow you.”

  He looked amused and stepped down on the ladder I spied. After a few minutes, he said, “Come down princess.”

  It looked spooky, but for whatever reason, I trusted Ethan. Rung by rung, I descended deeper in the hole. Ethan’s hands found their way around my waist and hoisted me to my feet. When he flipped on the lights, I found myself peering into his electric blue eyes. And I swear I saw flame in them.

  Biting my lip, I hesitated before his hands fell away from me. Pointing behind me, I turned to see a counter with bottles of chemicals, trays and other equipment I’d seen in the darkroom of his house. Walking down further to one side of the bunker we were in, I saw on closer inspection the set up to develop film down here. Turning, I rammed into his chest. Chuckling, he stepped back. Flippantly, I said, “So, you’ve got me in your bat cave, what next?”

  Licking his lips, he said, “This isn’t the bat cave. Batman was a solitary guy. I’m sharing this with you.”

  Cocking my head to the side, I said, “Does that mean I can come down here when I want?” He surprised me by nodding. So I couldn’t resist asking, “Can I bring someone with me?”

  “Who?” he asked, frowning at me.

  Raising my shoulders, I said, “Josh, maybe?”

  “I thought you were done with him?” he asked.

  “You convinced me to give him another chance,” I said.

  “Did I now,” he said. “Now why would I do that?”

  Turning away, I realized we were going down a slippery slope and needed to stop. “So, are you going to show me how to develop this film,” I said, holding out the camera out in front of me trying to divert the conversation.

  Taking it from me, he brushed by me and over in front of the far end of the counter near the wall. I walked over surveying everything.

  Giving me directions, he explained the process pointing to things before we actually did it. It was surprisingly easy. Getting the film out, putting it onto a reel, dipping it in chemicals, rinse, a few other things but that was basically it.

  “Are you ready?” he asked.

  I said yes, but when the lights went out and he stood behind me, I knew I wasn’t. He was so close we might have well been touching. And the darkness was so intimate. I could hear everything he did, his movement, his breathing. I just didn’t know whether that loud heartbeat I heard pounding in my ears was his or mine. When the light came up, I wasn’t ready. When the film was hanging to dry, I turned it him. “I did it,” I squealed.

  “You did,” he said.

  Then I looked over to where he’d closed the hatch to keep the light out. Spying what I was looking at with a quick turn of his head, he said, “Don’t worry. It only locks from the inside. This was an old bomb shelter.”

  Looking down at the other end of the bunker, I saw cots or bunks attached and folded up against the wall. There was a door at that end. Before it were shelves on the right and a makeshift kitchen sink combo on the left. “What’s through the door?” I asked.

  “A bathroom,” he said.

  “Why don’t we go topside and give the film a chance to dry?”

  I nodded and followed him up. When I got to the top, he held out a hand to me and lifted me up like I weighted nothing. “Thanks,” I said feeling a blush.

  We sat in the small clearing obscured from sight. “What is this?” I asked pointing to the grass or whatever it was.

  Following my finger with his eyes, he said, “Weeds, grass or whatever other wild things grow here.”

  “Have you always known this was here?” I asked.

  “Yeah,” he said. “My dad showed it to me.”

  I wasn’t sure he would want to talk about it, but I took the chance. “You sound like you were close with him. It must be hard.”

  Looking away and out into the sky, he said, “My dad was really cool. I just can’t believe that he
did those things they accused him of.” Not wanting to state the obvious that his father committing suicide suggested he was guilty, I kept quiet. “It’s okay. I know what you’re thinking,” he said a bit later.

  Not agreeing, I boldly said, “You were there.”

  Clasping his hand, he looked at them. “Yeah.”

  Unable to think of anything to say, I reached out and place my hand on his. He unclasped his hand and took mine in one of his. He interlocked our fingers and held on. We may not be together, but I never felt closer to anyone including my siblings.

  When he let go and stretched out with his hands folded behind his head, I followed suit. We stayed silent so long, I didn’t know I dozed off until he was gently waking me up. “Wake up Princess.”

