by Lucy Gage
She’d brought all the letters he’d written to her, which she read to him. But a couple of boxes of his possessions made the return journey with him, and there she found the letters she had written him, as well as printed copies of their emails. She read all of it. Then she read the letters he hadn’t seen yet – those she’d written every day since Dan called her, as well as the letters she hadn’t quite mailed.
The first week after Dan called she had received a package of her own from Neil and it had caused her to collapse in grief. He’d bought her a calendar and had marked off all the days of the year which had passed. On the May page, he’d highlighted – in big hearts – the day his unit had been scheduled to return to Ft. Irwin. And then he similarly marked the day he’d be able to see her again.
There had been a note attached that said:
Dear Meghan,
Here’s a countdown calendar. You can mark each day as it passes and we’ll be closer together as the squares get crossed off. Did you see the pictures? It’s the Keys. You’re still taking me to the Keys, right? I think that’s where we should honeymoon. I’m still going to ask you. Are you still planning to say yes? I hope so. Pick a day, any day you want, and that will be the day you can become my wife. If we could swing it, I’d say you can pick today, but that’s not an option. So, any day in the future as long as it’s after the one when we can finally be together again. I miss you. I love you.
Always,
Neil
She brought everything he’d ever given her to the hospital. Each day, she’d try something new. Or she’d work from the box of things she had sent him. But every day, she marked the days on the calendar. The days he remained unconscious were marked with a different color from the one she used before, when his life had hung in the balance.
She told him all about it. How it went against her nature to be so anal retentive, but it helped her cope. She warned him that if he didn’t wake up soon, she might not be recognizable when he did. She might have turned into a control freak.
Then she laughed, saying, “I know you already think I’m a control freak in the bedroom. If I promise to give you more say, will you wake up for me?” She leaned close to his ear and said, “I told Dan that if I got desperate enough, I might do naughty things to you while you’re unconscious. If you wake up, I can do naughty things to you anyway and you’ll be alert enough that you can really enjoy them.”
Her turn had ended, so she kissed him sweetly and then left.
**********
That night, as she sat with Dan at the hotel, drinking beer in honor of Neil, they brainstormed new ideas to wake him.
“You desperate enough to perform sexual acts on him?”
“Don’t tempt me. It was bad enough when he was able to get naked for me on the other side of the country. This is worse, because he’s next to me but he isn’t awake.”
“What are you talking about?” Dan asked.
Meg blushed. “Uh. Well. We uh, had a sexy Skype call the night before he left California for Afghanistan.”
“How sexy?” Dan asked, eyes wide.
“Strip tease to our two favorite songs.” She cleared her throat when he looked as though he didn’t believe that had been all. “And maybe some watching. Each other.”
Dan’s mouth wiggled as he tried hard not to smile and failed.
“You watched each other get off? Over the computer?”
“Hey, desperate times call for desperate measures. Don’t tell me you wouldn’t do the same with Charlie in similar circumstances.”
Dan grinned and lifted his hands up to say he conceded. “Since he can’t see you, I guess stripping for him isn’t really an option.”
She leaped to her feet. “No. But I think I know what might be.”
She rummaged through the box of Neil’s belongings. Finally, she found it, his iPod. She attempted to turn it on but the battery had died. A few minutes spent searching for the charger and mumbling had Dan looking at her as if an alien species had commandeered her body. She plugged in the device and powered it up, tapping her fingers and toes, eagerly anticipating what she hoped to find.
“What are you looking for?” Dan asked.
Meg found the loaded music and saw that, as she had hoped, the two songs she wanted were available. In fact, Neil had a playlist called Meghan, with both songs tops on the list.
“This,” she said, showing the list to Dan.
“What is it?”
“It’s a playlist of songs that Neil said reminded him of me. He told me about it once. We danced to a lot of them at your wedding. See the first two songs on the list?”
Dan nodded. “Black by Pearl Jam and All I Want Is You by U2. Why are those important?”
