by Lucy Gage
“One of the therapists at my practice had a family emergency and I said I’d take his place for the panel tomorrow. It was literally last minute. I didn’t know I was coming before this morning.”
Meg laughed. “It’s always strange when you speak in full English sentences.” Carlos had always spoken to her in half-English, half-Spanish, switching sometimes mid-sentence.
“Ah, carina. If you want, I’ll fall back into it with you. I get into professional mode when I come to these things. Like Pavlov’s dog, I automatically speak only English.”
“I just miss our back and forth. Now you sound more like Nico.” Meg swallowed, unsure she wanted to know, but she asked anyway. “How is he?”
Nico had been wonderful, the only man she’d ever known aside from Neil who had come close to being perfect. Now, she realized that it hadn’t worked with Nico because she had been meant for Neil all along.
Carlos said, “He’s doing pretty well. Still heartbroken. Falling in love with you is something a man doesn’t get over.”
Meg pulled away. “Carlos, you know how I felt then.”
“I know, novio. Doesn’t change the fact that que te ama. He says he always will.”
“It can’t happen.”
“Por que? You have a strong practice, si? Boston isn’t far from Portland.”
Meg was confused. “What are you talking about?”
“Nico se trasladó a Boston.”
“When?”
“Last month. I meant to tell you, but we’ve been playing phone tag. I didn’t want to break the news in an email. He moved into the third floor of my house.”
“Why?”
By his answer, he knew what she meant. “I told you, novio,” he said, caressing her cheek. “Que te ama. Desperately.”
“It’s too late, Carlos.”
“It’s never too late, carina.”
“No, in this case, it is.”
“Ah. Te enamoraste.” He leaned close. “Let me guess, he’s a soldier?”
Meg furrowed her brow. “How did you know that?”
He laughed and whispered. “Because there is a very sexy soldier over there who is shooting daggers at me.”
Meg grinned. “More likely shooting an imaginary gun. He’s a sniper in the Army. And yes, that’s him.” She turned, smiled at Neil and waved him over, then looked at Carlos and sighed.
**********
It took all his training to keep Neil from snapping the neck of the Latin playboy talking to Meghan as he approached them. He’d overheard bits of their conversation and moved away, not sure he wanted to know what it was really all about. From the little he could recall of Spanish, he gathered that this guy was in love with her and thought they should be trying again. Or something. He couldn’t be sure. His Spanish was very, very rusty and the guy spoke in both English and Spanish.
Regardless, he hadn’t been impressed with the physical contact he’d witnessed between them before. Why did that guy think holding his girlfriend like she was a lover – or a former lover, at least – should be acceptable? Why did Meghan let him? Neil’s blood nearly boiled, his jealousy raging. He’d never been especially jealous. Then again, no one else had ever been Meghan.
When he approached them, Meghan wound her arms around his neck and kissed him squarely on the lips and smiled. “Neil, I want you to meet someone.” She threaded her fingers into his and said, “Neil Murphy, this is Carlos Johnson-Vega. He was my best friend all through college.”
“Was, carina?”
Meghan laughed. “Okay, he’s still one of my best friends. He’s my closest friend outside of the people you already know. I’ll leave you two to get acquainted while I head to the ladies’ room. Excuse me.” She kissed Neil and walked away. Despite his anger, he couldn’t help stare at her retreating form, especially because she wiggled her very fine ass just for his benefit.
“Neil, is it?” Carlos said.
“Captain Neil Murphy,” Neil replied, offering his hand. He’d use his manners, even if he wanted to punch the guy in the face.
“Nice to meet you, Captain. You knew Mojito in high school?”
Neil blanched at the implication. “Yes. Vaguely.”
Carlos laughed. “No worries, hermano. I know Mojito was really a good girl.” Before Neil could ask how he knew, the guy said, “Your body language. You thought I was implying you had been one of her many consorts.”
“I wasn’t. We didn’t know each other like that. And she wasn’t that kind of girl.”
“No. Our Mojito was an innocent thing. She only had one lover then, and he was un cerdo, a pig.”
“Well, we agree there. Why do you keep calling her Mojito? Her name is Meghan.” Neil replied.
He chuckled. “Si. But when I met her, I could tell she had a bite, no? She’s a sweet, lovely woman, but if you’re not careful, she’ll kick your ass. Like a mojito. I’ve called her that so long, I think we’d both find it strange if I called her Meg. Does she let you call her Meghan?”
“Yes.”
“Relax, soldado. Mojito and me, we’re just friends. We’ve never been more. No chemistry. No spark. I’m not your competition.”
“But I have competition?” The statement implied as much.
“Not according to Mojito. How long have you two been dating?”
“Not long. Less than a week.”
Carlos’ eyebrows shot up. “Interesting.”
“Why is that?”
“I’m just surprised. She’s in love with you already.”
“She told you?”
He nodded. “She didn’t deny it when I said as much and then she swooned over you. This is a first for her. She rarely dates anyone for more than a few months and keeps things casual. The exception was in college, when she dated my brother for over a year. But she never professed her love for him, even though I know she cared very deeply. He’s still in love with her. He’d like nothing more than to win her back, has wanted that for nearly a decade, but she has assured me that it’s not going to happen.”
