Wine and Whiskey (Surviving Absolution #1)

by Nikki Belaire

  He covers her hand with his, trying to entwine their fingers. “I would never do that to them or you. I just want to help.”

  Pulling her hand away, she takes a shaky breath. “Okay. Thank you.”

  Throughout the meal, they remain silent with each other, speaking only to the other guests around them. Yet, his sidelong glances reveal his continued curiosity. The surreal quality of her life increases exponentially to be pregnant and the father not know it while her friends and former fiancé do. When did her life turn into a trashy talk show?

  Hopeful no one notices, she swipes a curlicue of chocolate sauce off her plate during the final course. Evan’s deep laugh lets her know she’s been caught. “It’s good to know some things never change.”

  She giggles too and shrugs her shoulders. “I don’t want to be wasteful.”

  As Carrie and Nathan say their thanks and goodbyes, Evan guides her away from the group. “I know this might be weird, but do you want to come and see the house? I’d like to show you what I’ve done with it.”

  A nicer reunion than she expected. She welcomes his attempts to make amends, but not his invitation. Going back to the house and facing old ghosts is too much, more than she can attempt with her heart so fragile. “I’m ready to go home. But thank you.”

  “Please? I want you to see how it turned out. I’ll take you home right afterward.”

  Soft but pleading, his voice reminds her of his gentle nature, the nice guy he’s always been. Good to her until the end, only lashing out because of circumstance, fighting against her mother for their broken dreams. Maybe another friend in her corner would be a good idea. “Okay. Just for a few minutes.”

  They say their goodbyes without answering Carrie’s raised-eyebrow questions, and drive in silence to his property, trailed by Nick’s security team.

  At the house, he gives her the tour, making her smile at his modesty describing the hand cut crown molding and hardwood floors, as well as the custom mocha and silk finished cabinets. He had the vision, and she had the doubts. “It’s gorgeous, Evan. Did you really do all of the work yourself?”

  “Not the electrical or plumbing work. You have to be licensed for those. But everything else was me.”

  “How did you get it all done?”

  A slight frown crosses his lips before he looks away. “I needed something to fill my time after we broke up, and this was it. A good hobby to keep me busy.”

  Guilt stabs her chest. She hurt him just as much, listening to her mother when she should have followed her own heart. “You should be proud.”

  He turns back to her, his gaze meeting hers, all the questions from earlier furrowing his brow. “I always hoped you would come back. This should be ours. We should be here together.”

  Too late, she realizes her mistake in coming with him. Giving hope where there isn’t any. Whether she likes it or not, only one man fills her thoughts and her heart. “I think it’s time for me to go.”

  “Wait.” He slides a finger under her chin and tilts her head up to face him. “I’ve missed you.”

  Nothing. There was a time when his touch made her giddy. Now, he holds the only feelings between them. “Please don’t do this.”

  “Nathan told me everything. I know it’s over between you and Nick.”

  Tears sting her eyes. Everyone else knows what she can’t accept. “That doesn’t have anything to do with you and me.”

  “It means you can give me another chance. You know how sorry I am for what I did to you.”

  She steps back from him, wrapping her arms around herself. Both of them bear the burden of their implosion. “I am too, but it doesn’t mean I want to get back together.”

  “Do you hate me?”

  Never realizing the true impact of their separation on him, she shakes her head. All this time, he thought she was angry rather than wounded and ashamed. “No, of course not.”

  “Then, please, listen to me for just a minute. I want you back. You’re all I’ve thought about for the past year, and I don’t want to miss another chance to be with you.”

  “Evan—”

  “I know you still have feelings for him, but I have enough love for the both of us. Enough to take care of you and the baby.”

  Hesitant to hurt him, she can only be honest. He’ll never be able to fill the void Nick left behind. “I can’t be with you when I love someone else.”

  “I know I’m second choice. But if you give me a chance, I think you’ll learn to love me again. Just like we used to be. No drama, no danger.” He nods toward the window at the men milling around his driveway. “Just a safe, peaceful life in the house meant for us.”

