by Lisa Shelby
Should have reassured him.
Should have told him I’d think about it.
Should have asked myself the real reason I didn’t want kids.
Sounds like Liam isn’t the only one who needs to get their head straight.
Chapter 18
Cami
“I think this room would be ideal for a nursery. There’s great light and this adorable window seat that’s the perfect reading spot for story time,” I say to the equally perfect little couple I’m showing a perfect little house in the suburbs to.
“I love it. I can see the crib right over there in the corner and a rocker over here by the window. Oh, honey what do you think?” the sweet, expecting mother-to-be asks her doting husband of one year.
“If you love it, I love it,” he says, kissing her temple as she beams with excitement. “Miss Holsted, what do you think our chances are? We love the house and would hate to lose it. What do you think we should offer?”
We spend the next thirty minutes writing up their offer, and I feel pretty confident that this young couple may be on the cusp of purchasing their first home together. They’ll be moving from their apartment into this cute little house in the suburbs to raise their precious bundle of joy in a matter of months, and I couldn’t be happier for them.
I often look at what my friends have and wonder if I’ll ever have what they do, but after spending the evening with this young couple, I realize that they have what I want. With Liam.
I know things aren’t perfect, and we have a lot to work on, but I want to work on it with him. I can’t help but think of his offer to live together once his house is built and whether or not that offer will still be on the table when we do talk again.
If we talk again.
It’s been weeks without contact, and I have never felt less like myself.
It’s summer, and I should be happy and enjoying the weather, but I barely leave the house. I don’t have it in me. I’ve avoided invitations to BBQs and happy hours that I would usually be the first to RSVP to. The only place I seem to go is to Jonathan and Emily’s.
Every afternoon I go check on her, and I do my best to distract her from the uncomfortable boredom of her bedrest.
Every time I’m there, I can’t help but wonder if Liam sat in the same chair next to her bed the evening before when he came for his nightly visit. I know he always comes at night after work and often brings them dinner, so I purposely come over during my lunch hour or in between appointments.
She’s told me that he’s doing well. He’s working a lot and moving along pretty fast with his house.
His house that was going to be ours.
The house he asked me to live in with him.
The house I haven’t seen since the foundation was poured.
Emily says he has his crew practically working twenty-four seven, and I’m happy that it’s all going well. But I can’t help but deflate a little each time she mentions it. The fact that I’m not involved makes me doubt he still wants me, and that his offer is still on the table any longer.
My clients have left, and I’m putting the lock box back on the door when my phone buzzes. I snap the lock box in place and pull my phone out before I miss the call, and my entire body starts to shake when I see his name on the display.
Oh, my God.
It’s the call I’ve been waiting for, and I’m panicking instead of answering. Knowing that there is only one more ring left before it goes to voicemail, I drop my bag to the ground and push the accept button.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Cam.”
“Hey.”
“Did I catch you at a bad time?”
He must be referring to my labored breath. The labored breath I have not from exertion but from trying not to have a panic attack. I couldn’t be happier he’s called, but I have never been so scared to have a telephone conversation.
As silently as I can, I inhale through my nose and exhale through my mouth before I answer.
“Nope, it’s a great time. It’s good to hear your voice, Liam.”
My first tear falls.
“It’s good to hear yours too.”
Silence.
It seems that neither of us know what to say next.
I have to cover my mouth to try to hide the fact that hearing his voice is so good that my emotions are overwhelming me, and I have no control over the flood of tears spilling over my lashes. I take a seat on the front porch bench before I collapse.
He clears his throat. “Um…I was wondering if you were available for dinner this weekend? I’d really love to see you.”
Relief courses through me, and I can feel my body sag as the stress of wondering what he was going to say ebbs.
“I would love that, Liam.”
He exhales through the phone, and it’s clear I’m not the only person who was worried about how this call might go. He recovers and plays it cool.
“How does Saturday around seven sound?”
“Perfect.”
“Sounds good. I’ll pick you up at your place around seven then.”
“I can’t wait. Liam…”
“Yes?”
“It really is great to hear your voice. I miss you.”
“I miss you too, baby. I’ll see you Saturday.”
“See you Saturday.”
“Bye, Cam.”
“Bye.”
The call disconnects, and I bring the phone to my lap and stare at it like the conversation I just had must have been a figment of my imagination. But it wasn’t. I see his name in my call history plain as day.
The tears continue to cascade down my cheeks when I hear the replay of his voice saying he missed me and calling me baby.
He called me baby.
It takes a car stopping in front of the house and for a passenger to jump out and pull the flyer from the box on the front of the For Sale sign for me to realize that I, the realtor, am sitting on the front porch with tears falling from my chin.
I should probably move this sad little party to my car and head home. I have four excruciating days to get through before my dinner with Liam. I have a feeling these will be the longest four days of my life.