Neil was relieved to hear that, more than he cared to admit. Still, it bothered him that they’d been so affectionate. “And you?”
Carlos laughed. “I told you, no chemistry. We tried, once. It was disappointing.”
“You slept with her?”
He laughed again. “No. We kissed, just once. Neither of us felt a thing. We make better friends. Unlike her other best friend, Emily, who stole my heart and then stomped it to a million pieces.”
Meghan returned and ran her hand up Neil’s back to the nape of his neck, sending chills down his spine
“Spreading lies, novio?” she said to Carlos.
“Just admitting that Emily broke my heart and you told me I was a horrible kisser.”
“I said no such thing!”
“I know, I’m teasing you. I was assuring the Captain here that I’m not his competition and neither is Nico.”
Meghan blushed and her fingers stilled. “What did you tell him?”
“Just that my brother is still in love with you, carina. And that you’re not interested.”
Meghan looked at Neil. “I’m not, honey. I love you. No one else. Please believe that.”
He smiled. How could he not? It was one thing for her to say she loved him when the two of them lay in bed, naked, aroused, in the moment. It was another thing entirely for her to say it in front of someone else, especially this someone – admittedly her closest male friend and the brother of a guy who still loved her.
“I love you, too, beautiful.”
Neil wanted to feel confident, but jealousy still bubbled inside him. Carlos’ assurance – that Nico posed no threat – didn’t change the fact that a man in love might have difficulty being dissuaded. Hell, he’d had a hard time forgetting Meghan before they were in love. Now, he stood on the precipice of falling so deep that he’d never surface, even if she walked away.
People made their way to tables and the three of them migrated to one nea
rby. Carlos slapped him on the shoulder, leaned in and said, “She’s in love with you, hermano. I’ve never heard her say she was in love with anyone, and I’ve known her since she was eighteen.”
Neil attempted to smile at Carlos, but the best he could do was a tight, polite acknowledgment of the declaration.
The whole dinner, Neil’s effort to ignore his jealousy failed. He watched Meghan interact with Carlos, switching naturally between English and Spanish, joking, teasing. They had obviously known each other for years, and even if they’d never had a sexual relationship, their connection encouraged his green-eyed monster.
On top of that, he kept wondering about Carlos’ brother. Did Nico epitomize the term Latin Heartthrob like Carlos? Or did he look more like Neil? No, unlikely, when Meghan had avoided muscular men because of Toby Hill. Probably Nico resembled his brother to some degree. Good genes ran in families, and Carlos certainly had them.
When they were leaving at the end of the night, Meghan hugged Carlos goodbye and promised to talk to him the next day at the panel where they would both be participants. The unfamiliar feelings of intense jealousy overwhelmed him, and the whole way home, Neil kept quiet, unsure what to say. Meghan seemed to sense his tension and didn’t try to initiate a conversation.
They stepped inside the house from the garage and visions of that first day here swam in his head. She shut the door quietly, and as she turned toward him, he whirled her around and pressed her into the wall, hands on her hips. She gasped.
**********
“Neil?” Meg asked, shocked and aroused. The possessive look in his eyes was a little dark, and a lot sexy.
His face close to hers, luscious lips hovering millimeters away from her mouth, he growled, “You’re mine.”
She nodded. “Yes,” she whispered.
“Say it,” he commanded.
How could she not obey? “I’m yours.”
“Promise me.”
“I promise. I’m yours. I’ve only ever been yours. I love you, Neil.”
“You don’t love him?”
She adored Carlos, but he shouldn’t have brought up Nico to Neil.
“I never loved him. I’ve never loved anyone but you.”
“Good. Because I love you, Meghan. I’ve never loved anyone but you, either. I don’t want to lose you to him.”
“Never,” she whispered. How could he ever worry about that?
He captured her mouth then, kissed her hard, devoured her until breathing was impossible for either of them without sharing a breath. He pulled away first.
“Bedroom. Now.” The fire in his eyes ignited her. She nodded.
Yes. Oh, God, yes.
She shouldn’t want him to be so dominant, so alpha. She’d spent more than a decade fighting against that type of behavior, had avoided any man who resembled Toby Hill in the least. But honestly, she loved the macho-man attitude, had loved that about Toby, too. Using her and treating her like trash, acting like she was a whore or a porn actress, those had been Toby’s mistakes, not his dominance. If he’d been a better man, she’d never have avoided alpha males all this time.
She never trusted Toby and couldn’t have felt comfortable going out side her comfort zone with him. But Neil, she trusted him with her life, her reputation and most importantly, with her heart and soul. He’d never hurt her or abuse that trust, and Meg knew he’d die before he’d ever let anyone else hurt her, either.
So she did as he said and followed him to the bedroom. She’d do whatever he wanted, even if it reminded her of Toby, even if she had to push past her fears, because she loved him.
She never wanted Neil to think that she’d leave him for Nico or anyone else. She couldn’t do that. It would be impossible. The idea of losing him scared her more than anything ever had. She’d waited for over a decade to find this love. No way would she give it up willingly now.
