by Lucy Gage
“I can guess that it’s as sad as I am that you have to leave tomorrow. Promise me you’ll come home and in one piece?”
“I’ll do my best. We can email. And Skype. Not all the time, but at least we can talk.”
“Okay. We’ll make it work.”
“You sure you want that?”
“Yes. I am. Positive. I’ll miss you.”
“We still have a few more hours. When is that panel today?”
“I’m yours after 10 a.m.”
“What about before?” he asked as he hugged her tightly again.
She sighed. “Okay. I’m yours then, too.”
He rubbed her back, then kissed her quickly. “Let’s head to the beach. I won’t get to see it for at least nine months, and I want to swim. This time, wear a sexy swimsuit. I need to stock up on as many good memories as possible to get me through deployment.”
She nodded. “Okay. We’ll go as soon as I get back from the panel. I’ll wear my favorite suit for you.”
“Will I be jealous that other guys get to see you wear it?”
“Absolutely.”
Neil growled, “I’m going to love this suit, aren’t I?”
Meg smiled. “You’ll have to wait and see,” she said.
**********
She sat with Carlos outside the room where they’d conduct their family therapy panel. She liked his colleague, Will, but Carlos being here improved the panel in her mind. The timing benefited Meg, too.
“So, you’re in love with this man. A brawny, strapping, buzz-cut soldier. At first glance, he’s everything I thought you hated, novio.”
“He’s far more than his looks, Carlos.”
“Sí. I gathered as much last night. The question is, how did you come to speak to him, mi amor? I’d have bet good money that you wouldn’t give a man like that the time of day to find out he was more than his looks. Which, by the way, are truly spectacular. Please tell me you have thoroughly enjoyed him.”
Meg laughed. “Oh, in so many ways. Don’t ever tell Nico I said so, but Neil makes your brother look like a clumsy oaf in bed. And you know I loved sleeping with Nico. He’s everything Nico was combined with all the things I actually loved about Toby, before he trashed me.”
“Ah. So he’s the alpha in the bedroom he appears to be?”
“He is. But he’s also loving and sweet, gentle and kind. Not just in bed, all the time. Can I share a secret?”
Carlos dropped his voice even lower. “You like to be dominated?” he said with a wink.
Meg rolled her eyes. “I’m not talking about sex still. I met Neil in high school.”
“Sí. He said as much. Why is that a secret?”
“He’s the reason I went to Miami.”
“I don’t recall seeing him in Miami.”
“No, I mean, he helped me see that I could stop playing the role Toby had invented for me and be whomever I wished.”
“And you told the Captain this?”
Meg nodded. “I couldn’t commit to Nico because I was in love with the idea of who Neil would become. I never thought I’d see that, but once I found him again, even before I knew he was the boy from high school, I fell hard and fast. Neil is stationed in California, but in a week, he’s being deployed to Afghanistan for nine months. We’re making it work, long-distance. I’m in love with him. I need you to respect that, novio.”
“Of course, mi amor. Why would you think otherwise?”
“I don’t want you assuming that because he’s not around, I’ll be interested in a relationship with Nico. I wouldn’t do that to Nico, even if I wasn’t in love with Neil. I respect your brother too much to use him. But I am in love with Neil. I’m done with other men. Forever.”
Carlos lay his hand on hers. “I’ll respect your wishes, carina. But have you thought about what would happen if…”
“Don’t even say it. Don’t. There is no what if. There’s only me and Neil and getting through the next nine months. Can you support me? Can you be there when I need you?”
“You know I will. I’ll do anything for you, Meg.”
She scrunched her face. “Why’d you call me Meg? You haven’t called me that since we first met.”
He laughed, just as the meeting before theirs let out. “Neil said he called you Meghan. I told him why I call you Mojito and that it would be weird for both of us if I called you Meg. I was right, no?”
She smiled. “Absolutely. Don’t do it again,” she said with a wink.
