Seven Letters

by Sinéad Moriarty

  ‘I do nothing but give you breaks,’ Mia muttered.

  ‘Yeah, right. It’s like living in prison.’

  ‘Well, next time you decide to lie, get drunk and end up in hospital, think again.’

  ‘Are you ever going to stop going on about that?’

  ‘We can forget my maths book. I don’t want Riley to get in trouble,’ Izzy said.

  ‘It’s fine, don’t sweat it,’ Riley said. ‘My life’s a pile of shit anyway.’

  Mia clenched her jaw. ‘Watch your language,’ she hissed.

  ‘It’s OK,’ Izzy piped up. ‘Daddy says that word too.’

  Mia hurtled into the driveway. ‘You stay there,’ she said to Izzy. ‘It’ll be quicker if I just grab it.’

  She rang the doorbell. Nothing. Mia rang again. Come on, Sarah, hurry up, she thought, glancing at her watch anxiously.

  No sound of footsteps. Mia peered in through the bubble glass on the side of the door. She could see something. She cupped her hands and peered through. It was Sarah. She seemed to be on the floor. Was she cleaning it? Mia knocked loudly.

  She squinted through the glass again. Dread gripped her. Something was wrong. Sarah wasn’t moving. Mia’s heart began to pound. She banged on the glass and shouted through the letterbox. Her sister didn’t move.

  Damn! She’d have to break the glass. Mia shrugged off her blazer, wrapped it around her hand and punched the glass. It didn’t shatter.

  She ran back to the car, her fist throbbing.

  ‘Is Mummy not answering?’ Izzy asked. ‘Maybe she went to bed. She said she had a bad headache.’

  ‘Everything is fine, sweetie.’

  Mia grabbed Riley’s arm and yanked her out of the car.

  ‘What the hell?’ Riley snapped.

  Mia shut the door and pulled her aside. ‘Sarah’s collapsed on the floor inside. I have to break the glass. I don’t want Izzy to be freaked out so I need you to distract her.’

  Riley’s eyes widened. ‘Is Sarah OK?’

  ‘I don’t know.’ Mia’s voice shook. ‘I have to get that bloody door open.’

  She opened the boot of her car and found the jack for changing the tyre. She ran back to the front door, and while Riley turned up the music in the car and got Izzy to sing along to some pop song, Mia smashed the side glass of her sister’s front door. She reached around and pulled the catch back to open the door, cutting her arm on a piece of glass.

  ‘Sarah!’ she shouted, as she ran towards her sister.

  Sarah was lying in the hall. Mia shook her and slapped her cheeks. ‘Wake up, Sarah! Please wake up!’ There was no reaction.

  ‘Oh, Jesus, please. Sarah, please wake up. Oh, God!’ she cried.

  Mia checked her sister for a pulse. Yes. She was alive. She grabbed Sarah’s phone, which was lying on the floor beside her, and dialled 999.

  ‘Please help. Help me. My sister has collapsed in her house. She’s not responding but she has a pulse. She’s fourteen weeks pregnant! Please help …’

  Week One

  * * *

  10

  Adam burst through the doors of A and E. ‘Where is she?’ he said, his eyes wild.

  Mia jumped up and rushed over to him. She put her hand on his arm. ‘It’s OK, Adam. They’ve taken her for tests to find out what’s wrong.’

  ‘How is she? Can I see her?’

  ‘I think she’s OK. She had a pulse, although she was non-responsive, but the paramedics got to the house fast, then raced her straight here. They asked us to be patient. They said they’d update us as soon as possible. They just need to do some tests so they know how to treat her.’

  Adam took a deep breath and rubbed his jaw. ‘That sounds all right, doesn’t it? I mean, she was fine this morning. She looked a bit pale, but nothing serious. I told her to go and see Ingrid Johnston, get checked out. Maybe it’s blood pressure. Or the baby taking too much of her supplies or, I don’t know, something like that or … What is it, Mia?’

  He was squeezing Mia’s arm tightly. She’d never seen him so upset. ‘I don’t know, Adam. It could be any of those things. The doctors will find out. She did seem fine before we left, so maybe it was some kind of fainting episode. At least she’s in the right place now. They’ll help her.’

  Izzy and Riley came through the door into the waiting room. Riley was carrying a tray of coffees and Izzy had a chocolate bar in one hand. Izzy ran to her father and wrapped herself around him. ‘Mummy fell down, Daddy. She hit her head hard so she needs to rest in hospital. Isn’t that right, Mia?’