**********
It was nearly midnight before they crawled under the blankets together, a heavy rain thrumming the roof in a symphony of muffled drum beats. Neil lifted Meghan’s wet hair from the pillow so he could be as close to her as possible.
“Mmm, I like when you do that, cuddle closer,” she mumbled, sleep ready to envelop her.
He kissed her neck. “Me too. I’m sorry about before.” He’d been such a caveman with her when they first came home, insisted that she let him claim her, ordered her to the bedroom and peeled her clothes from her body. He’d made her his and had taken them both to places they’d never been before. To bend her over like that, to have her, for her to let him, had been potent, intoxicating and possessive. He’d never been so dominant with anyone else, but with her, he couldn’t help it.
Meghan rolled in his embrace and ran her fingers over his cheek, his lips. “Don’t you apologize. I loved it, Neil. All of it.”
“Even the caveman act?”
“Yes, even that. I’m yours. I want you to know it, to feel it. I don’t want anyone else. Never again.” She whispered the last words.
Neil’s heart accelerated. Did she mean what he thought? That she’d be his forever? “You’re mine, huh? Forever?”
“Forever and always.” She staked her claim, captured his mouth with hers in a feverish kiss, as though they hadn’t just spent hours turning each other inside out. “Make love to me all night long. I need to store up for while you’re gone.”
“You’re going to wait for me?”
“I can’t bear to do anything else, Neil. You’ve stolen my heart. No one but you will ever be enough anymore.”
“No one but you ever was.”
“No,” she whispered, “they never were.”
“I can’t tell you how good it feels to hear you say that.”
“Then don’t tell me. Show me. Over and over. Anything you want. Everything. I want it all with you. I’ve never loved or trusted anyone so much in my life. You’re like a drug and I’m addicted.”
God, he’d miss her so much when he left. The hell that would be deployment had just gotten worse. To so thoroughly become a part of her and then have to walk away, even for a short time, it would be torturous.
He rolled her to her back, eased between her thighs to the hot, wet kiss waiting for him. As he slid into her dripping, willing folds, she sighed. “Withdrawal is going to be hell,” she said.
“Thank God it’ll only be a few months,” Neil replied before he lifted her hips and took them both back to heaven.
Chapter 16
They had been talking over breakfast about high school and her need to go far away for college.
“Until I met you, I never felt worthy of being loved, even when I’d shrugged off the reputation. I am so lucky. I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”
“You’re worthy, Meghan. Never let anyone tell you otherwise.”
You make me feel worthy echoed in her head. When did she say that? It was fuzzy, but it felt like a memory.
“You okay, sweetheart?”
She nodded. “Where should we go for our last day together?” Her heart lodged in her throat at the prospect that last day meant more than just for now. What if he didn’t make it back?
“Hey,” Neil said. He must have seen the fear pass her eyes. “I promise you, I will do everything in my power to come back to you.”
Meg nodded, but the tears came anyway. “I wish you didn’t have to go,” she whispered.
He pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly. “Me, too. If I had a choice, I’d never leave you. Not now, not ever. But it’s not up to me. My unit is deploying and I have to go with them.”
“I know.”
She hated it, but she understood. Being with Neil meant this could happen, again and again, but she couldn’t imagine being without him now. Even if he wasn’t within reach, she knew her heart was with him and his was with her. Her faith in his love grew continuously, and being apart would never change that for either of them.
When a few minutes had passed, she asked the question for which she was a
fraid to hear the answer.
“Do you really love me, Neil?”
“Yeah.” She felt him nod as the scruff on his chin caught in her hair. He’d have a sexy five o’clock shadow by midday, and she firmly believed the man could grow a full beard in a week.
“It’s just, no one has ever loved me like this before.”
He laughed. “I find that hard to believe. What about Nico?”
“It’s true. I’m always the good-time girl. No one takes me seriously or wants to make a real commitment to me. Unless they’re married. Then they love to commit to me. Nico was the exception, and I wasn’t in love with him.”
“I take you seriously.” He paused as though carefully considering what he said next. “I’d make a commitment to you, too.”
“What?” She pulled back and looked at him.
“I’d commit to you.” He stroked her hair and smiled.
“You would?” Why is he leaving again? Oh, right; he’s a soldier and he’s going to war. “This sucks.”
“It does. The timing couldn’t be worse. You said you’d wait for me, but I don’t know if that’s fair to you when we’ve been doing this for less than a week.”
“I’ll wait for you. I’ve been waiting my whole life for you.”Oh, crap. She didn’t even know she’d been thinking that. Why did she have such diarrhea of the mouth sometimes? If she’d said half the things she thought this week, he’d think she was a freak for sure.
“Have you now?”
With the cat out of the bag, lying seemed pointless, given that he’d be returning to California tomorrow and could die any day while he was deployed. She rubbed his scruffy cheek with her knuckles.
“Yes.”
“You’ll really wait for me? I’ll be different when I come back. You’re a therapist. You know that combat changes people.”
“Will you still love me when you get back?”
“Yeah, I will.”
“As long as you’ll love me, we can deal with the rest. I am a therapist. Who better to help someone through PTSD?”
“Do you know how happy that makes me?”