“They’re our two favorite songs. I’m going to play them for him tomorrow. See if it triggers the memory of that call. If that doesn’t work, I have one more ace up my sleeve before I start turning to performing sexual acts on him.”
That had been said only partly in jest.
“What’s option number two?”
“This,” she said, grabbing the cobalt blue flash drive that had to come with her, even if nothing else did. She plugged it into her laptop and let the computer auto launch.
Soon, as he had a dozen times every night since she received the drive in that first package, Neil sang to her in his deep, melodic voice. As always, Meg felt tears streaming down her face. When the video finished, she sniffed and looked at Dan.
“Wow,” he said reverently. “He’s even more in love with you than I thought. He hates to sing for other people. His mom always used to ask him to sing in the choir and when he was old enough to say no, he did. She used to lament that he was wasting such a beautiful voice if no one ever heard him sing. When did he send this to you?”
“He made it the night before he left and sent it to me then. He sent me this,” she showed him the guitar pick that Neil used in the video, “and the note with the package said to give it to him so he could play the song for me in person when he came home.”
Hot tears rolled swiftly down her cheeks again.
Dan hugged her. “He’ll wake up, Meg. He will. I know it.”
“From your lips to God’s ears, Dan.”
Chapter 30
The next morning, Meg sat next to Neil after she kissed him good morning like she did every day.
“We’re going to try something new today, honey. I’m going to put in your ear buds and play my playlist for you. I’m hoping the first couple of songs remind you of our first Skype call. Remember how I said it felt like we were making porn?” she laughed. “I was joking then, but I wish I’d had a recording all those months. I missed you every single day, Neil. Every day. I played that scene in my head all the time, you and me showing how much we missed each other across the digital divide. It played almost as much as all the rest. Like waking up that first morning with your hand on my waist, scaring the crap out of me or hearing you say you loved me the first time. I can’t tell you how many nights the only thing that helped me fall asleep was the sound of your sexy voice. I need to hear it again. I need you to wake up for me. So listen, okay? And then come back to me. Please? I’m not above begging, and you know what a big deal that is for me.”
She inserted the ear buds and leaned her head close to his so that she could hear the music a little while he listened. As the first chords of Black began to play, her brain relived the call and she didn’t even need to close her eyes anymore to picture it. She’d spent much of the night before listening to the playlist over and over after Dan left.
When the tracks switched over to All I Want Is You, she saw Neil’s fingers twitch on his right hand as the first few acoustic chords played, and it made her sit up abruptly.
She sat back and looked at him. His eyes fluttered. Meg had no idea what to do. Should she keep the ear buds in or take them out? Should she call the nurse or doctor? She still held his left hand and she felt his fingers flex. His eyes blinked against the brilliant sprin
g day. He reach up with his hands and pulled the earbuds from his ears, then looked at her with an expression that said confused.
“Meghan?” he croaked.
Tears had flowed as soon as his fingers moved. To hear his voice again, after all this time…she could barely find her voice to respond.
“Hi,” she whispered.
“What are you doing here? Where am I?” he asked.
“You’re at Walter Reed, in Bethesda. Do you remember anything? Do you have any idea why you’re here?”
Neil shook his head. “No clue. Why are you here?”
“As if I’d be anywhere else?” she said, smiling and wiping the tears of joy from her eyes. He was awake! Finally! She wanted to just kiss him until he couldn’t breathe, but she refrained; it might be too much. “You know, I should go get the doctor. And your parents and Dan.” She stood to leave the room, but before she could exit, the door opened and a female soldier swiftly walked in.
“Murph!” she exclaimed. “Oh my God! You’re awake!” She ran over to Neil and kissed him the way Meg had wanted to kiss him. “Oh, thank God! When they told me what had happened, I was scared you wouldn’t make it!”
Neil appeared baffled by her behavior. He glanced at Meg, whose expression reflected her shock.
“Who is this?” the woman asked, looking Meg up and down.
