Catch My Breath

by Wendy L. Wilson

  “I love listening to you talk. I love when you talk about your family.” I smile, knowing there are not enough words that could fill the air with how full my heart has been since I found her. “I love everything about you, Alyssa,” I whisper, then kiss her like there is no tomorrow.

  My hand stays under her shirt, but before I know it I am flush against her and we are rubbing against each other in a mad frenzy for one another. Our hands are all over the place and I am getting extremely turned on. We still have our clothes on, but this is where we need to slam on the brakes. I pull my mouth away from hers and a small whimper escapes her lips.

  “I think it might be best if I get over to my side of the dock,” I laugh trying to make a joke.

  Of course, I am not going to roll away from her, but if I don’t want this to escalate, being on top of her probably isn’t where I should be.

  She wraps her arms around me and pulls me back to her. “I want you, Judd,” she whispers into my ear and the small amount of will power I have hanging on starts to slip.

  “I want you too, baby, but don’t you want our first time to be special?” I pause, regrouping any amount of restraint that I can muster up. ”You mean so much to me and I just want it to be perfect.” I wish I could see her face right now. Last thing I want is for her to feel like I’m rejecting her, because that is not it at all.

  “But what if I want to? I don’t care where we are. It will be perfect because it’s with you.”

  Her words send an arrow right through my heart. She’s right, but what my heart holds for her is better than something quick on a boat dock one night; that just makes it sound cheap and she may regret it later. If it’s going to happen, I’d prefer for it to be in a bed with light so I can see her; so we can see each other and explore one another all night long.

  I kiss her lips and try to explain it better, “Don’t think I don’t want this … right here, right now, but I would like to make it special, because you’re special to me. I don’t want this to be something that just happened one night when we got carried away and couldn’t stop …” I look into her eyes and gauge whether she looks hurt or possibly insulted. “I’m not saying no … I’m just saying let’s save it and make it a night that we will look back on, a night we’ll always remember.”

  She smiles a small convincing smile and I slide onto my back on the pallet, tucking her closely to my side.

  “Judd, can I ask you something,” she says as she nuzzles her body back against my chest.

  "Anything, you know that."

  “Are you worried about … ummm,” she pauses.

  “What?” It makes me uneasy for her to think I’m worried about anything, because I do want her more than she knows.

  “I was just going to tell you that I am on the pill if that’s what it is.”

  My brows bolt up with her announcement and the nervousness in me bursts from my mouth into laughter. “What?!” I spit out, trying to contain the surge of nerves and surprise that chose to come out of me in the most peculiar and appalling way.

  She flips her head towards me, looking just as surprised.

  Laughing probably isn’t typical when a girl gives you the green light to take her … now.

  “Sorry … no, I wasn’t laughing about that. I just had this image that came to mind as soon as you said it. Seems the guys think it’s funny to leave me condoms everywhere. I seriously have a stock pile of them, so all in all … I think we are covered.”

  She giggles, rolling towards me. “Well, the condom fairy has visited my cabin a time or two. So that’s not it?”

  “No, I’m not worried about anything. I just want it to be perfect and somewhere special. Not a dirty boat dock where Evan’s grandpa brings all his friends to drink beer.”

  She laughs, but quickly gets serious.

  "Ok, so … what if I'm curious?"

  I'm half confused by her question. Curious? What on earth is she curious about? "About what?" As soon as the words leave my mouth her statement registers. "Oh..." I swallow hard, my entire body bouncing with excitement, nerves and so many other emotions that she wants to know what I look like or possibly what I feel like.

  How do I respond to that? Most guys would probably unzip their pants and start directing traffic while silently shouting “Hell Yeah.” I'm right there with the “Hell Yeah” statement, but I don't want her to say this because she thinks that’s what I want; I do, but only if she wants to.

  "You know I don't expect you to do that, right?" my voice comes out a shaky puff of air and it almost pains me to not say, “Sure, yeah … go for it.”

