Restoring Us

by Fabiola Francisco

  I take a deep breath and continue. “But I want it to be normal again. I’m not going to stop until you give me a chance. It’s your choice to close the door in my face again and walk away. I’ll be back. I’ll always come back.” She did exactly what I predicted. She slammed the door in my face. I waited some time, a few minutes, maybe an hour. I’m not sure. When I realized she wouldn’t come back to me tonight, I left the roses on her doorstep and turned to leave.

  I’ll be back. I’m not giving up. Why the hell did I abandon her in the first place?

  “Look who it is. Making house calls? My man, what are you doing here?” Aiden greets me as he steps up to the front door as I’m walking away.

  “I came to see your sister. As you can tell, it went fantastic,” I respond sarcastically, walking past him.

  “You’ve got some balls on you, that’s for sure. What did you say to piss her off so much?” He asks amused. I turn to look at him. I’m grateful that Aiden still talks to me. Hell, he still treats me normal, but I don’t know if I should talk to him about Ava. I don’t want him, or her, to feel like I’m making someone pick sides. But this isn’t a game. This isn’t a competition. This is real. And maybe he’ll have some sound advice.

  “I told her we belong together. That I wanted to touch her, kiss her, be with her. That if things were normal we would be living together, probably married. I told her that’s what I want.”

  “Do your balls grow by the second? You can’t just up and say those things after what you did. You need a tactic with Ava. You know how her mind works. She takes her time to think things through. She isn’t the adventurous type, unless Katie is the one insisting on an adventure. She is careful about her decisions. Going to Europe was about as spontaneous as she gets. Granted, it was a huge step, but she always wanted that so even that had been planned out in her mind. She needs some kind of control; you can’t barge in and take that away from her. Come on, you should know that by now,” Aiden says exasperated, as if he were talking to a small child. He’s right. I should know this by now, but I was desperate.

  “I didn’t know what else to do. I wanted to see her. I needed to see her. Alone.” I try to defend my motive.

  “Just give her time. She’s dealing with a lot right now. Being back hasn’t been easy on her. She’s been away for so long. Not just away from you, but away from the memories of the cancer, her struggle, the battle she almost lost, and what she did lose.” He raises his eyebrows at me signaling I am the thing Ava lost. And along with me, she lost her hope for love.

  “I’ll be back. I’m not giving up. Fuck, why?” I ask myself. I don’t know if I’ll ever have a true answer as to why I left her. I don’t know if being scared is ever going to be a good enough excuse. I may have been scared, but Ava was terrified. She was the one fighting for her life. Fighting for the chance to live again. Fighting to save us in the process.

  “I get why. I really do, but you may need to face the consequences of your decision. Give her time, though. Be patient. I don’t know if she’ll ever open up to you again or not, but right now, she’s overwhelmed between being back, seeing you again, finding a job, and moving back in with Katie.” Aiden tells me and then notices he slipped too much information my way.

  “What? She’s moving back into the apartment?” I’m surprised.

  “Um, yes. Fuck, I shouldn’t have told you that,” Aiden says seriously and walks into his parents’ house picking up the flowers in the process.

  I guess I thought eventually she would move out of her parents’ house and get her own place; I just hadn’t realized she’d go back to that apartment. There are so many memories there.

  We were lying on the couch watching TV. Well, Ava was flipping through channels like always, and I was watching her, caressing her skin and memorizing every inch of her. I love her so much. I think I always have. She’s always been the only person I’ve wanted to be with, to laugh with, to dream with. Being friends was great, but I always wanted more. Finally being with her, truly being with her, it was perfection.

  She looked away from the TV and over at me, looking deep into my eyes, like she was reading me. I bent down and kissed her. It was meant to be a soft kiss, but she returned the kiss with more passion, with need. Her hands wrapped around my neck and pulled me to her. We had only been dating for a few weeks and had been taking things slow. It had been a few days since I told her I loved her back at the abandoned building we had gone to with our friends.