  Wiping at my face, my hand made contact with his chest. Lifting up, I realized my head had been resting there. Then I became aware of his hand on my hip. Looking at it, I turned to meet his gaze. “Sorry,” he said, moving his hand. “You feel asleep and I thought you’d been more comfortable.”

  Well, that answered one question. I hadn’t molested him in my sleep. “Oh, I guess I should be going,” I said quickly.

  “You don’t have to go,” he said and there was something in his look that said he was just as happy to have me in his arms as I had being there.

  Needing to escape a line I couldn’t cross, I scrambled to my feet. “Thanks for having me and this,” I said pointing to the hole. “I’ll come back and finish it up another day.”

  He nodded before his face lit up with realization, “Wait,” he said. And he went back in the hole. Coming up, he had my camera. Handing it to me, I took it. “You’re welcome to the lair anytime. And I loaded you up with more film.”

  “Thanks,” I said, and left before anything could happen we would regret.

  Chapter Twenty Four

  Monday morning brought sunshine and flowers. And I mean that literally. Josh cornered me at my locker and handed me a rose.

  “I’m sorry, Jess. I came back, and you were gone. I called, but you didn’t answer.”

  He had called like over twenty times. But I wasn’t giving in. “Josh, just go,” I said and stalked off with Madison in tow. Bradley had to be restrained by Madison from jumping in.

  “Let her handle it,” Madison said to him as she dragged him along. I was poised to toss the flower in the trash when Madison grabbed it from me. “Don’t do that.” Breaking the stem, leaving about two inches only, she pushed the flower in her hair and smiled.

  By lunch, Josh gave me an incredibly cute teddy bear that I couldn’t possibly throw away. Putting it in my locker, I planned to stop by the hospital and donate it to one of the sick kids there. But for now, it took residence in my locker, which didn’t help. The thing had the cutest face, and I couldn’t help but be reminded of Josh’s pleas for forgiveness.

  Thankfully, I managed to dodge him the rest of the day. After school during the Yearbook Club meeting, Ethan and I decided to take another crack at the Debate Team.

  Winking at me, Ethan said, “Let me give it a shot.” Opening the door to the classroom, over a dozen students stopped and looked at us. “Sorry to bother you guys, but we’re with the yearbook, and we would like to do an exposé on the team.”

  His smile was radiant, grabbing the girls’ attention, and his words seemed to get the attention of the guys as well. I recognized some of the faces in the room. These were some of the brightest people in school. A lot of them were destined to go to MIT after graduation or a school like that.

  “Fine,” a girl with straight brown hair and black frame glasses said, standing in our line of sight. “You need something, and so do we. We don’t have a judge for our mock debate this afternoon. You guys can help decide the winner.”

  Being considered smart didn’t mean you were good at everything. I knew a little about debating, but my concern was I wouldn’t be up to speed with whatever topic they were discussing. “Okay,” Ethan said brightly, taking a seat. With no other choice, I sat at a desk next to him. “So what’s the topic?”

  The brown-haired girl, who wasn’t a senior, yet appeared to be in charge in the absence of the teacher. With a smug expression, she said, “We are debating the opposing sides of whether or not teens should have sex while still in high school.”

  Holding my mouth shut from opening wide, I didn’t manage to keep my eyes from widening. “I know what you’re thinking,” she said. “This would be too easy. So the girls have to argue for and the guys against.”

  That wasn’t exactly what I was thinking. Personally, I never guessed this would be something they would discuss. Quantum Physics maybe, but sex? Okay, I know we all thought about it some, I just thought they were more like me and thought of their future, not rolling in the hay with someone. Did that make me a prude or worse?

  The brown-haired girl pointed to another girl with brown hair except this girl’s hair was shoulder length. “You are up next.”

  The girl stood and took her place behind the podium. “We should have sex because it feels good,” the girl said. I was stupefied again, but the girl said. “Just kidding. I wanted to see the look on your face.”

  There were snickers; then she said, “Start time.”

  The leader said, “Remember that this is a short debate; we all want to go home.” The girl at the podium nodded. The leader hit a button on something small and square. It must be the timer. “Begin.”

