Stolen Breaths

by Pamela Sparkman

  The audience got louder.

  “I’m sorry, what? I can’t hear you.”

  The crowd cheered and applauded and more shout outs came from the back.

  “That’s better. Glad to see everyone out tonight and having a good time. Are y’all ready for some music?”

  “Hell yeah!” was shouted from somewhere in the back and people applauded at that. Cooper smiled a smile that could melt hearts. “Okay then. Let’s do this.”

  Cooper sang a couple of fast songs with a good beat and I was in awe of his stage presence. He made it look so easy. I was sitting there watching Cooper perform when I felt a hand reach behind me and then a hug. Spinning around in my seat I looked up and saw Beth’s face smiling back at me.

  “Beth! You made it!”

  “Of course I did, silly.” She slid into the seat next to me that Cooper had occupied. “Oh my God, Lily, he is so good! You haven’t sung yet have you?”

  “No, not yet.” On cue, my hands started shaking in anticipation.

  Beth squealed and did that fast clap thing she did when she got excited. “I can’t wait!”

  “Did you come by yourself?”

  “Yeah,” was all she said, and then smiled.

  Cooper’s song ended and another round of applause ensued. Everyone at our table joined in. He was making this night so much fun.

  “Thank you. Thank you. Listen, I’ve been trying to convince this beautiful girl sitting down here,” he pointed to me and everyone looked in my direction, “to sing with me. But it hasn’t been easy, let me tell you.” The audience laughed. “I’ve come to realize that the best things in life don’t come easy, so that’s okay. My persistence paid off because she’s finally agreed to join me tonight and sing a duet for y’all.” The crowd gave a congratulatory clap. “Y’all please welcome Lily Grayson!” The audience whistled and cheered as I stood up to take the stage next to Cooper. Beth, Ms. Sophie, Hayden, and Joe were all clapping. I walked on the stage, and when I got close to him, Cooper said in my ear, “Focus on me, Lil. Just me.” His breath in my ear made chill bumps appear on my skin instantly. Every. Time. I sat down on the stool next to him and adjusted my mic.

  “We’re going to do a duet,” Cooper said, speaking to the audience again, “‘To Whom It May Concern’ by the Civil Wars.” He looked over at me. “You ready, Lil?”

  I nodded tentatively. His eyes stayed focused on mine and he counted off…1…2…3….and just like that music was playing.

  I’m not really sure at what point the bar patrons got quiet or when they started their applause because all the time in between the only thing I could focus on was Cooper. For me, it felt like we were the only two people in the room. The only thing I could see was Cooper’s face, the only thing I could hear was his soulful voice, and the only thing I could feel were his eyes. They were on me, in me, and looking right through me.

  The words to the song encompassed all the things I wanted to tell Cooper so I made sure I sang to him – straight to his heart with all the feeling I had. Music for me had always been a sweet release of feelings and thoughts. The lyrics, the strum of his guitar, and the energy that emanated from his body, speaking a language my body responded to and understood – was all made perfect as our voices danced together in perfect harmony. The richness of Cooper’s voice and the softness of mine was a perfect combination that illuminated the intent behind the words. It really was perfect.

  The look on Cooper’s face when he removed his guitar strap over his head made me almost lose it. He was seductive and sexy, yet sweet and protective. He kept his eyes locked on mine, and my blood turned to molten lava. The song had ended, yet we were still the only two people in the room.

  I felt someone touch my arm and all the sounds of the room came back to me like someone had turned up the volume. The cheers and applause were palpable and for a moment I wondered who they were clapping for, until I felt Cooper’s arms hug me at the waist, lifting me off the ground.

  “You were wonderful, baby!”

  I looked around the room and saw people on their feet, whistling and shouting for another song. I turned back toward Cooper and he leaned in so I could hear him. “They want another song. Whadaya say?”