  She smiles and wiggles her body against mine as if I am not turned on enough from this conversation. She’s killing me. My body ignites a million tingles and electric pulses disburse through me. Now I am verging towards painfully aroused.

  "I know..." She moves in closer to my face and whispers so quietly I can barely hear her, "but I want to touch you."

  That statement alone is enough to make me climax. My heart speeds in my chest and if this had been my first physical experience with a girl I would swear I was having a heart attack. I don't know what to say; yes please? It's right there for your curiosity? Hell yeah?

  I go with a subtle, mellow and as gentlemanly as possible approach, "Lyssa, that is up to you but I don’t expect it." I gulp; mentally slapping myself for not shouting out, “Yes please!”

  She doesn't answer me instead she slides her body to my side to get comfortable. The tickling sensation of her hand inching down to the waistband of my shorts instantly has my torso in flames, blazing a path right down to … Whoa; this is really happening! I suck in breath after breath trying desperately to catch it before I hyperventilate as her delicate hand falls beneath my waistband and she makes contact with every throbbing inch of me. I swear I may lose it now. My eyes roll back and my head falls against the dock with a clunk as soon as sensations buzz through my body.

  She takes her time moving her hand back and forth in an open palm, slow, sensual caress. Holy geez, her hand feels like satin.

  "Your hand’s so soft," I breathe out in a strangled breath to myself.

  I lower my eyebrows and look at her cautiously, not sure whether I will be met with her eyes or possibly even embarrass her from direct eye contact during this event. The moonlight is shining on her face, giving me a perfect view of her, only she is not looking at me. She keeps looking down at what she's doing and if it wasn't for the fact that I am about to fall over the edge, I may actually be a bit uneasy over how hard she is studying my anatomy.

  I breathe in and out … in and out … in and out … trying desperately to catch one breath after another. My body feels like it has caught fire and shock waves pulse through my core. When the warmth of her fingertips shifts and moves in a more urgent motion, I can't hold back anymore. I toss my head side to side and squeeze my eyes closed tightly, my heart on the verge of rupturing as waves of pleasure wash over me … and over and over and over.

  Once I regain my sense of thought and the lingering ripples to the lower half of my body subside, I look at her, expecting for her to possibly be grossed out because let’s face it, the end game isn’t always the cleanest. Instead, I see her looking at me with a proud, slightly shy smile.

  Between deep breaths I chuckle, because honestly, I don’t know what to say. Wow? Thank you? Speechless with excitement and disbelief was pretty much the dilemma I was faced with before this happened and once again I’m at a loss. The exhilaration meshed with my nerves and the sensations that still flicker in my body nearly make me want to laugh; it’s almost sensory overload.

  Staring at her, I realize, no words are necessary. Flashing a genuine smile that probably says everything, I gaze into her gorgeous eyes and keep to myself about all I want to say. I love you. God I hope you love me, too. I cannot believe she just did that. Holy shit, did that really just happen?

  THE NEXT THREE DAYS rush by, bringing us near the end of our summer vacation. Every hour of
every day we spend in each other’s company exploring the lake, splashing in the water, going for Jet Ski or boat rides together or chilling with our friends. However, every night we slip into a peaceful, private bubble where only the two of us exist. After we leave here, it will be weird not lying beside her every night.

  When I agreed to come here for the first month of summer with the work crew, I never imagined meeting her. She has managed to break through all the barriers that I have ever built up in my heart. Her sweetness, playfulness and beauty have penetrated every corner of my heart and filled it up with feelings I thought I was incapable of feeling. Although I have only known her a little under two weeks, there is utterly no doubt in my mind how much I adore her; how much I love her; she is everything.

  Tonight we lie on the beach. Everyone else has already called it a night and we are completely alone. A sliver of moon shines above our head along with way too many stars to count. Silence surrounds us with the exception of the sounds of night critters and frequent splashes created from fish swimming to the surface. Beauty is all around us¸ yet my gaze is fixed on her.