“So you ready for school to start again next month?”
“I am, I can’t wait to get back. Most of all I can’t wait to get out of the house. Mom and Dad are suffocating me, and I’m ready to head back to Eugene.”
My sister, the track star, got a scholarship to the University of Oregon, and the family couldn’t be more proud. It’s been nice for her to be away at college yet only a couple of hours from home.
“Have you been running over the summer?”
“Of course I have.”
“Good, keep it up, Addison. I think you have a great year ahead of you.”
I’m on autopilot. My mind is nowhere near my sister and her return to school. Or the fact that my parents are suffocating her, when I would have killed for some of their attention growing up. I’m not present at the moment, and I think it’s more than obvious by my sister’s next question that I’m not doing a good job at hiding it.
“Hey, sis, you okay? You seem a little distracted,” Addison says from across the table.
“Addi, I’m a mess.” I confess to my little sister on a sigh, dropping my fork on my plate. The fork I’ve been using to push my food around so it looks like I’m eating. I had hoped that distracting myself by staying busy would help me get through these four days before my dinner with Liam, but no such luck.
“You’re worried about your dinner with Liam, aren’t you?”
“It’s all I can think about if I’m being honest.”
“What are you worried about? It’s a good thing he wants to get together. Where’s the positive Cami that I know and love?”
She’s right, I’m not myself, and I don’t have an answer for her. I’ve never felt this way. I sit back in my chair and look off into the distance without really seeing a thing.
“Cami, didn’t he s
ay he missed you?”
Bringing my attention back to Addi, I sigh again. “He did. And he called me baby.” I can’t help the smile from spreading across my face when I think back to how good it felt to hear him say those words. I think I’ve heard him say, I miss you too, baby, in my head a hundred times a day since I hung up my phone two days ago. I think it’s the only thing getting me through these last couple of days.
“Of course he misses you. He would be an idiot not to. This dinner is a great thing. It’s the first step in the two of you working things out and getting back together.”
“I sure hope you’re right, Addi. It’s just that the wait is killing me. I swear the two days since he called has almost been harder than the weeks we’ve been apart. I don’t want to wait another day. We have so much to talk about. I’m excited but scared to death at the same time.”
“What are you afraid of?”
“I’m not sure, maybe a million different things. I’ve been scared I was losing him since the day he left my place saying he needed time. With each day that’s passed, I’ve worried that it’s been too much time, and he’s realizing that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. It’s making me question everything.”
“But he called.” My sisters face lights up, and her smile is infectious.
“He did, and I hope you’re right. I hope this dinner means that he’s ready, and he doesn’t need any more time. But there is still a lot we need to talk about.”
“You guys will work it out. I know he messed up, Cam, but from everything you’ve said it sounds like he’s a pretty good guy.”
“He is.”
I just hope I’m enough for him.
Liam
Here I am again. Another night, lying in my bed alone, going over what I’m going to say to love of my life—my game changer—when I see her tomorrow night. I haven’t slept well in weeks, but after hearing her voice the other day, sleep seems all but impossible.
Hearing her voice break while we talked had me wanting to grab my keys and drive to wherever she was so I could hold her in my arms and make it all better. To hear her say that she missed me made my heart nearly beat out of my chest, but to know that I made her feel as broken as she sounded, was enough to make it shatter into pieces.
I could tell she didn’t want to hang up, hell…neither did I. But I knew that if we kept talking we would never stop talking and at some point, I would end up at her front door. As much as I would love to do just that, I need to do this the right way. I need to prove to her how serious I am about making amends and earning her trust again.
To spend time away from her has been physically painful. A minute hasn’t gone by that I haven’t wanted to reach out to her. Not one minute since I walked out her door. It’s taken everything I have to stay away.
Every second I spend alone in my loft is miserable. Not hearing her laugh bouncing off the walls or her gentle breathing next to me at night leaves a hollowness in my chest I can’t seem to escape.
In an attempt to escape the emptiness that won’t leave me with a moment’s peace, I put in a lot of hours at the office. I work out before work and after, and I’ve been talking to a therapist a couple of times a week. A therapist who is helping me to see things clearer. They aren’t things that I didn’t already know deep down, but I’m open to hearing what she has to say. Combine my time with the therapist and the love that I know Cami and I have for each other, and I feel like I’m finally growing the hell up and figuring myself out. Yes, Hannah did a number on me, but my drinking and my behavior is all on me. Nobody is to blame but myself.
So, I’m focused.
Make my family proud and build our company here in Portland.
Stop drinking and focus on healthier ways to deal with my problems.
Keep building my house. The house that I sure hope I won’t be living in alone.
Most importantly, get my girl back.
The rest doesn’t matter if I don’t have her by my side.
Cami isn’t the kind of girl that needs to be wined and dined but dammit, I work hard and I make a damn good living. I’m taking my girl out, and I’m gonna do it right. Let’s just hope that she’s still my girl by the end of the night.