  I shrugged my shoulders shyly and looked at Cooper, telling him I’d rather not, and he seemed to understand. He took me by the hand and gestured for me to sit back on the stool beside him. He took the mic and said, “Thank you, thank you. She’s wonderful isn’t she?” The audience cheered. “Thank you, that’s what I’ve been telling her.” He turned to look at me and smiled that heart stopping smile. “I feel like doing a little serenading, so Lily, your job is to sit there and listen.” The whole place erupted with thunderous applause and whoops and hollers from all directions. He gave me a wink and then got comfortable on his stool. Speaking into the microphone he said, “Lily, this song is for you.”

  ‘David Livingstone’ by Jon Bryant was the song Cooper sang to me. I felt like someone hit the mute button because you could hear a pin drop when Cooper opened his mouth and the first words left him with fluid eloquence. Again we connected to each other in a way that was almost indescribable. I was breathing in the words and finding it hard to keep the tears that threatened to escape from falling. Cooper looked very controlled, but I could also tell he was using that self-restraint of his when I saw the muscles in his jaw tighten. The expression on his face was sincere and contemplative. I did as he asked me to do, I listened. I could feel all eyes on me, but I only had eyes for the man sitting right here in front of me. If he wanted me to fall in love with him… he succeeded.

  And then, like the evanescence of the morning mist, the beautiful song faded and what was left was the sound my heart made as it beat hard against the wall of my chest.

  Cooper set down his guitar, stood up and reached to pull me up so that we were standing face to face. He moved in and wrapped his arms around me for a warm embrace. It wasn’t like we weren’t standing on a stage in a bar filled with lots of people all looking at us. Then I heard the words I was afraid to hear and the words I was afraid I would never hear.

  “I love you, Lily. I absolutely love you.”

  Fifteen

  Without Warning

  Three years. That’s how old I was when I lost my mom.

  Twenty-five years. That was the amount of time I had with the most amazing daddy anyone could ever ask for.

  Five years. That was the amount of time I spent living my life inside a bubble refusing to let life in for fear of the unknown – and the known.

  Three seconds. That’s the length of time it took for Cooper to make me realize that I was capable of feeling something other than grief or fear the first time he looked at me.

  Five days. That was all it took for him to crack open my heart, burst that impenetrable bubble, and make me fall in love with him.

  Five. Days.

  I could feel the heat rising inside me, making my cheeks burn scarlet. I could feel the room getting smaller and the air burning my lungs. I could hear drumming in my ears as my pulse raced uncontrollably. Did he just tell me he loved me? I looked at him and tilted my head like he was speaking a foreign language and I needed an interpreter. I looked down at our table and searched for Ms. Sophie’s eyes hoping to find an answer there. Her eyes were wet and her cheeks stained with tears. I looked at Beth and she sat with her hands over her mouth in a state of surprise. When I looked at Hayden he was leaned back in his chair, arm draped over the back of the chair beside him, looking down at the table and smiling at his napkin. Joe just seemed cool and collected but obviously waiting for someone to say something.

  I forced my gaze back up to find Cooper’s eyes and what I found were his lips on my neck, his hands sliding underneath my hair and a whisper in my ear. “You don’t have to say anything, Lil. But I couldn’t go another second not telling you how I felt. Not another second.”

  “Cooper…” I whispered. I was afraid to say it out loud. Saying it out loud made it rea
l. My throat felt tight and I almost choked when I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. I closed my eyes and stopped thinking, and I let my heart speak for me. Cooper’s breath was on me and I could feel his heart thumping through his shirt. For a moment, his heart and mine were beating in time together. I opened my mouth and let the words fall out.

  “I love you too.”

  Tears stung my eyes and I thought my heart would burst. I wasn’t prepared for this. I really hated myself right then for being such a girl. But I all I wanted to do was hold on to Cooper so tight that air couldn’t pass between us.

  “You love me?” Cooper asked, searching my eyes intently.

  I nodded my head yes and murmured, “Mmm-hmm,” and choked down my tears.

  He wrapped his arms around me so tight I almost couldn’t breathe. Almost. “God, Lil, I love you so much.”

  “Kiss her! Kiss her! Kiss her!” the crowd chanted.

  “Oh my God! Cooper we’re on a damn stage,” I said, and laughed in his ear. Realizing what he had done, he laughed too.

