Finding Me

by Dawn Brazil

  Power surged through me like a jolt of pure adrenaline. I pulled my fist into a tighter ball, digging my nails into the skin on my palm, and yanked the doors of his car from the hinges. With strength I didn’t know I possessed, I dragged him from it. His body flung into the air. He landed on his bottom in front of me. A look of shock creased into the lines of his face.

  He was to his feet in a matter of seconds. And towered over me in no time.

  “That was impressive, Amanda.” He smiled coyly at me and titled his head forward. His massive body blocked my view of the road, but I didn’t need to escape – not anymore.

  I stood face to face with a monster. But not just any monster – my own personal one. It was all clear to me now. Zack had been the ENO all along, just as I’d been Amanda. I knew it and he did, too.

  This knowledge produced a greater clarity of our circumstances. He couldn’t, for whatever reason, kill me. It was one of the rules we were unable to break.

  “There are rules.” I smiled at him.

  “Rules can be broken.” He arched his right brow at me with a slight nod.

  “Remember to do no harm. Do no harm to humans. Do no harm to Peacekeepers. Remember the oath, keep it sacred.” My smile was huge. I had no idea where that information came from, but I knew today wasn’t the day of my death.

  He couldn’t personally cause my death, but he found it exciting to try. I, likewise, could not kill him. Not yet. These were the rules we had lived with for years. We had mere seconds left to endure them, however. Our final hour was drawing near, his actions now a desperate attempt to level the playing field.

  I sighed loudly. “Old friend. Please watch yourself. I haven’t fully regained my memory and I’m little hurt that I can’t just kill you now. But I will regain my full memory. And when I do, I’ll find a way to destroy you without breaking the rules of our game.”

  With one quick sweep of my hands, I knocked him to the soil below. He’d anticipated my reaction; his hands were inclined toward mine and he dragged me with him as he hit the ground. Our bodies entwined, our eyes bore into each other’s with a fury so great, Earth itself seemed unable to contain it. Trees swayed in the fierce wind that kicked up. The sun hid behind a massive cloud formation and the ground vibrated beneath us as we fell to the dirt. In an instant, we were to our feet in semi-darkness.

  I lunged for him and we both tumbled to the earth below. A large evergreen cracked and fell as we plunged deeper down the ravine. I clawed at him, trying to rip his eyes from their sockets. He grabbed me by the throat and flung me into a patch of thick foliage.

  I screamed in pain. A burst of blood exploded inside my mouth. Seething with anger, I tried to rip his head from his body. I pushed my arms up and smashed both my hands into each side of his head. His grip on my neck relaxed. With a quick jerk of my knee, I thrust him off me. Pain resonated through my body and I gasped for air. He sprang to his feet in one fluid motion. His hand found my throat once more and he pulled me closer to him. I peered down at a cut on my arm – already healing itself.

  I smiled a threat.

  He released me, laughing. “It has been some time, princess. I’ve missed you.” He had that look again. That pained expression he had when he was Marcus. That look, like he knew me. Like he knew me in ways I didn’t want to even begin to think about.

  “I see you have some fight left. That’s good. Keep your strength up. You’ll need it.” He took a menacing step closer. His eyes showed contempt and hatred that his mouth didn’t say.

  “You should know this has been my favorite life. Kissing you, I must admit, was the highlight.” He tilted his head and grinned. His strength was great, but I wasn’t frightened of him anymore. Knowledge was power and I knew more than I would reveal to him.

  He tossed his head back and laughed boisterously. “I’m sure with your fake mommy pushing you along you would’ve done anything not to hear her disappointed words.”

  “You knew all along who I was. You used me to lure everyone else out.” I sprang to my feet and took a step in his direction. Anger pored over me like hot liquid. It worked its way into my body, seeped into my brain, wrapped around my heart. It enveloped me and I didn’t fight it.

