Catch My Breath

by Wendy L. Wilson

  Then there was a girl last summer that stayed in one of the cabins down from Evan’s camper. I went for a walk late at night, alone and ran into her down by the dock. We talked for a good while and before she left to go back to her cabin, I figured what the hell and kissed her. There was absolutely no sparks or chemistry, nothing like what I feel with Alyssa.

  “Four girls before you … ” Yeah, that’s it. Then I add, “… that didn’t kiss near as amazing as you do.”

  She bites her lip with a smile then pulls me down to kiss her. My whole body relaxes, knowing I may have escaped a major blow-up by throwing in that last comment which was totally honest. I love kissing her. But before my lips touch hers, I squeeze at the skin on her side and surprise myself.

  “Wait just a minute. What about you?” I throw out with a grin. Two can play at this.

  I look at her not really needing to know the answer, but noting by her reaction to my answer that we can pretty well talk to each other about anything.

  “Oh, me? Well, I would be at a whopping three.”

  This surprises me and kind of makes me very happy.

  “Including me?”

  She nods her head and I smile. So I am lucky number three; I think I’ll keep her at that number. Placing my lips back on hers, I run my hand back up her leg in an attempt to get us back where we were.

  “So how many girls have you had sex with?” she drops this bomb, stopping me in my tracks.

  Whoa! I close my eyes and laugh. “Do all girls do that?” I laugh harder, leaning my face into her neck.

  “What? I just want to know,” she says softly, drawing her fingers across my back and into my hair.

  Suddenly, this conversation does not seem important. I take her face in my hands, nibbling at her lips before kissing her like I’ve never kissed anyone else in my life, as if she is my last drink of water. My tongue roams her mouth, tasting everything within her, every breath, and every word that she had left to ask. After slightly pulling away, I suck her bottom lip into my mouth then level her with a questioning look. She seems distracted now, a little dazed as she stares at me through heavy breaths. I’m home free from discussing my past sex life. Not a subject I want to dive into with her or anyone.

  A wide smile spreads across her face and I’ve been caught trying to side track her. I mock her expression with an innocent grin that curls up my cheeks where my dimple is. Her eyes move to the right of my face like it always does as she leans forward and teases me with the thought that I’ll get to devour her lips once again. Instead, she kisses the dimple in my cheek. I laugh; for some reason the dimple always gets to girls and I definitely like how she obsesses over it.

  I retreat, holding one hand up beside our faces, “Ok, ok … but you have to tell me your number, too. Deal?”

  She nods her head seeming awfully excited about this discussion. Most girls would be starting a war at the talk of other girls.

  “Ok …” I blow out an uneasy breath and go on, “only two.” I spit it out and wait. She doesn’t laugh, doesn’t change expressions, so I elaborate with a little hesitation. “There’s a girl that I’ve had a thing with for a couple years … nothing serious, just kind of a mutual understanding,” I pause, clamping my jaw in panic of how bad that may sound and that’s not even the other one. I’ll keep some of that to myself; she didn’t ask for details. “Then there was the girl I lost my virginity to when I was fifteen … almost sixteen,” I throw out the last part quickly, ashamed of how that all happened.

  “So is the first one your girlfriend?” She speaks with caution and I immediately toss her doubts out the window.

  “No!” I spit out then realize I probably sound like a dirt bag. “Her name is Tiffany and we’re friends, that’s it. She is a great girl, but we just sort of ended up getting carried away a couple times. We ended all that anyways.” I make sure to toss that detail out there; after all, that is exactly what we did right before I came out here.

  She doesn’t huff up in an angry tizzy at my words, just smiles. She must have forgotten that now it’s her turn. I clear my throat and wiggle my eyebrows to nudge her on.

  “Oh, yeah. Umm well … I am standing strong at number …” she pauses, eyeing me. I groan and we both laugh. “One.” She raises one finger up with her teeth gritted.

  I am pleasantly surprised and extremely excited, but then she goes on.