Chapter 19
Cami
Hearing his knock on my door has my heart free falling into my stomach. The nerves I am experiencing are next level and not like any I have felt before. I exhale the deep breath I’ve been holding, but my hand pauses on the doorknob.
What are you so afraid of? It’s Liam. The man you’ve been miserable without. Just. Open. The. Door.
Opening the door to his beautiful face standing before me has my heart racing right back to my chest, but it over shoots its mark landing in my throat. I’m left speechless.
“You look beautiful,” he says. The sound of his low, seductive voice is music to my ears. Music I have missed so much these past weeks.
I find my voice, but just barely when I whisper, “Thank you. You look really nice too.”
More than nice. Perfect.
He’s standing with his hands inside the pockets of his gray suit pants. After a quick but not so subtle perusal of his large body it’s obvious that no suit has ever fit a man so perfectly. There is a lot of perfection to take in, but my eyes seem to gravitate to the top of his white button-down shirt where the collar is open in lieu of a tie. Only the top two buttons, are undone but seeing the tiny bit of his tan skin contrasting with his white shirt is mesmerizing. My eyes return their focus to his face and I am met with a knowing grin. I’ve been busted.
He chuckles. “Thank you.”
We both seem to need a moment of silence to simply look at each other and take in the fact that we are standing face to face once again.
“Did you want to come in for a minute?”
“I would but we should probably get on the road. I don’t want to be late for our reservation.”
He isn’t cold in his response, and I know we really do need to get on the road, but I still feel the slight chill of rejection.
“Okay, let me grab my purse and lock up.”
He nods and waits for me on the front porch.
The action of walking five feet to get my purse has me breaking out into a cold sweat. But the sweet smile waiting at my door relaxes me if even for just a moment. I pull the door closed and lock up behind me. I turn to face him and he leads us down the steps to the little pathway that guide us to my driveway.
His hand gently rests on my lower back while he walks me to his very manly, very sexy and very Liam black Range Rover. He reaches in front of me to open my door and when he does the hand that was on my back slides down my forearm and to my hand. He fits his fingers through mine and doesn’t move.
Feeling his hand in mine brings me an unexpected relief. The comfort and security of his touch blankets my current anxiousness with a calm only he can give me.
We stand in front of his open car door with his hand holding mine in silence and time seems to stop. He’s looking at me as if trying to convey all of his feelings in this moment. He doesn’t seem ready to talk, but I can hear what he’s saying without any words. I know how he feels because I feel exactly the same way. There is a bond…a connection the two of us share. It’s unlike anything I have experienced.
He gives my had a squeeze and much to my dismay he releases me to guide me into the car. I take the few moments in the car alone to gather myself. When he opens the door, and takes his seat behind the steering wheel I give him a small smile, and the one I get in return is magnificent. My body fills with hope as the engine roars to life and he pulls onto my suburban street.
The drive to the restaurant has been quiet and polite. We’ve made some small talk, but it’s obvious we’re both extremely nervous.
We didn’t talk the rest of the week after his call to invite me to dinner, except for the text he sent on Thursday. It was a petty great text, though.
Liam: Hi there. Wanted to confirm we’re still on for Satur
day.
Cami: I wouldn’t miss it.
Liam: Great. I’ll pick you up at 7:15. We have 7:45 reservations at El Gaucho so you’ll have to wear something pretty for me. Of course, I like you in sweats and no make-up but I do love it when my girl dresses up too.
He called me his girl, and knowing he wanted to impress me by bringing me here means a lot, but the truth is, I would be just as happy to be with him at a food cart in an empty parking lot somewhere. He doesn’t need to bring me to one of Portland’s most expensive restaurants to impress me.
Our server is placing our menus in front of us and asking for our drink order when I notice Liam wiping his palms on his pants. He looks nervous when he asks, “Do you mind if I order for us tonight?”
Surprised by his request, I quickly say, “No, that would be nice.”
Will it be nice? I’ve never let anybody order for me before. It goes against my stubborn independent side, but I can tell that Liam wants everything to be perfect tonight. It feels good to have him want to take care of me. I know him well enough to know that him wanting to order for me means nothing more than that, and That. Means. Everything.
He orders me a Bellini and sparkling water for both of us.
We make more small talk until our drinks arrive, and his broad chest lifts and lowers as he prepares to speak.
His hypnotic brown eyes are a mix of love and remorse, and I know that whatever he’s about to say has been weighing heavily on him.
I touch his hand and open my mouth to tell him it’s okay, but he takes control of the conversation.
“Cami, I just need to say this, okay? If you will let me get this out, then the floor will be yours. Deal?”
“Deal.”
“Cami, I love you, baby. I love you so deeply that it overwhelms me most days.”