  Tangling one hand into her hair, my other hand holds steady around her small waist. Her head rests on my chest, but her breathing tells me she is still awake. It’s funny how in such a short period of time that I am able to recognize simple things like the difference in her breaths when she is asleep or awake and whether she is upset or happy by the expression on her face. With a flick of her eyes I can tell if she wants me to kiss her, and I can even read when she is holding back. I guess that is what it means to fall in love; knowing the other person inside and out.

  “Did you want to stay out here again tonight?”

  My ears perk up to the soft sound of her voice, as if it is my favorite song.

  “I’m kind of getting eaten up by mosquitoes, actually,” I tell her with a chuckle, not fond of getting the blood sucked out of me all night long and then itching like hell tomorrow. “It has to be well into the morning hours, so all the guys should be asleep by now. Do you want to sneak over to my cabin?” Her cabin is closer, but she hates sleeping on those cots; at least our cabin has twin sized beds.

  She lifts her head and nods in agreement. I can barely make out her face, but I can tell she’s tired. Every night we are together, I force my eyes to stay open as long as possible not wanting to miss a single moment with her; there is no hiding that she does the same.

  We both stand and her arms instantly stretch high above her head. My whole body reacts to her movements and my arms automatically wrap around her so that I can pull her tightly against me. Resting my chin on the top of her head, she nuzzles against me and as always, she feels so amazing.

  We break apart after a long embrace and trek back to my cabin. I keep one arm around her mainly because I always want to touch her in some way but also to help hold her up. Her repeated yawns and dragging feet tell me she is exhausted and ready to crash.

  Once we get to the door, I release my grip on her so that I can push it open. Gritting my teeth, I hold my breath as it lets out a low creaking sound. I should suggest to Evan that we replace the hinges before leaving. I step through the doorway and grab her hand pulling her along behind me. My eyes sweep the room for anyone that may be awake as we tiptoe our way to my bed. Fortunately, everyone seems to have slept through our arrival. Thank you! The last thing I feel like dealing with is a bunch of cut ups and teasing.

  As soon as I reach my bed, I pull the sheets back so Alyssa can slip under the covers. Once she is settled, I crawl in beside her and pull her snug against me so that the curves of our bodies fit together like a puzzle. I brush my lips across the exposed skin behind her ear and wait to hear her little whine she usually makes; nothing.

  Letting out a quiet laugh, I lift my chin so that I can get my face closer to hers, immediately hearing her light steady breaths. She’s out.

  “Alyssa?” I quietly whisper her name, careful not to wake anyone else in the room. Our beds are spaced quite a ways away from each other, but Evan seems to have ears like a damn elephant; it’s as if he’s waiting for some emergency in the middle of the night.

  When she doesn’t answer I know she is asleep and that I should probably join her. Laying my head back on the pillow, I run my hand over her hip up to the dip in her waist and let it rest there, perfectly seamed against her skin as if that’s where it has always belonged.

  “Are you asleep?” I whisper even quieter than before; still no reply.

  A small held in breath moves over my lips as I think over what I’m going to say next. It’s silly, but my insides have been kicking me for not saying it yet. I lean in towards her ear, finally ready to say my secret out loud.

  “Alyssa, I know you probably won’t hear me or even remember this, but I can’t keep it to myself anymore.”

  She squirms a bit in my arms and I instantly still. Shifting in her sleep, she then flips onto her back with her hands tightly clutching my shirt and her eyes still completely closed. After she settles and I’m reassured that she didn’t wake, I continue on, half hoping she will wake up during my confession and half fearing she will.