  ‘Yes, pet, it is.’

  ‘What’s going on, Mum?’ Riley whispered. ‘Is she going to be OK?’

  ‘I honestly don’t know.’ Mia wiped a tear from her cheek. ‘Just say a prayer, Riley.’

  ‘I don’t believe in God.’

  ‘Are you seriously going to start on about your atheism now?’

  ‘I’m just saying, I can’t pray if I don’t believe.’

  ‘Send positive vibes or do whatever you kids do then.’

  ‘Positive vibes? Please! I’m not a hippie.’

  Johnny and Charlie arrived before Mia could shout at her daughter for being insensitive.

  ‘Where is she? Where’s my Sarah?’ Charlie went straight to Mia.

  Mia put an arm around him. ‘Dad, she’s in good hands. They’re checking her out to see what the problem is. It could be something simple like high or low blood pressure. It happens in pregnancy.’

  ‘Good, that’s probably it. She might need blood thinners or something. Right?’

  ‘Yes, Dad, hopefully it’s something like that.’

  Johnny pulled Mia aside. ‘What’s really going on?’

  Mia bit her lip. ‘I don’t know, but it doesn’t look good. She was completely non-responsive when I found her, and she was still unconscious when she got here. I’m really scared, Johnny.’

  Johnny put his arms around his wife and pulled her close. ‘She’ll be OK,’ he whispered into her ear.

  ‘Don’t be nice to me. I need to keep it together for Izzy and Dad. If you’re lovely, I’ll go to pieces.’

  ‘Would it help if I shouted abuse at you?’ he said, kissing her cheek.

  ‘No, I have Riley for that.’ Mia gave him a watery smile.

  ‘She’ll pull through, Mia. Sarah’s a toughie.’

  But that was just it: she wasn’t. Sarah wasn’t tough like Mia. Sarah had always been the one who got bugs and viruses when they were young. She was the sickly sister who got a cold if she didn’t wear a jumper to school. Mia could go out in a T-shirt in the snow and be fine.

  Sarah had always had a boyfriend. From the age of fourteen she’d gone from one relationship to another. She’d always had a boy there to look after her. Boys, and later men, loved Sarah. They wanted to look after her. She had that way about her. Mia scared men off because she was too assertive, but Sarah attracted them like moths to a flame.

  ‘It’d be better if it was you in there, Mia. You’re a big strong lassie. Sarah’s a delicate thing.’ Charlie confirmed what Mia was thinking. She tried not to let the comment sting.

  ‘He didn’t mean it like that,’ Johnny muttered.

  ‘What the hell is taking so long?’ Adam paced up and down.

  ‘Don’t worry, Daddy,’ Izzy said. ‘Riley told me that Mummy just needs a big sleep for her sore head.’

  ‘Well said, love.’ Mia squeezed her daughter’s hand.

  ‘Mia could carry triplets and not skip a beat, she’s strong as a horse. But Sarah was always a delicate flower,’ Charlie mumbled.

  ‘Sarah’s not that delicate. She’s strong too. Come on now, let’s be positive,’ Johnny said.

  The door to the waiting room opened, and a man and a woman came in, both wearing scrubs.

  ‘You’re Sarah’s family?’ the man said.

  ‘I’m her husband,’ Adam said, walking over to him. ‘This is her father and sister.’

  ‘And I’m her daughter, Izzy,’ Izzy said,
sounding put out.

  ‘Well, I’m Dr Mayhew,’ the man said, ‘and I’m very pleased to meet the most important person in the room, Miss Izzy.’

  Izzy looked delighted. ‘Are you making my mummy better?’ she asked.

  ‘We’re doing our very best,’ Dr Mayhew said. ‘Are you happy to have a talk here?’ he said to Adam.

  Adam nodded. ‘We’re all desperate, waiting to hear. What’s the news?’

  ‘Mr Brown, I’m an intensive-care physician. My colleague here,’ he said, gesturing to the woman beside him, ‘is Professor Irwin, head of the Department of Neurology. We’re both on the team caring for your wife.’

  ‘A neurosurgeon?’ Charlie said. ‘Doesn’t sound good.’

  The woman looked around them. ‘Was Sarah suffering from any head pain recently?’

  ‘Yes,’ Adam said. ‘She had mentioned headaches. I thought she might need iron because of the baby.’

  ‘Mr Brown, we think your wife has suffered a brain injury, and we’re working to ascertain the type and the level of damage.’