  “Of course I knew. I’m no novice at this. I had free reign over your thoughts and your real mother’s from the start. I planted false information as soon as I could. Well, until your friends showed up and you suddenly began to block me. I must say though, putting that spell on Karen was one of my more excellent ideas.” He sighed. A crooked smile played at the corner of his lips. But his eyes made me gasp. He looked sad again. “I do miss our time together. You couldn’t have believed Casey meant anything. She was a fun distraction. But then, as usual, Chloe ruined it. When you touched my hand, you had a glimpse. I knew it was only a matter of time before... So I had to kill this body.”

  “You’re a despicable monster.”

  “Such harsh words, princess. I’ve really missed you. I see that you haven’t regained all your memory because you’d remember we shared quite a few things in the past. How about a kiss?” He arched his brows once and his lips turned up at the corners. “Just one. You know…for old time’s sake.” He slithered forward and smiled deviously. My stomach turned.

  I moved closer, arching my body, beckoning him to me. He crept closer. Once he converged on me, I thrust my hands at him, palms out. His body flew through the air, arms and legs flailing. With my left hand keeping him steady against a large oak tree, I pulled the enormous branches down, wrapping them around his arms and legs. Unwavering, I marched to him, rage burgeoning with each plod of my foot.

  “You’re such a fool. You don’t have my heart,” I said, “and you never will. I can’t recall what started all this, but when I do, my friends and I will use that information to destroy you.”

  He didn’t utter a single word. He grinned. As if he knew something I didn’t. “I have to go now. The love of my life is waiting for me. I think you should hang out here. You need to cool off.” I motioned with my stretched fingers to the branches of the tree. They came to life again, expanding outward and crawled up his wrists and legs. They bound him tighter. I smiled, delighted at what I’d done.

  “I forgot to cool you off.” I shoved my hands forward, palms elevated to the sky. Then I heaved them at him with all the wrath and condemnation I could muster. A voluminous dark cloud appeared over the tree. It rained, drenching and plastering his hair and clothes to him.

  I laughed, exhilarated by the power that coursed through me. I was certain if I called Chris now he’d hear. But I didn’t need to. I’d handled it all on my own. A grin of satisfaction spread across my face.

  I bounced over to my beaten-up car, ran my hands over it, tracing the lines of scratched metal, and fingered the large shards of glass from the passenger door. Every dent, scratch, and broken window disappeared. The shiny red car appeared to be new again and the engine purred to life.

  I caught a glimpse of my wounds in the side mirror. A purplish bruise shown under my right eye. Scratches lined the side of my face and neck. Blood was clotting on my nose and my lip was swollen. With my right hand, I traced my wounds and they soon disappeared. I looked as I had before the attack. Perfect.

  “I see your power no longer eludes you,” he said from the tree. “I’ll allow you to believe you’ve won this time but truthfully, you and your playmates have already lost. If you beg me now, I’ll go easy on them. But I’ve told you before. I’m not a monster…not your enemy. But there’s not a lot of time left.” He looked at me from under his lashes. “Amanda, they’re slowing you down. This is so amateurish. You’ve done better.” He used his index finger to cut away the branches that bound him. “What I don’t understand is why you don’t remember everything.” His face scrunched in confusion.

  I ignored him. He wanted questions answered that were none of his business. Truth be told, I didn’t know the answer to that one either.

  “Good girl,” I said, and rubbed my ca
r gently.

  When I glanced back, he had almost freed himself. But I wasn’t frightened in the least. I walked in the strength and power I held within me. I laughed at the ENO’s word, “amateurish”. I knew I could do more. Better. I chose not to.

  “Amanda,” he called from his position attached to the tree. I lifted my head to glare at him. Really? What could he possibly have to say now? “Remember. The greatest lie man has ever told himself was that he is the superior being.” Our eyes bore into each other.

  What the hell is he talking about? Why is he being so cryptic? I frowned up at him and shook my head. I didn’t have time to try to piece together the puzzle that was the ENO.

  My car door opened at the turn of my wrist, allowing me entry. Exhilarated, I rolled down the windows and allowed the wind to whip through my curls as I sped off in the direction of the dance. I screamed at the top of my lungs, “I’M ALIVE.”

  “Well. That’s good, but you’re late,” Chris said, regenerating in the car beside me.

