Wine and Whiskey (Surviving Absolution #1)

by Nikki Belaire

  He takes a deep breath and chooses his words carefully. The fragility of their relationship is never more apparent than at this moment. A phone call cannot destroy the connection they’ve finally made. “We’ve been working for months on a very important project. Sometimes things get a little heated when it’s not going the way it’s supposed to.”

  She lifts her head and meets his gaze, uncertainty swirling in their stormy blue depths. “If I make you mad, or do something you don’t like, are you going to talk to me like that?”

  Her words hurt worse than a slap. He shakes his head, unable to comprehend how she could think that of him. “Of course not.”

  “I just can’t reconcile the difference between the man out there and the one in here with me.”

  “That was business. I pay him a lot of money, and I expect him to deliver on what he promises. I don’t expect anything from you.” He kneels down in front of her and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “All I want to do is love you.”

  “You’re just telling me what I want to hear.”

  Shaking his head, he feigns calmness as his stomach churns. He wants nothing more than to lay her back on the bed and prove how much she means to him. Help her understand she’s the only ray of light piercing his dark world. “It’s the truth. If you believe nothing else, you have to believe that.”

  “I want to.” Her voice drops to a whisper, yet the doubt is still unmistakable. “I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. Maybe this…” She points to herself then him. “Is a mistake.”

  Panic twists in his gut like a sharp blade. She wants to give up on him, end the only relationship that’s ever meant something to him. The only woman he’s ever loved wants to leave him. Enough to bring him to his knees, if he wasn’t already on them. “No, it isn’t. Do you want to be with me?”

  She nods, her eyes scanning his face, searching for something, but he doesn’t know quite what.

  “That’s all that matters. Everything else, we can figure out.” He grasps her hands and brings them to his mouth, kissing each palm before wrapping her arms around his neck. Their faces almost touch.

  Tilting her head, she gives him a tentative smile, her lips so close he can practically taste her sweetness. “Now I know you’re trying to distract me.”

  “Is it working?”

  “No…maybe a little.”

  “Good.” His lips brush against hers. “I love you. Please don’t give up on me.”

  A light knock pauses their conversation. “Come on, kids. Dinner!”

  Her smile brightens at Carrie’s voice on the other side of the door, easing a bit of tension suffocating the room.

  “We can make this work.” He stands up and takes her hand. “Let’s go eat.”

  At the table, Nathan refills his glass after draining the first one in about five seconds. “This sangria is really good. It reminds me of that place Evan and I took you guys when we were in Madrid. What was that place called again?”

  Shae slides her hand onto Nick’s thigh and squeezes. He entwines his fingers with hers, confirming he receives her message. But it doesn’t quell his growing anxiety. The man she was going to marry is friends with her best friends, while he’s a newcomer shrouded in suspicion. I don’t stand a fucking chance.

  “Um, it was the Black Sombrero,” Carrie reminds him while Shae picks at her food.

  “Yeah, that was it.” Nathan laughs and shakes his head. “Started out great, but ended up being the night from hell.”

  Nick can’t resist. Even though he hates hearing about this guy, he has to know more. “What happened?”

  “Carrie talked us into going out to this club. The locals were cool, no problems. But, these American guys kept bothering Shae. We ended up in a fight getting her out of there. Evan got a black eye, and I broke my hand and spent the whole night in the emergency room.” He rubs his knuckles, reliving the pain. “How ironic is that? I knew it was broken and needed a cast, but no one spoke English.”

  “That’s how we ended up with Eugene.” Carrie smiles at Shae as she attempts to redirect the conversation.

  Yet, he can’t fool himself into believing the reprieve is for him. She protects Shae as Nathan’s point comes through loud and clear—Shae belongs with Evan, not him. “Who’s Eugene?”

  Before Shae can answer, Nathan responds, “He’s a brick wall. That dude has to be at least six-seven, three hundred pounds. Evan made sure he went everywhere with Shae. Money well spent. She never had any more trouble.”