  Before I knew what was happening, she had turned over and onto me, pressing her body to me. We continued kissing, devouring each other’s mouths, tasting each other, feeling the press of each other’s bodies. This woman was my undoing. I was lost in her long before I even knew it. We could lie to each other all we wanted, but if we were ever “just friends,” we wouldn’t have this passion between us.

  She pushed herself into me, feeling my cock against her as she let out a muffled moan. This only encouraged her more. She began to rub against me, slowly at first, then picking up speed. “Baby, you can’t keep doing that. I swear I’ll come in my pants.”

  “Then why don’t I make you come instead?” Her voice was heavy with seduction. This could only go one way. I knew that look. I knew it well. Her beautiful hazel eyes were dark and hooded. We had talked about taking the next step, about making love, but we wanted to make it special, make it right.

  “Ava…”

  “Shh. I want this, now. I love you. I always will. Let me show you.” She stood up and took my hand, leading me to her room. She peeked over her shoulder at me, desire and love written all over her face. I loved her so fucking much it hurt. She was beautiful in the dim light, her hair cascading around her face, and her eyes twinkling with delight. My cock was already hard, ready to go, but I wanted to take this slow. It was the first time for both of us.

  We reached her room and she turned to face me, kissing me softly before her hands went to take off my shirt. She pulled my t-shirt over my head and ran her hands down my body, her lips meeting mine again. I wanted to feel her on me again, though. I wanted to feel her skin on mine.

  I cupped her ass and laid her down on the edge of her bed, leaning over her and pressing into her, savoring her. I didn’t need candles or special decor to make this night special; being with her alone was special. Being hers was special. I peeled off her shirt and crushed my body to hers. I felt her warmth on me, her heart beat racing, her nipples hardening.

  Her hands reached down to undo my pants, and she sat up to take them off in one swift motion, dropping them to the floor. I felt my cock release from its restraints. I bent down to kiss her again, peeling off her shorts and underwear at once.

  I returned my lips to hers, my hands roaming her body, caressing her breasts. I pressed against her again. I needed to feel her warmth on me, feel her wetness. I softly rubbed against her, and she moaned into my lips. I could feel her slick against my cock.

  She reached down to feel me, rub me, and I felt her try to make me enter her. “Let’s take our time. I want this to be perfect. I want to do it all.” I kissed down her neck to that spot in her throat I knew she loved.

  “Hmmm…” She moaned and closed her eyes, reveling in my kisses. I continued to kiss down, licking my way, enticing her, tantalizing her nipples, until I reached her pelvis. I licked from one side to the other, moving to the inside of her right thigh and kissed my way up, blowing over her pussy, and kissed down her left thigh. After teasing her relentlessly, I moved my mouth to her pussy and kissed right above it, spreading my hot breath into her.

  “Ethan, I love you, but if you keep teasing me, we’ll have a problem.” Her breathing was shallow.

  “Don’t worry, baby, I’m going to rock your world,” I said confidently. I was nervous, but I wanted nothing more than to love her. I met my lips to her pussy and licked her in just the right part. She bucked her hips up to my mouth as her hands reached for my head, holding me in place. It was so hot to be in control, yet be controlled
at the same time.

  I continued to kiss her, blowing air over her, and licking her up and down, driving her crazy. When I knew she was close, I moved up and over her body and kissed her gently.

  “You taste like me,” she said. “It’s kind of hot.” I almost came at that moment. I laid over her, a hand on each side of her head, and stared into those beautiful eyes of hers. Her lavender and vanilla scent mixed with her own scent hypnotized me.

  She reached down for me again, and this time I let her lead me into her. She placed me at her opening, never breaking our eye contact, and I pushed into her, careful not to hurt her. Her breath faltered for a second, and then she pushed up against me.

  “Are you okay?” I asked before moving in her.

  “Yes…this is…amazing…” She was breathing heavily.

  I looked into her eyes and said, “I love you,” before I started moving into her. I felt every single inch of her around me. The feeling was inexplicable, not only physically, but also emotionally. I felt her skin on mine, her lips on mine, her heat enveloped me and elated me. I wanted to be like this forever.