“Never again, mi amor. Let’s get this thing started so that we can send you back to your amante.”
“Thanks.”
Carlos smiled. He knew she meant for all of it.
Chapter 17
Early in the morning, a week after Charlie’s wedding, Meg stood at the Jetport in Neil’s embrace, kissing him goodbye. She’d never have imagined a week ago how Neil would make her feel only seven days later. Every night before bed and in the morning when they woke, he’d whisper in her ear how much he’d miss her while he was gone and it broke her heart. Why couldn’t she have met him at some other time? Why did it have to be when he was leaving for a war zone? She’d finally met someone amazing, and he might get killed in the next year.
“Don’t go,” she said. Her voice broke, knowing the futility behind her request. As if he had a choice.
“I wish I could stay. I’ll miss you every second I’m gone. As soon as I can, I’ll contact you, let you know when we can Skype. Okay?”
“Okay. I’m buying a vibrator. Just so you know.”
Neil laughed. “I’d rather you bought a vibrator than slept with someone else.”
“I don’t want anyone else. I only want you. Come back to me soon. Promise me you’ll do everything you can to come back to me soon and whole.”
He touched her cheek. “I promise you, I will count the seconds until I can get back to you.”
“But not when you have to fire your gun. Because I don’t want you distracted and getting killed. I’d never forgive myself if it was my fault you were shot or blown up by an IED.”
“I promise I won’t let you distract me from my job.” He pulled her in close, hugged her so tightly she almost couldn’t breathe, but she didn’t care. She didn’t want him to let go. When he let go, that would be the last time he held her until he returned in nine months.
“I have to go. My flight leaves soon.”
Meg started to cry. She had promised herself she wouldn’t drench them both when Neil left. But she couldn’t help it. Her voice trembled and her breath hitched.
“I love you so much.”
“I love you, too.”
Neil stepped back and released her from his embrace. This was goodbye. He pulled an envelope from his pocket.
“Read this after I’m gone.”
“Gone? You mean dead?” Her heart sank at the thought.
He laughed. “No, sweetheart. After I leave.” He kissed her one last time, slow and deep and full of restrained passion. “I will miss you every single second. You going to be here to pick me up when I get home?”
“I’ll be waiting.”
“Good. I’ll see you then and I’ll talk to you soon. I love you,” he said as he backed away, duffel in his hand, so handsome in his uniform with his last name, MURPHY on his chest, the double silver bar illustrating his rank of Captain. He turned and walked swiftly up the stairs toward the security area. When he arrived at the top of the stairs, he looked down at her and smiled.
“I love you!” Meg shouted. She blew him a kiss.
He caught the kiss and brought his hand to his heart. Then he turned to go.
How would she ever live without him now that she knew how much she loved him?
She wandered slowly back toward the parking structure, where her car waited for her to head home. Neil had tried to explain the next week to her as best he could, but the details were a blur. Her brain could only process that she had finally met the perfect guy and when he left today, she’d be without
him for the next nine months.
She had never been very religious, but she would pray, every single night from now until he returned, for God to keep Neil safe.
Part 4
Deployment:
With or Without You
Chapter 18
Pushing through the condo door, Neil dropped his duffel, lay his garment bag over the chair and was turning to go when he heard Owen say, “Jesus, back less than a minute, and you’re already leaving shit for me to pick up.”
Neil grinned and gave Owen a manly hug. “Shut up, ass. You said I had to report to Willis as soon as I returned to post. I figured I’d put away my stuff when I came back from his house. As if you’re the only one who cleans around here.”
Though they both kept their condo neat, Owen had an OCD tendency when it came to cleaning. He’d spent the majority of his childhood on military bases and had learned to live both light and organized. Neil’s life hadn’t been quite so rigid.
“Yeah, yeah. I’ll move it to your room. I’m not doing your damn laundry. I just finished mine.”
“No need. Meghan washed mine before I left. Only thing dirty is what I’m wearing.”