  “I’ve only slept with Kyle, my ex. I lost my virginity to him about three months ago, sooooo …”

  I raise my eyebrows, nerves, anxiety and relief all bolting through me that she is just as inexperienced as me, yet feeling a bit like a sleaze in comparison. Considering I don’t even remember the first time, I’d have to say her and I are fairly equivalent on our skill level. If we ever do go any further, I know I will more than likely fizzle out fast from the excitement so I am comforted in that fact.

  We lie on the shore kissing until the sun goes down and I really do not want to leave. After a prolonged period of solitude and intimacy, she breaks our connection for a brief moment.

  “Oh my gosh! I was so excited to see you earlier … I forgot what I came to find you for.”

  Hearing her say she was excited to see me makes my heartbeat drum in my chest and creates a monstrous smile across my face.

  “We talked to my parents and we are staying til the fifth.”

  This is news I’ve been praying to hear. As if my smile could not get any bigger, she tells me this and my mouth breaks open into a half smile half laugh. I want to lift her into the air and spin in circles with her tightly in my arms, but the level of emotion that rises within me also has me somewhat scared. I knew she should have already left by now, but to hear that her trip was extended until the day I leave is music to my ears. Damn, I love this girl! My mind says the words so clearly for only a split second but there it is. I look into her eyes and everything inside of me is yelling for me to say it aloud.

  “Alyssa, I …” I gulp down the anxiety that threatens to come up the back of my throat and spill out from how nerve-racking this is, but for the third time, I chicken out and veer in another direction. I don’t want to lay all my cards on the table until I am absolutely positive that my words won’t make her bolt for the door. “This has been the craziest, most wonderful, totally unexpected week of my life and I owe it all to you.”

  I smile at her; she in turn gives me the most beautiful, bright smile I have ever seen.

  Later that night I decide to make things official and ask her to be my girlfriend. Her answering yes makes it more than clear; I’m in love with her. The craziest week of my life just turned into the best thing that has ever happened to me and I don’t intend on ever letting her go.

  I WAKE UP THE next morning by the sounds of my little brother tapping on the side window of my truck. My neck is stiff like a metal bar has been shoved up the back of it. I bend it from side to side, glancing over at the head rest that I had my head laid back on the entire night.

  Holding my finger up, I signal to Jake to give me a minute at the same time that Alyssa’s head moves in my lap. My fingers are wound up in her hair while my other hand rests on her stomach. I look down at her and am met with sleepy pale blue eyes and a smile. My day is already complete.

  “Good morning, baby.” I can totally call her that now.

  In true Junior High fashion, I asked her out last night. I have no idea how those kinds of things are approached so I just went with what felt right, stumbling around my words like an idiot while she sat cuddled up in my lap.

  “Hi,” she says with a hoarse voice, rising up to cuddle up against me just like last night.

  I wrap my arms around her then look over my shoulder to Jake, which is impatiently pacing back and forth outside of my truck. He has an hour before he has to leave, but I have something I need my truck for so I’m glad he woke me up early.

  “Hey … my brother has to leave today to go back home, so I was hoping I could spend an hour or so with him to say goodbye.”
I hate even suggesting the second apart, but we have several more days at our disposal now, so I have something up my sleeve that I hope she’ll love. “You want me to come find you after?”

  She scrunches up her face, gritting her teeth as if she’s hesitant to say what’s on her mind.

  “What? You want to spend the day with your sister?” I ask, sensing her uncertainty on answering.

  “Want to?” She gives me another silly look as if I just asked the dumbest question of all time.

  I laugh, “Ok, so neither one of us wants to but maybe …” I draw out my last word playfully, “… they’ll leave us alone later if we spend time with our friends.” I wiggle my brows, shooting her my best sly smile.

  “You promise you’ll come find me later?”

  “I promise.” Without a doubt.

  She flashes me a full mouth of white teeth before agreeing. After giving her a quick kiss, I watch her walk off, grinning in a complete daze until my brother’s hand swipes across my arm creating a bit of a sting.

  “That’s just weird,” he says while shaking his head.

  I look over and laugh. “What?” I’m sure I am smiling like kid on Christmas morning.

  “You have the most ridiculous smile on your face and you stare at her like you’re undressing her with your eyes,” he cracks up, but I don’t care.