  ‘Jesus Christ,’ Adam said, his shoulders sagging.

  ‘Riley,’ Mia said quickly, ‘I’d say Izzy would love a hot chocolate, wouldn’t you, sweetheart?’

  Izzy was looking worriedly from face to face, obviously trying to work out what was going on. Riley nodded at her mother. ‘I’d murder a hot chocolate myself,’ she said. She bent down to Izzy’s eye level. ‘The doctors are using hard words I can’t understand, so how about we go to the café? When we come back, Mum can explain it to us so we can understand. What do you think?’

  ‘Em … OK,’ Izzy said uncertainly. ‘Did Mummy’s headache make her sick?’

  Mia didn’t trust herself to speak. She was going to break down at any moment. Neurosurgeon, brain injury … She could barely keep herself standing. This was like a surreal nightmare. Thank God for Riley, even if she didn’t believe in him.

  Professor Irwin smiled warmly at Izzy. ‘Did Mummy have headaches, Izzy?’

  Izzy nodded. ‘She kept saying she was OK, but I think her head was hurting a lot. And it was really sore today because she couldn’t even make my lunch. I did it myself.’

  ‘Good for you,’ Professor Irwin said.

  Mia looked at Adam, whose eyes were red, as if he were holding back tears. The poor man, she thought. He’ll be feeling guilty now that he wasn’t there to help.

  ‘We’re going to do everything we can to help your mummy,’ Professor Irwin said. ‘And I think you deserve a hot chocolate after all that helping you did today.’

  ‘OK,’ Izzy said, seeming reassured. ‘We’ll be back soon.’

  The door closed behind the two girls and all the adults dropped the fake smiles.

  ‘Why don’t we sit down?’ Dr Mayhew said. ‘This is a terrible shock for you all.’

  They sat into the chairs, and Mia took Johnny’s hand. She needed to feel something solid and real because the world was spinning and she was trying hard to stay upright.

  ‘The headaches were a warning sign,’ Professor Irwin said. ‘We think there may be bleeding in an area of Sarah’s brain, which has triggered the injury.’

  ‘W-will she be OK?’ Adam stuttered.

  ‘It’s difficult to say at this point,’ Professor Irwin said. ‘We have to run a number of tests to verify our suspicions, and it would be unwise to jump to conclusions at this early stage. For now Sarah is intubated and on a life-support machine. This is necessary, although I know it will be hard for you. She’s not conscious, but we would encourage you to talk to her.’

  ‘Is that it? Just … tests?’ Adam said, and his voice sounded faint. Mia’s heart went out to him.

  ‘For now, yes, I’m afraid that’s the situation. I’m terribly sorry that we can’t give you certainties, but we have to ask you to bear with us over the next forty-eight to seventy-two hours. This is a complicated case, as you can appreciate.’

  ‘It’s further complicated,’ Dr Mayhew added, ‘because, of course, Sarah is pregnant. We’re monitoring the foetus closely and so far the heartbeat remains strong. Our obstetric and neonatal paediatric teams will be keeping a close eye on the baby’s progress.’

  ‘Thank you,’ Mia said, but she wasn’t sure why. This was crazy. Sarah had waved them off from the front door just a while ago. This couldn’t be happening.

  ‘Please save them,’ Adam whispered.

  Dr Mayhew’s eyes were full of sympathy. ‘We’ll do our utmost, Mr Brown. I know this is uncharted territory for you all. I’m sure you’ll have questions and concerns. We have assigned your wife to a very experienced trauma coordinator nurse, Angela Fanagan, and she will be available to you at all times to answer questions and liaise between the various teams and yourselves. She’s an excellent senior nurse and will take good care of you, and of Sarah.’

  ‘What do you think of Sarah’s chances?’ Charlie asked.

  The two doctors exchanged a brief glance.

  ‘It’s too early to say,’ Professor Irwin said. ‘As I said, it would be unwise to speculate. But her condition is very serious.’

  ‘Oh, God,’ Mia said, biting her lip hard.

  ‘Can I see her?’ Adam asked again.

  ‘Very soon,’ Dr Mayhew said. ‘We’re just making sure she’s comfortable, but I’d say in about twenty minutes Angela will bring you in. I wouldn’t recommend that everyone enters the room, however. We need to be mindful of infections and so forth. So perhaps, for tonight, just her husband should visit.’

  Mia felt a visceral urge to be near Sarah, to see her, to hold her hand, but she fought against it. Adam had to come first, she knew that, but it didn’t make it any easier. She looked at her father and knew he was fighting the same emotions.