“She does laundry, too? What kind of Leprechaun magic did you work on her, Murph?” Owen joked.
“You’re hilarious. She insisted on helping me get ready for deployment however she could. I tried to get her to come with me for the week, but she couldn’t.”
“Or wouldn’t. That’s a bit much, don’t you think?” Owen said, leaning against the wall.
Neil grinned. “Oh, so much happened after I talked to you that morning, Sarge.”
“Get your ass moving and talk to Willis. Then you’re going to explain all about this girl and how the real deal compares to your vision of her. I’ve been hearing about her for almost a decade. I want the 4-1-1.”
“You know I don’t share details.”
“No, dumbass. I’m not stupid. We’re not chicks, for Christ’s sake. But you can give me the broad strokes.”
“I will. I promise. If you tell me where you found that necklace for Jody last Christmas.”
“Sure. Why? You planning to get Meghan one?”
“Nope. Bigger purchase than that.”
Owen’s eyebrow’s pushed toward his hairline. “No shit.”
Neil smiled. “We’ll talk later.” And then he was off.
**********
He knocked on Major Willis’ door and a beautiful black woman answered. A guy could easily mistake her for Gabrielle Union, but Neil had known her since before Chandra had married Jason Willis. He’d served under Jason for most of his career, and the respect his Commanding Officer showed for his wife set a great example for the men in their unit. Outside work, he considered the Willises two of his closest friends. They were his family in the Army.
“Neil! You’re back!” Chandra exclaimed as she hugged him. “Come in! Jason is in his office.”
“Thanks, Chandra. Owen called earlier in the week and said he wanted to see me as soon as I returned to post.”
She rubbed his back. “I’m glad to see you. Can I get you a drink? Something to eat? We’ll be sitting down for dinner in a half-hour, if you want to join us.”
“I’d love that. It’ll give us a chance to visit before we leave. The rest of this week will be chaotic at best, I’m sure.”
Chandra gave him a sad smile. “I wish I could say I don’t know, but I remember what it was like when he left for Iraq. I’ll be honored if you’ll have dinner with us tonight, Neil. I hear you might have met someone?”
Neil smiled, unable to keep his happiness to himself when it came to Chandra. She had this way of ferreting out what she wanted to know, whether you cared for her to learn it or not.
“I have. It’s still new. She lives back home. We met a long time ago, but finally had a chance to get acquainted at my best friend’s wedding. I spent my week of leave with her.”
“Is she waiting?” Neil knew what she meant; they weren’t married, and nothing tied Meghan to him but their love. He knew a lot of guys who’d had a girl bail on them either just before they left for deployment or just after. God, he hoped he’d never receive a Dear John letter from Meghan.
He nodded. “We’re going to make it work.”
“For real? Does she understand what that means?”
He smiled. “She does. I love her and she loves me.”
“You sure about that?”
Neil chuckled. Chandra was the den mother for their unit. “I’m one hundred percent certain, Chandra. She’s the one.”
“Is she now? Did you…”
“No. Not yet. When I get back.”
Though he’d told Owen earlier in the week that he didn’t want to look at Tiger’s example as what not to do, Neil’s Irish bones naturally inclined toward superstition. Tiger had proposed to Sarah the day before the boys shipped to Iraq, and less than two years later, his body lay in a box, six feet under the Kentucky soil of his parents’ horse farm.
Neil had used some lame excuse about why he didn’t drive to Springer’s in Portland and buy a ring for Meghan before he left Maine. He could have proposed to her. He honestly didn’t worry that she’d say no. His girl knew that a ring merely represented intangible promises and she didn’t need that kind of coddling. Sure, she’d have loved it, but she didn’t need it.
No, proposing wouldn’t serve to reassure Meghan while he was in Afghanistan anymore than his love would. But anyone who had known Tiger could see that Neil feared emotionally crippling Meghan should he not make it back. After all, it had happened to Sarah, and Neil hesitated to follow Tiger’s example.