  I know exactly how I look at her. I look at her like my heart may explode like a volcano from all the love it holds for her; like she is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. I memorize the way she moves, the way she throws her hair over her shoulder and holds it up when the wind blows, how she bites her lip when she is nervous or excited. I tuck it all away in my heart, watching it all as if today is my last day.

  “You mind running me somewhere real quick?”

  He shakes his head and we automatically jump in my truck, jetting over to the other side of the lake so that I can rent a cabin.

  Pulling my phone out of the console, I hesitantly dial Tristan’s number. The hours he keeps whoring around, I’m sure he hasn’t even woke up yet.

  “You better plan on apologizing for waking my ass up.”

  Don’t answer next time dumb-ass, is what I want to say, but I need a favor so I hold back my sarcasm and our differences. “Sorry. Hey … I was hoping you could do me a favor and maybe not give me shit for it.”

  “I’m listening.” I hear the creaking of a mattress and wonder if he is even in our cabin at this time.

  “Ok, well I know you’ve made some friends on the other side of the lake,” I use the word ‘friends’ loosely, “I was hoping I could rent one of the cabins over there for the Fourth, but with it being a week out, I know that’s going to be hard. You think you could sweet talk some of those girls into moving their party to one cabin for the night if I reimburse them double what they paid?” I wait then get anxious, adding “… triple if I need to, money isn’t an option.” Now, I sound desperate.

  “Well … well, is someone planning a sleep over for that night?”

  I roll my eyes, pressing my head into the phone impatiently and fully intent on sucking up any amount of pestering he has lined up for me as long as he can deliver.

  “I’m headed over that way right now to check with the front desk if they have some cabins available, but if you can do anything to make it happen in the next fifteen minutes, I’d really owe you.” He actually owes me and he knows it.

  “Hold up … pull your panties out of your ass and give me a minute. Text me when you get here.”

  The phone clicks and my frustration spirals through the roof of the truck. He’s such a jerk-off.

  "Let me guess, either he flat out turned you down or he wants to know what's in it for him."

  I breathe out a sarcastic chuckle and shrug. "I have no idea."

  Jake lets out a deep sigh, his shoulders falling and chest receding on it. I'm sure he's more than sick of the animosity between me and Tristan.

  "Well at least you won't have to worry about putting up with him for much longer."

  His words hit me like a 300 pound linebacker, leaving me dazed and filled with guilt.

  "Jake, listen..." I look down, hoping that maybe some of the guilt will be washed away before I leave if I talk to him about this. The decision to go away has never felt like something I needed to even think about. Packing my bags and getting on that plane was going to be as easy as breathing, until now. I never imagined a simple summer job would turn into a process of me discovering where my life is headed; to doubt whether I should stay on this road or possibly veer off onto the unmarked one. It’s a sweeter ride, but it scares the shit out of me, to not know where it could end up.

  "I've been meaning to talk to you." I stop and take a quick gulp of courage. "How do you feel about me leaving?" I finally move my eyes from staring at my hands and look his way when the truck jostles to the left. "Whoa!"

  Jake's shocked expression swings from me back to the road as he corrects the steering which was leading us into a rut alongside the country road that winds along the lake.

  "Well..." He draws his brows up thoughtfully before answering. "It's not up to me, Judd."

  I start to stop him and correct his comment. In a way it is. If he asked me to stay, I would; I'd hate it because I'm dying to leave, but I would stay.

  He goes on, before I can speak up, "Do what makes you happy. I want that for you and Tristan. I'm grown up now. I'll be fine and besides, this is my last year of school then I'll be out on my own, doing my own thing."

  "And you'll be in college, busy with football and studying," I add, immediately noticing a funny expression cross his face.

  "Yeah, that too. You'll also visit, right?"

  My eyes light up with that, but then my thoughts take a nose dive wondering what will happen. If Alyssa is in Indiana and I'm in California, will I visit her there or will she come visit me or will we plan to meet back in Rosemore and Fairview?

  "You do plan to come back, right?"