  The girl said with a serious face, “If you have the opportunity, having sex while a high schooler can open your mind to new experiences early. Then, when you are in college, you will be able to focus better and not be so guy or girl crazy.” She went on to expound on how exploring your sexuality in high school would free that from your mind to do some actual studying in college.

  She smiled and sat. I wasn’t convinced and didn’t think she was either. The leader pointed to a red-haired boy with braces. “You’re up next.”

  Standing, he walked to the podium and nodded. The leader pressed the same box and added the word begin. He said, “Waiting to have sex is more beneficial. Although instant gratification can come from the act, waiting until you’re sure and find someone who truly cares about you outweighs the carnal pleasures. Waiting until you are more sure about who you are as a person and will not have any regrets is a better option. And who really finds true love in high school. Therefore its best to wait.”

  Twenty minutes later, we left the class with all the girls scowling at me. We’d given the win to the boys. As for my vote, I wasn’t sure if it was because the boys did a better job or if it was because it was the side of the argument I would have been on. In the end, it was a mock debate, and Ethan and I weren’t real judges.

  “I can’t believe you voted with the guys,” I said.

  Shrugging, he said, “The girl’s arguments were weak. I mean, I couldn’t’ have argued against. Still they didn’t seem to put much thought into it.” He laughed.

  The next day brought chilly rain and a warm Starbucks coffee. It was a Venti White Chocolate Mocha with whipped cream. It was cold that day, so I drank the proffered coffee as I strode away from Josh. I hadn’t said a word to him.

  At lunch he brought me another flower. This time it was a white lily in full bloom. After he walked away, I looked long and hard at the beautiful bloom before handing it to Madison who did the same as she did with the rose from yesterday and put it in her hair.

  Bradley looked around the lunchroom before leaning in. “Rumor had it that Ethan and Josh had words. It was said that people had to stop them from coming to blows.”

  I sighed. Ethan said he wouldn’t fight Josh. But he’d clarified his statement. I wouldn’t put it past him to provoke Josh just to find some justice.

  “And where were you while all this was happening?” I said, scowling at him.

  Turning pink, he leaned back. “Helping to free Ethan, of course.”

  Shaking my head, I endured Madison’s wrath over Bradley. I didn’t hav
e to say a word as my best friend gave my other best friend hell for his part in the almost fight.

  Every day brought something new. A different coffee, a new flower, even a balloon. By Friday I was weakening. After hearing a really cheesy poem recited at lunch, I was vulnerable to his request after school.

  “Jessa, please let me make it up to you. I promise to keep my hands to myself.”

  “Come on, give the guy a second chance,” someone in the hall said. It wasn’t the first time I’d heard that sentiment. Some girls in the bathroom and in the halls had stopped me to ask if I would give the guy a second chance.

  “Okay,” I heard myself saying. Josh moved as if to hug me, but stopped himself. Taking a step towards him, I leaned in, giving him the okay to wrap me in his warm embrace. That’s when Ethan walked by. He didn’t look mad or even disappointed. He barely looked at me at all.

  That night, I arrived with Josh at his friend’s house. When Brandon opened the door, I saw three other couples milling about in the living room.

  “You made it,” Brandon said, punching Josh lightly on the arm. Looking at me, he said, “I see you gave the guy a second chance.” I just smiled. Turning his attention back to Josh, he said, “So what the hell did you do anyway.” Josh’s scowl had the guys saying, “Okay, okay, I couldn’t help but ask.”

  Josh, holding my hand, walked me further into the living room. The room was just as plain as the outside of the house had been. I didn’t know a lot about Brandon, even though we’d been going to school together for what felt like forever. In fact, most of the faces in the room were familiar. But these were Josh and my sister Jenna’s friends, not mine.

  The big leather sofa was full with two of the three couples. A loveseat was occupied with the other. Brandon nodded to Josh, giving him permission to use the oversize chair that was opposite the loveseat. Walking over to it with me in tow, he sat and pulled me onto his lap. Brandon, apparently dateless, parked it lounge-style on the plush beige carpet. The brown color of the furniture was almost the only color in the room, except for two large red pillows, someone tossed to Brandon, hitting him in the head.