  I moved faster inside her, wanting to feel more of her, deeper. She began to meet each of my movements as she kissed me with fervor. Her hands roamed down my body, grabbing my ass as she felt the motions of my body moving in her.

  I felt heat rising up my spine. Her walls squeezed around me as she moaned into my mouth. I moved faster and faster, wanting more of this feeling. It was flawless. It was real. It was ours.

  “Ethan…Oh my God…” She moaned between breaths. Her hands flew to my hair and tangled in it. Her kissing became more erratic, my movements more desperate. I was so close, but I wanted to her to come with me.

  “I want to feel you come with me.”

  “I love you,” she let out in a soft breath, and her walls enclosed around my cock just as the heat rising through my spine traveled down my body and into my cock. I released myself into her just as she yelled out my name. We were a hot sweaty tangle of bodies. I never wanted to break from her hold. I never wanted to end this feeling.

  Finally, I carefully moved out of her and gave her a chaste kiss. “That was incredible. I love you so much.”

  “I love you, too, baby,” she said reaching over to kiss me again. I hugged her to me, tangling my legs with hers, and slept blissfully.

  I get into my car and drive home. Now I’m going to need a cold shower after that flashback. My cock is ready to explode. I need to take care of this. I get home quickly and jump in the shower, taking care of my southern dilemma. I hate jerking off, but it’s either that, or I walk around hard and uncomfortable.

  Ava will talk to me eventually. I know what we had isn’t lost. I just need to get her to listen to me. I need to approach her gently and aggressively at the same time. I need to take control of the situation. And I need to make love to her again like that first time. I want to make love to her for the rest of my life.

  Chapter 9

  Ava

  My heart is racing, I’m sweating, and I feel nauseas. What the hell?! Did he have to show up here unexpectedly? When I opened the door and saw him I panicked and slammed it in his face. I need to remember to look through the peephole before answering the door.

  “Damn, he’s got it bad. I brought in the flowers.” Aiden walks in, shaking his head, not even looking my way and heads into the kitchen, placing the flowers on the counter. I am still breathing heavily and slightly shaking from anger and frustration.

  “You can throw them out,” I say walking in behind him with my arms crossed over my chest. Ethan can’t just show up like that, claiming he’s still in love with me and sees a future together. Did he forget what happened two and a half years ago when he left me? Does he expect me to believe him?

  A cool breeze comes in through the kitchen, chilling me from the spine down. I shiver.

  “They’re your favorite. Put them in water,” Aiden orders seriously, and I do as he says cursing under my breath.

  “Don’t curse me out. They’re nice flowers.”

  I look through the dark mahogany cabinets for a vase to put them in. After a few minutes of searching through the expansive sea of cabinets that frame the kitchen, I find a vase suitable for the roses. I place it in the sink and fill it with water. I grab the roses and place them as they are in the vase. I’m not going to waste my time with them.

  I allow myself a second to admire them. The pink shades in the petals are beautiful, though. The color is amplified by the contrast of the mahogany and the white marble countertops.

  “I feel like you’re always here now. Don’t you ever go home?” I ask my brother wondering why he’s been coming over almost every day.

  “Yes, I was on my way home and decided to stop by. You’re my little sister. I missed you while you were away and I worry. Don’t worry; I’ll be out of your hair soon. I’ve got a hot date tonight.” He winks at me and his hazel eyes twinkle with delight, informing me of just what kind of date he has tonight. My brother is the number one man whore I know, and he has no shame sharing about his “dates” with me. I’d rather he keep it to himself. I love him, though.

  I roll my eyes and say, “Thanks, Aiden. I missed you, too, but I’m fine. I’m happy being back even if it means unwelcomed visits from Ethan.”

  “Looks like you handled it just fine.” Aiden laughs rubbing my head like a child. I swear sometimes he forgets I’m only two years younger than him.