  ‘If you’ve no more questions for now,’ Professor Irwin said, ‘we’ll leave you for the time being. I’ll ask Nurse Fanagan to come in and introduce herself.’

  They left the room and everyone sat in silence. Then the door pushed open and they all sat up, but it was Riley and Izzy coming back in.

  ‘Daddy,’ Izzy said, running to him and climbing onto his lap. ‘What did they say?’

  Riley was looking from one to the other, obviously trying to read the mood.

  ‘They said,’ Adam said, putting his arms around Izzy, ‘that Mummy is very tired and needs to sleep for now, so that she has the strength to get better. Does that make sense, Sweet-pea?’

  Izzy nodded. ‘I think she’ll feel much better after a good sleep. She always says that to me, so it must be true.’

  ‘Exactly,’ Adam said. ‘So I think we’ll ask Aunty Mia if you could maybe sleep over at her house tonight.’ He looked at Mia and Johnny.

  ‘Absolutely,’ Johnny said immediately. ‘I need someone to help me flip pancakes, and Sarah always says you’re a star in the kitchen.’

  Izzy giggled. ‘I am, and I love flipping pancakes. Although I love eating them even more.’

  ‘Then you’re my kind of assistant chef,’ Johnny said. ‘We’ll make a big stack of them and gobble them all up.’

  ‘Yum!’ Izzy said, her eyes shining.

  ‘Thank you,’ Adam said, to Johnny.

  ‘Don’t worry about Izzy for a second,’ Johnny said. ‘We’ve got your back.’

  ‘I’ll stay a while, if you don’t mind, Adam,’ Charlie said. ‘I don’t want to leave.’

  Adam nodded. ‘Of course, Charlie.’

  Mia tried to think practically. She needed to go into organizational mode now. It would help her get through this.

  ‘How about I go to the house and get some things for Izzy?’ she said. ‘I can collect some stuff for you as well, Adam, if you’re going to stay the night.’

  ‘That would be great, Mia, thanks so much. And I’ll call immediately if there’s any change or news.’

  The door opened again and a tall woman with tightly cropped grey hair strode in. She was dressed in a nurse’s green scrubs and smiled warmly at them. ‘The Brown family,’ she said. ‘
You must be Adam.’ She extended her hand to him. ‘I’m Angela Fanagan, and I’ll be your liaison between all the medical teams and your good selves.’

  ‘Thank you.’ Adam shook her hand. ‘We’re still shell-shocked.’

  ‘Of course you are,’ Angela said. ‘This has been a terrible shock for you all. The medical team are working hard to discover exactly what we’re dealing with and I’ll keep you updated throughout. Now, you’d better introduce me, Adam, so I know who I’m dealing with.’

  Adam made the introductions.

  ‘I’m here for any of you to ask questions at any time,’ Angela said, ‘but my key point of contact is Adam, as Sarah’s next-of-kin. I’ll give updates directly to him, and he can ask to receive them in private or not.’

  ‘We’re all in this together,’ Adam said, gesturing at the family. ‘Whatever you have to say to me, you can say to anyone here.’

  ‘That’s great,’ Angela said. ‘A family who can support each other is a huge comfort to everyone during a stressful time. And now this,’ she said, hunkering down in front of Izzy, ‘must be the wonderful Izzy I keep hearing about.’

  ‘That’s me!’ Izzy said, making them all laugh.

  ‘Well, I’m delighted to make your acquaintance,’ Angela said. ‘And do you understand what’s happening with Mummy?’

  Izzy glanced up at Adam, then shook her head. ‘I sort of do, but not really,’ she said slowly. ‘She has to sleep to make her better. But I don’t really know why she got sick.’

  ‘Well, Izzy, we aren’t one hundred per cent sure yet either. The doctors are doing some tests and those tests will tell us why your mum fell down and why she needs to sleep now. But we’re taking good care of her, and she’s very comfortable and not in any pain at all. She’s just resting for now, OK?’

  ‘Can I come back and see her?’

  Angela glanced at Adam. ‘Daddy will be able to arrange that with me. We’ll let Mummy sleep for now and once the doctors say you can visit, you’ll be able to come back. Is that all right?’

  ‘Not really,’ Izzy said, ‘because I miss her, but I know I have to be brave. Daddy said so.’

  Mia had to swallow hard to prevent the threatened tears from falling. Poor Izzy.