  Carrie’s face lights up as she nods. “He may look like a hard-ass, but he’s just a big softie on the inside. He has this high-pitched squeal for a laugh. Sounds like a twelve-year-old girl. We did everything we could to get him going.”

  The girls continue to laugh and share memories, Shae’s mood a bit more relaxed than earlier. He glances over at the hammock, wishing she was back in his arms without her worry or her friend creating distance between them.

  Carrie catches him looking outside and winks, nodding toward the stack of books. “So, did Shae show you her collection of erotica?”

  Even in his apprehension, he can’t help but laugh. “Yeah, books, movies, pictures, every sordid item.”

  Shae crosses her arms and pretends to pout. “Hey! I don’t need my boyfriend and best friend ganging up on me.”

  Hope flickers in his heart at the word “boyfriend.” Maybe she’s thinking about earlier too.

  “I’m just kidding. They’re mine. The only person getting spanked around here is Nathan.”

  He shrugs his shoulders. “What can I say? I’m a bad boy.”

  Shae nudges Nick as Carrie climbs onto Nathan’s lap. “That’s our cue to leave.”

  They gather their plates and walk into the house. After loading the dishwasher, Nick wraps his arms around her, resting his chin on her silky hair, relaxing his taut muscles as her arms slide around his waist. “Thanks for dinner.”

  She looks up at him and smiles, a hint of happiness returning to her face. “I had to return the favor.”

  As he holds her, his phone buzzes, and her smile fades. She pulls away and wraps her arms around herself. “There’s the update you’ve been waiting for.”

  “Yeah, I guess I’d better go.” He pauses, hopeful she’ll tell him to stay.

  Instead, she nods. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

  “Good night, sweetness.” He leans down and kisses her on the cheek before forcing himself to walk out the door.

  Chapter Six

  Jason stands in front of her, his fingers hovering over her arm as she pulls the taut band away from her body. “That’s right. Slow, precise movements. Eleven more times then switch arms. I’m going to work with Nick, and I’ll be right back.”

  Nick.

  Her stomach spins for the second time this morning. After an uncomfortable hello, they haven’t said a word to each other throughout the entire workout. Maybe because she keeps her head down, pretending to concentrate, while really trying to figure out why he’s here.

  It’s the first time she feels alone since being with him. Fear coils in her chest. Maybe she’s not with him anymore. He left last night and never returned. Didn’t call or text. Yet, he’s here now. He shows up like always. Except this time, he comes with dark eye circles and furrowed brow instead of smiles and winks. Silence instead of flirting. Hesitation rather than his usual confidence. His pain as strong as hers.

  The chirping of Nick’s phone interrupts Jason as the trainer directs his movements. Nick excuses himself and walks out of the room. Once he’s out of sight, Jason returns to her and tips his head toward her ear. “Are you all right? What’s going on?”

  She shakes her head, dreading the lecture Jason’s going to launch, his favorite role of quasi-big brother kicking in, even though he’s only one year older. “I’m fine. I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Come on. It’s me. You can tell me anything.” He pushes down the lime green cord, forcing her to stop stretching. H
is voice is heavy with concern rather than scorn as he scans her features before returning to meet her gaze. “What did he do to you?”

  He must not have talked to Nathan, doesn’t know what happened last night. But he will. Even against what she knows will be Carrie’s attempts to diffuse the situation, they’ll conspire and compare notes. With both her and Nick being the victims in a fight she probably can’t win. “Nothing. I’m fine.”

  “Don’t deny it. You both look terrible. I knew this would happen.”

  The need to protect Nick this time fills her heart. To Jason, Nick’s Mafia connections are still alleged. She can’t be the one to confirm them, especially when she doesn’t want to accept the truth herself, hopeful it’s just a misunderstanding, a story perpetuated by the rumor mill. Although after last night, her optimism is difficult to maintain. “Please, Jason, I don’t want to get into this with you.”

  “Because you know I’m right.” His whispered tone evaporates at his incredulousness, his volume increasing with his irritation. “Men like him can’t be trusted. He’s dangerous, and you need to dump him before he hurts you any more than he already has.”