  “No, it’s wrong. I can’t do that to you.”

  “You’re not doing anything to me. I know exactly what I’m asking. Nick would never have to know. You could marry me, and he’ll think the baby is mine.”

  Her hands fly to her face. His suggestion is too outrageous to consider. “Why would you want to do this? How can you pretend to be the father of another man’s child?”

  “Because I love you. I want to give you what he won’t.”

  She shakes her spinning head. “This is crazy.”

  “I know. But, if you say yes, you’ll be free of him, and we can be together.” He runs his finger across her cheek. “At least say you’ll think about it.”

  Her breath catches at the realization of what his proposal means. Marrying a man she doesn’t love saves the one she does. Rather than gain her freedom, she can release Nick from the torment holding him prisoner. He always puts her needs before his own, even when she doesn’t agree with him. Now, it’s her turn to sacrifice her happiness for his.

  All she can do is whisper as he takes her hand. “Okay.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  Nick leans back in his chair and props his feet on his desk as Max updates Carter and him about the bungled hijacking attempt on one of their largest shipments.

  “Some of Juan’s guys were stupid enough to think nobody would notice twelve fucking semis suddenly vanishing. I guess they thought at five o’clock on a Friday afternoon we’d be closed up for the weekend. Anyway, they rerouted everything to one of his northern warehouses.” Max shrugs his shoulders, a smart-ass smirk crossing his face. “Well, that’s what it used to be.”

  Carter flips through the pages in the folder. “What’s the damage?”

  “Nothing for us. Paulo’s team recovered the trucks still fully loaded about an hour later. Juan lost six men and the main building, plus two small structures on the property.”

  Nick half-listens as they talk. Working on the weekends has always been a regular occurrence. No different from any other day. Until Shae. She gave him a reason to quit, provided him with the motivation to come home. Without her, nothing but work fills his time.

  Carter turns to him. “What do you want to do?”

  “I’m tired of him fucking with me in all these half-assed attacks. I think it’s time the rest of his distribution system goes up in flames too.”

  “Really?” Shock tinges Max’s voice. “You want to go that big?”

  Nick’s feet drop to the floor, and he walks over to the window. Orange and pink streaks crisscross the sky. Shae’s favorite time of day. If she was still his, they would be on the deck, her sweet body pressed against him as they watched the sunset. “Juan’s too weak to do any real damage, and his threats are nothing but an annoyance. I might as well prove it to anyone who has a doubt.”

  Letting out a low whistle, Max shakes his head. “No one will wonder after this.”

  “Anything else?”

  “I’m going to increase security on Shae. Just in case your message causes any thoughts of retribution.”

  Nick turns away from the window at the mention of her name. For more than three weeks, he’s tortured himself with updates from Max. Needing to know where she’s going and with whom. At first, the reports were infrequent. She rarely left the house. Now, she’s coming back to life and doin
g things. Without him. “Where is she tonight?”

  “Carrie and Nathan’s engagement party at Yamato’s. It started at seven. She’s still there.”

  His jaw clenches. He should be there too, at her side, as she celebrates with her friends. Not alone. Or with fucking Evan. The biggest regret of his life…telling her to be with him.

  He can’t stop the images flooding his mind. She probably has her hair up, shoulders begging to be kissed. Her flowery scent floating over her silky skin. The way she smiles at him and squeezes his thigh when she talks to her friends, reminding him he still occupies her thoughts. God, he misses her. “How many guys do you have on her?”

  Max’s expression remains neutral as he recites his usual speech for any place she goes. “We scoped out the restaurant before she arrived. Three inside, four outside, with two at each entrance. She’s well protected. Nothing’s going to happen to her.”

  The information fails to relieve his worry. Only he or Max can protect her the way he wants, yet she refuses to let Max guard her anymore. She sent the message through Carrie—that Max deserves better than having to babysit her, and he can’t push it. His stomach clenches at the thought of her not allowing him protect her at all, of not keeping her safe from the threats lurking around him. “Up it to ten. At her place too.” He runs his hand through his hair. “Why the fuck won’t she come back to the house?”