Neil furrowed his brow. “Uh, this is Meghan. Meghan Miles. We went to high school together. She’s friends with Danny’s girlfriend.”
“You mean Dan’s wife,” Meg corrected.
“Danny already got married? Did I miss the wedding?” He asked, clearly confused and distressed that he’d missed Dan’s wedding.
A realization dawned on Meg. If Neil didn’t recall Dan and Charlie being married, that meant he didn’t remember the wedding. Or the reception. Or anything after that.
Her heart sank.
He was alive. He was awake. He was whole and he was set to make a full recovery, according to the doctors, as soon as he was able to start PT. But he didn’t remember her. Or he didn’t remember they were in love.
She stumbled as she turned to go. “You know what? I’m going to get the doctor. It’s great to see you, Neil. I’m so glad you’re awake now. It was nice to meet you…”
“Beth. Lieutenant Juarez. I’m Murph’s girlfriend. Nice to meet you too. Meghan, was it?”
“Yes. I’ll just go let them know you’re awake, Neil. Bye.” She walked out of the room as casually as she could. When the door shut, she ran down the hallway to the waiting area as fast as possible. Dan jumped up and she ran into his arms, hysterically crying.
“Hey, it’s okay. What happened? Did it help?” he asked.
She nodded. “He’s…he’s awake.”
Siobhan and Aidan had already stood when she ran into the room, and now they were throwing their arms around her, too.
“Oh, Meghan! That’s wonderful!” Siobhan cried.
“I’ll go get Major Lewis,” Aidan said, rushing out of the room. He had squeezed both Meg’s and his wife’s hand before he left. Siobhan kissed Meg’s cheek and headed toward Neil’s room.
“What’s wrong, Meg? You don’t seem very happy that he’s awake. Did something happen?” Dan asked, rubbing her shoulders.
She nodded. She told him the story of what happened when Neil woke up and at the end, she knew that Dan had the same realization she did: if Neil didn’t remember the wedding, he didn’t remember what was now between him and Meg.
“And you said Beth was there? That she showed up? She’s not on the list. How did she get down there?”
“I don’t know.” Meg sniffed. “But she was there. She said she was Neil’s girlfriend.”
Dan looked angry. “She was. She cheated on him and he dumped her six months before the wedding. She was friends with Owen’s ex-girlfriend. I don’t even know how she heard anything. Owen broke up with Jody last fall.”
Meg sank into a chair. “It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t remember, Dan. He doesn’t know that he’s in love with me.”
He sat down next to her and held her hand, rubbing her back. “Meg, he was in love with you before last August. He’ll remember. Just give him time.”
Hadn’t it already been long enough?
**********
Neil was still reeling. He’d been having this insanely sexy dream about Meghan Miles masturbating for him over the computer while she watched him getting off. Which was all kinds of hot and nothing he’d ever done before. Then he was playing U2 on his guitar, when he woke to the sensation of a soft hand in his. In the shock of a lifetime, Meghan herself sat by his bedside, in tears, and he’d bet good money she’d been holding his hand.
He had a hard enough time concentrating on Beth when Meghan wasn’t around, but with her there only moments before, in what was obviously his hospital room, he couldn’t listen to Beth.
She yammered away, seated on his bed in his personal space. It made Neil uncomfortable, despite her claim to be his girlfriend. Had something happened between them? Everything was so fuzzy.
“I hope you heal soon, baby. I’ve missed you for months. I can’t wait to get naked with you again.”
Neil heard his mother before he saw her. “Over my cold, dead body,” she declared in her most stern, Irish-mother voice. Uh oh. She was pissed. What the hell had happened?
“Excuse me? Who the hell are you?” Beth asked.
Neil looked at her oddly. “They didn’t call you?”
“They who? Chandra and Major Willis?”
“No. My parents.”
“No. I’ve never spoken to your parents.”
“Well, isn’t that obvious?” his mother said.