  And there it is. The counsel she didn’t request, the guidance she doesn’t need. She has to figure this out herself. “You don’t understand. Nick loves me and would never hurt me.”

  “I’m glad you finally believe it.” Both their heads fly up at Nick’s soft voice floating from the doorway. The pain in his eyes conflicts with the stiffness of his body, his worried gaze never leaving hers.

  Jason looks from Nick to her and sighs. “I think that’s enough for today. Good job, guys. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  Her heart aches at Jason’s frustration and Nick’s hesitation, uncertain how to fix her relationships with either of them. “Thanks, Jason.”

  Nick shakes his head, his tone tight but steady. “I have a business trip and won’t be back to the gym until Monday.”

  “Thanks for letting me know.” Jason nods at Nick before turning to her. He massages her hunched shoulder, releasing a bit of the tension at the confirmation he continues to take care of her even when he’s aggravated. “Call me later, okay?”

  Her arms coil around his neck, squeezing his tense body, hoping he knows how much she loves and needs him too. “Okay, I promise.”

  After Jason walks out, she and Nick stare at each other, the awkwardness as palpable as the first time they met. All the things she wants to say catch in her throat, fearful the doubt she convinced herself is unreasonable may be warranted. Panic flames in her chest as he steps closer and his lips part. She shakes her head, unable to let him speak. “I guess I better go take my shower.”

  She follows Jason’s path down the hallway, never looking back at Nick’s expression.

  * * * *

  As he showers, Nick’s head pounds, trying to figure out how to fix things with her before he leaves. Separated by time and distance, their already fragile relationship could easily wither away. With his body still damp, he throws on his clothes and races out of the locker room, worried she’ll leave before he can catch her.

  After a few minutes, she opens the door. Her face brightens at seeing him before falling into a frown again. She steps toward him, her gaze on her dress as she rolls the white fabric around her fingers. “I’m sorry about what happened with Jason.”

  “It’s fine. I know he’s trying to protect you.”

  “Like you are.”

  Pain stabs his chest. He’s never loved anyone like her, never needed anything more than for her to understand how keeping her safe eclipses her desire for the complete truth. He forces himself to keep his hands at his side, hesitant to reach out to her. He would never recover if she recoiled at his touch. “Yes.”

  “I didn’t know you had to go out of town.”

  “It came up late last night.”

  She wraps her arms around herself, her gaze dropping to the floor, her shoulders hunching against her slender neck. Regret hums over her body, weakening his determination to keep from pulling her to him, finding a way to bring her back to him. “I guess your update wasn’t good news.”

  “No, it wasn’t.”

  “Well, I hope you have a good trip.” Her voice cracks as she turns away.

  He can’t take it any longer. These forced exchanges are not the conversation he wants to have. “Shae, please don’t do this. Please don’t push me away.”

  She shakes her head, a deep frown darkening her beautiful face. “I’m not. Last night…”

  Barely hanging on, he takes a deep breath, trying not to give into the panic racing through his already straining nerves. “What? What about it?”

  “I didn’t want you to leave.”

  The clamp on his heart releases at those six words. Only three others he would rather hear more, but these erase the worry that has been destroying him since walking out of her house last night. “I didn’t want to go.” Oxygen fills his lungs again before he reaches out and caresses her cheek, a storm of desire brewing at the feel of her soft skin under his fingers. “I was just trying to give you some space.”

  “We needed to talk about what happened. I didn’t want space. I wanted you.” She leans into his hand, her eyes boring into his with doubt he needs to erase.

  No more words need to be spoken. He has to be alone with her. Grabbing her hand, he leads her through the gym and out into the sunlight. Jacks leans against the limo. His eyes widen as if surprised to see both of them, and he quickly opens the door.

  Shae smiles at him. “Thank you, Jacks.”

  He returns her happy expression. “My pleasure.”

  Even his chauffeur is charmed by her sweetness. As soon as he slides in next to her, she lays her head on his shoulder and loops her arm through his. But it’s not enough. She has to be closer. He pulls her onto his lap facing him, her legs straddling his. She lies against his chest, her head tucked into his neck. He caresses her hair and takes a deep breath, letting her flowery scent intoxicate him. “I thought I was losing you.”