  “Sorry about this, baby. I promise you, this wasn’t my plan. It just sort of… happened.”

  “Kiss her! Kiss her! Kiss her!”

  “What do we do?” I asked him, honestly hoping that the embarrassment I felt encroaching on me at this moment would dissolve with his answer.

  He pulled back to look at me. “I guess I need to kiss you now.” A sweet, impish grin tugged along the corners of his mouth. Without warning, he swooped me down in his arms with me looking up at him and landed a chaste kiss on my mouth. Then he pulled me back upright into his arms. “That’s all these fools are getting. We’re not giving them a show.”

  The crowd seemed satisfied with that as they clapped and whistled. Together, we walked off the stage to take our seats at our table.

  “Well, that was new,” Joe cracked.

  “Shut up, Joe,” Cooper said, trying to contain his beaming smile.

  Beth removed her hands from her mouth. “That was the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen. I’m so glad I didn’t miss this. Ohmigod.”

  Ms. Sophie got up and made Cooper stand up so she could hug him. Before she did, she swatted him on his arm. “Cooper Hudson, did you plan to do that, and if so, why didn’t you tell me so I could have least been prepared? I’m sitting here crying like a blubbering idiot.” She swatted him on his arm again and smirked at him. I saw then where Cooper got that particular brand of smirk.

  Cooper held up both his hands in defense. “I swear I didn’t plan any of that.” He turned to look at me – brown eyes searching brown eyes. “I wanted to tell her so many times before…”

  Hayden patted him on the back. “I think it’s great, man. But I don’t think anyone here is surprised that you love her or that she loves you. Hell, if it was obvious to me, it was obvious to everyone.”

  For the rest of the night we had fun enjoying the company of our friends. We laughed and talked and I was feeling happy. I was in a really good place and I looked around the table at my new friends appreciatively. Cooper either kept one arm around me or would bring my hand to his and set them in his lap as he drew little circles on the top of my hand with his thumb. I was hyperaware of his touch, his smell, his everything. Yep, that big puffy cloud was back and I was sitting high on it.

  Then, as if the floor was yanked from underneath me, my happy was replaced with instant fear.

  “That was some performance, little girl.” The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I suddenly tasted bile in my mouth. I went completely stiff underneath Cooper’s touch. I was frozen and unable to comprehend why. A feeling of vulnerability invaded my body. I felt like an open wound being subjected to salt. I flicked my eyes up and landed on a soft spoken older man. My head swirled and I felt as though I might vomit.

  “Thank you,” I said barely above a whisper. Nothing about the man was familiar. Not his voice, not his face. Nothing. I’d never met him before. That much I knew. I don’t know why I had that reaction to him, but I wanted to leave. All the warm cozy feelings I was having three seconds before evaporated, and I didn’t know why. The man continued to smile, before he quietly walked away.

  Cooper leaned in. “Are you ready to go?”

  “Yes.”

  “Guys, we’re outta here,” Cooper said. He scooted his chair away from the table and helped me to my feet. “Grams, we’ll follow you home.”

  “Alright, dear. Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

  There were some things Cooper didn’t argue with his grandmother on, and there were some things his grandmother didn’t argue with him on.

  “Knowing you got home safe is what will help me sleep,” Cooper said, helping his grandmother up.

  Watching those two interact always made me feel warm inside.

  “Hey listen,” Joe called. “Sunday why don’t we all get together at my place and we’ll grill out? I want all of y’all there.” He looked at Beth. “That includes you.”

  “Really? Sure. I mean, I guess so,” Beth said, looking surprised to be included.

  Cooper looked at me, and I said, “Yeah, sure sounds like fun.”

  Joe looked at Hayden. “Dude, you coming?”

  “Yep, I’ll be there.”

  “Ms. Sophie? What about you?”

  “I think I’ll leave y’all to it. I got some things I need to catch up on, dear.”

  “Alright then. I guess I’ll see everyone else, say, around noon.” Joe got up to make his way back to the bar area.