  “Chris.” I jumped in my seat, excited to see him and relay what happened.

  “Calm down. Keep your eyes on the road. Slow down, your thoughts are coming at me too fast. I can’t understand what you’re trying to say.”

  I veered the car to the side of the road and unbuckled my seat belt. My heart beat so fast I imagined it might explode from my chest. I took a deep breath. My face relaxed and my emotions calmed for the moment, I turned and stared at him. “I had an encounter with the ENO.”

  “What? Why didn’t you–”

  “I tried to call you but I couldn’t. Somehow, he disabled my powers. Well…long enough that I had to make the decision to face him.”

  “Why? He could’ve killed you. What are you trying to prove? You don’t know how powerful he is. You can’t face the ENO without us all being there. That is what Sam saw. It has to be us all working together - fighting together - to destroy him. Not you by yourself.” He stopped, took a deep breath, and exhaled loudly. I didn’t move a muscle. “Next time run. Run like you’ve never run in your life. I don’t think he can take your power for that long. If you can avoid him long enough then you can regenerate somewhere else. He can’t follow you like that.”

  “Do you want to hear how I got away?” I asked coolly.

  “I don’t know if I want to.” He rubbed his hands in that nervous manner and scrunched his mouth up.

  I shook my head. “I faced him and…you know what… I think I should let you see what happened for yourself.”

  “What...how can you…” He stopped and gazed at me for a minute, not speaking.

  I grabbed his hands. They were moist. “Close your eyes,” I ordered him. Of course, he didn’t. I pulled his face to mine and looked into his eyes. I saw his doubt and his love. He wanted to protect me. I understood. “Trust me. Please.” He nodded, then closed his eyes. Instantly, we were back to the scene on the road.

  His eyes remained shut, but the reaction to what occurred shown in his face. His expression changed from anger to shock then elation in a matter of seconds. I played it all for him so he could understand.

  Once I was satisfied that he knew what happened, I pulled back. However, he didn’t release my hands. Instead, he pulled me from the driver’s seat to him. I sat on his lap and smiled down at him.

  “What are you doing? We have to go,” I said. Though I could sit and hold him the entire night.

  He didn’t say anything. My heart, as usual, beat like crazy in my chest. He stroked the length of my face and stared at me. I didn’t say anything either; I didn’t want to ruin the moment. Finally, he spoke, “You’re amazing.”

  “We’re amazing. It was Zack all along. All this time. I kissed him, ewww...that’s just disgusting.”

  “What do we do now?” He stared so intently into my eyes, I was barely able to speak. He traced a finger along my neck, then my shoulder and moved it around to my waist. I had to take a breath. Even as Amanda, his touch rendered me speechless.

  “Nothing. He’s shape shifting…since he killed the body he possessed as Zack,” I finally managed. “That immediately alerted me to something. We’re not dealing with a man. A spirit of some kind, a demon, an angel...I’m not sure yet but not a human man.” I cringed at the thought of a non-human psychotic killer running rampant in Manhattan.

  “I was able to discern his thoughts. On some morbid level, Chris, I think the ENO and I knew each other – before this – and were friends. I also know he’s looking for something. I think it has something to do with our power. If he can strip us of our power then he can defeat us easily. I’m not really sure if that’s his main purpose, though. But I do know that he cannot kill any of us. At least not yet. The entire fiasco tonight was a big show...he tried to scare Chloe, but Amanda showed up and he hadn’t counted on that.” I paused and looked down at Chris. His eyes sparkled and his mouth turned up at the corners.

  “What?”

  I pulled back to study his face more. He ran his tongue across his lips then allowed his eyes to trail my face then the top half of my body. His hands slid to my waist and he pulled me closer. “Continue please,” he whispered.

  I bit my bottom lip to reign in my thoughts. “Um…his primary purpose isn’t to end the world – or to destroy humans – it’s to destroy us, the eight of us. We’ve done something in one of our lives that has pissed him off. Bad. If normals are caught in the fray then he has no issue with killing them. But they aren’t his primary target. The game has rules. Rules that I don’t fully understand and honestly hate abiding by. But Chris, I could’ve killed him. I mean, I really think I have the power to do that.”