  “How lovely seeing the two of you at home. I feel like we’re back a few years.” My mother says as she walks into the kitchen.

  She and my dad had dinner with friends tonight. Their social calendar is always full. When I first got back they said they’d stay home more, but I insisted they continue their life normally. I didn’t want anything to change. Heaven knows they had to stop their outings while I was sick.

  “These flowers are beautiful. Did you buy these, Ava?” My mom asks, touching the petals delicately with her thin fingers.

  “No,” I say hesitantly. “Ethan brought them by.” I haven’t spoken to her about Ethan since I got back or since I left for Europe really. I’m sure she assumed part of my reason for leaving was due to him, but she never asked and I never said. I’m not in the mood to talk about him now either.

  “That’s nice, sweetheart,” she says brushing it off.

  “I guess,” I shrug, walking out of the kitchen and upstairs to my room.

  Ethan looked good. Actually, he’s gorgeous. Dressed in his work clothes, tie loosened from his neck, shirtsleeves rolled up and slightly wrinkled, and his pants fitting him perfectly. As angry as I am with him, my body can’t help but react to him. His green eyes bore into mine and I was lost in the past when we thought our love for each other was enough to make it through anything.

  I am exhausted, physically and emotionally. I’ve tried to move on. I’ve tried to forget him, but my heart holds onto him in a way it has with no other.

  It’s still early, but I lie down in bed and begin to look through my photographs from Europe, my passion for photography laid out in front of me as I reminisce.

  ∞

  I’m walking through the streets of Paris, wandering aimlessly, enjoying the beautiful climate and the warmth coming down on me after a long winter. Spring has sprung with gorgeous weather, flowers in bloom, and people out in the streets bringing life back into the city. The cafés and bistros have brought out tables and chairs with umbrellas onto the terraces. Children are running around freely, and their parents are enjoying an afternoon treat and drink. It’s refreshing.

  I spot the Eiffel Tower in the distance, a giant guarding the city, always watching but standing firmly in its place, welcoming newcomers and wishing farewell to travelers exiting.

  There’s a duo playing instruments in a corner with a group of intrigued bystanders watching and moving to the rhythm. I walk past a bakery with scrumptious treats in the window display and the smell of the most heavenly sweets leaking through the op
en door. My stomach growls. It’s time to sit myself and enjoy a treat. I turn to a small bistro situated at the corner of the street, Ma Lumière De Vie, and someone catches my eye.

  I see his profile only, but he’s handsome, more so than I’ve seen in a long time. He’s sitting reading the paper and sipping a glass of red wine. He has full lips, light stubble across his jaw, long lashes, the mark of a dimple, and a light tan.

  It can’t be. He wouldn’t be here. Who would he be here with? I’m frozen in time. In a time and a place I left and don’t wish to return. But I am no longer sick.

  He turns to look at me, and I can’t move. I can’t hide. I just stare in shock and confusion. When he turns to me, he raises his glass in salute, and I see him fully. It isn’t Ethan. It’s a stranger. Relief and sadness wash over me. I don’t want to see him, but I miss him terribly. It’s been a little less than a year since I’ve left home and I still think about him daily.

  I take a seat at a table out in the terrace of the bistro and a waiter comes to take my order.

  “Bonjour mademoiselle, voulez-vous quelque choses à boire?” The waiter asks what I’d like to drink.

  “Bonjour. Un vin rouge s’il vous plait,” I say in perfect French.

  “Oui, mademoiselle.”

  “Merci,” I respond before he walks into the café.

  I slump in my chair, waiting for my glass of red wine, disappointed that the stranger wasn’t Ethan, and wondering what he was doing at that exact moment.

  I wake up sweating and confused. Where am I? I look around the dark room, trying to place myself. The bed doesn’t feel like the ones I slept on in the hostels. I slow my breathing as it all comes back to me. I was dreaming. I was dreaming of a memory from Paris. So many times, I imagined Ethan in the streets of Europe, following me, my shadow, my curse. It never got easier.