  We followed Ms. Sophie home and waited for her to get inside and flick the porch light off and on before we drove away. I sat distractedly looking out the window, absentmindedly biting the piece of skin around my thumb.

  “I would like it if you stayed at my house tonight,” Cooper said, keeping his eyes on the road.

  “I…I’m not ready to…”

  “I know. That’s not what I’m asking.” He took his eyes off the road for a second to look at me and then looked back. “I’m not ready to let you go. I need to know that you’re next to me, safe and sound with me. Will you stay?” He squeezed my hand and waited for me to answer.

  Now, it was my turn to look down at our hands entwined together and I realized I didn’t need to think about it. I wasn’t ready to let him go yet either. “Yes, I’ll stay.”

  Even in the dark I could see he was wearing a smile.

  He brought my hand up and laid a soft kiss across my knuckles. “Thank you.”

  “Can we go by my house first and let me pack an overnight bag?”

  “Of course.”

  When we first got to Cooper’s he insisted on cooking scrambled eggs and hash browns. We had eaten appetizers at the bar but my nerves wouldn’t really allow me to eat much.

  “Do you want me to make your hash browns Waffle House style? Covered and smothered?”

  “That sounds amazing right now. Yes,” I said, realizing that I was actually hungry.

  We laughed and talked throughout our late – err – early morning meal, and then got ready for bed. We each took turns in his bathroom getting ready and I sat on the edge of the bed as I waited for Cooper. When he emerged from the bathroom he had removed his shirt and was only wearing pajama pants that hung loosely around his hips. This was the first time I had seen him shirtless, and I unapologetically stared when he came out of the bathroom and walked over to the bed.

  “What are you doing, Lily, watching me?”

  I nodded my head yes, but said, “No.”

  Cooper inched toward me while I continued to stare brazenly. He stood in front of me and asked for my hand. As we stood fixed on each other I brought my hands up and placed them on his chest, and then outlined his shoulders by grazing my fingers over his skin, taking my time tracing his chest and then down to his abs. I circled around him. He stood in place. I continued the feather-like touches over his back and around to the other side, purposely being slow and meticulous. I never knew he had a tattoo. Over his rib cage were words written in
script:

  Love transcends all obstacles in her path

  Insisting she finds her way

  Leaving her troubles behind

  Yearning to be loved someday

  I traced the letters that wound around his side, reading them out loud, and I heard Cooper suck in a breath.

  “This is beautiful, Cooper.”

  I was committing to memory ever contour, every line, every dent, every scar and every beautiful word; and I took precious time doing it. I was admiring the man in front of me who I knew loved me with every fiber of his being and I wanted him to know what it felt like to be loved that way, to be appraised and valued far beyond anything that could be measured, to be treasured.

  “It’s you, Lily.”

  “What’s me?” I asked softly.

  “The tattoo. It’s about you.”

  “Me?”

  “Mmm-hmm. Look closely, tell me what you see.”

  I looked again and concentrated on what was in front me, and then I saw it.

  L-I-L-Y. The first letter in each line.

  “You… you, how? Why?”

  “I needed to be close to you. This was my way.”

  I came back around to stand in front of him again and I kissed his lips. I kissed his neck, his throat, and trailed up his jaw and kissed his ear.

  “I love you. So much,” I breathed out.

  His breath hitched and he lifted me off the floor and onto his bed, sliding me up until we reached the headboard. “Lily, I love you. I don’t even remember when I started loving you. I just know I’ve never been able to get you out of my head. You own my thoughts every minute of the day. Your words, your smile, your heart,” he brushed a piece of hair behind my ear, “your shyness, your vulnerability, your courage and your strength. You’re so much more than you think, Lil. So much more.” He worshipped my face with tender kisses; my eyes, forehead, nose, cheeks, and mouth. His breath was warm and he smelled like spice and soap. I was drunk with enough emotion that remembering my own name proved to be a challenge. He rolled onto his back scooping me up in his arms and settled my head on his shoulder. He caressed my hair, my face, my hands, and finally he whispered, “This is where you belong.”