“Look, I don’t know who you are, but I’m his girlfriend. You don’t have a right to speak to me like this.”
Mistake. Big, big mistake.
He didn’t even have to look her in the eye to know his mother’s claws were out. Beth was in for a very rude awakening. For some reason, Neil wanted to watch his mother tear her apart.
“Like hell ye are. And ye don’t know who I am because he had no desire to introduce ye to his mother. What do ye think that says about ye, Beth? That Neil wouldn’t bother to have ye meet his Ma? We’re very close, by the by. Did ye know that? No, I suspect ye didn’t.”
“You’re his mother?” Beth looked at Neil, confused.
“Did Neil not tell ye that his mother was Irish? Or are ye too stupid to listen? I suspect it’s mostly that yer too self-centered to care enough to really know him. It doesn’t matter. Yer not goin’ to be around him anymore. Yer goin’ to leave this room and never come back. And when he returns to post, yer goin’ to stay away. Do ye hear me? Am I makin’ myself clear?”
Beth’s bitchy, Latina side had emerged. “And why should I listen to you? What if he wants to be with me? Are you going to try to stop us from being together? Huh? He’s an adult in the military. What can you do about it?”
“Oh, don’t test me. Ye don’t want to go there. Ye will listen to me or there will be hell to pay.”
If Neil really cared about Beth, he’d fight for her. Hell, he’d at least warn her not to cross his mother. But for some reason, he was enjoying the show and had no desire to help Beth or defend her.
“And why would I do that?” Beth asked, defiant.
Jesus.
“Because if ye don’t, I’ll have ye court marshaled.”
Beth scoffed. “And how exactly do you expect to do that, lady? I don’t see no uniform.”
God, has she always been this much of a bitch?
“For one thing, yer in a soldier’s restricted hospital room. There is a very short list o’ people allowed to be in this room, and ye didn’t make the cut. For that alone, I can see that yer reprimanded. But on top o’ that, I can see to it that yer Commanding Officer is made aware of yer inappropriate relationship with the young man under yer command. Peterson is his name, isn’t it, Neil?”
Beth’s eyes bugged out of her head. Neil
wasn’t really sure what his mother meant, but he recalled a Private Peterson was one of Beth’s soldiers. His mother knew something he didn’t, and that was enough to make Beth listen when nothing else had.
“I meant nothing by it. I love Murph. I want him back.”
“Well, yer a little late for that. Ye shoulda thought o’ that before ye jumped into bed with that young man. Now get the hell out o’ this room or I’ll personally throw ye out. And don’t think I can’t do it. I may be small, but ye don’t want to mess with an Irish mother. Try it, and ye’ll learn first hand what it means to have an Irish temper.”
Beth stood slowly. “I’m sorry, Murph. I did love you.”
Somehow, that didn’t mean anything. In fact, it made Neil feel hollow, as if every second of his relationship with Beth had been a farce. “It’s best if you just go,” he said.
“Get out!” his mother shouted.
At the sound of his father’s voice, Neil turned. “I’d do as she says, Lieutenant. You don’t want to see how angry she can get if pressed. Neil is her baby and she’s as protective as a mother gets.”
“Don’t make nice with her, Aidan. If she doesn’t leave in the next two seconds, I’ll tear her limb from limb. She has no right to be here.”
“I understand, Siobhan. Lieutenant, please, go.”
With one last look at Neil, Beth sighed and left.
“Jesus, Mary and Joseph, I thought that harlot would never leave.”
“What happened, Ma? You were ready to kill her. I’ve never seen you that upset.”
“Ye don’t remember, darlin’?” she asked, kissing his forehead.
“No, I have no idea.”
“That little slut…” she began.
“Siobhan!” his father interjected.
His mother sighed. “Fine. She cheated on ye, Neil. With one of her soldiers. Ye caught her in bed with him. Ye don’t remember that? Ye were quite irate at the time.”
Neil shook his head. “No. I don’t remember. When was that? Does it have anything to do with why I’m here?”