Though Tiger hadn’t been under Jason’s command, Chandra knew about his death. She knew Jack and Owen, who also considered Jason a friend, a big brother none of them had naturally.
She squeezed Neil’s hand. “It doesn’t always end up like that.”
Neil nodded and tried to smile. “She’s strong, like you. She’ll make it through, no matter what. But I don’t want to paint the picture too accurately just yet. If she had a ring, she might start thinking about a wedding, and if it all collapsed with the strike of a bullet or the blast of a bomb, her dreams could be shattered. I can’t do that to her. Not after Tiger. Soon as I’m home, I’ll ask her. Just didn’t feel right doing it before.”
“You hitting on my wife, soldier?” Major Willis said, mock-stern as he walked into the entry.
Neil saluted and replied, “No sir. Reporting for duty, Major.”
He returned Neil’s salute and said, “Good. I might have to kick your ass.” He kissed his wife. “He joining us for dinner?”
“He is. I’ll leave you two to the business of the Army. Dinner in 25 minutes, Jason.” She smiled at Neil and patted his hand before she left.
“What’s that all about?” Jason asked as they headed to his office.
“Finally managed to convince the girl of my dreams that she wants to be with me.”
“Oh? This the girl you’ve been drooling over since I met your skinny ass at BCT?”
Neil laughed. “One and the same.”
“No shit. Huh, well, it’s time you found yourself a decent girl. You know I never thought Juarez deserved you.”
“Yeah, yeah. I should’ve listened to you. Sir.”
“Don’t forget it next time, soldier. Listen, Murph, have a seat. We received new orders earlier in the week. You know they asked me to build a recon team that’s capable of executing orders under duress.”
“Wasn’t that the point of our last two months of training, sir?”
“Yes, but now they want you to hit the ground running.”
“Meaning head out as soon as we arrive?”
“Exactly. Intel suggests timing might be crucial for the target, and they don’t want us taking time to settle. They’re expecting the team to move, and fast. Which means I’m no longer headed into the field.”
Neil understood why Jason wanted him to report as soon as he retur
ned. “I’m leading the team alone.”
“That is correct. Now, you will be the eyes and ears of the Army as well as for me. I need to know if you think everyone currently on the team can handle this.”
“I do.”
“No hesitation. That’s good. Even Nate?”
“He’s a good soldier, sir. Just a little iffy on the orders part of the job, still. But he’s the best shot we have.”
“Aside from you.”
“Yes. He could prove invaluable. His accuracy when moving is only below mine because he’s less experienced. He’ll catch up to me soon enough.”
Major Willis nodded. “Okay. Good. I thought the same thing, but since it’ll be your team in all but name, I wanted to be sure you were equally confident.”
“I am, sir.”
“Excellent. We’ll inform the team later. For now, let’s grab a beer and you can spill the details about your leave.”
“Let me call Owen so he knows I’m staying for dinner.”
“Aw, reporting to the wife? That’s sweet. Tell his ass to get over here, too. I want to see that boy before we leave, and I won’t have much time this week. Chandra! Owen is joining us!”
“I figured as much,” she called from the kitchen. “Already set the extra place at the table.”
Neil smiled. That was family for you.
**********
She couldn’t bring herself to read the letter for several days. Instead, Meg buried herself in the work she had ignored for the week she’d let Neil sweep her off her feet and plunge her desperately into full-on, hardcore, epic sort of love with him. Wednesday rolled around and a short and sweet email from Neil arrived in her inbox.
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
RE: Skype schedule
Hey, beautiful. I don’t have much time. We’ll ship out in a couple days and there is a ton to do around here before that. Just wanted to warn you that it could be a month before I can do more than send email. I’ll write as much as I can and I’ll let you know the minute I get permission to Skype with you. I missed you as soon as I was out of your sight. I love you.