  Carter rolls his eyes. “You’re such a fucking dumbass. You broke her heart. There’s no way in hell she’s going to do what you want.”

  “Fuck you. How do you—?”

  Max interrupts their argument after glancing at his phone. “Well, you just got your answer.”

  “What?”

  “The party’s over. She left with Evan.”

  Unable to ignore the thought of her in Evan’s bed and not his, he pours another glass and waits for the sun to rise. The throbbing of his chest mingles with the burn of whiskey as it slides down his throat. His first taste in two weeks. Drinking his way through everything in the house until Marta refused to buy more, and Max and Carter ganged up on him. An intervention to steer him off the path of self-destruction.

  The only threat with any impact was to bring Shae back to see him wasted and broken. Knowing she would do everything she could to save him and their relationship, he couldn’t take the chance he would succumb to her sweetness. So, he sobered up, apologized to Marta, and threw himself back into work.

  He pushed her to Evan, and now Evan’s where he should be. Uncertain who he hates more between himself and Evan, he rifles through the files in his drawer before toppling the stack on the credenza behind his desk. Where the fuck is it? “Max!”

  After a minute, Max comes through the doorway, shaking the mixing bottle for his protein shake. “What?”

  “Where’s the file you gave me on Jessica? I need her sister’s address.”

  Max’s eyes widen before he shakes his head. “What the fuck are you thinking? Don’t go over there.”

  “Where is it?”

  “It’s eight in the morning, and you’re fucking drunk. You’re going to regret this tomorrow.”

  No, his mistake was chasing after an angel like Shae in the first place. He convinced her to stop flying away, but he knew it wouldn’t last. Smart enough to know they didn’t belong together, she never tucked in her wings. Always ready to take flight. Too scared to share her true feelings with him until the very end, when he was too damaged to accept her love.

  “What are you? My fucking mother? I don’t need you telling me what I fucking am. I just need you to give me the fucking file!”

  “You think screwing Jessica’s going to make you feel better? Believe me, it won’t.” Max pulls open the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet. “You know nothing happened between Shae and Evan. She’s not like that.”

  “Yeah, but it will eventually. I told her to be with him, and now she is. So, shut up and give me the god damn fucking address.”

  Max yanks out a yellow envelope and tosses it on the desk. “You know this will destroy any chance you have of getting back together with her.”

  “Which is fucking perfect, because I don’t deserve her anyway.” He takes a long drink before ripping off the paper flap. “Where’s Jacks?”

  After only twenty minutes, the limo stops in front of a Spanish style home with a golden stucco exterior and terra cotta accents. A pink princess tricycle sits in the small yard. The front door swings open before Nick reaches the porch.

  Jessica licks her lips as a smirk emerges. “Nicky DeMarco. I knew you’d be back.”

  The first words out of her mouth remind him why their relationship only thrived in the bedroom. Her mean streak always made worse when she pouts. “You know I fucking hate it when you call me that.”

  “I’m sorry. I forgot.” Pressing up against him, she whispers in his ear, “Maybe you should come inside and spank me for being such a bad, bad girl.”

  “There’s a lot I want to do to you, but that isn’t one of them.”

  Smoothing over her twisted-up, platinum blonde hair, she tilts her head and squints at him. “You know I need to talk to you, but you haven’t returned any of my phone calls. Then, you just show up on my doorstep. Why should I let you in?”

  “Because I need something else besides talk.”

  Her laughter dissipates the tension, and her good mood returns. “Well, hell, I know that.” She waves her fingers at Max, who remains motionless, leaning against the car with his arms crossed. “I don’t think Max is too happy you’re here.”

  “Fuck Max.”

  “I will if you want me to. And you can watch. Or join in the fun. Your choice.”

  He’d forgotten how screwed up she is. Exactly what he needs right now. “What? I’m not enough for you?”

  “Oh baby, you’re more than plenty. Even two guys at one time couldn’t make me feel like you do.”