  Jake pulls me out of all the questions that I have no way of answering until I work it out with her. I'm taking this too fast anyways. One thing at a time, right now I'll focus on getting the cabin.

  "Of course, I’m coming back." The mention of coming back home doesn't ignite the same dread inside of me as it did before and I know that has so much to do with her.

  "Well then, go...have fun and go play your ass off in football. Don't worry about me."

  I sigh, smiling with a new found relief. I've worried that he would view me leaving as skipping out on us like Dad did, or maybe even as losing another person in his life; God knows we've faced enough of that.

  As Jake and I wind down our conversation, we make it to the other side of the lake. Stepping out of the truck with my phone held in my hand, I slam the door shut, but don’t even get my phone pulled up to text when I see Tristan stepping out of the cabin directly across from the office; the main cabin, which I thought belonged to the owner.

  Holding his arms out on a stretch, he looks across the way right at me with a huge grin then reaches down to check his fly. Of course he’s there. He jogs across to meet me as I shove my phone into my pocket, hoping for good news.

  “Hey,” I say blandly even though his smile couldn’t get any bigger with those stupid ass dimples digging into each of his cheeks.

  He stops just in front of me with a cocky expression and runs his hands through his tousled up bed-head.

  “Done and you’re welcome.”

  I cock my head back, annoyed and not at all positive of what is done. “Ok, so I have a cabin?”

  Without a word, he turns and points right to the front cabin. My jaw drops and eyebrows rise in shock.

  “No way! How?!” I spit out, nearly impressed, but I should know better; I know how.

  He folds his arms over his chest, assertively and I know I’m about to be the recipient of details I really don’t care to hear.

  “Let’s just say, the owner’s daughter wanted something and …�
� he quirks his eyebrows igniting my gag reflex and goes on, “I wanted something. Of course, I gave her exactly what she wanted …” he bites his lip, thrusting his hips subtly. “Sweet ass in return for that there cabin.” He twirls his hand in front of him and takes a bow.

  Releasing an exaggerated breath, I look at him needing to say thank you, but it’s always hard to be cordial with him. “Thanks. So what do I need to do? How much do I owe?”

  “These front cabins go for $300 a night, but I dined in early this morning and got 100 bucks knocked off your tab,” he smirks and my stomach turns. I really didn’t need to know that. Changing to a serious tone, he stands up straight and flicks his hand through the air on a wave. “Just show up at the office that day … pay and the key is yours for the night.”

  I glance back, seeing Jake still in the cab of the truck lowering his hand from a wave. For some reason, Tristan seems to tone down the whole man-whore act around Jake. I guess he reserves it for me.

  “Good deal. Thanks,” I say, nodding my head.

  With that we part ways, Jake and I head back to the other side while Tristan goes where ever the hell he usually goes. Jake drops me off a little ways behind my cabin so that I don’t chance Alyssa seeing me and asking where I was. I’m actually pretty pumped about surprising her.

  It takes no time at all for Evan to find me and hit me up to join him on a fishing excursion. I gladly tag along, because this is our norm when we come to the lake. Ever since we met, we would spend hours at a time out in his grandpa’s boat catching anything from bass, bluegill, trout, catfish, some gar and even an old torn up tennis shoe once.

  However, today, anxiety sets in as soon as the engine cranks up and we push off from the dock. The clock is ticking and the realization that I will soon be leaving gets more and more real by the minute, especially when I’m with Alyssa. Every second we spend together is bitter sweet. Since Mom died, I pushed football to the forefront of my heart, turning it into my one true passion, my love in life; my dream. Now that dream is literally only a month and one flight away, but little-by-little I feel that passion being nudged a single millimeter at a time to the back of my thoughts as my love for her grows. So with each grain of sand that slowly seeps through that tiny hole in the hourglass of time, I get a pit in my stomach that I’ll be leaving her; that this amazing thing that has been gradually healing each deadened fragment of my heart may come to an end. That scares the hell out of me and to choose football over that is starting to seem unfathomable. Do people really take leaps of faith this big? How can I know what the future holds? If I go, will I be making the biggest mistake of my life or if I stay will I be passing up the opportunity of a lifetime?