  His lips were to mine before I could complete another sentence. And I didn’t realize how much I needed his touch. Our bodies pressed together, radiated warmth that enveloped me as he rained kisses over me. Faster then slower – as if he wanted to savor every moment. I lost myself in his sweet tenderness. I forgot the dance and everyone else who would be waiting on us.

  The electric current rose and fell beneath my skin and our accelerated hearts beat an identical rhythm. “I’m crazy in love with you,” he whispered in my ear. “I want you in every way.”

  “You can’t imagine how much I want you.” I stroked the side of his face. “All things in due time, sweetheart.” I rose and took my seat back at the wheel. His eyes caressed me with love as I drove and I stole a few glances of my own. But we drove in silence the remaining distance to the dance.

  When we arrived and I saw the large number of cars parked outside the school, fatigue settled in. I was restless and tired of school dances. I’d been to hundreds of them in my previous lives, which afforded me the right to hate them now. But for appearance sake, I guess I had to come.

  “Come here,” Chris said. He grabbed me by the hips and slid me to the right when we arrived at the main entrance to the hall. “Do you remember everything?” Hope sprang into his eyes.

  “Um, I’m not sure how much right now. I remember a lot. Not everything, I’m sure. Why? Is something wrong?”

  “No, not really. It’s just…you told me something on Tierra. You asked me to remind you here on Earth. You told me to tell you when we all gathered to dance and the ENO was stuck in a tree.”

  “Really, I was very literal, huh?” I laughed until my side hurt. Chris didn’t join in, so I calmed myself and tried to wear the same serious face he wore. “I don’t remember saying that. But I guess today’s the day for you to tell me.”

  “Yeah.” He cast his eyes down and frowned as if he smelled something foul. “Um…you said the twelve of us and the ENO are one and the same. You said that one of us could not be trusted. You saw it in a dream. And you made me remember this one thing, word for word: ‘The greatest lie man has ever told himself was he is the superior being.’”

  “Okay…that’s weird. I wonder who the person is we shouldn’t trust. And what’s up with the twelve of us stuff? And how the hell did I tell you something on Tierra that the ENO just s
aid to me? Now. Here. On Earth.”

  “Shit. The ENO said that.” He frowned. “I don’t know what’s going on. I’m not sure if you were literal or if the person we can’t trust is actually one of the eight of us. It could be one of the others that make us the twelve. But I’m not sure about the twelve of us part either.” He ran his hands through his hair. “We just need to be careful.” He inched closer and cupped my face in his hands. My heart raced at his touch and his chocolate and mint breath sent my pulse into overdrive as he spoke. “I’ll never let anything happen to you. My life is insignificant without you.”

  “I’d be lost without you, too. That’s why I know we can do this, Chris. We can defeat him and all his mind games. Us and the–”

  “Were you going to say, The Great Eight?” Sam said. “So glad you didn’t forget us.” She had an easy sideways grin as she walked up with Joseph in tow. And I couldn’t help but laugh. I missed her so much! Raja and Phillip were beside her. Raja dazzled everyone in a cheetah print strapless dress. Jill and Scott brought up the rear with identical black and red outfits.

  “We could never forget our family,” I said. I opened my arms for everyone to join us in an embrace. “We can do anything. We can defeat the ENO and send him to Hell where he belongs.” I looked around at the seven people embracing me. Just a short time ago, I was frightened of my own shadow. Now I was fighting demons, or whatever the ENO was – and enjoying the challenge.

  Everyone looked happy and hopeful. I smiled at my new friends’ enthusiasm. “This has been a crazy couple of months for me. I’m Chloe and Amanda, I embrace them both. It’s easy to rage against who you should be when you don’t really know who that person is. But it’s fulfilling to become who you were meant to be. And despite everything, we’re all here together. Something the ENO hadn’t counted on.” I lifted my head high, cleared my throat, and said, “We’ll fight him until our last breath.”