  Her hair tickles his chin as she shakes her head. He rubs her back as they drive to his house, enjoying her closeness and the lack of tension between them. After a few minutes, she lifts her eyes, their blue depths twinkling with mischief. “What time is your flight?

  “We’re wheels up at eleven-thirty.”

  Lifting up his forearm, she pushes back his sleeve to reveal his watch. “Well, then we’ve only got a few hours.”

  His pulse quickens at what she implies. He can barely get the words out. “For what?”

  Her beautiful smile lights up her face and his groin. “To make sure you don’t forget about me while you’re gone.”

  Fucking hell. She has no idea what she does to him when she says things like that. He resists every impulse to rip off her dress and panties and take her right there in the limo, knowing it would undermine everything he’s trying to build between them.

  As they drive through the gates of his property, she climbs off his lap and smoothes down her dress. Her pink cheeks and shy smile remind him to be the gentleman she deserves and not let his desire overwhelm her. With his hand on her back, he leads her into the house and up to his bedroom.

  He walks over to the wet bar and opens the mini-fridge. “Would you like a drink?”

  She laughs, his second favorite sound she makes. “It’s too early for wine.”

  He holds up two bottles of water and hands one to her. As she sips, he kisses across her bare shoulders, his teeth grazing along the tender skin of her clavicle, then pushes down the straps of her dress, making it fall to the floor. Tossing the bottle she hands him onto the side table, he skims over her fingers as they move to the rhinestone between her breasts, releasing them from the dark pink bra before they slide down her hips to the silky panties. Too impatient for her leisurely pace, he curls his fingers around the strings, her laughter following them down her legs.

  Lying naked in the middle of his bed, she watches him strip down, a small
smile on her face. Pink cheeks, shallow breaths, erect nipples. One hand on her stomach. The other on her thigh. Her delicate beauty takes his breath away.

  Holding out her hand to him, she rolls onto her side. “What do you want, Nick?”

  Her tone turns philosophical. The playful smile gone, replaced with a quiet introspection. Unsure of what causes the shift, he lies down next to her. “Why do we always have our deepest conversations in bed?”

  “Because it’s just you and me. Only the two of us exist right now.”

  He nods at her wisdom, hesitating before he answers, fearful the wrong words could end the harmony they enjoy. He takes a deep breath. “I want you to say you love me and mean it. I want you to trust in my love for you. I wish my mom was alive and my father was rotting in hell where he belongs.”

  Her eyes widen, but she doesn’t speak.

  “Your turn. What do you want, sweetness?”

  She brings his hand to her heart this time. “I want you to hold me in your arms and never let me go. I want to make you as happy as you make me.”

  “You’ve already done that.” He reaches for her, but she stops him, her soft hands on his pulsing chest.

  “I want to know what you’re trying to protect me from.”

  He sits up, letting her hands fall away, already missing her touch. “No.”

  “Why not?”

  Sitting naked in bed with the woman he loves, this volatile question between them, he’s never felt more vulnerable. Damned either way, he answers, “You’ll leave me if you know the truth.”

  “I’ll never leave you. I just don’t want any secrets between us.” Her whisper is heavy with worry she doesn’t deserve to endure.

  He skirts the issue the only way he knows how—pulling her to him, plunging his tongue into her mouth. She lifts up to meet his touch, while his fingers find her soft core and gently stroke the wet heat. Shuddering against his hand, she gasps, arching her back, grazing his lips with her teeth.

  Her fingers tangle in the despised curls on his neck, keeping her mouth on his, her swirling tongue stirring a rumble deep in his chest. Desperate to make her completely his, to take everything she gives him, he reaches for a foil packet in the night stand drawer before lowering himself on top of her. Supporting his weight with his forearms, he wraps his hands around her head, threading the silky strands through his fingers, touching his forehead to hers. Her whisper of his name welcomes him home as he glides inside her. “I love you, Shae.”