  He winces at her comment. No woman should be this dirty. “God, Jessica, what is wrong with you?”

  “I like to fuck. That’s why you like me.”

  “Yeah, it is.”

  She nods to the bottle of whiskey. “You look like shit, but you’re still sexy as hell.” Running her finger across his bicep, she smiles up at him. “You’re even bigger than the last time I saw you. You must work out a lot.”

  “That’s all I do.”

  “Then come inside and let me show you what you’ve been missing.” Her fingers squeeze his as she leads him to her bedroom, stepping over toy baby strollers and Barbie dolls. A plastic tea cup cracks under her flip flop.

  “Where is everyone?”

  “Grandparents Day at the zoo for the kids and the shop for my sister and Danny.” Stripping off her shirt and shorts, she rubs the waistband of her black thong, licking her lips. “We’ve got all day to do anything you want.”

  He tries to take a drink before she pries the bottle out of his hand and sets it on the nightstand. Pushing him down on the bed, she climbs on top of him, straddling his waist. “Do you want to fuck me, or do you want me to fuck you?”

  “I want you to do whatever it takes to make me forget her.”

  A frown crosses her face before she leans down and whispers in his ear. “‘Her,’ huh? That sounds like a bad line from a lame movie.”

  “Yeah, but it’s the fucking truth.”

  “Don’t worry, Nicky. You won’t even remember your own name when I get done with you.” She nuzzles his neck and kisses from his ear down his jawline.

  A beachy, coconut perfume wafts over him. She should smell like flowers. He turns his head when she reaches his mouth, unwilling to let her lips touch his. Her long, purple fingernails graze his chest as she pushes up his T-shirt. They should be short and pink. Driving his fingers through her hair, he flinches as she kisses and licks down his chest. It should be silky and soft.

  She kneels between his sprawled legs and pushes off her panties. Slowly running her hand between her soft folds, she brings her finger to her m
outh and sucks. “You don’t want to kiss my mouth, but I bet you want to taste my sweetness.”

  His stomach turns at her unknowingly poor choice of words, bringing him back to reality. What is he doing here? No one can replace Shae. “I feel sick. I’ve got to go.” He scrambles off the bed and grabs his bottle.

  She swipes her clothes from the floor and pulls them on, her body shaking in anger. “What the hell’s the matter with you? You used to be able to hold your liquor. You’re falling apart, Nicky.”

  Following him down the hallway, she grabs for his shirt, but he jerks away. “I said I’ve got to go.”

  “I still need to talk to you. There’s something I have to tell you.”

  “Call my secretary and make an appointment. I have to get out of here.”

  Her face flames red as she stands on her porch. “You’re an asshole. You know that? That’s why she fucking left you. Because you’re a fucking asshole!” She slams the front door as he climbs into the limo.

  Max’s smug smile makes him take another long drink. “That didn’t take long.”

  “Fuck you.”

  “I knew you couldn’t go through with it.”

  Nick wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and flops back on the seat. “Tell Jacks to hurry up.”

  Max’s chirping phone interrupts their silent drive. He swipes the screen. “Fuck!”

  “What?”

  “Shae left the house without security. They don’t know where she is.”

  Amber liquid sloshes over the lip of the bottle as Nick flies up. “Why the fuck would she do that?”

  Max scrolls through the message. “It wasn’t her. Evan came to pick her up and before he went inside he told the guys, and I quote, ‘Tell your boss my fiancée doesn’t need his protection anymore. I’m taking care of her now.’”

  Nick’s body shakes as fire races through him. He’s a fucking idiot and takes back everything he said. “I want her found and him dead.”

  * * * *

  Evan squeezes her hand. “Are you okay?”

  Shae nods. As much as she can be with a surprise visit to the obstetrician. Evan promised he would give her time to think. Instead, he showed up at her door with a smile and an appointment with a colleague he’s known since medical school. With an answer for all of her arguments—a physician they can both trust, her privacy guaranteed on an early Saturday morning with no other patients, no doctor of her own after having been gone for so long—she let him talk her into coming.