  “All my life I’ve thought love was a sick joke; something that didn’t really exist. I watched my dad walk away from my mom …” I tilt my head to look around slowly and quietly. I sure don’t want Tristan to overhear me. Quieting to a nearly inaudible whisper, I go on, “… after that I swore I’d never put myself through that kind of pain. I sunk every ounce of passion I had inside me into playing football and figured that way, there would be nothing left for anyone. I kept my heart closed off … refused to open.” I take a deep breath and stop talking long enough to hear if my ramblings have disturbed anyone. “Alyssa, no one has ever gotten to me like you. The day I saw you step out of that van, something hit me; it snuck up and sucked the breath right out of my lungs. I’m not sure what happened that day or the next or the one after that, but something happened that has never happened to me before and …” I stop for a second, looking at her profile as she sleeps. My heart beats into my throat, vibrating through my ear drums. “I fell in love with you … I am in love with you.”

  I swallow down the lump in my throat and focus on staying quiet. No doubt the guys would have a ball harassing me about this topic; I would never hear the end of it.

  “I love you, Alyssa,” I whisper so softly while looking at the outline of her face.

  As soon as the words are out of my mouth, she lets out a quiet moan in her sleep and rolls back to her side to face me. I pull her in as close as possible and then rest my mouth against her ear.

  “Do you love me, too?” I whisper, having a little fun to soften the intensity of what I just said.

  I know I won’t get a reply … but then she surprises me. Her hands, which rest softly to her side against my chest, grab onto my shirt as she nestles closer to me with a faint sigh.

  “Juuuuuud” barely reaches my ears, but I hear it. I’ll take that as a yes!

  I smile the widest grin I’ve ever felt then close my eyes in absolute happiness and completeness. Sweet dreams.

  The next morning my eyes snap open and it’s not to the sound of my alarm. Damn it! I had it set so I could wake up before Alyssa and set up the cabin across the lake for tonight. I look down at her face buried into my chest and breathe in relief.

  As careful as I can, I slip out from her grasp and slide off the bed. I pull a fresh shirt out of my bag, throw on a pair of flip flops, and snatch up my phone then race out the door. Hopefully Evan remembered to leave his keys for me. I’ll kill him if he forgot.

  I make it to his jeep and snap open the glove box. Sure enough, the keys are there. I throw them in my pocket with my wallet and phone and run down to the beach where I can see most of the group hanging out. I’m not sure if she’ll even be down there, but Abby might be able to help me with a few tasks.

  My feet sink into the sand as I near the water and I raise my hand above my eyes to block the sun from my view. She’s
a little ways out from the dock and it almost looks like she is treading water trying to escape my brother. Good girl. It’s about time someone didn’t treat him like he was God’s gift to women, because he most certainly is not; more like a nightmare.

  “Abby!” I holler out, bringing all attention my way.

  “Hey Judd, Get in!” Tyler yells out.

  “Where’s your girlfriend! Did you wear her ass out last night?!” Nick calls out from the dock.

  “Last I saw he was all cozied up with her in bed this morning back at the cabin,” Tristan replies. “Just make sure you wrap it, bro!” With that, all sorts of laughter and speculation start to fly.

  Abby swims to shore and grabs a towel before running up to me.

  “What’s up?” she asks, running the towel through her hair as Tristan steps out of the water behind her.

  I glance over her shoulder, watching my brother ogling her in the most obvious and obnoxious way possible, before speaking. How does that work for him?

  “Hey, I was curious if you would lend me a hand today.”

  “Sure,” she glances behind her. I can’t see what happens, but Tristan cracks up and walks away without a word. Turning around, she rolls her eyes. “What do you need?”

  “I sort of need …” I pause, looking around again. Tyler, Nick and Matt are bobbing in the water over by the dock while Evan and Skylar sit on the edge, deep in conversation. Tristan is settled in the sand over by Jesse and Piper while Mitch is nowhere to be found. I lower my voice anyways, not wanting to let everyone in on my plans. “I rented a cabin across the way for tonight and was hoping to …” a bit of uneasiness bolts through me, unsure of whether she will approve or jump into over-protective sister mode. If this was a girl approaching me about plans with Jake, I’d be rooting them on. “… surprise Alyssa. I’m not planning anything. I just thought the time alone would be nice and well …”